Title: Eclipse (Part 1 of 3)
Pairing/Character: Logan, Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 3231
Rating: R+ (some sexin' and swearin')
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-finale. Spoils the murderer. AU from the premiere.
Summary: Things in parentheses should (not) be ignored. Or, the (crazy) things people do for love.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the wonderful Rob Thomas, without whom there would (sadly) be no Veronica Mars. Transitional lyrics from "Break Myself" by Something Corporate.
Notes: Thanks to Laura and Ashley for their beta help!
PART ONE – Safety
/ the layered sadness and the madness it revolves /
"I was hoping it would be you."
"While those words do make my heart grow warm, I know you're just lookin' for the jackass without a clue."
"You found him?"
"Yeah, we found him, V. Found him using the Coronado as a tightrope."
"He's okay, right?"
"Brought 'im along. Figured if he was worth finding, you'd wanna see him."
Veronica's small frame enters Logan's line of vision. She approaches him swiftly, running her fingers over his body, as if she needs to ensure that he truly is all in one piece.
He has to admit that he's a bit taken aback by the recent turn of events. When Weevil had first forced him into his X-Terra, he'd figured that the aim was to dispose of his soon-to-be-mangled body in a more hidden location.
But when he saw the path Weevil was taking, he knew he was heading to the apartment of one Veronica Mars. By that point, he figured she'd thought of another crime to wrongfully accuse him of without evidence or reason.
Stealing cigarettes from the Sak'n'Pak? Sure!
Swiping answers for the upcoming finals? Of course!
Killing JFK? He may not have been born at that point, but why the hell not?
But now, now she is standing right before him, touching him willingly, and looking at him happily. This is the same girl that had turned him into the fucking police, that had honestly believed (first) that he'd raped her and (second) that he'd killed his ex-girlfriend.
Of course, he knows by now that Veronica Mars is nothing if not emotionally complex and complicated. He doesn't have a clue as to why she wants to see him, why she wants him with her at her apartment.
He does know, however, that even after all the things she did and said to him and about him, he's putty in her hands, hers to do with as she pleases.
"Thanks, Weevil," she says, pulling her gaze from his own. "Did you … tell him yet?"
"Hell no. Didn't want him to get the idea that jumping from a speeding vehicle was a good idea, ya know? He's all yours now."
She nods in acceptance, and he wonders what just happened. He watches the biker turn and head towards the stairs as Veronica simultaneously pulls back and reaches for his hand. What were they talking about? Tell him what?
"Come inside," Veronica urges, leading him into her apartment. "I have something that I need to tell you."
/ soon i won't feel at all, no /
"My father?" The words slip past his lips without conscious effort on his part, as he leans back against the nearby wall.
When he thinks about it though, it fits. He has already done everything he could to fuck up Logan's life – molding his violent personality, driving his mother to suicide. Now fucking and killing his (ex) girlfriend just completes the vicious circle.
"I'm sorry, Logan."
He sees Veronica nibbling her lip uncomfortably, as if she's worried about what he'll say or do in response to the not-so-good-news. And he knows, also, that she's apologizing for more than just being the one to tell him the truth about Lilly's murder.
She's also sorry for turning him over to the cops, for not talking to him about her suspicions, for not trusting him.
"It's okay," he reassures her, reaching out to touch her shoulder comfortingly. "Now that we know what happened, so we can move past it."
Headlights from a passing car illuminate Veronica's face for a split-second. It's hardly enough time to get a good look at the features he's come to know so well over the past few weeks. But it's more than enough time for him to notice the purpling of a bruise below her left eye.
"Veronica," Logan whispers as he reaches out to trace the injury gently. "What did he do to you?"
She looks up at him, and he can see that she doesn't know how to say the words, the words that he knows all too well.
Your father. He hit me. He hurt me. I was scared. Alone.
Sometimes the words that cannot be voiced hurt more than those that are actually said aloud.
"It's okay, Logan. I'm okay, really. I was so scared; I was, but not just about me. I worried about you and how you'd react. But I'm okay, and you're okay. And that's all that matters, right?"
With a short nod of approval, he realizes how right she is. They're both okay, they're together now – and that is all that matters.
He pulls her small frame closer and seeks out her lips with his own. Her kiss is minty-fresh, unlike most of the other kisses they'd shared. However, the honeyed taste that is distinctly Veronica Mars is still there, reassuring him that while some things might change, others still stayed constant.
Her arms are wrapping around his back, staking her claim on him. His hands are constantly in motion, removing her hair tie, dancing in circles along her arms, playing with the soft skin of her stomach. After a night that has been filled primarily with thoughts of death and impending doom, he wants to be surrounded by a vibrant display of life and love.
Logan may not know much about what – exactly – is going on between him and Veronica, but he knows that if nothing else, what they have is a dazzling emotional display of fireworks and explosions, of love and hate, of forgiveness and need.
He needs this tonight, needs her. He needs to feel alive again, to know that he is loved. Whatever Veronica can give him, whatever she's willing to give him, he'll take.
He's needy, and he's broken. She's his salvation, his water in the desert.
