About the "Project A-ko: The Next Generation" Fanfiction Series
Project A-ko was a popular Japanese animation film series begun in 1986. It featured a rivalry between two schoolgirls – Eiko Magami (A-ko) and Biko Daitokuji (B-ko) over the friendship of a third student, Shiiko Kotobuki (C-ko). It was a parody of existing anime series of the day. For example, the super-strong A-ko is the daughter of Superman and Wonder Woman. B-ko is a mechanical genius who whips up huge mecha (enormous humanoid machines) overnight. C-ko turns out to be an alien princess.
The last half of the first movie parodied the Captain Harlock anime series. Piloting the alien craft sent to find C-ko is a female version of Harlock, one Captain Napolipolita (pronounced Nap-oh-lee-po-LEE-tah). Unfortunately, she is an alcoholic who surely would have come to a bad end had it not been for the support of Spy D, another Alpha Cygnan soldier who watches over her.
The series ending shows the Captain lying in an alley, her ship and self-confidence destroyed. I decided to sober her up, give her a billionaire husband (her former rival), and a family of amazon daughters. Originally appearing as a graphic novel, my stories include new characters as well as the old -- so dig in and spend some time in my wacky little Project A-Ko universe!
Thanks for visiting and happy reading!
PROJECT A-KO - THE NEXT GENERATION 4:
"Baby Baby" or "Two Weddings and No Funeral"
(N.B. This story was originally in a graphic novel and the following descriptions accompanied portraits of the characters)
Caption: "For those of you not familiar with our cast of characters, this story stars ----"
A-KO MAGAMI YUKI
Formerly a highschooler with super-powers, A-Ko runs her own construction company and enjoys raising her children, Asami and Kei Jr. She likes her life, but misses the glory days of knocking the stuffing out of ----
B-KO DAITOKUJI A spoiled little rich girl grown into a spoiled little rich business executive, B-Ko can't find a man who satisfies her exacting standards. Once the sole heir to the Daitokuji fortune, she doesn't appreciate her father's marriage to an alien soldier and his acquisition of a zillion kids.
HIKARU DAITOKUJI Once an industrial pirate, handsome Hikaru is a stay-at-home billionaire dad. Since his bride made him give up his chicanery, there's no fun in working any more..so he's retired. But think of all the fun he has changing diapers!
AYSHEIA LISIA NAPOLIPOLITA-DAITOKUJI (WHEW!) Once a disgraced alcoholic alien, "Captain" sobered up and wasn't a half-bad engineer and pilot..and, of course, there's those kids, kids, kids...! She runs Earth's Central Astro Agency and keeps her staff wondering how a girl can sound so much like a guy.
PRINCESS C-KO KOTOBUKI Once an annoying schoolgirl and now an annoying member of the royal family of the Lepton Kingdom of Alpha Cygni, C-Ko rules over her matriarchal race. A-Ko was and is her best pal; B-Ko is her best pal wannabe. She raises Asamalita, her annoying child, and makes meals so vile that they are unrivaled anywhere in the galaxy.
COMMANDER MONTY ZUMA Not the bravest of warriors, "Mr. Director" is retired but not forgotten. He misses Daitokuji's bribes, but has learned to like Hawaii, tacky sportshirts (has he run into Principal Kuno?), and tending half-alien babies...
COMMANDER LAWRENCE YASHIDA Successor to Zuma, Larry isn't corrupt and is much more efficient at running the Earth Defense Force. He can't quite figure out why it's been all downhill since the aliens crashed their ship on top of the EDF's Command Center and squashed it flat.
HEADMISTRESS AYUMI Formerly teacher, Miss Ayumi (a fireworks fan) now runs Graviton City Girls High School. She nearly married Kei Yuki until he chickened out..but is it her turn now to find happiness---?
"D" Once an alien soldier, she's mighty big and awful tall. Few know her real name of Deesha Dakina, and many question which public restroom she uses, but D's loyalty to her "Captain" can't be questioned. And, of course, there IS that hunky sumo wrestler...
YUJI AND HIDEO AZAWA These sumo-wrestling brothers love the biggest and most masculine ladies on the planet...D and Mari -- they just LOVE big-boned gals!
MARI AZAWA Bigger and tougher than most men on Earth, Mari runs a karate school and a very tight ship at home. It seems that her daughter, "Little Rose", is growing up to be as big and bellicose as Dear Ol' Mom. She married a sumo wrestler, who was about the only guy she could find who was actually bigger than she was...
ASSORTED HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS
KEI YUKI plays second-fiddle to his wife A-Ko's strength. Once the coolest and most handsome boy in Graviton City, Kei's hair has thinned, along with his hopes that people will forget he once left Miss Ayumi at the altar.
AKIRA YUKI has all of his brother's charm and quite a bit of his hair. Finding those alien girls irresistible, he courts Arisa, one of Captain's numerous Amazon daughters.
KOSAKU SHIRASAKA is Headmaster of Graviton City Boys High. A well-mannered and good-hearted man, he adores his counterpart over at the girls' school -- our own Miss Ayumi!
THE NAPOLIPOLITA-DAITOKUJI GIRLS (AKA THE CYGNETTES)
ALIA is a favorite of Princess C-Ko and commands the Alpha Cygnan armed forces. A mature and practical girl --
ALANA is a student at the Kyoto War College and is into eyeliner and armed combat. The beauty of the family --
ATINA is a typical alien teen, who enjoys heavy metal (music) and heavy metal (body armor).
ARISA is the one with a steady beau, a fact she likes to point out to her prettier sisters...
AKANA is a spunky young lady in love with her pulse rifle. She has no use for boys at this point.
SHIIKO AND MITSUKO (also Hikaru's girls) are quiet and sweet. They try to stay out of the way of their wild alien sisters.
KAZUSHI (ditto) watches the antics at the Napolipolita- Daitokuji Mansion with her thumb planted firmly in her mouth.
AZIA AND ARIA (ditto again) are newborns, but seem happy enough to be part of a rich Earth dynasty.
