Disclaimer: Not mine. Kishimoto's, and some others', but not mine.
Notes: Written for Telosphilos, who challenged: "...crack drabble for you. yondie or obito lecturing kakashi on table manners..." That, plus pancakes, spawned this! As always, I'm grateful for any comments or suggestions you'd like to share! Thanks guys! x
Kakashi has table manners.
They're an odd form of table manners; more endearing than enchanting, and certainly more scavenging than most, but the Yellow Flash can remember the struggles Kakashi used to have with eating in company, and is purely thankful that his habit of using a still bloody kunai as knife, fork and spoon was ultimately one the boy grew out of.
Obito's father wants to meet his team.
It's a disaster waiting to happen – as Jiraiya and Sandaime-sama were made extremely well aware just a few spare hours ago – and it's obviously some snotty little jibe at the self-importance of the Uchiha Clan; but what can the Yellow Flash do? If he declines it will look like a snub on one of Konoha's most powerful clans, and Obito seemed so terribly excited at the thought. Maybe, the Jounin thinks, Obito wants to prove to his family that he's in a real ninja team, and if it wasn't for the Hatake name staining their most prodigious member, the Yellow Flash is certain Obito's hopeful plan would work.
He's sure it's some trick – some nasty little trick to prove to Obito the Legacy and Brilliance and Awesomeness of the Clan – and he's almost certain they'll be aiming at Kakashi. The word's started to spread that Old Man Saratobi's thinking of stepping down, and the gossip vine's money seems to be squarely on a certain blonde Jounin sensei, so he's not worried about what an Uchiha could do to him. He's not at all worried about Rin getting the sharp end of the Uchiha Patriarch's acidic tongue, either – she's lucky enough to have a clan of her very own, and more than enough prior commitments for the Yellow Flash to keep her far out of harm's way.
The Yellow Flash's reasoning is flawless, the solution being to teach Kakashi enough about fine dining to last him the rest of his young life (if they're lucky it'll just about pull him through an evening at the Uchiha's) but Kakashi doesn't seem to see where his sensei is coming from, and doesn't seem to realise why any Fire Country dish would require a boy to use a silver spoon.
Kakashi is scowling as he fails to split yet another set of disposable chopsticks – this one splinters slightly left of centre – and the Yellow Flash mindlessly pushes another set towards his miniature perfectionist, even as he explains for the twentieth time the correct way to tuck into a prawn cocktail. This set splits too far to the right, and the Yellow Flash comes close to giving up.
Kakashi scowls fiercely at the chopsticks in his slightly chubby hands, but doesn't split them.
The Yellow Flash smiles politely as he sits near the head of the large, dark table – where Uchiha Fugaku sits regally – in a high backed chair, resisting the urge to slap Kakashi's elbows off the table. Obito's father sits opposite the Jounin, and Obito sits opposite Kakashi, goggles removed and beautifully dressed and obviously nervous beside his heavily pregnant aunt. This arrangement is the only real breach of tradition the Uchiha's have allowed - Fugaku's wife so near to labour that he is as doting as they've ever seen him – which still isn't saying much.
The main course is placed before them; the rich spices filling the air so gorgeously that the Yellow Flash has to nudge Kakashi to stop him reacting too strongly to the scent, but Kakashi seems to be already a step ahead, eyes gazing serenely at the table head from above the mask he has stubbornly refused to remove, even here.
Fugaku raises his elaborately carved chopsticks before him – they're joined as one, disposable, however elaborately patterned, and if he hadn't expected something of the sort, the Yellow Flash might've been offended at the jibe – and breaks them smoothly. The sticks splinter a little to the left. Obito visibly twitches at the cunning look that crosses Kakashi's hidden face.
The rest of the table split their sticks as one, each and every Uchiha smirking at some joke that Team Yellow Flash is more than likely the butt of. This whole debacle is unfair on his students, the Yellow Flash inwardly seethes. They're being made fun of; chastised for the benefit of someone else's ego.
The worst part, the Jounin thinks, is that the kids have no idea they're being made fun of. Or so he thinks.
"Ahh, thank you, Uchiha-sama." Kakashi murmurs moments later, securing his mask back over his face. "The food was delicious."
Obito gapes openly at the speed and stealth of Kakashi's eating habits, his mother's elegant fingers reach across the table to affectionately nudge his jaw shut. The Yellow Flash tries not to smirk, certain that if they were aware how out of the ordinary this is they would not be quite so forgiving.
"You – you…" Fugaku glares at Kakashi, then at Obito's father, who's sheepish gaze wanders shocked about the table.
"My student is unused to eating in such relaxed and luxurious condition, Uchiha-sama." The Jounin mentally pats himself on the back as he somehow manages to keep a straight face. "Please forgive his table manners. Will you please excuse us a moment?"
"Of course," Fugaku nods, slightly shocked at the efficiency of the young Hatake boy. He waits until the two strangers pass behind him before looking towards his nephew, and then his wife's bulging stomach, eyes a little wider than usual. "Your team seems… capable, Obito-kun."
"They are being entered for the Chuunin exams this year, Fugaku-niisan; despite Obito's not yet having activated the Sharingan."
His father's words are a little prouder than Obito has ever heard them, and it's something of a struggle to smother his fantastic grin.
The Yellow Flash bites his lip as he steals Kakashi through the main door of the Uchiha compound, tugging at the Chuunin's arm in an effort not to trigger the indigestion the poor boy was sooo going to get.
"You were planning that all along you little sneak!" hisses the Jounin, unable to keep the grin out of his voice when he spots the sudden relief washing over his student's face. Maybe, just maybe, the child he's spent four years teaching can see that sort of insult just as keenly as his teacher.
"Sensei?" Kakashi mutters quietly, and for a worrying moment as the Hatake fishes around in his pockets the Yellow Flash is certain the poor boy's about to be sick. "I did it!"
For a moment, before his shocked eyes swim into focus, the Jounin is confronted with the cheesiest grin a nine year old masked shinobi had ever produced. After a moment, he realises the chopsticks Kakashi holds up to the heavens – or more accurately, to his sensei – like a prize are divided perfectly – without a single splinter to either of them.