Disclaimer: If you legal people aren't convinced by now, there's no hope for me. You might as well arrest me right now (provided you can find me :D)
sigh, well here goes:
gasp Happy now?
Author's Note: Alright, I'm really sorry to any readers out there actually like my fic for not updating for almost a year (9 months?). Chances are I don't have to worry much about that since there are plenty of other fics out there better than mine. But if anyone still cares, yes, I have finally gotten off my lazy #$ to try and finish up this sorry story(or at least add another freakin' chapter) before anyone kills me. Apparently, a few people(or is it just one….or maybe I just imagined that…..annyyway) have gotten the idea that the story ended with the last chapter, and for that I'm really sorry. It didn't end, I just got off my OMG IT"S MY FIRST STORY rush and stopped writing for a while (a long while). Hopefully, this chapter will progress the story (maybe even finish it? o0…not likely.) and satisfy any discontent/murderous readers(I hope there aren't any of you that feel that way though). No guarantees.(Is it just me, or do the asteriks not work?)
From Part IV
He had thought that he would never let his emotions get the better of him. Subconsciously, he had probably realized that he was in love, but had dismissed it. Without even realizing it, he had made the decision that he could still protect her even if he loved her.
And that was what had almost killed her.
He had watched her fall in front of him. She could very well have died. After all, Loki had given the assassin all the opportunities he could possibly want. He was more grateful than he had ever been that she was still alive.
If she died, he died. It was no dramatic proclamation. It was the cold, stark truth. And with that realization, he made another vow. This one, he meant to keep, even if it killed him. Even if it meant he would never be able to go back to how he had been before. Even if it destroyed a part of him that he would never be able to regain.
He would not feel ever again. Especially not love.
Emotions Part V
Blah – private thoughts
How he hated that word. It had taken from him all that he had used to be. He was no longer the strongest, no longer even merely competent, no longer himself. It had crippled him, robbed him of his senses, his training, his very life itself. What had happened to Loki, the cold invincible killer that upheld the balance of Midgard through a torrent of blood and fire?
He had failed.
He, who had carried out all his missions with ruthless efficiency, who had never let a target escape, had failed. He had been praised, lauded, feared, even hated throughout his entire life. Never before had he felt ashamed. An altogether novel experience, it was not one he professed a liking to. What made it worse was just what he had failed to do.
He had failed to protect her.
He had not just failed some mission, some assassination. If so, he could remedy the situation by taking out the target at a later date, with greater caution and care. This could not, would not be redeemed so easily. He had sworn to protect her. To protect her from pain, from hurt, from the world that seemed to hate her so. He had vowed to protect her from the very gods themselves.
He couldn't even protect her from a pathetic mortal fool.
This was reality. This was what he had become. Thinking back, he wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, to rage. He wasn't even sure which he really wanted to do. None of it seemed to matter. It wouldn't help, wouldn't restore him to his former self, the killer that could take on the world and its gods alone.
His former self, who had had the power to protect her.
He knew what he had to do now. It was so clear. It would not redeem him, for there was nothing that he could do that would earn him redemption, but it would put an end to his turmoil and grant him the power to never fail again.
If his "former self" was capable of protecting her, then all he had to do was revert to how he used to be. Before he had "felt", before he had weakened, before he had grown careless and confused, before he had become "human".
Before he had "loved".
She was alone.
That was all she knew for sure. She had no knowledge of where she was, why she was there, or how to get out. It was dark, so dark that she could hardly see herself, let alone her surroundings.
Why was she alone? Where were her friends, her comrades, her allies?
They were all dead.
The sudden realization struck her. Of course, the ancient war had caused the deaths of all those she knew, even the one she loved. She herself had died, only to be reincarnated much later into a human vessel. She had spent almost her entire life in search of the reincarnation of Balder, the one she loved.
And she had found him.
His name was now Chaos, a young man of unquenchable spirit and endless vitality. He was not as powerful as he had once been, but that hardly mattered. She had found him. She could finally be with him once more.
Or so she had thought.
He had no memory of what he had been, what she had been, what they had been. It was painful, but she had borne the pain silently, harboring a secret hope that one day he would remember, or that he would fall in love with her all over again. Then she had met Iris. More importantly, she saw them, she saw what she had once shared with Balder, between the two.
It had cut her to the core.
There would be no long-awaited reunion with her loved one.
She was still alone.
Even with that, she could not give up, could not let their efforts in their previous lives and in their current ones be spent in vain. All she could do was live on, watching over Balder, no, Chaos, as they set out to finish what they had started so long ago. At that time, they had been together in so many ways. Now, it seemed she was alone in even more.
Then he had come.
A companion, a friend, a comrade. Loki was all of that, however much it did not seem so. He reached out to her, realized what she was going through, and even if he could not truly understand, tried to lessen the pain even a little.
For that, she was undeniably grateful.