Caption: "As you remember from our last adventure, Director- General is expecting twins...and Daitokuji has given up expecting a good night's sleep...
Shot of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji bed. It is very late, but the TV is blaring. Hikaru has his pillow over his head. Captain, who is very preggers, is sitting crosslegged amidst a spectacular assortment of junk food, including Cheese Crunchies, salted pretzels, and rocky road ice cream (on a plate but melting onto the hand-embroidered satin sheets). She is watching a rerun of the 1980's classic Kim Basinger flic "My Stepmother was an Alien." She thinks of B-Ko and laughs herself sick.
Cap: Hikaru-Sama...do we have any more of those little crackers in the shape of fishes?
Hikaru (muffled): The servants will get you anything you want. (To himself) Good thing I'm rich...my food bill lately has been staggering...!
Caption: "It's a good thing that Napolipolita-Daitokuji mansion has 120 rooms..they need the space!"
It is morning, and the bedroom now resembles Grand Central Station. Hikaru is trying to wake up. He scratches his eye. Kazushi, next to him, scratches hers. Captain, with Mitsuko hanging onto her hips, is standing by the window. B- Ko, Akana, and Alana (in Cygnan garb) stand in the middle of the room.
Cap (puzzled): Hikaru -- we're being picketed by something called "PLANNED PARENTHOOD."
Hikaru: YAAAWN...I'm surprised we're not being firebombed...
B-Ko (in her snottiest tone): REALLY, Father.
Akana (chiming in): We already have too many kids!
Alana (horrified at her sister's breach): Akana! Remember that you're Cygnan! This is the Cygnan way!
Cap (shrieking and in her traditional hands-in-her-hair pose): What IS this -- a committee meeting? EVERYBODY OUT!
Mitsuko (hanging onto Ma's waist, or what's left of it): She can't POSSIBLY mean ME.
Captain now sits weeping. Hikaru holds onto her shoulders; Kazushi holds onto his.
Cap: MY CHILDREN HATE ME BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
Hikaru: Oh no.
Akana has clearly pushed the outside of the envelope, and in doing so also further pushed her big sister's buttons. Alana lifts her into the air; Akana squeals in protest.
Alana: YOU STINKER! YOU EARTH TRAITOR! You made Ma CRY!
B-ko sneers and walks out of the room. On her way out, she meets Atina and Arisa, who are on their way in.
Bko: There are none so blind as those who will not see.
Arisa: What's happening? What is B-Ko jabbering about?
Atina: If she's tormenting Ma and Dad again, I will personally POUND her.
During all of this commotion, little Kazushi becomes overwhelmed. She is surrounded by yelling family members.
Mitsuko: DADDY! ALANA'S KILLING AKANA!
Cap: Boo Hoo my children are embarrassed by me...
Akana: Pretty soon, we'll all have to take NUMBERS!
Alana: OKAY AKANA, YOU'RE HISTORY!
Hikaru; Everybody shut up!
Bko: HAVEN'T YOU CYGNANS EVER HEARD OF POPULATION CONTROL?
Atina: B-KO, DROP DEAD!
Arisa: YEAH, YOU EARTH SNOTHEAD!
Kazushi (to herself, since no one else is listening): Even my beloved thumb doesn't taste good right now. SNIFF. And what's this about new babies ---? I'm the new baby! WAAAAAAAAH!
Within seconds Kazushi is being cuddled by Ma.
Cap: My poor little Kazushi. All this yelling has upset you.
Kazushi (thinking while sucking her thumb): I'm much better now, thanks.
B-Ko and Arisa square off.
B-Ko: Watch it, babe...I still have my Akagiyama 23 Power Biosuit!
Arisa: You won't need that to fly through space, Toots---
Hikaru, still exhausted and still in his PJs, has been pushed too far for this hour of the morning.
Hikaru: ENOUGH! Make up with each other!
Kazushi (in between thumbsucks): Enough.
Bko (to Arisa): ((How did that Amazon land Akira Yuki, I'd like to know...)) Sorry.
Arisa (to B-Ko): ((Spoiled snotty Earth girl!)) Sorry.
Akana: Please don't kill me, Alana!
Alana: I'll consider it. Now you go apologize to Ma.
Akana races over to her mother and almost knocks her over by the eagerness of her hug.
Akana: I'm sorry Ma ! Am I still your "little baby"?
Cap (dazed, and not feeling all that well if the truth be told): Of course, Akana! Now let me up so I can go to work!
Hikaru: Wake me next year.
Caption: "Later, at the headquarters of the Central Astro Agency..."
Captain is making her way down the hall to her office in her custom-designed maternity Director-General's uniform. It is not a fashion triumph. A subordinate approaches her.
Cap (to herself): If anyone thinks that this is easy, let them try it...
Officer: Director-General Sir --- (er) Ma'am, there's an urgent report from Jupiter Station!
Caption: "Commander Yashida arrives on the scene!" They are in the war room. Alarms are going off and the luminescent screens are flickering with activity. There is an outline of the ship being tracked on the main screen.
Cap (dialing the phone): Yes. (To herself) Of COURSE it is! Apparently it's my destiny to get my butt kicked by the Kirlians two days before my due date! (Sigh) I can't deal with this. Hikaru, please be home! (Hikaru picks up) Hikaru- Sama...listen. Can you get everyone over here? The Kirlians are paying me a return visit..and I'll bet Yashida throws me to the wolves. How do I feel...? Like falling on the floor! (She hangs up) Who NEEDS the EDF when I have my own personal army? (She now sprints ...to the best of her ability...down the hall, shouting orders) WHERE'S MY AIR DEFENSE? GET ON IT! SCRAMBLE! ooof...
Caption: "A short time later, at Graviton City Girls High School -- "
Shot of Headmistress Ayumi's pink-decorated office. There is a framed photograph of Headmaster Shirasaka on her desk. She is listening to her intercom, or its futuristic equivalent.
