By: MajorSam

Rating: Uh.. like... K? Maybe T...

Summary: Death By Tea Mug!

Authors Notes: Ok, I excuse myself for the ridiculousness of this... just a TOTAL random product of 2am + loads ofcaffiene + Loads of lack of sleep!
Reviews: Are my life... flames will be used to bake Sam and Jack's wedding cake:p

Hope you enjoy:D

How could he never have realized it? After all these years of seeing Carter with a tea mug, and only now, after 8 years, does he realize what she's doing. Aaah, it's so obvious too! He shakes his head… he knew he was dense sometimes, but 8 years? For cryin' out loud! He looks over at her. Oh crap, she's doing it again… Honestly, there should be a regulation against it… "Section T.E.A of the National Defense Code: No incredibly hot 2IC shall ever be allowed within a 10 metre radius of a tea mug, glass or cup of any sort while their CO, who happens to be in love with them and in possession of a MASSIVE amount of unresolved sexual tension, is anywhere in sight. Perfect. Maybe he should go call the President about it…. He looks back over at her. God, that woman never stops, does she? She's reckless, she's out to get him, and he knows it. Her sole purpose in life is to torment and tease and taunt him with everything she's got. And she's got a lot. Oooh has she got a lot… And oh how he wishes he was that mug right now…

It always starts off the same. She goes up to the register and asks the mess guy for a tea bag. Mint. Always mint. She's probably one of those crazy herbal yoga peace and mind people… he's seen her go off to Kel'no'reem sessions with Teal'c… But anyways, back to the topic at hand. She gets a mug, and a tea bag. She'll smile, and say "Thanks Luke." How she knows every person and their dog's name in the SGC he doesn't know. But she'll give him that little smile, and walk to the hot water. She places the mug down underneath the tap thing, and picks up the tea bag. She'll rip off the top, and put it down on the counter, then take out the bag, adding the packet to the top, before throwing it out. She then takes the string of the tea bag, and, placing the bag into the mug, gently twists the string around the mug handle. Those long soft fingers holding the string so delicately… so precisely wrapping it's fibers around the handle… Finally she pulls down on the nozzle of the hot water tub, and watches the steaming liquid come pouring out. She lets go of the nozzle after usually around 3.4 seconds… you know, approximately… Just a few millimeters from the edge.

She pauses for a few seconds; testing the heat, before wrapping those elegant fingers round the handle, sliding her smooth skin, molding it to the curves of the ceramic… with one of her hands she lifts the string of the tea bag up, then down, up, then down, making sure all the spices are dissolved into the water. She stops, and looks as the dark swirls of mint slowly spread out, and the colour of the water becomes one solid mass of dark green'ish. She smiles, just a simple, small little grin. Jack sighs. How she could get so happy over such a tiny thing… the basic little joys of life…

Next, she picks up the mug, oh so gently, with both hands, and walks gracefully over to an empty table, staring at the rim of the mug to make sure she doesn't spill even one drop of the precious liquid. After sitting down, she lifts the mug, bit by bit, up before her face, and her eyes drift shut as she inhales the gentle wafts of aromatic steam. A side of her perfect mouth slides up in a lazy grin. God, how could that woman make smelling something seem so damn erotic? Finally, after ages of Jack's torment, she places the mug down on the table, once again curving the fingers of her right hand around it. With her left she picks up some lab report or something and starts reading it… he doesn't know if she does it unconsciously, or because she somehow knows he's there, but after just a minute, her right hand starts fiddling with the mug. Her index finger slowly slides along the rim… rolling over the curve of the handle, mindlessly swirling, drawing invisible shapes, washing itself over the smooth surface of the mug in an endless touch… she frowns at the report, just a little furrowing of her brow, but he knows she's really frowning.

She suddenly realizes that her mug is still there, and she looks at it. Her eyes widen for a split second, then narrow, focusing on the mug. That damn infernal grin is back, and then, suddenly, her tongue is running over her lips in an excruciating dance of torture. He can see the difference in her skin as the tongue leaves a damp trail, continuing on to conquer the remaining dryness. How could she DO this to him? Did she not realize what she looked like? Of all the downright dirty, cheap, underhanded things to do to a… oh… oh no…

She's looking at her mug with purpose. She wraps both hands around the rounded surface, grasping it firmly, and raises it to her mouth. She takes a second to inhale once again, then slowly parts her lips, breathing deeply. Her eyes are hooded, and she gradually tips the mug back, letting the hot liquid slide down her throat. Her eyes are closed by now, and she shudders at the sudden introduction of heat to her body... Jack screwed his eyes shut. Why does he do this… really, he brings it upon himself… maybe in some perverse way he enjoys the self-torture, the horrible temptation. For gods sake, wishing he was a TEA MUG? His frustrated mind simply warped the whole thing into a sick little fantasy. He opens his eyes, and finds a pair of turquoise blue eyes staring at him from across the room. Shit… he's been caught. He watches, entranced, as she frowns, picks up her mug and starts walking towards him. Oh god no, please, if there IS a god let her NOT come up and start talking to him! Not now, not like this…

But, of course, fate conspires against him once again.

"Sir?" she questioned, looking into his eyes curiously. "Is there something wrong? You look kind of…strange." His eyes flew to hers. CRAP, did she know? Had she figured it out? Was he that obvious? What should he do?

"No more strange than normal, Carter" he said in a self-deprecating tone with a little chuckle. Please let her buy that… she kind of frowned inquisitively, but, thank the lord, fell for his humour and chuckled as well. "You sure sir?" she asked. Aargh, why did she persist? Could she not tell he was so sexually frustrated that he got all hot and bothered about the way she drinks tea? For such a brilliant scientist she could sure be oblivious to her own hotness.

"Yup, I'm sure Carter!" he replied, nodding cheerfully.

"Ok then," she smiled back. And then like a bullet going off, her mug was suddenly at her lips again. Just a foot or two from his face. Aaaah! She would be the death of him yet… he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Uh, Carter, I actually have to be off to… do some paperwork!" he said quickly, turning his back to her and starting to walk hurriedly away. Sam started at his sudden leave.

"Oh, ok, see you later Sir," she called after him. After seeing him walk out the door she shook her head. What was wrong with him? Totally on edge, and jumpy! If she hadn't known better she would have said he was… no, that was impossible… I mean, what could possibly get him all worked up in the mess hall? She pondered for a second what could possibly have got him to such a state… finally she sighed sadly, and looked down at the floor.

She wished she could have such an effect on him…