She deserves so much better than his fucked-up self. He's sure she knows it too. He wants to step back, move away, and allow her to save herself. But then she tugs him closer, tighter, and he can't bring himself to push her away.
He needs her because he's weak, and it's that same weakness that leaves him without the strength to push her away.
/ i'm on fire and the day is feeling hopeless /
Logan sees now that time passes, not in seconds like he once believed, but rather in moments. And these moments shape his outlook on his day, his future, his life.
As Veronica attempts to remove his tee-shirt without separating her lips from his own (a near impossibility, he knows), he's certain that moments like these are what makes life worth living.
With a teasing sigh of annoyance, Logan pulls back and quickly discards the garment on her kitchen floor. The shirt had hardly cleared his head when Veronica's lips are urgently seeking out his own once more, and she's pushing her body tight against his, moving against him in a way that makes her desires clear.
She wants him now, here. There's no doubt in his mind of her intentions, but at the same time, he doesn't want to fuck Veronica Mars up against her apartment door.
Without a second thought, Logan lifts her tiny feet off the ground, and she instinctively wraps her legs around his waist. She's kissing his face and nibbling on his ear, as he's trying to find her bedroom. He thinks that it shouldn't be too difficult since her apartment only has two bedrooms, but with each kiss, each giggle, and each sigh that escape her lips, he's tempted to just fuck her in the hallway.
Then he spies her bedroom, and heads towards it with a definite purpose. He seats himself on her bed, with Veronica still wrapped tightly around his torso, and lets out a gasp of shock when the waterbed doesn't support his weight as he expected.
She expels a breathy giggle in response, and he can't help but look at her in awe. Ever since Lilly died, Veronica was always ready with a sardonic smirk or a mocking laugh. He'd never expected to hear her giggle so innocently, not even after she solved the case that had driven her for so long.
He growls at her playfully, evoking another giggle.
"Are you laughing at me?" he asks, in a tone of voice that's meant to sound menacing. By the smirk that's playing on her features, he knows that he failed miserably. But at the same time, she looks so happy that he hardly cares that she's seeing right through his attempt at intimidation.
"Now, Logan, honey, I would never laugh at you," she tells him a moment later. She's lost her smirk and is staring up at him innocently, as if he could ever fall for that act. He knows her far too well to believe that anything she says in that saccharine sweet tone of voice.
"Liar," he hisses, as he begins to lay soft kisses along the curve of her neck. His hands slowly trace down her sides to finger the bottom of her tank top, before slipping underneath to tease the soft skin of her belly.
It isn't long before she's helping him toss his khakis in the direction of her now-removed tank top. She's shimmying out of her shorts, and he can't believe that this is real, that the night from hell could possibly end like this.
But then her hands are at the back of his neck, pulling him closer, wanting his naked form fully beside hers. And at this point, his mind is short-circuiting, and his hormones are attempting to take control of the situation. The situation is nothing new – a naked girl beneath him, carnal intentions in his mind, and great sex in the foreseeable future.
But something about this is different because she isn't just some random girl that he can fuck if he needs to get laid. This is Veronica Mars, and that's enough for him to want to make this more than just another one night stand.
"You know I love you, right?"
He knows that she doesn't care about the hearts and the flowers, that she values honesty above all the pretty and sentimental shit that is often associated with relationships – or whatever the fuck it is that they share. And while he didn't mean to say the words to her now (or possibly ever) he knows that they're true.
"Shut up and fuck me," she whispers hoarsely, in a voice that causes him to surrender full control of the situation to the horny teenage boy inside him.
She's kissing his neck and laying kisses along his collarbone, as he struggles with the foil packet. He wants this, hell yes, he wants her. But he knows that getting her pregnant is probably the quickest way to find her father holding a shotgun in his face.
And then, finally, he's ready and she's waiting, and she lets out an audible gasp as he enters her. Her lips are pursed, and her eyes are squeezed shut in concentration. He pulls out slowly, and she groans slightly, a smile stretching across her features.
In and out. Up and down.
Gently, carefully, lovingly. Kisses on foreheads, hands in hair. Muttered phrases, whispered words.
Quickly, desperately, recklessly. Lips grazing over skin, hands grasping frantically for purchase. Involuntary responses, muffled groans.
/ you've got no shelter, i'm a thousand miles away /
Unexpectedly, Logan finds himself in a reality that he never could have predicted. He acknowledges that it's one he knows he doesn't deserve, as he and Veronica run and laugh and play together up and down the beach.
"You can't catch me!" she calls out to him with a playful giggle, before she dashes off down the otherwise vacant strip of sand.
He runs to catch up with her, but she's continuously out of reach as she eludes his outstretched arms and evades his sudden lunges. But then he finally manages to put his arms around her, and he pulls her close, pressing her tight against his body.
"I caught you," he whispers in her ear, gently caressing her face.
She nods her head slightly, as he leans in for a kiss. It's a scorching kiss, provoking a burning heat like none other. His hands roam her body, and he's desperate to feel her flush against him.
As he's a slave to his desires, Logan pulls her closer, only to hear a groan escape her mouth. He slips his fingers under her tank top and feels the temperature of her skin increase exponentially, growing hotter and hotter with each passing second until he is forced to step away and relinquish his hold on her.