Secretary: Headmistress Ayumi -- can you dismiss the Napolipolita-Daitokuji girls? Some sort of family emergency.
Ayumi Sensei: Oh dear. (Thinking to herself, kind of an Ayumi stream-of-consciousness thing, heaven help us) Oh isn't that too bad they're all nice girls but of course there's that green hair and gosh they're so militaristic and their mother is so androgynous and oh my God all those kids I would have thrown myself off one of the Graviton City bay bridges but then again I'll have to concern myself with such things in the years ahead after all I can't believe I am actually MARRYING Kosaku Shirasaka in only TWO WEEKS tee hee hee----
Caption: "At CAA Headquarters, the plot sickens --"
Captain and Yashida are watching a large screen. Upon it appears a handsome but grim young man.
Tokuro: I am Avilar Tokuro. I seek Captain Napolipolita and will avenge my father's death at the hands of the Alpha Cygnans.
Cap (disgusted): Thanks for ruining my day, you little punk. (Sigh!) (To Yashida) Grant him permission to land. Let's get this over with.
Yashida: You can handle this without the Earth Defense Force. No need to involve THIS planet in a Cygnan-Kirlian dispute.
Cap (under her breath): Thanks a LOT for your undying support, Honey Bun!
Shot of the hallway at the school. Akana, Arisa, and Atina -- all in school uniforms -- race down the hall, with Headmistress Ayumi looking on.
Akana: YAHOO! I get to try out my new pulse rifle!
Arisa: Sure beats taking that History midterm --
Atina: Shut up and run!
Ayumi Sensei: Good luck girls and be sure to say hello to your mother for me...
Shot of a technician at CAA Headquarters.
Tech: The ship is landing outside Bay Twelve! Stand by!
Caption: "The Kirlians have landed!"
Shot of three young men, who are barbaric-looking but are also really rather hunkalicious. They are carrying swords.
Kirlian #1 (to himself): Heh. Just wait until he sees who captured his old man. He'll FREAK!
Tokuro: This had better be good. I traveled three light- years to off this Lepton babe.
Kirlian #2 (to himself): If I bust out laughing, I just KNOW he'll cut my head off ---
Young Tokuro lays eyes on his foe for the first time. His reaction is utter shock.
Cap (ready to cut herself a wide slice of Kirlian butt): WELL -- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? THE NEXT MILLENNIUM?
Tokuro: Oh ----- no. You have GOT to be kidding.
Assembling behind him is Captain's "private army". It consists of both B-Ko and Hikaru in their power biosuits, D and Alana in their Cygnan swordfighting bikinis, and Akana with her pulse rifle trained at the guy's head. A-Ko, Kei, and Atina look on.
Tokuro (goggle-eyed): I can't run her through --- she's a pregnant OLD BAG!
Hikaru: Whoops. Wrong thing to say, Chummy.
Closeup of Captain, her lip curling, peering over her Cygnan shades and looking like the wrath of the Great Mother.
Cap: Old...OLD----BAG? WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y YOU LITTLE -------
She whips out a nasty looking Cygnan hand-held flamethrower and hits "Ignite."
Cap: YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Saved this little honey from my ship!
Arisa blocks Kirlian #1's path with a pulse rifle.
Arisa: NOT SO FAST, BUCKY. (Great Mother, he is totally HOT ---)
Alana (looking gorgeous in her Cygnan fighting bikini and black knee boots, kicking Kirlian #2 off toward the horizon): I prefer more of a challenge ---
Caption: "The effect of Captain's private army is -- uh--- overwhelming!"
The combatants are lined up, facing the three hapless Kirlians.
Alana: Now that we've gotten your attention, Hot Stuff, we're ready for some REAL combat...
Arisa (clutching her rifle in one hand and her Ma with the other): Touch my Ma and I'll break your nose.
Cap (who is having a hard time standing): I'd do a flying crescent kick, if I could get off the ground. (Looks up-and- down at Hikaru in his biosuit) That man to my left wearing his daughter's Biosuit -- I don't know him.
Hikaru (wounded, sotto voce): HEY -- you used to LOVE me in this outfit...
Akana: Hey Kirlian pig-dogs...this sucker isn't set on "stun"---
B-Ko is hanging in mid-air, upside down. Her long hair falls over Keisama, who flinches.
Bko: There's nothing I can't do.
Ako (in her work clothes, annoyed) Kei -- quit HANGING on me --
Kirlian #2: That girl who kicked me across the hangar sure is cute!
Kirlian #1 (to himself): Just wait until I tell everyone back home about THIS!
Tokuro (his eyes rolling back in his head): I CAN'T STAND IT.
He walks away.
Tokuro: OH, JUST FORGET THE WHOLE THING. I refuse to let myself be involved with this group of WEIRDOS!
Akana and D are standing together; Akana is giving Tokuro the Bronx Cheer.
Akana: NYAH NYAH!
Hikaru (shooting up to the ceiling): B-KO! I HIT THE WRONG SWITCH!
Bko: Oh, for heaven's sake, Father.
Cap (exultantly waving her fists in front of her, as she does when savoring victory): HA HA! YOU WEENIE!
Shot of the Kirlians walking out of the hangar. Akana is laughing hysterically and pointing at them. Keisama and A- Ko are in the foreground. Captain is giving them her final shot.
Cap: DON'T LET THE DOOR SLAM YOU IN THE BUTT! ooh my back
Kirlian #1 (to himself): Har har!
Tokuro: If you guys tell ANYONE about this, I'll have you executed.
Ako: This was fun -- just like old times -- except Captain isn't trashed and C-Ko isn't here sniveling!
Captain's eyes widen.
Cap: Akana, sweetie, go get Daddy. (I -- don't --- believe --- this! Not NOW!)
Caption: "And who said timing isn't everything?"
Back view of Captain. Hikaru grips her by the shoulders, Akana is rubbing her back.
Cap: Oh. No. Ah, it's Showtime, folks. ow
Hikaru: Uh ... uh... CALL THE AMBULANCE!
