Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but please don't sue me because I have no money.

For C, who always made me laugh.

Things Fred and George Weasley are No Longer Allowed To Do At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

(According to Hagrid)

Not allowed to put Blast-Ended Skrewts in the Slytherin common room. Or in the Great Hall. Or in Percy's room.

Not allowed to feed Fang Canary Creams.

Not allowed to put Canary Creams in Hagrid's lunch.

Not allowed in the Forbidden Forest. Even if we did see an injured Unicorn.

Not allowed to ride the Hippogriffs.

Centaurs do not appreciate being ridden and we should not attempt this. Centaurs do not appreciate being ridden and we should not tell the first years that they do. Or any of the other years.

Replacing Hagrid's Flesh Eating Slug Repellant with Skele-Gro is not aiding the environment.

Not allowed to borrow Nifflers. Or Flobberworms. What did we even want Flobberworms for? No idea.

Under no circumstances will Hagrid introduce to us to an Acromantula. Neither will Harry. Or Ron.

Not allowed to try and find the Acromantula nest in the Forest so we can introduce ourselves.

Not allowed to teach Grawp swear words.

Not allowed to teach Grawp to insult anyone wearing green.

Not allowed within fifty feet of Grawp. I had no idea giants had such good hearing. Me either – did you hear what he called Nott?

Not allowed to set off fireworks in the middle of the third year Care of Magical Creatures class just to see the third years run around trying to catch anything that might escape. Or any of the other year's classes. We didn't! No, but he could see us thinking it.

We solemnly swear that we will never again feed the giant squid anything that could have even the remotest possibility of containing sugar. We do?

Hagrid does not wish to purchase any of our products. Setting them off in his house will not change this.

If we dare any more students to go skinny dipping in the lake Hagrid will drop us both in it. Literally, into the lake.

Not allowed to spike Hagrid's goblet with Firewhisky. Four detentions! It's not like we poisoned him! He told Mcgonagall he loved her. Worth every second.

At no point in time will we acquire Hagrid another dragon. If we do acquire Hagrid another dragon, he will train it to eat us.