Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Ragnarok. (Why do I even have to do this?)
Emotions – Loki thinking to himself
Loki was an Assassin of the Cross; the best there was or ever would be. He used the awesome power of cosmic energy, a feat no mere mortal could ever hope to achieve. And yet, he was not quite a god; he simply was not necessarily human. He felt no emotions, no remorse, pity, compassion, and of course, no love. It was part of how he had become so powerful, feared by all who had ever heard of him, even in the countless number of meaningless rumors surrounding him.
Emotions made you weak.
Loki had grown up acknowledging this simple fact of life and had thus rid himself of all emotions at a young age to an extent no other mortal had before. Without emotions to cloud his judgment, his every decision was clear, calm, and rational. He never suffered from hesitation, doubt, or regret. As a result, he lost touch with his emotions and wondered how they could cause people to do such irrational things. Just like the girl at the castle. It intrigued him to no end.
Then he joined Chaos and his company in their quest. At first, he had openly attacked the Rune Knight, guided by the false belief that he had been responsible for the slaughter of the Assassin's Guild. However, he later learned that that belief was false and that the cursed swordsman Skurai had been the murderer of his comrades. Their company was made up of a select number of people, each with their own unique past. All of them were mysteries to him.
First, there was Chaos. He was the leader of their group, and an intriguing mystery. On the surface, he was just a regular Rune Knight. However, it was clear that he had received training as a legendary Dragon Knight, even if he had no true recollections of such training. Also, he was supposedly the reincarnation of the prince of the gods Balder. He exhibited a great deal of emotion over almost everything that happened in his life. He strongly disapproved of the killing of even a few "innocents". As an assassin, Loki had learned that all that mattered was that the balance was kept so that needless bloodshed was avoided. That was the true purpose of the Assassin's Guild. What did a few deaths of "innocents" matter if it helped to prevent the deaths of countless thousands? The Rune Knight's chivalry baffled Loki, who simply could not understand why the Rune Knight would think so irrationally. In some ways, the Rune Knight was Loki's exact opposite.
Next was Iris Irene. She was the princess of Fayon, a town that had been recently devastated by the cursed swordsman Skurai. Although she had suffered such a tragedy, for some reason it did not seem to sober her outlook on life at all. In fact, her outlook on life was generally much too bright for his taste. She tended to be overly cheerful, sometimes to the point of being obnoxious. She was also immature, putting her basic needs, especially food, above everything else, even their quest. The cleric and her foolishness were as baffling to Loki as the Rune Knight's chivalry.
Then there was Lidia. She was a thief (or "treasure hunter" as she liked to call herself) that had lost her father to the fallacy of mortality. However, like Iris, she did not seem to let that affect her at all. She was often just as immature as Iris, often squabbling with the cleric over nothing at all. Also, she often stared at his back when she thought he wasn't looking. It was quite disconcerting oftentimes. How was he to remain alert to possible enemies if he was constantly distracted by her vacant stares at his back? This obviously illogical behavior added another confusing character to their group.
Last was Fenris. To him, she was the most intriguing one of all. She was the reincarnation of the wolf god and was now a powerful warlock. She was elegant, wise, and quite beautiful. In fact, she was the one Loki felt he could relate to the most. Next to Loki, she was the most mature of the whole group, but suffered a great deal of pain from her emotions for Chaos, the reincarnation of her love. This confused Loki, who could not understand the logic behind those feelings. Why would she feel such emotions if they caused her pain every time she saw Chaos and Iris together? What convinced her to keep on loving Chaos, even without any hope of such love being reciprocated? For some reason, watching her unsettled him in ways he could not understand.
Flashback (previous night)
The group had stopped to make camp during their journey. It was a cold night seeing as they were heading to the far north. Chaos and Iris had huddled together under the same blanket for warmth, smiling and laughing quietly as they simply talked about things important to them. The pair soon fell asleep, still nestled together under the blanket. Still awake, Loki noticed that Fenris was staring longingly at the scene of Chaos and Iris. Her look was filled with both passion in her love for Chaos, the reincarnation of Balder, and sorrow over the fact that he would never be hers. She was doing so in a discreet manner, but Loki immediately picked up on this.
At that moment, looking at her, he fell suddenly human.
This feeling of compassion shocked him. When was the last time he had felt anything even close to compassion? He could not remember.
Why was it that he would feel such emotions now after ridding himself of them for most of his entire life? What was it about her that made him want to just once forget his self-control and comfort her? For perhaps the first time in his life, he simply did not know.
And for once, he indulged his own desires. He walked over to where Fenris was and simply sat next to her. Fenris started a little at this unexpected behavior from him, but soon resumed what she was doing. He did not say anything. In truth, he was unsure of what to say, having little experience in such matters. So, he simply sat there, letting her know that he was there. He did not know if this mattered at all to Fenris, but for some unknown reason he just felt that this was what he shoulddo. After a while, she started to let her sorrow out through her tears. Again acting on his feelings, he held her through it all, not even sure that it was what she needed. After a while, she drifted off into sleep. Looking at her slumbering figure and recognizing her pain, he suddenly came to a decision. He swore a vow:
He would protect her. No matter what.
