Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.
"Patience…likes dogs…deals with mood swings…. understanding…" Maes Hughes was currently mumbling to himself while leaning back in his best friend Roy Mustang's chair. In his left hand was a pad of paper while his right hand held that pencil that was writing down notes.
Roy knew he should have stayed in bed this morning. Don't ask him why but he just had a feeling that something was going to happen. To be more specific something was going to happen to him. But being the idiot he was decided to ignore it and come to work anyway.
"Hughes why are you in my chair?"
Maes looked up and smiled at him "Trying to get some thinking done."
"Then why don't you use your own chair back in eastern headquarters?"
Hughes put his hands behind his head as he used his foot to kick off the desk, making the chair spin around. "But your chairs so much more comfortable! And look! It spins too!" He spun around one more time before seeing the look Roy was giving him. "What's was look for? I came I took time out of my day to come of visit my best friend and I don't even get a hello?"
Tipping the chair so that Maes toppled out of it Roy took his place and made himself comfortable. He started shifting and soon stood up. Turns out he sat down on Maes' small blue note book. Sitting down again he flipped threw it, "What's this?"
"Hey that's mine!" Hughes lunged at Roy buy he just rolled out of the way.
"Must like dogs. Patient. What is all this for?"
Hughes was sitting cross-legged where he landed after missing Roy. "That me friend is a list of qualities needed in a woman."
Mustang raised an eyebrow. "Your married Maes."
"Not for me for you! I have taken it upon myself to find you a wife."
Hughes leaned back until he collapsed on to the floor. Putting his hands behind his head he continued. "Well just the other day me, Gracia, and my little Elicia attended a wedding. Elicia was the flower girl and had on the cutest little dress. It was this rosy pink color with a white sash around the waist and-"
"Back to the point Hughes!"
"No need to yell Mr. Grumpy. Anyway Elicia asked me why Uncle Roy wasn't married and I didn't have an answer. Then I got to thinking. Why aren't you married? I mean your twenty-eight! You should be married off to someone and make my little Elicia the flower girl at the wedding! Not to mention me as the best man."
"But I don't want to get married!"
"Details. Details." Hughes just brushed him off. "So here I am making a list of all the qualities a woman would need to put up with you and you know what? I think I know someone!"
"It doesn't matter because I'm not going to get married!"
"Riza Hawkeye is perfect! She can make you do your work. She's pretty and smart. Plus she knows you well! I'm willing to bet you could date other girls for years and they still wouldn't know you better than Hawkeye! I'm telling you she's the real deal! She likes you for you unlike those other girls that you're always dating!" Hughes glorified.
Roy felt a need to defend himself. "Hawkeye is most defiantly not for me! It would never work and what do you mean she likes me for me? The women I date like me for me!"
Hughes shook his head. "That's were your mistaken my friend. The women you date don't like you they like the image you represent. The power. The money. That's why I can't trust you to pick out your own wife and must do so for you."
"I could find a girl by myself that likes me and knows me well. Someone who can deal with me better than Hawkeye."
Hughes laughed. "Nice try Roy. Nobody can deal with you like Hawkeye. The only reason you probably get out of bed in the morning is because if you didn't show up you know Riza would show up threatening your very existence. Besides no one, no matter how long you date them, will ever know you as well as Hawkeye."
"I could so!"
"Prove it then. Go out and date. After a few weeks or so see if they really know you or if they're in love with an image that time's bound to see through." Maes challenged.
"Fine I will and I'll prove to you that Riza is not a good match for me!"
"Fat chance of that happening. Oh will you look at the time? I have to get going! I'll be calling to check on your progress but I'm sure that you'll see that I'm right. See ya later Roy." Then Hughes was out the door.
Roy leaned back in his chair and sulked. "I'll show him. The women I date like me because of me not because of my position…right?"
Picking up the phone he dialed a number. After a few rings some one picked up. "Hey Crystal? It's me Roy…yah the one from the bar. Listen would you like to out with me tomorrow night? …Great! I'll pick you up around six."
Roy hung up and cracked his knuckles. "This is going to be a piece of cake. How hard can it be to find a woman you knows me better?"