A/N: Another product of a boring day in APES.

Silly, all dialogue drabble. Ron and Hermione. Etc. and so forth.

Happy reading!


Disclaimer: Quit asking me.


"What is this?"

"Potatoes, Ron."

"Aren't they a bit…hard to be potatoes?"

"No. They aren't. And quit playing with your food, you're going to give yourself a concussion."

"Well it's not my fault it's so hard. This thing is like a rock, Hermione."

"Which is why most people wouldn't bang it against their skulls. And excuse me for trying to cook you a nice meal in place of going to the Leaky Cauldron again. I'll never do it again if it offends you so much."

"What's so wrong with the Leaky Cauldron? They make good potatoes. And I'm just telling the truth, no need to get so snippy about it."

"…You know, there's a reason why more than one person has called you an idiot in your lifetime."


"I'm just telling the truth, no need to get so snippy about it."

"…I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Use my own words against me."

"Well if you didn't start pointless arguments all the time, I wouldn't have to."

"I don't start pointless arguments!"

"Which is exactly why you're poking a potato you claim to be a rock at my chest."




"Quit being perverse."

"I'm not being perverse, Hermione, I'm being a male. Besides, you brought them up."

"I did not bring them up, I merely stated a fact concerning a general part of my body. Not specifically them."



"Well there's no need to skirt around the word! It's not like we both don't know you have them."

"Well you could call them something more...polite."

"Like potatoes?"

"Oh honestly!"

"Well think about it! That could be the codename for any body part that isn't appropriately discussed in public places. We could have a dirty conversation right in the middle of Diagon Alley and no one would ever know."

"…I don't know why I bother."

"Because you love me."

"Besides that."

"Because deep down, you know I'm always right."




"Okay, I really don't think you need to carry on this much. I was partially serious."

"That's why I'm laughing."

"Hey, I can be serious."


"I can!"

"Ron, you're making a smiley face on you're plate with your salad."

"Well that's because it's inedible."


"OW!...You just…you just threw a pork chop bone at me!"

"You deserved it."

"…It was sharp! I think I'm bleeding!"

"Oh for Merlin's sake Ron, quit being such a baby!"




"Oh fine, if I kiss it and make it better will you stop sulking?"

"…I suppose."

" "

"There. Now eat your peas."

"They look like bat shit."






"This is getting tiresome. We're supposed to be all lovey dovey on our anniversary."

"Ron, you wouldn't know lovey dovey if it smacked you in the face."

"I would too! I can be lovey dovey."


"Don't look at me like that. I'll prove it."


"I will!"

"What are you doing?"

"Being lovey dovey."

"By kneeling in Crookshanks' food?"

"What? Agh! No!...By doing this!"


"Doing what? Molesting yourself?"

"Would you hold your hippogriffs, woman? I'm trying to get – this – thing --- out!"

"A box?"

"SHH! I'm not done yet! Merlin…."

shuffle shuffle

"Okay, here we go. Alright. Hermione Jane Gran-"




"Oh come on, 'Mione! There's no need to cry! It's only a little ring! And would you move your knee a bit? You're crushing my potatoes- OW!"

A/N: Ah, the pointlessness.

So much fun.