Okage Densetsu – The Underachieving Sequel

Chapter 2 – And So We Shall Go

"Well now, Raphiel, have you the ham?"

The large Cyclops somehow produced a plump ham, even though his kilt had no pockets. His long, rabbit-like ears (with fringes at the end for added flair) bobbed slightly in the wind, as he blinked his blue eye. Could he smile, he would have. "Yes, mother! It is as tender and fresh as the day we picked it up!"

"Very good, then we shall depart in a minute." Michelle smirked, "The little princess and her boyfriend will barely know what came for dinner."

"Brilliant, mother! You have the best plans!"

"Yes I do!" She shouted, "God, I turn myself on sometimes!"

Several people in the street looked up at this remark.

"NOW! Let us take our leave!" She reached up and took ahold of one of Raphiel's horns, then swung herself up onto his shoulders. Shifting, she got into a comfortable position and pointed, "To Tenel, with the speed of the devil!"

"Right!" Raphiel shot off, large feet pounding against the cobblestone path. They rushed past distorted buildings, and townspeople, Michelle's hair rippling in the wind. As they traveled, she indicated the direction to go by thrusting her arm out. Shooting out the front gates (now open to all, standing wide) they entered deep snow.

Flakes glimmered as they fell down, the cold ocean roaring beside them. Pospos field, overlooked by the Momijiian mountains, was a beautiful place to visit (if one dressed correctly.) Passing a row of snowmen, they ignored the hot springs that billowed forth steam. Ducking into a tunnel, the two passed onto the other side of the kingdom.

Emerging in green fields, Michelle pointed north, at the town of Madril. Behind them, upon the lake, Rashelo bathed in the morning sun. Across the streams, they reached the gates of Madril. As Raphiel skid to a halt, Michelle hopped off, and then took him by the ear. Before them stood two huge gears that acted as the gate- tapping it twice, the gears spun until a doorway was revealed. She gently pulled Raphiel in as the gates spun shut.

"What a bizarre place, mother. It smells worse than Triste."

"Wait until we go down. Now hold still, mother needs to find someone to speak with." She slowly approached a man with white hair, resting a hand on her hip. "Salutations."

"Hello ma'am," He smiled, "Can I help you?"

"Beyond here is Tenel Woods, am I correct?"

"Yes indeedy! Visiting the countryside, eh? You a tourist? I don't think I've ever seen you before."

"No, you haven't, because I despise the living. Come, Raphiel!" She waved him over, "We have confirmed our destination!"

"Wow, mother!"

"W-woah," The man stared up at Raphiel, who towered over him, staring at the man with his unending stare, "W-w-who is this?"

"My son, you daft man," She hissed, "Can't you see the resemblance?"

"Oh," he gulped, "Of course! Haha, what a c-cutie..."

"RIGHT!" She shouted, causing everyone around to jump, "Let us be off! Thank you for your assistance, sir. Your death will be painless and quick."

Trembling, he watched the two walk off for the elevator. "That… that woman doesn't have…"

Down the elevator (Raphiel had to wedge in, looking uncomfortable, giving Michelle a lot of girth) they went, and as soon as they came to a stop, the two began for the front gates. The people's voices down here were drowned out by the sound of massive gears turning. Not making a noise, the two left the town as quickly as they had entered, and again Michelle hopped upon Raphiel.

Charging forth, they soon reached Tenel woods (a pretty place, good for camping, but a bit too bumpkin for Michelle's taste) whereupon she leapt off again. Inhaling deeply, she let out a sigh.

"Smells like pine."

"Really?" Raphiel sniffed. "Wow."

"Disgusting. Remind mother to burn the trees." She pulled a map from her pocket, unfolding it, then put on a pair of small glasses that balanced on her nose, "My map indicates the house should be up that winding path. Now do you remember the rules?"

"Be quiet…"

"Yes, and?"

"Be sweet…"

"And finally…"

"Don't step on the hosts."

"That's a good boy. TO THE FRONT DOOR!"

Knock knock! Michelle's fist hit the door soundly. From upstairs, a thin, lanky girl came down quickly and ran to the door, then threw it open. Her blonde hair was pulled into ponytails on either side of her head, and she was dressed to be spunky. Clearly, she was expecting someone else because her smile instantly disappeared.

"Can I help you?" The girl asked flatly.

"Yes, is this…" Michelle put her glasses on and scanned some words on a piece of paper, "Annie, the little sister, who I am speaking to?"

"Uhm. Yeah."

There was silence.

"…Now then, is there an…" She scanned the paper again, "Ari, oldest child around?"

"No."

More silence.

"Where could this… Ari be found?"

"Not here."

Silence.

"What in the HELL is wrong with your shadow?" Michelle suddenly shouted, pointing at Annie's shadow. It was a VERY bright pink, nearly blinding the woman.

"What? Oh hey, you noticed!" She giggled, "Isn't it awesome? That crazy Stan guy screwed up on fixing me, but I got used to it. But hey…"

Annie stepped out, staring at the ground around Michelle. She made a circle around her, "…Where's yours?"

"THAT'S IT!" This seemed to enrage the shadowless female, "Raphiel, BRING OUT THE HAT!"

"YAY!" He produced a tophat, "Corporal punishment time!"

"What?" Annie blinked.