Cap (indignant): Forget the ambulance. Hospitals are for wimps and Earth women. ow And HIKARU, get OUT of that power biosuit! You look like a DORK! ow ow
Caption: "The Daitokujis head home.."
Hikaru and Captain are walking out of the hangar, arms around each other. Hikaru, as always, is semi-hysterical at such times but for Captain it's a walk in the park. B-Ko and Alana are in the foreground, arguing.
Hikaru: Ayshalita -- why don't you hang up that soldier stuff and become a nice Earth lady?
Cap: Because I'm NOT a nice Earth lady. OW I'll pop these kids in three hours flat -- time me. (We Cygnans are MUCH more efficient...) OWW
Bko: There she goes again. You Cygnans breed like rabbits -- it's disgusting.
Alana: Shut up, you Earth cow. Cap (to Hikaru): OWwWwWWWWW Great Mother, will you CHANGE CLOTHES? You look like TINKERBELL.
Hikaru (annoyed, in spite of himself): Okay, okay, okay !
Shot of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji mansion. A group of people stands in the living room.
Caption: "The wait isn't long..."
Ako (snuggling her hubby): Oh Kei. Aren't your brother and his little alien girlfriend CUTE? They remind me of us... Kei (frowning at his baby brother): (His hair is cuter still...)
Akira (to a tearful Arisa): Don't worry.
Akana: KISS AND HUG, KISS AND HUG, SMACK YOUR SWEETIE ON THE MUG...
Bko: All dressed up and no place to go...
Captain is pointing frantically at Hikaru, furious.
Cap: HIK...OWWWW...RU...Would...you...(OHGREATMOTHERR RRRRRRRRRRRRR)... please...go...change...(YAAAAAAAHHHH!) ...your ...(AIEEEEEE!)...outfit? Men...are...useless...(EEEEYAAHHH!)...for...anEEEEEEEE!th ing...anyhOWWWWWWWW! (Chicken!)
Hikaru, wild-eyed, races away as fast as his legs will carry him.
Bko: Wow. Father looks green. Is he REALLY that upset?
Alana (holding Kazushi, who is peeking over her shoulder at the unfolding chaos): Nah. He pulled the same sort of trick with the LAST three kids.
Kazushi (softly): Chicken.
Shot of Captain, hair askew, knees shaking, eyes glazed, holding a pair of nice little twins. Each is wearing her own little kimono decorated with dollar signs. Shiiko and Mitsuko hug her legs and reach up to pat the babies. B-Ko and Alana are actually hugging each other in congratulation.
Cap: ONE HOUR, FIFTY-TWO MINUTES AND THIRTY-SIX SECONDS.
Atina (jubilantly): Steady as a rock! I'd like to see an Earth woman do that!
Akana (to herself): They ARE kind of cute.
Shot of Kazushi. She has collapsed on all fours, inconsolable, at her sisters' feet. Her forehead touches the floor.
Kazushi: MY mama.
Shot of Alana holding one twin and Atina and Arisa playing with the other. Captain is holding Kazushi, who is stroking her hair.
Alana: Is this one Aria or Azia? And where's Dad --?
Cap: Azia. He's lying down. It was too much for him.
Shot of Hikaru sitting on the couch. Captain is asleep, her head on his shoulder. He holds the two babies, who are also asleep. Kazushi sits next to him, heavy-lidded, holding two dollies. Shiiko crawls up behind them.
Shiiko: Daddy -- did you love Ma from the first time you saw her?
Hikaru's thought balloon shows a very drunk, very angry Captain in her old Cygnan white jumpsuit. She is holding a bottle and has just punched out Hikaru with a nasty right hook.
Cap: YOU DESH --- UH --- DISHTROYED --- UHHHH --- WRECKED MY SPACESHIP, YOU HEAD!
Hikaru: Well...not exactly, Shiiko...
Caption: "And so we leave the Daitokujis.
Shot of the Azawa household. Mari and Yuji have Hideo, his brother, and D as guests tonight. Little Rose, wearing an Okugi Karate School t-shirt, is seated at the dinner table between two huge adults.
Yuji Azawa: Rose, eat your tofu.
Rose (in a snit): No, Daddy. Tofu makes me sick.
Caption: "Now, what's happening at the Azawa household? DINNER!"
Mari enters, wearing a tacky dress covered with cabbage roses and carrying a platter with an entire roast pig upon it.
Mari: Anyone for an after-dinner pig?
Yuji: The Ayumi-Shirasaka wedding is coming up. Of course, Rose, we'll have to leave you with a sitter.
Rose (incensed, shaking her fist): NOT those pyschotic alien girls who sent me richocheting around time and space like a billiard ball --- !
Hideo and D sit next to Yuji. Hideo has his arm around her. She is nicely dressed in a Cygnan gown with gold armbands, and a Greek key headband. She is starry-eyed.
Hideo: Did you get enough to eat, my little Cygnan beauty?
D: Yes, thanks. Mari, you outdid yourself.
Shot of Rose, throwing a full-blown tantrum. Her mouth is nearly as big as Princess C-Ko's, if such a thing is conceivable.
Rose: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Mari (offstage): Aw, Rose. Don't be such a baby.
Rose continues to shriek, jumping up and down repeatedly with fists clenched to add emphasis.
Rose: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Mari (still offstage, patiently): Now Rose, stop that at once.
Hideo (whispering): Why don't WE have a wedding, D?
D lights up. Cygnans usually shudder at the thought of cohabiting with men ...but ... well...one must adjust to circumstances...now that one is an inhabitant of Earth ...and it certainly hasn't hurt one's Captain any...
D: Sure! (To herself) GREAT MOTHER! YAHOOOO!
Caption: "Not one, but TWO weddings are coming up!"
D, Captain, Alana, Kazushi and the twins are seated in a dressing room. D is modeling a sleeveless gown (slit up the sides, of course) made of a lovely iridescent sparkly fabric. Captain sits with Kazushi crawling up her leg and gazing at her with adoration. She is also burping baby Aria.