"Logan," she moans painfully, and he reaches out an arm in support. Before he can reach her, however, he sees flames lick at the hem of her shorts and then proceed to envelope her entire body in a column of flame.
"It's your fault," her father informs him, appearing from the smoke that obscures Veronica.
"You were supposed to protect her," Wallace accuses, materializing on the other side of the column of fire.
"I didn't save your ass off that bridge so you could get her killed," Weevil states, walking towards him with his arms crossed over his chest.
"If you had just let her go, accepted that you didn't deserve her, none of this would have happened," Duncan charges.
"They're right, son," Aaron agrees. "This is all your fault."
The unexpected turn of events cause a dazed Logan to move backwards, away from his accusers.
"No, no, it's not true. It's not. I – I love her. I couldn't hurt her," he mutters, stumbling every few steps.
"It's your fault that she's hurt," one voice states.
"It's your fault that she almost died tonight," another exposits.
"It's your fault that Lilly died," someone else adds.
"Logan, it's all your fault," the voices condemn him in unison.
/ the further that i crawl, the farther that i fall /
Logan wakes up with a start, with the voices from his dream still haunting him. He's breathing heavily, and his heartbeat is echoing in his ears, as he tries to remember where he is.
Then he sees the petite blonde snuggling blissfully in his arms, and everything comes back to him.
He slept with Veronica. He'd loved it, loved her even, maybe. He had been as surprised as she had been when the L-word escaped his lips the night before. Still, that didn't change the sincerity that was behind them.
During their post-coital cuddling, she had felt safe enough to tell him what his father had done. Of course, killing his son's first (serious) girlfriend wasn't enough for the infamous Aaron Echolls. No, he had to try to cook up his newest girlfriend (or friend, or infatuation, or love, or … ) and add in her father for a side dish.
It was his fault. All of it. If she hadn't wanted to prove his innocence, she wouldn't have gone to the Kanes. If she hadn't crashed the party, she would never have found the tapes that made his dangerous father want her dead.
He loves her enough to want to protect her, to keep her safe. But it seems as if his love for her (and hers for him) is to blame for her latest brush with death.
The only other two women that he'd ever loved in any capacity – his mother and Lilly – both died within the last eighteen months. And now Aaron was almost able to complete the trifecta with Veronica.
Did Lilly and his mother die because he didn't love them enough? Or did they die simply because he loved them at all?
Regardless, he couldn't – wouldn't take the risk. Not again, not with Veronica. He may not know much, but he knows that he loves her to want to protect her at any cost. If that means that he has to give her up, he'll find a way to walk away from her and the only true happiness he's known over the past year.
With his decision made, Logan gets out of her tiny twin bed and reaches for his discarded clothing.
Hearing Veronica's sleep voice calling out his name weakens his resolve. How can he give her up, really? He can protect her and be with her at the same time. He'll find a way to make it work, if it means that he doesn't have to give her up.
Then she shifts in the bed, showing off the blossoming bruise by her eye. Then he remembers why he's doing this. It's for her, all for her sake, for her safety.
"What?" he asks, forcing himself to inject an annoyed tone into his monosyllabic reply.
"Where are you going? Why don't you come back to bed? It's nice and warm," she suggests with a seductive glint in her eyes.
"I've got somewhere I've gotta be."
"This early in the morning? It's not even six yet, Logan. No one will even be awake," she says uncertainly, confusion clouding her delicate features.
"Whatever," he responds, buckling his belt.
"Why are you running away? What are you so afraid of?" she finally asks, as he reaches for the doorknob.
He fights the urge to tell her everything, to let her make it all okay again. But he knows that this is a burden that he has to bear on his own.
"Nothing. I got what I came for, so why should I stay?"
"What are you saying? That everything you said over the last few months, everything you told me last night – it was all just to get me into bed?"
"Uh, pretty much. Yeah," he confirms with a nod as he feels his insides congeal with the bald-faced lie.
"You're lying," she asserts tentatively. "You meant what you said last night, that you love me. What are you running from, Logan? Don't you realize that you deserve to be happy too?"
She's wrong, he knows it. He can't be happy – good times never seem to last for him. There isn't a happily ever after in his future, but maybe if she can get away from him, she can find one for herself.
"Sure, I was happy last night, Veronica. It was great to finally get what I've been after for months. Some of the guys didn't think I could do it, but, well, mission accomplished," he informs her with a conceited smirk. "So, thanks, Veronica. You just won me $500."
With that, he turns on his heel and walks out the door, unable to bear the broken look on her face any longer. He hurt her with her lies, and a part of him wants desperately to go back to her to apologize, to explain.
He knows, however, that the heartbreak she feels now is a small price to pay if it will ensure her safety.
With the slam of the door behind him, he knows that it's all over. He's just eliminated any chance he might have had at having her in his life.
"For whatever it's worth, Veronica," he whispers to the soft breeze wafting around him, "I really do love you."
/ i'm willing to break myself to shake this hell from everything i touch /
A/N - The last two parts are written and will be posted within the next few days. All feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Thanks!