As morning rose, Loki waited for the others to wake up. After tucking Fenris in, an unexpectedly tender act for him, he had stayed up the whole night to keep watch. His new vow to himself would not let him sleep. It wasn't like he had any real need of sleep anyways. He had long since become accustomed to not sleeping. He was not sure of what had possessed him to make such a serious vow, but when he thought it over; he found he had no intention of taking it back.
It just felt …right.
Now what had in the world had made him think that? Last night had seriously affected him, and he wasn't sure if it was in a positive or negative way. It was the most he had felt since he had been a mere child. Would these newfound…emotions… hinder him?
Emotions made you weak.
Then he would just be sure not to let his emotions get in the way. Such a task would be simple, for he had already rid himself of his emotions. He needed to protect Fenris from all that he could. And if possible, he wanted to help her heal. None of it made very much sense to him, but for once he didn't care.
The first one to wake up was Fenris. She immediately went to check up on the Rune Knight to see if he was alright. Loki watched her as pain flickered in her eyes when she found the Knight still huddled with the cleric. Such behavior had always baffled him, but now he found that it made him feel ….irritated.
And why would that be?
Since when did he care? He had seen Fenris do this countless times, always concerned about the Rune Knight when she woke up. So why did it seem to bother him so much now?
Because you promised to protect her. And yet, here she is, clearly suffering from her love for the Rune Knight.
But, what could he do? He had no hope of somehow making her just forget her love for the Rune Knight. He did not think her love shallow enough for that, and was sure that it would be an insult to her if he suggested such a thing. So what other option did he have? His faultless logic could not provide an answer. So he decided to rely on something other than his impeccable logic: his human side. After all, it had seemed to work before, had it not? It made sense that it would work again.
And since when have you been the expert on "humanity"?
He chose to ignore that particular thought.
His "human nature" seemed to suggest that he approach her. Not much help. Still, he might as well follow through. Oddly enough, he seemed oddly reluctant to do so. It was almost as if he was hesitant, maybe even …nervous?
Wait. He was Loki, Assassin of the Cross. He was never hesitant, much less nervous.
Reassured by this thought, he silently approached Fenris and stood next to her. When she noticed him, she turned her head and looked at him. He returned the gaze. They stayed like that for a little while before Fenris spoke:
"For what?" he replied, unsure of her meaning.
"For a few things, I guess. For helping me back during the airship incident, for one. Without you, I would have failed again…" She paused for awhile, thinking to herself. It seemed that she was remembering her past life as Fenrir, the Wolf God.
"It was nothing. But I cannot see how any of that would have been your fault. One cannot be responsible for everything, even if that person is the reincarnation of a god." He spoke honestly, voicing his private thoughts.
"Like you're one to talk. After all, who's the one who didn't sleep at all last night? You know, you could have woken me up to take over the watch. It's not like you're the reincarnation of a god." She replied in a good-humored tone of voice.
"I do not need sleep. I see no need to disturb someone else's sleep for something I do not require. Besides, you needed the rest." Again, he spoke the plain truth as he saw it.
And then, Fenris did the oddest thing. She giggled.
What in the world? What is wrong? I cannot understand. Is she alright?
Upon seeing the bewildered expression on his face, Fenris just started to laugh even more.
"I'm sorry. It's just that talking with you is so… interesting. I've never really talked with you before." As she spoke, she had to repeatedly stop to control her laughter.
It made no sense to the poor Assassin. How was talking with him interesting? He could not make any sense of her sudden change in behavior.
Well, at least she's not depressed anymore…
And then it hit him. It was the perfect solution to his problem. All he had to do to protect her from pain was stay near her. If just a small conversation could cause her mood to lighten, it was well worth all the confusion. Besides, he found that he enjoyed talking with her, even about such minor subjects. He felt… contented when he was with her.
Felt? He could not let such emotions get in the way of protecting her. He "felt" entirely too much when he was around her. It was quite intriguing.
Staying near her would not be a problem in his point of view. Finally, a clear course was set. All he had to do was follow through with his plan and not let his emotions get in the way of protecting her.
How hard could it be?
Author's Note (Please Read): So, did you guys like it? This is my first fic, so I need feedback. If I actually get some positive feedback, I'll update it. If not, it obviously won't matter if I update or not. Please review! You can criticize me if you want, but at least put a reason if you do. Don't just go like "Your fic sucks. I hate it." Well….that won't tell me anything about why you hate it and what I can do to improve on it. Also, in your reviews, I need some feedback on how I should make my second chapter. Should I make it from Fenris' POV or keep it from Loki's? I could alternate between chapters, but the chapters might become shorter then. I need feedback on this before I can start my second chapter. Again, reviews are much appreciated.