D: Thank you again, my Captain, for buying this custom-made Cygnan dress for the wedding.
Cap: Anything for my dearest friend. (To herself) Good thing I'm rich...the yardage alone cost me a fortune!
Alana (holding baby Azia, to herself also): Now that's a BIG girl.
Shot of a similar dressing room, across town.
Ayumi Sensei is trying on her wedding dress. It is the very same one she wore when Kei tossed her like yesterday's funnypages. A seamstress is pinning up the hem as Princess C-Ko and Princess Asamalita stand by. Asamalita is shrieking.
Ayumi Sensei: It was SO nice of you to come to Earth for my wedding, C-Ko-san. (No sense wasting a perfectly good dress!)
Cko (thinking, not quite getting it): Why does all of this seem so familiar?
Caption: "Miss Ayumi's wedding day arrives...and...THE GIRLS ARE GIVEN ANOTHER CHANCE TO BABYSIT!"
Shot of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji mansion. Akana, Arisa, and Atina are standing in the foreground, watching Mari bring in Little Rose, who is screaming bloody murder. Her mother holds her out with both hands.
Mari: RosejuststopitrightnowNOW! (To the girls) TAKE THIS ROTTEN KID!
Rose (her arms and legs are a blur): NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Arisa: Great Mother help us!
Atina: And she thinks WE'RE crazy!
Captain and Hikaru have entered the room. Captain is wearing a nice Earth-woman pastel suit and a picture hat. Her hair is done up. Shiiko and Mitsuko, horrified by the hollering brat entering their home, cling to her skirt with pure terror.
Hikaru (to Captain): Are you SURE this is a good idea...?
Cap (holding her hands over her ears and grimacing): Too late now.
A-Ko and C-Ko's children are frowning at the commotion.
Kei Jr.: Louder than Harley!
Caption: "The wedding guests assemble..."
Shot of the church interior. The guests are sitting in the pews.
In the furthest row sits Yuji, Mari, Hideo, and D, the latter two exuding romance. The next row down holds Ine, B-Ko, Alana, and Commander Alia, who is in from deep space especially for the wedding.
The following row contains former Mr. Director Zuma, Hikaru, Captain and the babies, and Commander Yashida.
In front we see Ume, Kei, and A-Ko. There are other people in front of them, but we can't see their faces.
Guest #1: (Isn't the guy behind us the one who was supposed to marry Miss Ayumi but walked out on her?)
Guest #2: (Something like that. She's lucky -- what a dork.)
Ako (to Keisama, frowning): How do you like THAT, babe?
Mr. Director Zuma (sarcastically): Daitokuji -- are you building a dynasty or trying to repopulate the entire planet?
Hikaru (irritated): Ha-ha very funny.
Commander Yashida: Captain, were you at Miss Ayumi's first wedding?
Captain (to herself): Actually, Larry, I was lying drunk in an alley about eighteen blocks west of here...
Caption: "At the ridiculously opulent Napolipolita-Daitokuji mansion, chaos reigns!"
Kei Jr., who is usually a good little boy but has obviously been influenced by Rose and Asamalita, is swinging on the stained-glass chandelier. The babysitters are going nuts.
Arisa (doing her mother's hands-gripping-her-hair thing): THIS TIME MA REALLY WILL KILL US!
Kei Jr. (cheerfully, swinging): WHEEEEE! FUNNER THAN HARLEY!
Atina (pointing and screaming): GREAT MOTHER! THAT'S A TIFFANY!
Little Rose and Princess Asamalita stand on their heads on the couch, their legs pedaling the air.
Rose: I WANT MY MOTHER I WANT MY MOTHER I WANT MY MOTHER I WANT MY MOTHER I WANT MY MOTHER
Asamalita: SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I SO DO I
Asami has found herself a pack of matches. Akana has just raced across the room and hooked her by the neck, snatching them away from her.
Akana: OH NO YA DON'T!
Kazushi lies under the couch, peeking out from under the ruffle and sucking her thumb.
In the foreground, Mitsuko and Shiiko have picked up the telephone.
Shiiko: It's okay, Mitsuko...dial 911.
Caption: "Miss Ayumi makes a lovely bride..."
Shot of Miss Ayumi going down the aisle. Music is playing. She is the perfect bride, with the perfect gown. Sparkles and musical notes fill the scented air. Various guests comment as she majestically sweeps past.
Guest #1: Wow!
Guest #2: Oh, how pretty!
Guest #3: Isn't she just adorable?
Guest #4: Kosaku Shirasaka sure is a LUCKY GUY...
Guest #5: HEY, ISN'T THAT THE SAME GOWN SHE WORE WHEN KEI YUKI DUMPED HER A FEW YEARS AGO?
Guest #6: YEAH! Well, isn't that tacky!
Ume (archly): FEELING ANY DEJA VU, KEI? ha ha ha ha ha
Caption: "But a less welcome visitor takes that walk down the aisle as well...!"
A police officer stops at the row in which the Daitokujis sit. Hikaru is holding the babies.
Cop (softly): (P-s-s-s-t, Mr. Daitokuji, sir, we've just received a 911 call from your mansion...)
Mr. Director raises an eyebrow.
Hikaru flips out, his tie flying, his eyes bulging from his head. The babies look at him with concern. Captain hasn't caught on yet.
Suddenly, she does...along with Mari and A-Ko, whose children are also involved. Captain leaps into the air, long legs flailing, picture hat flying, her nice hairdo ruined. Her Cygnan glasses fly through the air, narrowly missing Yashida's face.
Hikaru shoves the babies into Mr. Director's arms; he squeals in protest.
B-Ko looks at Mari in terror.
Cap: GREAT MOTHER MY BABIES!
Hikaru (sweating): Mr. Director, you love my kids so much, YOU watch 'em!
Mr. Director Zuma: AIEEEE!
Kei (sitting in the row in front of them): Oh no! Another ruined Ayumi wedding! At least it's not MY fault this time...