Contrary to how he seemed, he was surprisingly clumsy with many things, like prolonged conversations, with confiding in others in personal matters. It must have been an unfortunate result of his lifestyle as a peerless, detached omen of death. Such a being would not be easily approached, not even by his comrades, perhaps not even by his superiors.
In any case, it was comforting to be able to realize others like her in the world. Others, who, like her, had lived lives of loneliness, unable to truly get close to the people around them. He, like her, had lived a life with a single-minded purpose, only to have that ruthlessly ripped away from him in one fatal moment. Without that purpose, neither of them could make sense of their upturned and chaotic lives.
Alone, that is.
She had already resolved to continue guiding Chaos (she should accept that he had a new identity now, after all) when they had first begun to talk. Regardless of what she felt and wanted him to feel, she could not be so selfish as to try to remove him from the life he had chosen to live. It was her way of keeping her purpose intact in whatever way possible. Loki, on the other hand, joined their group to make sure that Chaos was not the one responsible for the bloodbath at the Guild. Along the way, he had, perhaps unknowingly, been accepted into the group. This was most noticeable with her, with whom he spent the most time with.
Together, they began to try to pick up the pieces and restore their lives. Perhaps, with a close companion to support her, she could regain the strength to truly live again, and in turn, help him to do the same.
And with that rather reassuring thought, she awoke.
Where am I?
She seemed to be on a bed, though how a bed was there she did not yet know. There did not seem to be any immediate danger in her surroundings, which resembled that of a room in an inn, so she surmised that she had not been captured by her enemies.
How and when did I get here?
She blinked drearily, and tried to rise. For some reason, she seemed abnormally fatigued, exhausted even. Her vision was still rather blurry, and her senses dull. She thought that she could hear someone coming in, wherever she was, but for some reason she could not be sure.
"Hey! She's up! You guys! Come on, Fenris is up!"
Why would I not be up?
She turned to look at the origin of the voice, finally focusing in on Iris Irene. If she was the one who had said that, then the "guys" she had been calling would be her current friends and comrades.
That no longer hurt as much as it used to, calling him by the name of his present incarnation. She took that as a promising sign, one that showed that she was close to finally moving on with her life.
Her companions, friends now, came into the room, apparently immensely relieved, more than was strictly necessary in her opinion, that she had woken up.
What was the matter with them? I'm just feeling a little tired, nothing to get quite that worked up over.
"You're finally up! Do you know how worried we were!" came a rather indignant squeal.
After being enveloped in a horrifically strong bear hug by a bundle of female energy (sometimes called "Iris"), she realized that she was perhaps weaker than she had realized.
If so, this was probably the last thing she needed right now.
"Um…Iris? Could you … perhaps … let go … of me for …just a moment? I kind of need…to …breathe…!"
Upon realizing that she was cutting off the recently recovered Fenris' circulation as well as her oxygen intake, Iris let go of her at once, allowing Fenris to attempt to catch her breath again.
"OmigodI'msosorryareyouok!" she immediately blurted out.
"I'm... fine. What happened? Why's everyone so worked up?
Chaos, Iris, Lidia...Wait, where's Loki?
"...Um, where's Loki?"
At that, everyone suddenly looked very uncomfortable, not quite meeting her eyes.
What? What did I say? …Just what really happened?
This time, it was Chaos who spoke up.
"About that…Loki's not here."
Author's Note: Finally, Part V is finished! And I even got a nice cliffie for all you people out there who like cliffhangers (yeah,... does anyone like cliffhangers? Just curious…Wait, don't kill me!)
Anyhow, I got surprisingly little accomplished this chapter. It's really kinda depressing. Nothing happened! And to make it worse, the chapter not only took longer than the others to write (2 days, the others only took a day each), it turned out to be just as bad, if not worse than the other chapters. T-T Guess that's what happens when you wait so long to update.
Putting that aside, this story might turn out longer than I expected it to (again!). If this keeps up, I'm going to be seriously irritated (I tell you, this was supposed to be a &$# one-shot!).
I was really hoping that I could end it with this chapter, but maybe I can end it with the next. My current dilemma is that I dislike it when the story is resolved too quickly and leaves a feeling of being rushed. But what could potentially be much worse is if I drag it out too long, bore you guys to tears, and eventually force you to resort to murder.
But then I also have to write some sort of epilogue because a reviewer asked for one, and I really ought to write some sort of fluffy ending thing to make it up to Loki and Fenris for what I'm gonna do to them(or not…..hehehe…maybe I should just skip the fluff altogether…).
Anyways, please leave reviews! I know I was a jerk about waiting so long to start this chapter, but I really would like reviews. Just so you know, the reviews I got last chapter did make me feel guilty for not writing, so any reviews written will motivate me to update faster. The more the better! Leave any criticisms, compliments, flames (I'll ignore those, but go ahead), etc. if you would, please. You can even chew me out for being so lazy, as I'm really quite desperate for reviews. (Sad, isn't it…)