I do not own "Lost" or the characters except for my OC's, Lost belongs to ABC, and J.J. Abrams. I also do not own "Must have been Love" by Roxette.
This story is being continued from Part 1 of Outlaws and Their Girl, this is part two
Chapter 1- Losing You
Sawyer couldn't move. He was frozen in fear, and regret. If only he had kept his eyes on the road.
Kate ran over to the man on the ground. Her hands shook violently as she lowered herself down. She struggled to fight the sobs that tried to escape her mouth every time she tried to touch the man. She couldn't because she was too scared. Tears slid down the side of her face, as she looked back at his bloody face. Tire marks were indented on his police uniform, and he was struggling on the ground. As blood spilled from his wounds, he slowly opened his eyes.
Kate stared back at him frantically. "It's going to be okay,"
Sawyer reached in his pocket. He needed a cigarette. He cussed loudly when he didn't find any. "Not now, not now!" He stalked over to the driver's door, and then frantically looked around for a pack of cigarettes.
"He's hurt Sawyer!" Kate screamed.
Sawyer tuned her out. This wasn't happening, it was just some bad dream. He would wake up, and that man wouldn't be on the floor twisted and contorted in an unnatural position with his blood spilling like water.
The man's eyes slowly closed.
Kate grabbed onto his sleeves, "Just hold on, we'll get you help," She stared back at the young African-American male with tears of regret, and pain. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,"
He started to cough up blood.
Kate placed her shaking hand to her mouth, and then started to fall apart. She couldn't take it, he was dying in front of her, they had to save him. He was innocent, he had nothing to do with their situation. He was innocent, and he was dying because they had hit him. She couldn't let him die, she just couldn't.
Kate got up.
"Please…don't…" He coughed up some more blood.
"Oh God, Sawyer, help me!" Kate screamed.
Sawyer flicked the lighter, but the flame wouldn't come. He tried again, but his hands were shaking too much. All he could see was that man…coughing up all that blood. After the lighter failed him for the third time, he hurled it out into the cold night air. Sawyer then placed his hands against the dashboard of the trunk, and then placed down his head. His eyes blinked rapidly as he felt the tears starting to stream down. Kate was screaming for his help, but he couldn't go to her. He couldn't move, or watch as that innocent man died in Kate's arms.
"Sawyer, help me!" Kate screamed. The man's blood now stained Taylor's beautiful dress. She got up, and the tried to reach for the man's arms, but her hands were shaking so badly, and he weighed more than her. Kate fell to the ground scraping her knees. The least they could do was drop him in front of a hospital. Her stomach, and her mind was heavy with remorse, and gut wrenching pain. What if this man died? What if he had a family? Kids, a wife!
Kate forced herself up. She wasn't going to let this man die. They had hit him, she couldn't just leave him on the road like some deer. Even though every muscle in her body burned from the exhausting physical labor of caring this man she kept on going.
"I…I…just…it hurts," He moaned painfully.
"I'm going to get you help, it's going to be okay," Kate said as reassuringly as she could muster even though she was in a state of hysterics.
The man started to struggle.
"I'm trying to help you, please don't fight me!" Kate screamed.
He wasn't struggling, but instead he was going into shock. His body started to convulse violently as Kate tried to lead him towards the truck. His eyes rolled back in his head, and then his mouth dropped open.
Sawyer looked up. He saw the man convulsing, and dying in Kate's arms. And then he saw her, blood staining her dress, and tears spilling down her cheeks like she had been the one that had killed him. Sawyer's eyebrows lowered over his eyes, and then he walked over to Kate. "Let him go,"
"What!" Kate screamed.
"I killed him, not…"
"He's not dead, we can still take him to the hospital and…."
The man's arms started to swing around wildly. Sawyer ran over and tried to steady the man in his arms, as Kate helped out as well.
"What's happening, what…"
"Hold on," Sawyer yelled to the man. "Hold on!"
Kate didn't even have time to notice the sudden change in Sawyer.
"Keep him still," Sawyer ordered.
"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Kate screamed helplessly.
The man opened his mouth as he struggled, "I…I…was all she had left…she doesn't have…" More blood came up.
