Title: Barry's Other Talent
Author/Artist: terrierlee
Warnings: Crack. Duh.
Rating: PG
Pairings: BarryFarman
Summary: Farman needs to shave. Barry wants to help.
Author's Notes: This is a birthday gift to a friend, jiah I LOVE YOU IN THE FACE JIAH.


"Need to shave."

Barry looked up from the book he was reading; chess had become SO boring at that point, and looked over at the man who was rubbing a hand over his chin, checking in the mirror at his unshaven face. Barry placed a bookmark to save his place in his book before tapping the chin of his helmet.

Back when the supposed dead serial killer was somewhat alive and fleshy, he remembered what a pain it was to have to keep his face from getting stubby. This was one reason why Barry loved being in a suit of armor, too bad for Farman though.

"Hey Chief, why don't I help?"

Farman's head twisted around as far as it could go and gawked at his crazed roommate. Was Barry INSANE!

Okay, bad question.

But there was no way in Amestris that Farman was going to let Barry touch something that can be used to cut something.

Unfortunately for Farman, Barry had gotten up and pounded his way to the bathroom area. Totally ignoring Farman's scared look, the suit of armor ransacked the shelves for shaving cream, it was next to the toilet seat, right to the left of the oil can, what was THAT doing in the bathroom!

With the shaving cream in one hand, Barry stalked out of the bathroom only to come back a few seconds later with a knife from the kitchen. Farman's eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he saw the sleek knife in Barry's hand.

"Barry, put tha-"

"Don't worry Chief! I used to be a butcher so I know how to use knifes. Besides, this is the way I did it back when I was fleshy!"

That didn't make Farman feel any better. Dread covered his body as Barry advanced to the older man. Barry grabbed Farman by the shoulders and plopped him down onto the toilet seat. He ran out of the bathroom then and soon returned with a blanket from the bedroom. He placed it around Farman's front and tied a knot around Farman's neck.

With a quick shake of the shaving cream can, Barry sprayed some cream onto Farman's face and began to work.


Since Farman was scared shitless of what was happening, he momentarily passed out while Barry was fast at work. When Farman awoke, Barry had long since finished and was standing back, checking his handiwork. The gray-haired man blinked wearily before noticing Barry was done, and he wasn't dead.

Farman sat up and checked his face. It was smooth, like a baby's ass, no hair was left undone, and BARRY didn't kill him in the process.

What the hell.

Barry could be seen grinning, even though he was a suit of armor, and expected praise from his good work. Farman just shook his head, completely dumbfounded.

At least there was no more stubble. Maybe Farman should recommend Roy to Barry next time he came to the office completely unshaven.