Showdown Between The Chosen Ones
I DO NOT own anything related to Star Wars, Pokemon, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. They are the sole right of their owners, not mine. I'm not trying to make any money off of this either.
Whee! I think the review feature is an awesome addition to fanfiction. It makes my day to see people cracking up from my fic. I have shoutouts for you all at the end! –Moony
Anakin, Frodo, and Harry were in a small tent enjoying assorted Muggle refreshment drinks, like Gatorade, Mountain Dew, and Dr. Pepper. They were quite tasty actually. Anakin especially liked the little fizzy bubbles in the Mountain Dew, and in fact, the thing was making him feel quite hyper for some odd reason. Frodo, meanwhile, was sipping Gatorade, which was much more delicious than Lembas (forgot how to spell that) bread, after eating it for practically a year. This drink tasted lemony and sweet. Harry was surprised by the goodness of Dr. Pepper. He had seen Dudley have it loads of times, but he never really got to taste soda.
"Ketchum is never going to make it," Anakin said, chugging the last of the Mountain Dew.
"For once, I agree with you," Harry said.
"He's a wimp. How did he become a Chosen One?" Frodo asked.
"Sheer luck I suppose. Or maybe he's a main character. Main characters are always Chosen Ones in hero series," Harry said.
"True. But who would write a hero series about an idiot like him?" Anakin asked.
The three sat in silence, until Ash was finally brought back. He was covered in dust and dirt, and he looked very depressed and dejected. His baseball cap was nearly falling off, revealing even messier hair than Harry's. Tear streaks were left down his face. It was a pathetic sight, and the three of them twitched involuntarily at him.
"Okay contestants, out into the stadium for the next competition!" the announcer's voice cried.
The four trapsed out into the stadium.
"Well folks, here we are with our four Chosen Ones! Our FOURTH competition involves FANGIRLS!"
The four of them were completely bewildered. What the hell were fangirls?
"Judging will be based on how well contestants can fend off the fangirls without physically hurting them," the announcer said. "Okay! If you are a fangirl of either of these four Chosen Ones, you may run and take a chunk of your beloved idol! If you can…"
There was a maddening rush and stampede as girls all over the stadium screamed and pushed and shoved to get to the four Chosen Ones. Suddenly, fifty or so girls were toppling Anakin over, screaming and touching him and asking to kiss him.
"ANAKIN! LET ME KISS YOU!"
"LET ME HAVE A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR!"
"SHOW ME YOUR AWESOME LIGHTSABRE!"
"TAKE ME PODRACING!"
"COME TO NABOO WITH ME!"
"NO! DON'T GO WITH THEM! GO WITH ME! I'M THE BEST GIRL HERE!"
"NUH-UH! I AM! I CAN USE A LIGHTSABRE AND THE FORCE, AND I'M NOT EVEN A JEDI! TRAIN ME TO BECOME ONE ANAKIN! PLEASE! I LOVE YOU!"
No! No! This was all wrong! Who were these girls! He couldn't be with them! Never! His love was to Padme! But they were pulling on him, squealing, and trying to kiss him! NO! What would Padme ever think!
"Get off me! Get off me! My love cannot be to you! My love is to Padme!" he screamed.
"NO NO! FORGET PADME! I'M WAY COOLER! MARRY ME ANAKIN! MARRY ME! I LOVE YOU!"
No! NO! He tried desperately to push the girls off, but there were too many! They were clawing at him! Pulling on his robes, his hair, his face! They were stealing his love! They were trying to get him away from Padme! How could he get them off?
There was only one way…
He used the Force to blast them all back.
Many of the girls screamed – not in fear, but in awe.
"OH MY GOD! HE USED THE FORCE ON ME! ANAKIN USED THE FORCE ON ME! ANAKIN'S FORCE TOUCHED ME! I'M NEVER SHOWERING AGAIN!"
"WAIT 'TIL I TELL MY FRIENDS!"
The girls were running him over again – with renewed enthusiasm.
"No! NO! NO! I'M HANDSOME – BUT BUT DON'T KILL ME FOR IT!" Anakin screamed as he drowned beneath their stampeding feet and hands.
Meanwhile, Harry was dealing with twenty. It was considerably less than fifty of Anakin's, but still a lot to handle.
"HARRY! I'VE GOT CAULDRON CAKES!" a voice screamed. "I BAKED THEM JUST FOR YOU! TRY IT!"
Harry backed away. After the Romilda Vane and Ron incident, he wasn't ready to accept Cauldron Cakes from girls – especially fangirls.
"It's… it's okay!" he stuttered nervously.
The screams were all pretty much a repeat of Anakin's fangirls. Except for other girls tried to offer him drinks and food.
"HARRY! MY CAULDRON CAKES ARE SOO MUCH BETTER!"
"SHUT UP! I OFFERED FIRST! TAKE MINE HARRY! TAKE IT!"
"HARRY! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM AFTER ROMILDA VANE! TAKE A DRINK! PUMPKIN JUICE!"
"IT WAS MY IDEA!"
"I HAD THE DRINKS FIRST! YOU STOLE MY IDEA!"
"I OFFERED FIRST DAMNIT!"