Kate mouth's dropped open and then she started to cry harder. Her stomach heaved with every sob that escaped her throat.
"She doesn't have…." His eyes closed, and then his body grew rigid. "She doesn't have no one no more,"
Sawyer looked back at Kate with an empty expression stretched across his face. "He's dead,"
Kate closed her eyes and breathed in the cold air as she wrapped her arms around her body. "He had a family out there."
"He's dead now." Sawyer stood up. He walked away, with his back to Kate. "We have to go."
Kate still sat on the ground, glancing back at the body as if he would wake up. Jack wouldn't just give up, he wouldn't leave this man on the side of the road without trying. If Jack was here, he wouldn't give up, he just wouldn't. Kate placed her hands on the man's shoulders, and then started to shake him gently at first, and then as she grew more frantic with more force.
"Get up, Get up!" She cried.
"Kate, he's dead!"
"Shut-up Sawyer!" Kate screamed pointing her hand at him. "I asked for your help, but you didn't help me until it was too late! So just shut-up!"
Sawyer looked away. It was his fault. "I tried to help,"
"Get up, please, you have family out there, I'm sure they need you…" Kate's lips trembled as she struggled to revive the dead man, who she was reminded was a cop as her hands ran along his badge.
Sawyer glanced down the street once again with tears welled in his eyes. A lamp light flickered out down the street, and then another one. He turned away, and then focused on Kate once again. "He's dead…He's dead,"
Sawyer sat on the edge of the bridge. Between his shaking hands he held a cigarette. He took a puff, and then exhaled the mist out into the chilly night. He glanced down at the cigarette and then flicked it downwards into the river. Sawyer closed his eyes. If only he could forget watching Kate as she tried so hard to keep that man alive, while he had just stood there. Stood there and watched her as she tried to talk to him, and then as she tried to bring him into the truck. Blood had been all over her dress, and she had been so hysterical, but he hadn't come to help her until it was too late. Sawyer had been too caught up in holding his own emotions inside, maintaining his man of stone façade, and acting as if he didn't care when in reality he did.
Sawyer blinked as the tears welled in his eyes. He hadn't cried in years, so he almost believed that he was incapable of producing tears. Sawyer wiped at them as soon as they came. Next to the pack of cigarettes, he had a bottle of whisky. Sawyer kicked his legs back and forth as he twisted off the cap, and then nursed half of the bottle in one gulp. Yeah, his life was hell. It had always been, and before it had been so convenient to cover up his pain, with wise cracks, and jokes, but now he didn't have it in him. He sighed to himself, and then took another swig of the whiskey. Sawyer just didn't care anymore. He had spent half of his life moving from home to home after his parents deaths, and after that, he turned to life a crime. Anyway to make money in order to pay back the debts he owed, or to seek the revenge he craved.
"Look how far it gotcha," He said drunkenly to himself. He was on his third bottle, and he had two more in Taylor's truck. Usually it would take a lot more alcohol to make him drunk, but he hadn't eaten in a while, and he didn't care to stop after his vision started to grow blurry. Sawyer glanced at the beer bottle. "If I talked to ya, would ya listen to me." He shook his head and then poured the liquid downwards, after the bottle had been emptied he dropped it. "I should just leave…go away, and not come back. Yeah, that's what I should do." He slurred. Sawyer then tried to get up, but his legs wobbled helplessly. "Shit," He muttered. Sawyer grabbed onto the rusted railing that he was sitting on, and then swung one leg towards safety, but his boot knocked at the edge, he was so drunk, that he had lost his sense of coordination.
Sawyer drowsily closed his eyes, as he tried one more time to swing his leg over the railing. His body was starting to fall to the side, but he gripped onto the edge with as much strength as he could muster. Everything was growing black, he was so tired, and so out of it, that he couldn't even swing his leg over the rail. Maybe he had drank too much, but it didn't even mattered. Sawyer leaned forward and then placed his aching head in his hands. He was too tired, nothing even mattered anymore, not the people that wanted him dead, the man he had killed earlier, and especially not Kate. Drowsiness was settling in, every conflicting thought he had been buried in earlier was leaving his subconscious, he was falling, and that was the last thing he had remembered before he blacked out.