Ume: Wow. He really IS a dork.
Ako (furious at her husband): HEY DUMMY -- OUR KIDS ARE THERE TOO!
Caption: "Dear Reader --- now let's be honest here...did you REALLY think this wedding would proceed smoothly?"
Shot of the three mothers barreling full-speed down the aisle. A-Ko collides with Miss Ayumi, knocking her flying.
Ako: OUT OF MY WAY, SISTER !
Mari (who looks like she just stepped out of the Beauty Salon from Hell): FIRST I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU, CAPTAIN, AND THEN I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOUR DAUGHTERS!
Captain (pounding down the aisle, hair streaming, livid at Mari and a few dozen other people): OH YEAH? I WAS TRAINED TO KILL WITH MY BARE HANDS!
Mari (twisting the knife): WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER YOU BECAME AN ALKY?
The two dash past Miss Ayumi, whose dress is now in tatters, her hairdo mussed beyond repair.
Miss Ayumi: YOU MESSED UP MY WEDDING, YOU HAR
Caption: "At the Napolipolita-Daitokuji Mansion!"
The outline of the mansion and the hills behind it are seen. In the foreground are several tanks. Four choppers are hovering overhead. Hikaru and Commander Yashida are talking in the foreground, while the three frantic women charge down the driveway shrieking.
Hikaru (pleasantly): Commander, it's good to know you people can respond when you have to. And it's also good to know that any home invaders will be taken down right away!
Yashida: By my tactical assault troops?
Hikaru: No..by A-Ko, Aysha, and Mari!
The three, exhausted and sweating, burst into the living room. Atina, Arisa, and Akana are sitting on the couch with the children, reading to them. They all smile when they see their mothers. Asami claps her hands; Kazushi immediately begins struggling to get off of Atina's lap so that she can rush over to Ma and cling to her legs. Shiiko and Mitsuko are hiding behind the couch, awaiting the Wrath of God.
Arisa: Oh -- hi everyone! You're sure back early! Princess Asamalita and Little Rose wore themselves out, so they're taking a nap. We're just reading the little ones a fairy story...
Akana (smiling): What's all the commotion outside, Ma? We thought the Kirlians had come to take another run at you..HA HA!
A-Ko charges forward, her face a rictus of rage.
Mari grabs Captain by her suit lapels and prepares to cold-cock her. Captain gets her right leg up and plants it in Mari's chest, and does her very best to snatch Mari baldheaded.
Mari: AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A MOTHER, YOU ALIEN LUSH?
Captain: PUT A SOCK IN IT, YOU COW!
Seeing that things have already gone too far, Mitsuko and Shiiko come forward, crying.
Mitsuko: Ma -- WE called 911. Everybody was yelling and we got scared. We're SORRY!
The scene has quieted. Mari has Rose in her arms and is rocking her. Hikaru.
Mari (girlishly -- can you stand it?): Sleeeeeping like a little aaaaangel...
Alia: Great Mother! She's even bigger than D!
Alana: AND---she nearly got a pulse rifle up her nose!
Hikaru (hugging the battered Captain): Guess what. They went ahead and said the vows!
Cap (crosseyed): Then we DIDN'T keep her from getting married! (Whew! It's been a while since I've been in a fistfight!)
Mitsuko and Shiiko, their arms around each other, bravely approach Ma so that they can hang onto her suitcoat.
Ako (with happy Asami hugging her around the neck): That was the most exhausting wedding I've ever attended!
Mr. Director Zuma enters the room, holding the babies.
Mr. Director: Daitokuji -- are you forgetting something?
Captain (surrounded by all of her girls): Excuse me...sometimes I lose count!
Caption: "We leave one wedding and concern ourselves with another...D's!"
Shot of Mrs. Ayumi-Shirasaka, holding what's left of her wedding dress. It is ripped to shreds. Her new husband looks on adoringly.
Ayumi: (thinking) Even if this doesn't work out, I won't be wearing THIS again...
Shot of D in the foreground, with her long punk Cygnan hairdo, Greek key headband, and Cygnan glasses.
Mari and Captain are in the background, nose to nose, their expressions hideous.
D: Of course, I'd like both of you to be in the wedding...would that be a problem?
Cap: GRRRRRRR YOURSELF.
Caption: "The day arrives -- does this look familiar?"
Shot of the church interior. Basically, it is the same crew which attended Ayumi Sensei's wedding. Everyone is relaxed and smiling.
At the altar, facing the minister, are the two immense sumo wrestlers and the two immense women. Captain is there too, looking like a peanut in comparison.
Yashida: Those people are HUGE.
Hikaru (to himself): You've certainly held up well, Ayshalita.
Bko (musing to herself): Seems like only yesterday that I was rescuing C-Ko..Captain was drunk...and D was shooting at me...! How things change...
Minister: Dearly beloved. We are gathered here to join this man and this --- uh ---- woman in holy matrimony.
Closeup of Captain, who has been itching for a fight all day.
Captain (in a loud stage whisper, and referring to Mari's Matron-of-Honor gown): SHE'S BIGGER THAN MT. FUJIYAMA IN THAT DRESS. YUCK.
Mari, who has been eager to tangle with her again, whips around. Her face is terrifying.
Mari: WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU LEPTON LUNATIC?
Captain realizes that she has seriously stepped in it, and attempts to backpedal.
Cap (waving her hands in front of her): Uh...um...Mari...take it easy...no harm. no foul!
It is too late. Closeup shot of Mari's eyes. They spell doom.
Mari: GRRRRRRRR! Caption: "Now -- did you REALLY think this wedding would go off better than Miss Ayumi's?"
Mari makes a run for Captain. It is an incongrous sight because both are done up in beautiful Cygnan sparkle-studded dresses.
Mari: I'm going to wring your skinny little neck!
Cap (punching Mari in the face): BACK WAY OFF, BABE!
Hideo: OH NO!
Minister: OH NO!
D: OH NO!
