A/N: Bellerophon wanted to do a collaboration with me and, since he can't be bothered to get an author account and I'm stuck for ideas for my second chapter of Wolfshead (people, please read and review, give me ideas!!!) here this is! Warning: This is mild slash, anyone offended by such material hit your back button now! All who stay to read, please r/r.

Disclaimer: Not mine, or Bel's. JK Rowling owns everything you recognise.

The face in the mirror stares back, just as confounded as I. Why? The question keeps running through my head. Why, why, why! I feel...I don't know what I feel. I really don't. It's all too confusing. Damn hormones! Damn teenage life! Damn it all. My mother's often said this, and this time I agree with her: why can't we be born at twenty. Why go through the torture of adolescence, with all it's confusing changes and moods and emotions. Why me? Just tell me that. Why me? Why can't I be normal? Why do I have to be like this? Why does it have to be bloody me! Me, a pure-blood wizard, coming from a wealthy, respected family, admired by my colleagues and my father's colleagues. I have everything anyone could wish for. So why me?

I suppose I'd better say what it is that's so awful. I found ... someone ... attractive. And that particular someone is...a guy. We were sat in Potions, I caught a glimpse of him, and thought, 'wow, he's sexy'. I don't know where the thought came from. I don't know why I thought it. I just did. And I found myself dwelling on his beauty; those gorgeous, deep eyes, that slim, athletic body.

And now I'm sat here, alone, confused, not knowing what to do and who to talk to. I can't talk to my friends, they're not even friends anyway, just mere acquaintances introduced to me by my father. They're mean-spirited, live only to make fun of those they feel to be inferior to them, or at least, inferior to me. I can't talk to them about the fact that I'm homosexual.

Homosexual. The very word wants to make me shiver. Me, a homosexual. I'm gay? I can't be! I scream to myself. I just can't be, can't be gay! I'm a bloody Malfoy! I just *can't* be gay! Homosexuals...they're evil, aren't they? Immoral. Inhuman even. People to be feared. I know it sounds like I'm describing the Death Eaters, but this is what my father has been telling me. I don't know any different, I only know what I've been told. My father says homosexuals are barbarous, appalling, gruesome, beings in the guise of humans, that they are unnatural, hideous, and should be shot on sight. And
I've grown up believing that. And now I am one.
It's strange. I don't feel any different. Just the same as always. The same me. But part of me, a very large part of me, is disgusted with myself. I just want to crawl away and die, before anyone finds out. It's barbaric, I tell myself, it's gruesome, homosexuals are evil perverts and spread all sorts of vile diseases, and corruption, and they're inhuman, aren't they?

Aren't they?

I'm not. I'm still me.

I'm not barbaric and gruesome and inhuman. Some people, like Weasley, would disagree with me there, but I'm not. I'm just me. The same old me I was yesterday.

Only now I'm confused. And lonely. And....scared. I admit, I'm scared.
Maybe I'm overreacting. It was just one little thought, that's it, I'm overreacting. I am Draco Malfoy, and I am not gay.

With that thought, I am ready to face the world. I think.


We have Potions first. That means I will see *him*. No, calm down, Draco, I am not gay, I do not fancy him. Think of Pansy. I'm betrothed to Pansy. The thing is, it might just be the thought of being married to...to *that*, but I don't find the idea of a woman, much less Pansy, appealing at all. I see *him* approaching the classroom. My heart gives a leap. No, no! Stop! I am not gay, I am not gay, I am not gay....repeating that to myself, I walk in, preparing myself for getting through the lesson.

*************************

This is crazy. Absolute madness. This has been going on for a month now and shows no sign of letting up. Every time I see *him*, I want him. I desire him. It's mad. I can't be gay, I'm only sixteen! So why do I want to be with him, to touch him, to kiss him?! Why? I can't face the thought of dinner in the Great Hall. I'm going outside. Crabbe and Goyle will be easy to shake off. Neither of them can move in any direction other than the towards the Great Hall with the thought of food to lead them. All they ever think about is their bellies. So I'll go outside. There's a nice spot by the lake where I sometimes come to sit and think, and sketch. I'll go there. I'll sketch. Art always takes my mind off things.

I was so absorbed in my work that I didn't hear them approaching. I was drawing a picture of *him*. And the tears had started falling halfway through my drawing, smudging it. The last month finally caught up with me, the feelings of frustration and confusion and anger. And then I heard them approaching. Weasley and Granger and... *him*. No time to hide. So I just sat there, the tears still cascading down my face, my smudged drawing half finished. And they drew near, and Weasley, with all his usual charm, tact and grace, yelled
"What the hell are you doing here, Malfoy!"

I stared at them for a moment, unable to think of anything to say. My usual repertoire of witty insults had deserted me. And I was scared, scared of the effect Harry was having on me. Finally I managed a weak "Fuck off, Weasley." But he just stood staring at me, then grinned.

"What's this? The great Draco Malfoy, crying? Actually showing some emotion other than cold-blooded arrogance?" I shrugged. "What's that you're drawing, anyway?"
"None of your bloody business," I snapped, turning away and stalking off. I was shaking as I turned the corner. The feelings that had surged through me when *he* was there were frightening me. I can't be gay, I keep telling myself that. But it's getting a lot harder to convince myself. Especially when I have to see Harry every day, in Care of Magical Creatures and Potion. This is getting stupid. I need to talk to someone. I'll be the first to admit that I've changed; I've become more moody and introverted. The other Slytherins have noticed the change, and many of them are starting to avoid me. Even Crabbe and Goyle have started to leave me alone in the evenings. I can't tell them anything, I just can't. And I can't tell my dad, that would be like introducing yourself to Hitler and saying "Hello, I'm a Jew." But I need to talk to someone, I'm going crazy.

Snape. I'm his favourite student, he'll listen to
me, he'll understand. I'll go and see him tonight, after dinner.

A/N: (by Bel) : So, what does Snapey say? Will Dra accept his situation? And what ice cream shall I treat myself to??? Please r/r and tell us what you thought. We love you.