Sawyer's grip loosed on the rail, and he fell forward into the rushing river below.
Kate slowly opened her eyes. She could feel Jack's chin rested above her head. They hadn't slept together, but if anyone walked in on them they would have thought otherwise. Her eyes shifted around the dark room as she relaxed in Jack's arms. Shadows bounced off the walls, and the candles which Jake and Kate had burned earlier were now dormant but the scent of vanilla and jasmine still remained.
Jack moaned and then wrapped his arms tighter around her.
Kate reached for his hand, and with a soft tug pulled his arm off of her. She loved him, but she couldn't do this anymore. Kate had to take care of some business before she could even focus on relaxing or being with Jack. Kate sat up, and then placed her head in her hands. Jack wanted a fairy tale with her, he treated her like a princess, and did everything in his power to keep her safe, but she didn't believe in fairytales. At least not when her life was concerned.
Kate stood up, her feet landed on the cold wooden floors. She shivered as she glanced towards the window.
"Where are you going?" Jack asked slowly sitting up.
She hadn't expected him to wake up. "I um…I was just going outside to get some air."
"Did you even go to sleep for one second Kate?"
"I tried, but I failed." She shivered.
Jack got up, and then closed the window. "Come back to bed, you need to get some rest."
Jack reached across to turn on the light. "I'm worried about you."
"What's new," Kate walked towards the window Jack had just closed and then stared out worried. "Sawyer hasn't come back yet."
"He'll be back in the morning," Jack patted the spot next to him. "You should come back to sleep."
"If you hadn't woken up I would've left." Kate admitted.
Jack's mouth dropped and his eyebrows furrowed low over his hazel eyes. "I thought we were through with that game."
"I planned on coming back."
After realizing that Kate wasn't going to come back to bed, Jack got back up and walked over to her. "I hope you know I would've went after you."
"I figured that much, but I just feel like there is something I have to do before we leave."
"Whenever we leave, we still don't have any money, and so far all of our plans to leave the country have backfired."
"I don't even know if my mom is still alive, last time I saw her she was in the hospital and…" Kate's voice trailed off. "Even if she is dead, I just want to know so I can move on, and put the past behind me."
Jack nodded in understanding. He felt the same way about his father.
"Even though she married him, and I hated her for that, I still loved her deep down…"
"Married who?" Jack asked.
Kate quickly looked away, "My step-father, but forget it."
"Is there something you want to tell me Kate?"
"Are you questioning me now Jack?" Kate retorted.
He closed his mouth. "I'm just trying to understand what's going on, I try to let it slide, but something is eating you up inside, and it's going to get to you until…"
"Jack we all bottle up or emotions, even you, so please don't ask me to tell you anything, because I just don't want to talk about it."
"I'm not going to force you Kate, but have you ever took the time to pay attention to Sawyer? He holds onto his frustrations, and keeps it all inside, why do you think he is so lonely and so messed up."
"Jack before you even met me I was messed up."
"Kate, please don't push me away right now."
"Jack, this is what I do when situations get too hard. I push everyone away, so you're going to have to deal with it. I love you, but then again I don't want to. You came along at a very inconvenient time, when my life couldn't have been more messed up. I don't know what you want from me."
"I just want your trust."
"I don't even trust myself," Kate scowled looking down.
"Let me ask you one question," Jack walked closer towards her. "Why is it that you can't allow yourself to be happy? When we were together earlier, everything was perfect…"
"Everything was perfect because I allowed myself to get caught up in the moment. Jack, you're wasting your time. Just stop."
" Stop arguing with me, making me try to open up to you, trying to understand my actions!"
"What happened while you and Sawyer were gone."
"Questions," Kate warned.
"Did he say something to upset you? Kate, tell me so we can get through this together."
"Stop smothering me."
Jack looked away. He had never seen her so angry at him before. Her face was red, and she stared back at him with daggers. He had no choice but to back down. "I'll back down then."
