DC: I don't won it and I don't claim to SO BACK OFF PEOPLE!

Okay this makes no sense as it follows in the traditional nonsense that spews from my mind as Order of the Owls. So if you haven't read it you should.

Harry Potter and the itch of Sirius

Sirius walked down the halls of his mother's crappy house. His nails moved quickly up and down his arm as he tried to tackle a powerful itch. He sat on the recliner still itching. Remus looked up in confusion.

"Itchy!" Sirius cried scratching harder. His arm grew tired and it went limp. "Remus," Sirius whimpered pathetically. "Scratch my arm." He said holding his arms out.

"Yeah right," Remus said not looking up from his book. "You have whole set of nails on your other hand."

"But I don't wanna." Sirius whined. Remus rolled his eyes. His best friend could be so immature.

"Sirius stop running around I can't find you when your not where I left you." Harry said walking in. Sirius grumbled something about bossy teenagers.

"Harry I'm your godfather correct?" (Remus rolled his eyes at this)

"Yeah," Harry said slowly unsure at why Sirius was asking a stupid question.

"So would you agree that I am like your guardian?" (More eye rolling from Remus)

"Yeah,"

"So you have to do what I tell you." Sirius stated. (Remus closed his eyes in pure annoyance)

"I suppose." Harry said slowly wondering what the bloody hell his godfather was talking about.

"Scratch my arm!" Sirius cried suddenly. Harry's eyes widened in shock that wasn't what he was expecting.

"What!" he cried in shock. Ron and Hermione arched an eyebrow.

"SCRATCH MY ARM!" Sirius yelled loudly and rather pathetically.

"No," Harry said back.

"I WILL TRANSFIGURE YOU INTO ROCKS IF YOU DON'T!" Sirius cried. The trio looked at each other.

"Sirius I am not scratching your arm." Harry said scowling.

"Just do it Harry so he'll shut up." Remus said not looking up.

"You do it. You're his best friend."

"You're his godson. He has no power over me." Remus said turning the page. "Now be quiet I have to find out if Christine will choose the phantom or let her fiancé die. CHOOSE HIM YOU DOLT! CHOOSE INNER BEAUTY OVER MISTER FANCY PANTS WHO THINKS HE'S SO GREAT BUT REALLY ISN'T! NO DON'T SAVE HIM! AH! Well that put me in a bad mood." Everybody stared at Remus in confusion. "Its people like Little Miss I-Think-I'm-so-Great-and-Beautiful that keep the monsters down!" Everyone watched Remus with wide eyes. Remus never had an outburst.

"What the hell are you reading Remus?" Sirius asked raising an eyebrow. Remus looked up his eyes narrowed. He lifted his hand and extended his middle finger. "How rude." Sirius said pretending to be hurt.

"Where were we?" Harry asked. "Ah yes, scratch your own arm Sirius."

"I DON'T WANNA!" Sirius whined loudly.

"GROW UP SIRIUS!" Harry yelled back.

"MAKE ME YOU POOPIE HEAD!" Sirius yelled. Remus and Hermione rolled their eyes and walked out.

"Sirius I'm not going to."

"Transformus Rockus!" Sirius bellowed waving his wand. Ron looked down. Where Harry was standing a fist sized grey rock sat with a miniature lightning bolt scar and round glasses.

"HOLY CRAP SIRIUS YOU TURNED HARRY INTO A ROCK!" Ron cried.

"Uh, guys I feel funny."

"Hey rocks can't talk so stop talking." Sirius said to rock Harry.

"SIRIUS CHANGE ME BACK!"

"SCRATCH MY ARM!"

Ron picked up Harry the Rock and looked at him. "Sorry about this mate." Ron took Sirius's arm and held it out strait and scratched the dog's arm with Harry the Rock. "RON STOP IT!" Harry cried. There was no mouth or visible eyes on the rock. However Harry the Rock was screaming at the top of his rocky lungs.

"Ahh, that feels better." Sirius said contently.

"I'M BEING RUBBED IN PLACES I NEVER WANTED TO BE RUBBED IN BY A MALE!" Harry the Rock cried in agony. Ron flipped him over and scratched the older man's arm with the other side. "THIS WILL SO MESS UP MY HAIR!" Harry the Rock cried as his head scratched his godfather's arm. Ron was enjoying himself.

"This is fun, you should try it Harry."

"RON I WILL KILL YOU!" Harry the Rock yelled. "YOU TOO SIRIUS!" Harry the Rock bounced out of Ron's grasp and slammed on Sirius's hand.

"Ah ow you tiny bastard." Sirius cursed. Harry the Rock jumped down and hopped off.

"REMUS HE'S GETTING AWAY!" Sirius cried running. Harry the Rock thudded down the hall.

"HAHAHAHA YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! AHHHHHH!" Harry the Rock screamed as he fell through a weak portion of wood floor.

"OUCH!" Two voices cried.

"MY VIRGIN EYES!" Harry screamed. Sirius looked down the hole and hooted. Harry the Rock looked at the people he had fallen on. "Remus, Hermione how could you!" Harry cried.

"We we're in…wait a minute, why am I explaining myself to a rock?" Remus asked. He picked up the rock and threw it out the room.

"NO REMUS YOU JUST THREW HARRY!" Sirius yelled. Remus and Hermione looked at each other confused. Ron and Sirius jumped through the hole in the floor (somehow) and ran after the rock. Harry the Rock jumped through the window and landed on the sidewalk.

Sirius jumped out after him. He hissed momentarily at the light then continued on. "Stop right there Harry." Sirius said drawing his wand. Western music suddenly played and a white tumbleweed blew by followed by a beardless Dumbledore. Sirius raised his wand. "Changus backus sexuallus!" Sirius bellowed casting a spell on Harry.

Sudden predictable dust filled the area and when it cleared everybody gasped. Standing before them was a figure with long flowing hair, full pouting lips, emerald eyes with long luscious lashes, a thin figure with D-cup breasts and a larger bottom.

"Holy crap Harry's a chick!" Ron cried. Harry looked at his body and screamed.

"Who would have thought Harry would actually be attractive." Sirius said shocked. Harry glared he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was a pale finger connecting to a long black robe clad arm leading to a tall thin man with gleaming red eyes.

"Hey cutie," the man hissed. Okay it's Voldemort but we don't know that right now. "How's about you and I make sweet music together." He said winking. Harry screamed and ran off.

"WAIT HARRY I HAVE TO REVERSE THE SPELL!" Sirius cried running after him.

"CALL ME!" Voldemort yelled. "She won't call." He said turning to Ron. Ron's eyes widened.

END

Okay that didn't make any sense. AND IT NEVER WILL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!