Yu-Gi-Oh Rurouni Kenshin Crossover

I should be doing homework, but I'm not.

Short, but Pointless Drivel. My first attempt at humor.

Rated PG for mild cussing

How Kaiba Came to Shingetsu Villiage and Kenshin Never Returned to Tokyo

(Shingetsu is the villiage where Kenshin first encountered Shishio and Soujiro)

Seto Kaiba blinked. One moment he had been walking with his brother, steel suitcase in hand, down the streets of Battle City (aka Domino City spruced up by all the money he had put into his tournament). Now he found himself looking at a tall, thin man (though not as tall and thin as he was and definitely not as good-looking) in an old police uniform with strangely pale brown eyes and long strands of hair falling down his face and a sword at his hip.

"—stay there until I come. I'll be delayed for a while—there's some politicians I need to kill and I need to test the strength of Himura Battousai. Find out what you can about Shishio."

"Who the hell are you?" Kaiba asked. He couldn't be a part of his tournament—he was much too old-fashioned looking for the high-tech world of dueling. Come to think of it, he didn't recall this part of the city being torn down for a historical re-creation center. Last he knew he had been heading towards the electronics district (he had wanted to do some shopping—avoiding second class duelists had been getting boring); how had he come here to what looked (and smelled) like a medieval villiage, complete with dirt roads and horses?

It took Kaiba a few minutes to figure out something else was wrong or, more accurately, something was missing. It wasn't the steel suitcase. That was in his hand. He realized it was Mokuba.

"Where's my little brother?" Kaiba demanded.

The man looked coolly at him. "Isn't he in Shingetsu villiage with the rest of your family?"

Kaiba cursed. Kidnappers again. Well, it wasn't anything unusual.

He set off for Shingetsu Villiage. Unfortunately, he had no idea where it was. He bought a map from one of the greasy villiagers by swapping some of his lower duel cards. "Sucker," he thought. Then he realized Shingetsu Villiage wasn't on the map. Muttering through his teeth, he bought a map from a different person. Then a different one. Then a different one.

Finally, he broke into the government building. The map on the wall had detail on every villiage. But Shingetsu wasn't there either.

Then he got smart and whipped open his steel suitcase. In it had all things needed to survive: his duel disks, his duel deck, and his laptop computer. For some reason a golden stick with a giant eye was also there (the word "Millineum Rod came to him just then). He shrugged. He had no idea how it got in there, but he thought maybe the gold would be good for bartering with later.

In the meantime, he took out his laptop computer. Fortunately, the internet worked, and Kaiba found where Shingetsu villiage was supposed to be. Right smack dab in the mountains in the middle of the forest. Joy.

He bullied someone into giving him a ride and made it up there. When he came, the first thing he saw was a huge man wearing something like a spandex suit that showed off his muscles and then waaay too much. He had a bald, pointed head and—and this irked Kaiba—he was even taller than he was. A group of ninja-swordmen surrounded him. One of them had Mokuba.

"Big Brother!" Mokuba shouted when seeing him.

"Bwah-ha-ha-ha," said the spandex-clothed muscle head. "I know that you, E'ichiro, are working for the government as I spy. Do you think you can keep secrets from me—Senkaku. Now, you and your family must die!"

Kaiba was annoyed at being called E'ichiro. Almost as annoyed as when he realized this Senkaku fool was taller than him.

Senkaku charged forward, and raised his hand. He was wearing what looked like brass knuckles, except these came to a blade.

Kaiba raised his steel suitcase, and blocked the blow. Then, he whipped out his duel disks, and stuck in his favorite card.

"Blue Eyed White Dragon Attack!" Kaiba shouted.

"AAAHHH!" Senkaku screamed when he saw the great beast rising before him.

It turned out these villiage fools were superstitious. Really superstitious. They kept screaming, "Black magic, black magic!" as he whipped out various monsters, each more gruesome than the next. Fortunately, they didn't realize the monsters weren't actually hurting them. They just ran and ran, and Kaiba chased them around and around until he had them all cornered.

"Please, please," they begged. "Show mercy!"

Kaiba smiled evilly. "Shall I be merciful," he considered outloud. "Nah." He whipped out his last card and placed it on the duel disk. "Come out my Great Beast! Come out my Blue Avenger! Come out Obelisk the Tormentor!"

The sky filled witth lightning and storm clouds. Rising like a monument came Obelisk, his red eyes blazing. Slowly, Obelisk raised its mighty fist.

"No, no," they shrieked, sweating.

Obelisk punched down. The men fainted. Kaiba cackled in delight.

"Aha-ha-ha! Aha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" And the wind swept his white trenchcoat around and his blue eyes blazed and he looked spectacular.

"Oh, it looks like rain," said a feminine voice, from out of nowhere.

Kaiba looked to see a carriage come up. Out of it emerged a short, thin boy with brown hair and blue eyes, a woman with her dress nearly falling off her, and a guy who was apparently dressed up as the mummy. The one who had spoken was the boy.

The boy blinked at him. "Who are you?" He looked at the villiage and the collapsed men. "Oh, you have defeated, Senkaku." He smiled.

This boy annoyed Kaiba. He looked like him, except shorter and cuter in a more feminine way. (Gag, gag.) Plus, he smiled too much.

