PHONE BOOTH

A Suspenseful Action Thriller of Epic Proportions

A normal city somewhere in America. It looks like New York. But I suppose it could be Chicago. Hell, maybe Philly. But anyway…there's a phone booth, sitting on the sidewalk…looking innocent enough…but in it lurks a danger more horrifying than you can imagine…a voice more annoying than you might believe.

Every day at 10 AM the phone rings. And every day at 10 AM John Cubicledrone, on his way to work, hears it, but does not pick it up. He's never seen anyone else pick it up either. Every day for 5 long years he's wondered who keeps calling that damn phone. One day he decides to overcome his terminal shyness and pick the thing up. He hears it ring, opens the door and stretches his hand out for the receiver, hesitating for only the slightest second before he grabs it and stammers, "H-hello?"

He is knocked back by the sound from the other side. It is the loudest, wettest fart he's ever heard. Then a shrill, unimaginably annoying voice comes on. It has all the worst qualities of every accent on earth. It's nasal and drawling, harsh and thick, like nails scraping a blackboard in Hell with the sounds of cats being strangled by screaming autistic deaf Chinese men choking on sandwiches while singing a Kelly Clarkson song. "Herro, rut iz yer naym KOW-boiye?" it says, causing John's ears to bleed copiously. The voice sounds like William Hung gargling maple syrup is trying to burp the national anthem. I cannot emphasize how freaking annoying this voice is. Apparently the guy on the other end had been waiting all those years just to torture someone with his horrid voice. John went deaf in his right ear but couldn't get the voice out of his head, and committed suicide before lunch.