"I'M NOT ARGUING HARRY! SEE! I'M NICE. I HAVE THE BEST CAULDRON CAKES, SEE! FLUFFY, CHOCOLATY, AND SOFT! HAVE ONE! HAVE ONE!"
Harry was quite dismayed by their offerings. He suspsected there was all love potion in them. How was he supposed to fend them off? How could he ever get away? It was impossible! Romilda Vane had been one girl, now there was twenty! Plus he wasn't supposed to hurt them.
"And well look at that! Harry Potter seems to be running from all the fangirls!" the announcer cried, as Harry ran full speed around the stadium.
"Oh no! He just got tackled by the girls! Oh dear!"
Frodo meanwhile only had to deal with about six.
"I'm not popular," he muttered sadly.
The fangirls weren't nearly as obsessive as the Anakin or Harry ones. They simply sat, and stared at him with dreamy looks in their eyes.
"Hobbits are really cute," one said.
Frodo was a bit scared. This human was really tall. And he was a short little hobbit. If even these five attacked him, he would be helpless. So he sat and talked with them. Actually, they were quite nice.
Meanwhile, Anakin was still trying to breathe…
"Geroff! Wait! I have an idea! I shall give you – "
"GET OFF HIM! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!"
"OH ME, KILLING HIM WHAT ABOUT YOU?"
"SHUT UP HE'S TRYING TO SPEAK!"
The girls shushed.
"Okay, I shall give you all you want – if you will form an orderly line and do not claw on me," he said.
It worked. The girls formed an orderly line… er… maybe cut out orderly.
"YOU CUT ME GODDAMNIT!"
"NO I DIDN'T! STOP SHOVING ME!"
Finally, order was mantained. The first girl wanted –
"A LOCK OF HAIR!"
Anakin sighed and pulled out one of his curls.
"YOUR PADAWAN BRAID!"
"I can't! That's against the Jedi code!"
"Damn the frickin' Jedi code, I want your BRAID!"
"NO YOU BITCH! I WANT HIS BRAID!"
"You can't have my braid!"
"I WANT IT!"
"NO I WANT IT!"
Anakin had no choice, but to hand over his braid.
"I want your robe!"
"I want your spit!"
"I want your speeder!"
"I want your podracer!"
"I want your arm!"
"I want your metal arm!"
"I want your lightsabre!"
Anakin gasped. The lightsabre was too far behind the line. No – these fangirls were giving anything!
"NO! NOBODY IS TAKING ANYTHING FROM ME ANYMORE!"
"DOGPILE ON ANAKIN!"
Okay, this was too far. Anakin drew his lightsabre as the girls squealed in awe.
"OMG! I WANT THAT LIGHTSABER!"
"I DON'T WANT LIGHTSABRE – I NEED IT!"
"BITCH I ASKED FOR IT FIRST!"
Anakin screamed, as he drowned in the girls for the last time.
And Harry was still running was still running in circles…
Ash was sulking and crying.
"WHY AM I SO UNLOVED? WHY DOES THE WORLD IS HATE ME? I SAVED THEM FROM ZAPADOS, ARTICUNO, AND MOLTRES! IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU!"
"All right, fangirls get off. Get off! GET OFF THOSE POOR MEN!" the announcer screamed.
But the fangirls did not get off.
"Yes, yes, that's better, thank you Mr. Potter. Now, we shall be voting. Remember, judging is based on how well you handled the fangirls."
"Now the votes are in! We have first place… oh my gawd. Well folks, first place is Ash Ketchum, as he did not get any, therefore, he didn't have to handle it at all. Second place is Frodo Baggins, with five fangirls, who he simply talked to. Third is Harry Potter, who ran in circles. And then, Anakin Skywalker, who practically died under those girls.
Our next contest shall involve battle of the Chosen Ones's mentors!"
"Mentors?" the four said in unison.
Our heroes have had to deal with their share of obnoxious, obsessive fangirls! Ash has survived with none, Frodo has handled it very well, and Anakin just nearly died! Next is a mentor battle! Which mentor will prove that he is the best? Will it be Obi-Wan? Or will it be Dumbledore? Perhaps Gandalf? Maybe even Professor Oak? Stay tuned to find out!To be continued…
Scoutcraft Piratess: You are my favorite fanfiction author, and I am really pleased that you review my stories and laugh! Oh yes, I'm also happy that a stranger loved it! Whee! Thanks for all the reviews!
Brilover: Yes, it was supposed to be Harry. I do make some mistakes. As for the Unforgivable Curse, I thought it would be funny of the Ministry of Magic died. So I stuck that in. I love making people laugh though!
Amber Penglass: Unfortunately for myself, I have never really watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, if that is what you are talking about. Therefore, I could not put much about it in here. Sorry!
Gamer619: Yes yes, I'm sure we all have favorites to win. We'll just have to see about that won't we:)
CoolJude: Well we can't have Anakin winning all the contests now, can we? xD I'm really happy that people find this funny, I was afraid it would seem more idiotic than funny, so yeah.
Donatella: Uh… yeah.
AcidicParanoia: I dunno, maybe I just want to make Ash feel miserable so I killed Squirtle and Charizard. xD It was on a whim. It must seem weird to laugh at the computer for 10 minutes though. And here is your fangurl attack!
Blackness Angel: Yay! The bestest! xD That's a word that usually most people chide me for using.