Yuji: OH NO!
Comments are heard from the assembled congregation:
Mr. Director Zuma: Those Cygnans sure love to fight.
Yashida: You're my second-in-command...you'd better win!
Guest #1: Get her, Captain!
Guest #2: Knock Mrs. Rich Bitch off her pedestal, Mari!
Cko: No, Mari-chan!
Ume: Mari, are you nuts?
Alana: Don't you DARE touch my Ma!
Hikaru: Aysha! Acting like a hooligan, and at your age...!
Bko: DO THOSE TWO LIKE TO BUST UP WEDDINGS?
Alia: MA ! NO !
Mari swings her enormous leg, which connects and knocks Captain to the floor.
Mari: INSULT ME IN PUBLIC, WILL YOU, YOU COSMIC NUTCASE SOT?
Cap: Mari -- you're kidding, right? (Hey -- I'm in recovery -- )
Mari swings back her fist, ready to deal a knockout punch.
Yuji: Now, honey, stop that at once.
Mari (to Captain, vindicated): REMEMBER -- YOU THREW THE FIRST PUNCH!
Cap (sweating, to herself): Yikes...so I did...
Hikaru: AYSHA ! FOR PETE'S SAKE !
Mari swings both fists at Captain's head. She has gotten back on her feet.
Mari: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE!
Cap: No -- I guess you're not kidding.
She ducks the blow but is thrown off balance, and hits the floor on her butt.
Cap: OW! THAT HURT!
Hikaru (to Alana): WHY CAN'T THESE WOMEN BEHAVE? Oh boy...
Alana (rooting): MA! GET UP AND KNOCK HER BLOCK OFF! GET UP!
Captain places her hands on the floor, and, using her arms as a pivot, swings her legs and whacks Mari in the belly.
Cap (out of breath): Okay, then -- I'm FASTER than you, and BETTER than you, and I am going to kick your BUTT even though I just had TWINS!
Alana (really into it now) POUND 'ER, MA !
Hikaru (standing, his head bent down in hopeless anguish): NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Bko: Alia...I think your mother's hormones are out of whack.
Alia: I think she's just great, B-Ko!
Hideo and D are still standing at the altar, watching and not quite believing.
Hideo: Is your friend crazy?
D: Could be.
Caption: "Can you BELIEVE this...?"
Hikaru and Mr. Director (!) have dashed up to the altar to help. Captain is about to connect with Mari's chin.
Cap: HAPPY LANDINGS, YOU SILLY FAT COW !
Alia: YES! Bko (ducking as Mari passes overhead): Low flying object!
Hikaru: Ayshalita! Remember your health!
Mr. Director Zuma: (What am I doing up here?)
Mari recovers her footing and barrels down the aisle like a steam-engine.
Hikaru (with his arm around Aysha): I'LL SIC MY LAWYERS ON YOU !
Mr. Director Zuma: THAT wasn't a smart thing to say, Daitokuji...
Cap (not quite understanding the Earth male mystique of rescuing damsels in distress): ((Will you let ME handle this, sweetie?))
Mari: GRRRRR! OUT OF MY WAY, WIMPY RICH BOY!
Hideo, D, and the minister still stand at the altar, within Mari's targeting range. Mari flings herself through the air.
Cap: HEY -- FORGET I SAID IT, ALL RIGHT?
Hikaru: Take it easy, Mari!
Mr. Director Zuma: Be careful, Daitokuji!
Minister (to himself): Heavenly Father, what a pack of kooks.
D (to herself): Great Mother!
Caption: "Unfortunately, Mari NEVER backs down!"
She has grabbed Captain by the neck and has whipped her right out of Hikaru's arms. She is a good five feet off the ground.
Cap (tongue protruding): MARI !UGGGGGGGGGGG !
Mari (to Hikaru, who is reaching for her): YOU'RE NEXT, RICH BOY!
Mr. Director Zuma (behind Hikaru): ((Daitokuji?))
Shot of Mari beating up Zuma.
He flies backward across the church.
Hikaru is now hitting the floor, having been vaulted airborne courtesy of Mari Airlines a few seconds before. He can't believe that someone has actually hit HIM, an Important Person.
Hikaru: HEY! That's assault and battery!
Mr. Director Zuma (upside down and still flying) AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !
D (distraught): RUN, MY CAPTAIN! RUN !
Cap (whose feet are making tracks already): Me and my big mouth...I'm running, D, I'm running! (Now I've done it...!)
Commander Alia (offstage): NAPOLIPOLITAS -- ASSEMBLE!
Shot of Mari pursuing Captain, who is pounding down the aisle at full speed.
Cap (getting winded): Mari! Let's call it a draw !
Mari (not in the slightest bit winded): COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARD !
D (to Hideo): Quick ! Let's read the vows !
Shot of a solid wall of Napolipolita daughters, with biceps bulging and lips snarling.
Alia: MARI -- IF YOU WANT HER, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH US FIRST.
Not being in the best of condition, Captain runs out of steam and collapses on the church floor. Hikaru is right behind her.
Cap (ashamed of her weakness, but that's a Cygnan for you): Whew! I can't keep this up!
Hikaru (seriously alarmed): B-KO! ENOUGH! CALL HER OFF!
B-Ko whips off her wedding clothes ---!
Bko: OKAY MARI -- GAME'S OVER! (Good thing I always wear my Akagiyama 23 Power Biosuit at all social occasions!)
As B-Ko adjusts her armband weaponry, Mari tears through the Napolipolita Line. Daughters are flying in all directions. Captain and Hikaru huddle together on the floor.
Mari (swinging): OUT OF MY WAY, KIDDIES!
Atina (airborne): How embarrassing.
Alia (being flipped over Mari's arm) Ooops. Good thing my crew isn't here to see THIS...
Arisa (standing directly in front of the Mountain of Madness): Ulp.
Akana (upside down): Where's a pulse rifle when you want one?
Bko: Wow...and those girls are good. Oh well -- must defend the family -- time for the BIG GUNS!