"Can this be the Battousai?" the woman asked the mummy.

"No," replied the mummy. "The Battousai is shorter than me and this man is taller." (He said this as though irked, and Kaiba felt smug.) "This must be the spy Saitou sent to the villiage."

"Not much of a spy," the woman snorted. "He doesn't blend in at all."

Kaiba decided he didn't like her either.

"Not like you blend in either," Kaiba retorted. "A mummy-man, a painted lady, and a boy who thinks he's a girl."

The girly-boy laughed. The woman gasped. The mummy-man smirked.

"It seems like I shall have some fun before I take over Japan."

"Oh, Shishio-sama," the woman squealed.

Gag, choke.

The other two backed off. The mummy-man rested a hand on his sword.

Kaiba was ready.

"Devil's Swordsman," he said, throwing down the card. A huge swordsman came out, muscles-bulging, sword blazing like fire.

The girly-boy laughed. The woman gasped. The mummy-man smirked.

"You think such magic intimidates me!" the mummy said.

He raised his sword and brought it down. Kaiba brought up his steel suitcase. But the mummy's sword sliced through it like cheese. Kaiba's cards flew out everywhere, burning.

"I lived through the bakumatsu, the most feared assasin-in-the-shadows. I have known the pain of seeing my flesh burned by my own compatriots! Do you think such things frighten me! I lived through hell! There is no devil that shall frighten me! The only devil here IS me!"

The girly-boy laughed. The woman gasped. The mummy-man smirked.

Kaiba was severely annoyed.

It wasn't enough that the laughing-gasping was giving a headache, or that the mummy-man had stolen his patented smirk or that he was talking nearly as much as that self-righteous Yuugi. But he had sliced through Kaiba's precious steel-suitcase. What's more, he had somehow set all the cards inside the suitcase on fire. So they were the crappy cards. They were still his cards. And no one, but NO ONE disrespected Kaiba's steel suitcase.

"You'll pay for that, bandaid-head!" Kaiba yelled. He openned what was left of his suitcase, meaning to grab his laptop and throw it at him. Instead he found the Millenuium Rod thing.

Kaiba gripped it in his hand. Even better. He could use this as a mace.

"Now you'll pay!" said Kaiba.

Then, for no reason, even though it was only three in the afternoon, the sun disappeared. Mysteriously, the rod began to glow. Kaiba's voice grew even deeper than normal and somehow it didn't seem to be him saying it.

"You are entering the Shadow Realm! Here your souls shall be sealed for all eternity! Prepare to meet your doom!"

The girly-boy laughed. The woman gasped. But the mummy-man began to look a tad bit worried.

Then the darkness enveloped them and the souls of the three people were ripped from their bodies. Kaiba saw them, like silvery phantoms, flying into the abyss. He heard their screams/laughter/cursing as they fled into the darkness. The darkness moaned and receded and the three bodies collapsed, souless, to the floor.

Kaiba put the Millineum Rod back into the shredded remains of his suitcase. Almost a pity really. He was starting to like the mummy-man. He seemed like a cool guy. At least he didn't prattle on about magic the way some people did. Kaiba didn't believe in magic after all.

"Come on, Mokuba, let's go," said Kaiba.

So it happened that, a few days later, Saitou found a group of demoralized Shishio followers, as well as Shishio, Yumi, and Soujiro, all apparently in comas. He was greatly puzzled, but only shrugged as he arrested the local goons and cursed mildly that he had gone through all the trouble of fighting the battousai and then not killing him for nothing. But, at least he got to go back home to his wife.

Kenshin missed Shingetsu Villiage altogether and ended up in Kyoto without knowing that Shishio had already been defeated. (Saitou "forgot" to tell him.) While waiting, he came across Kaoru, Yahiko, and Sanosuke. Kaoru started giving demonstrations of her sword style at the Aoi-ya, and since her reputation here was untarnished, people came in flocks. Eventually, she bought her own proptery and set up a dojo there. That very day, Kenshin decided to propose. They invited the doctor and Megumi for the wedding, and they liked it so much they decided to stay. They never missed Tae or the akabeko, because her twin sister Sae had opened the shirobeko in Kyoto. They lived there happily for many years and never went back to Tokyo.

Shishio found the Shadow Realm much to his liking. Yumi was still desperately in love with him because, after all, she hadn't fallen in love with his body. The only one slighly unhappy was Soujiro, but he kept that pretty smile on his face and took his mind to a happy place.

Kaiba, in the meantime, decided to go back to Tokyo and try to get a start on business there. On his way down, he ran into Aoshi who, with his tall, lean figure, ice blue eyes, and white trenchcoat whipping in the wind could have been his long-lost brother (or maybe an ancestor). They insulted each other coolly for a while and then shared hard-luck stories. Aoshi taught Kaiba how to use kodachi and sharpened his martial arts skills. Kaiba taught Aoshi how to duel and sharpened his insulting skills. Eventually, Kaiba found out how to use his Millenuim Rod to transport him back to the modern age. They became partners in Kaiba Corporation and were elected "Most Sexy Bishounen Businessmen" for five years running, by which time Mokuba grew up and was voted "Most Sexy Bishounen Businessmen" too.

Kaiba bought a new steel suitcase. And everyone lived happily ever after.