Kate wrapped an arm around her body. She was trying to make Jack see how bad she really was…or at least convince him to see that. If he kept on loving her, then she knew that she would cave-in, and allow herself to get swept back up in this romance.
Jack grabbed his clothes which were on the floor, and then walked out of the room in his boxers.
Kate looked down. She loved Jack to much, and that's why she had to push him away, before he got hurt by her destructive ways of life. Romance wasn't for her, she would rather be alone, than have to suffer losing Jack like she did Tom. Kate sat down on the edge of the bed, and then stared at the unlit candles for the second time that night. If only she could rewind and take back the words she had said to Jack. The problem wasn't him, it was her.
Jack sat down at the table. Even if he tried to act as if he didn't care, he knew he would fail. Jack grinded his teeth together, the muscle in his cheek protruded as he stopped to clench his jaw. These last couple of months he had built his world around Kate, every morning he had risen looking for her smile, even when she wasn't smiling, all he needed was to see her face, and he was reminded why he allowed himself to be dragged along. Living on the run wasn't easy, but with Kate by his side, he had managed to look past it all. Jack placed his hands to his mouth, and then clasped them together as he watched the moon disappear behind a series of dark gray clouds. How was he supposed to stop loving Kate, when he was already this much involved. The thought of never being able to kiss her again, or even hold her made him depressed. If it hadn't been for Kate then he knew he would still be the same borderline paranoid doctor he had been before all of this. Kate changed him for the better, she changed his outlook on life, and he wasn't ready to lose her.
It must have been love but it's over now...
Lay a whisper on my pillow Touch me now, I close my eyes
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, there's air of silence
In the bedroom and all around
And dream away
Lay a whisper on my pillow
Touch me now, I close my eyes
In the other room Kate curled up on the bed, she pulled the covers over the carpenter jeans and wife beater that she wore. Closing her eyes she tried to forget everything, Kate reached out for the pillow Jack had been sleeping on, and then held it close to her body. The pillow smelled like his cologne, she had always wondered where he had gotten it from. Kate buried her face in the pillow, and then wished that Jack would come back into the room. So she could tell him that she was sorry for being the way she was. Kate clutched onto the pillow as she tried to remember every close encounter she had shared with Jack.
It must have been love but it's over now Make-believing we're together And it's a hard winter's day
It must have been good but I lost it somehow
It must have been love but it's over now
From the moment we touched 'til the time had run out
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I've turned to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
I dream away
Make-believing we're together
And it's a hard winter's day
Kate held her hands together in anticipation as she watched the door open.
The rain started to pick up, and lightning ricocheted against the sky.
Jack closed the cab door, and then stared back at the house.
Kate squealed excitedly. She was surprised at herself, she never really squealed, but Jack seemed to have mysterious effects on her.
Before the taxi could reverse all the way out of Sawyer's dirt driveway. Kate had already thrown open the door. Her bare feet came in contact with the wet grass, but she didn't care. Through the rain and the lightning all she could see was Jack, he had come back to her!
"Hey, what are you doing out here!" He yelled back.
It still sounded as if he had some reservations about her, but he came back, so he was willing to work through all that.
Kate ran over to him, and wrapped her arms around him.
Jack picked her up in his arms, and then held her tightly. "I tried to get away from you,"
Kate slowly let go of him, "So why didn't you?"
"Because I made a promise to you, and I got to keep it." Jack said placing his hands on her soaked sleeves.
Kate smiled back at him, "Don't ever leave me again."
"Only if you promise not to beat me up,"
Kate hugged him once more, "Never,"
Jack reached for Kate's hand and then looked down at her feet. He let go, and then picked her up in his arms.
Kate's heart started to beat faster.
"In case you haven't noticed, you're not wearing shoes,"
"I was so flustered when I saw you, I didn't have a chance to put any on."
It must have been love but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love but it's over now
It's where the water flows
It's where the wind blows
Kate glanced towards the door, and on the other side as did Jack. But they were both let down, when neither of them made an attempt to console the other.
Kate looked away and then pulled the covers over her head, as she hugged Jack's pillow tighter. This is for the best, she tried to tell herself even though her heart, which she used to avoid following, told her that was a lie. They were over before they had even begun.