Cap: HIKARU ! MY SWEET DARLING LITTLE GIRLS !
Hikaru (frantic): B-KO! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR --- THE NEXT MILLENNIUM?
B-Ko lets it rip. The church hall is shattered with the reverberation of artillery fire.
Bko: AKAGIYAMA MISSILES !
Shot of Mari being blown off her feet. She is finally getting the point.
Bko (still firing): Now, Mari. Knock it off.
Mari (dazed but still furious): Okay, okay, I get the picture.
Captain and Hikaru are still on the floor.
Cap: Hikaru-Sama. I HATE weddings.
Caption: "It's over!"
Shot of the assembled multitude. The ceremony has concluded and everything is back to normal...well, kind of. The happy couple stand next to Yuji, who is trying to lead Mari away.
D: Hey! We're married !
Hideo: Those Cygnans are such fine HEALTHY girls...! (To himself) Mari and that tough little Captain are like two cats in a sack..
Yuji (hissing in her ear): Mari. I want to talk to you. It's not a good idea to beat up the Daitokujis. It's time to talk to a therapist.
Mari: Forget the therapist. I'll kick her skinny butt.
Minister (angry): Of course, the damage to the church has to be paid for...I'd say your daughter did about $50,000 worth!
Hikaru is back to his cool and collected self. He props up Captain, whose shades have been knocked askew on her face.
Hikaru (cheerfully): No problem, Padre. I can find that kind of money under my couch cushions!
Cap (still half-conscious, to herself): Terrific..I just spoiled my best friend's wedding...(sigh...)
B-Ko stands between Alana and Alia.
Alana: B-Ko. You were awesome.
Alia: Yeah. We'll have to make her an official Napolipolita.
A-Ko has dragged Kei-kun into a corner, where she confronts him.
Ako: (Why didn't you jump in and break up the fight?)
Kei: (Mari is REAL scary.)
Shot of the reception. Captain is sitting on a chair, hands covering her face, bawling. D kneels beside her, trying to soothe her.
Cap (with her typical wail): OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH D ! AFTER ALL THE TIMES YOU KEPT ME ALIVE AND DID EVERYTHING FOR ME, I SCREW UP YOUR WEDDING! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! BOO HOO HOO!
D: That's all right, my Captain. I wouldn't have had a nice wedding in the first place if you hadn't paid for it. (( Loaded or not, my Captain ALWAYS starts a riot! ))
Mari (looking over at her sobbing foe): GRRRRRR.
Bko (still in her biosuit): Forget it, Mari.
Akira: Arisa - I think your dad is upset that your mother got into a fistfight at the altar.
Arisa: He ought to be used to it by now!
Hikaru and Yuji appear in the foreground. Hikaru is beyond frazzled. Sweat flies from his troubled brow. Yuji is a rock, stoic in word and deed.
Hikaru: YUJI -- WHY DIDN'T WE MARRY NORMAL GIRLS?
Yuji: Too boring, I guess. Mari, stop that growling.
The Napolipolita-Daitokuji contingent leave the reception. Hikaru and Aysha are arm-in-arm. Peace is restored.
Bko (to Alia and Alana): Lovely wedding!
Shot of Arisa, laying a real liplock on Akira.
Arisa: LOVELY WEDDING.
Akira (to himself): Is that a hint?
Shot of the Yukis.
Kei: Besides, A-Ko, YOU'RE the real muscle in the family...
Ako (hands gripped in her hair): Oh no.
Shot of Mari's contorted face.
Rose: I TOLD you those aliens should have been deported, Mother.
Caption: "Births and weddings can be exhausting --- "
Shot of the mansion. Hikaru and Captain are relaxing on the couch, wearing kimonos. They each hold a twin. Curious, Kazushi (sucking her thumb) is trying to peer into a little sleeping face. Commander Alia is in her uniform and stands next to her sister Alana.
Hikaru: Aysha. I think your days of unarmed combat are over.
Cap (to herself -- she would never, ever admit such a thing to a male): Maybe I'm more of a nice Earth lady than I thought.
Alia: Well, sis. It's time for me to resume my command. Maybe I'll surprise Ma with a grandchild one of these days.
Alana: Maybe I'll just beat you to it.
Caption: "But everyone has a chance to relax at Ms. Ayumi- Shirasaka's annual fireworks display!"
It is nighttime. The entire crew watches the spectacular fireworks which Kozaku Shirasaka lights. Atina and Commander Yashida look on. Hideo and D are there; D-Ko has her hands on Princess C-Ko's shoulders protectively. Even Princess Asamalita has shut her mouth. Mr. Director Zuma is holding the twins, who radiate adoration in his direction. Mari, B- Ko, and Yuji watch as well.
Bko: Look. I know she's a pain in the butt, but quit picking on her.
Yuji: Mari, stop that growling.
Rose (whose braids are twitching with anxiety): Yikes! Reminds me of time travel with those loony aliens!
A-Ko and her family have their eyes on the sky. Next to them are Arisa and Akira.
Arisa: Did you see the RING my mom got?
Akira (to himself): Is that a hint?
The rest of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji girls stand around their parents. Captain, wearing a very punk Cygnan 'do and a jumpsuit with knee-high boots, looks down at her hand at the sparkler Hikaru just gave her as a celebration for the twins.
Cap: Eighty-three carats! (ooh ooh ooh) Thanks, sweetie.
Ayumi Sensei (to everyone): NOW JUST WATCH THIS ONE !
Can your heart take the next thrilling episode? In Project A-Ko -The Next Generation 5 - "Cygnans we have Heard on High" or "God Rest Ye Merry Aliens", a killer asteroid hurtles toward Earth, threatening to spoil Captain's holiday party. Can she handle the giant rock singlehandedly -- and can she handle it when her party blows apart when Little Rose pulls a nutty? When she and Hikaru decide to take a second honeymoon trip, what happens as soon as they pull out of the driveway? Did you know Cygnans LOVE to party?