"You have offended me and must be punished! You shall reach in and draw a slip of paper, and that will be your punishment. NOW DRAW!" The hat was taken by Michelle and thrust at the girl. Slowly, Annie reached in, pulled out a piece of paper, and read it.

"…Paperclip punishment?"

"RIGHT! Produce the paperclip!" Michelle took it from Raphiel, and suddenly grabbed Annie's tongue. Within a second, she slipped the paperclip on, length-wise, then let go.

"HEY!"

"Now then! That paperclip will not move for three days, whereupon it will fall out, but no sooner! This is limited in certain areas, please check the guidelines for details."

"Wath de?" Annie yelped, trying to pull it off, "Wath de heck ith thith crap?"

"We are departing now, rude child! Hmph!" Michelle turned up her nose, and then climbed atop Raphiel, and the two left the bewildered girl. Annie, after trying to remove the paperclip without avail, soon ran inside and did the only thing she could do- cry to her mother.

"So he's no longer there… Dammit! I bet he and that prissy female moved." Michelle was sitting in the Madril café, angry as a hornet. She was stirring a cup of tea, while Raphiel, in front of her, was busily devouring a pancake (how he did this was relatively unknown, since the author states he hasn't a visible mouth) and sighing for his mother.

"We will have to get information by some other means."

"Mother, did he not have companions?"

"…YES! I remember now!" She dug around in her pocket, and pulled out a small, faded card. On the front, it read 'Violectric', a premiere club in upper Madril. Turning it around, Michelle smirked. In pink letters, it read, 'To Ari-wariy; come visit your Linda!'

"We will… be taking a hostage, Raphiel. This way, the name of Michelle Ruby-Umi Tangerine will be spread!"

"Brilliance!"

"Come, let us find this Linda woman! At least, I assume that's what it is."

"Yes, mother!" He got up, then helped his mother from a seat, and the two left, Michelle's tea steaming in silence. Heading outside, they traveled back to the elevator, just as another person was to enter.

"Excuse me." Michelle paused, staring at the young girl. The girl looked up at Raphiel, and then screamed, taking off. "Well, if she doesn't want to share, so be it!"

"She was merely astounded by your power, Mother!"

"You think so?" The two stepped in, and Michelle pulled the lever as the platform lurched upwards, and then smoothly rose. "Ah, yes, I should know you never lie!"

Reaching the top, the two stepped out. "RIGHT! Time to find this Linda person!"

"Yes, mother!" Raphiel, holding Michelle's hand, scanned the buildings and then led her to a tall building. A purple neon sign in front of it read 'Violectric', but the sign in the window read 'closed'. "Here. The door seems to be locked."

"Forcefully allow us entry, dear."

He kicked the door open, and then allowed Michelle entry. Quietly, they paused in the hallway and heard soft singing. Michelle made a 'follow me' gesture, and the two began sneaking down the hallway for the dressing rooms.

"La la, la la," The bright voice echoed as the figure before the vanity smiled brightly. "Nobody's more hot than me…"

Michelle paused by the door, then indicated Raphiel should wait.

"La la, la la, ask anybody and see!" Linda blinked as the door was knocked upon. "Uh, who is it?"

"Pizza man."

"I didn't order a pizza, but a man would be nice." Linda giggled, "Come in, the door is open!"

Michelle suddenly swung the door open. Linda let out a resounding 'Eeek!' as she suddenly began shuffling things on the vanity. Michelle's eyebrow rose as she noticed the young singer was putting figurines back into order. "Uhm."

"I WAS JUST LOOKING AT THEM!" She yelped.

"Right."

"Oooh… Linda's never seen you before."

"But you will be seeing me for a long time!" Michelle shot forward and grabbed the girl by her blouse, "You, the singer Linda, will be my hostage!"

Linda blinked, "Oh no, did I say Linda? That's not me."

"What?"

"I am the artist formerly KNOWN as Linda!" She giggled.

"…Uh…huh."

"So no kidnapping me, kay? I'm not Linda, so you can't kidnap me, since you said Linda the singer and-"

"BE QUIET!"

"Okay."

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Just a pinch."

"I'll pinch you…"

"That'd be spanky!"

"NO!" Raphiel crashed through the wall, "No spanking mother!"

"Woah, double the trouble, Linda's in deep poopy."

"INDEED. Now if you don't behave, Raphiel here will use you as a sweat rag."

Linda screamed. "ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"Then tell me where Ari is!"

"… well…"

"And that's how we all became friends!" Linda giggled, smiling.

"I don't want to know your life story, dammit!" Michelle groaned. Raphiel had Linda held tightly, her feet dangling in the air. "Tell me where he is!"

"Oh. Right. He's in Chantal with that prick." She giggled, "And the cutie, Rin!"

"I knew it…" Michelle growled, pacing, "If they were separate, it would be easier…"

"What would?"

"Killing them!"

"Oh." Linda giggled, "That's not very nice."

"You betray your horns!"

"What? How dare you!" Linda frowned, "My blue and green horns are perfect just like Linda!"

"Then you'll follow your true demonic nature and HELP ME!"

Linda frowned. "Okay. Fine. But if somebody gets sued it's gonna be you."

"I am prepared. NOW! We shall depart for Chantal, but first… we need to call upon my guardian…"

"Whee! Totally spanky!"

"NO SPANKING MOTHER!"

Linda's shrill giggles echoed down the hall as Michelle's headache swelled.