-the petals of a wild rose-
-She thought it wouldn't happen but it did. She thought she could handle it but she couldn't. She thought he would forget her but he didn't. She told herself that she wouldn't follow him but one day she will.-
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI : (
AN: This is a new WIP and it has nothing to do with any of my other stories...
Thanks to Myra for beta reading, you rock!
SUMMARY: She could ask the petals of a wild rose, could ask it whether he loved her or not or she could just wait for the day to come when he would realize that every rose has its thorn.
She was late. She hated to be late. The good thing of those lectures was that all the students avoided sitting in the first row as a matter of principle and that she preferred sitting exactly there.
She sat down on one of the seats and placed her notepad on the table in front of her. She brushed a curled strand of hair out of her face and crossed her legs, leaning back and trying to ignore the sounds of the students.
Then she saw him walking down the stairs over to the lectern.
Dr. Gil Grissom, theme of today's lecture: entomology and it's usefulness for criminologists.
He looked so different from how she had imagined him. He was still pretty young, a boyish grin on his lips, a couple of files in his one hand, a preserving glass in the other. His hair was dark gray, she couldn't really identify the color of his eyes but she figured that they were blue.
The lecture began and the first students began to doze. Sara couldn't understand them, this theme was pretty interesting otherwise she wouldn't have taken the day off from work to be able to attend his lecture.
Though it was not easy to follow the themes at some points, she was really fascinated by them and not only by them, also by the lecturer.
She usually did not feel attracted to men that were much older than she was, but she definitely had a thing for intelligent men. And in addition to his intelligence he was extremely good looking.
After he had shown the last slides he ended the lecture, the moment Sara had waited for the last twenty minutes. That had been when she had decided to go over to him after the lecture to ask him if he could explain one of the themes that he had only shortly mentioned and not further explained.
When he began to gather his files and sheets she took a deep breath and walked over to him.
"Hi." She said softly, feeling somehow nervous, not really knowing why.
"Hi." He smiled friendly.
"I...have a question." Damn, stop being nervous!
"Please don't ask why the lecture was that boring." He said slightly desperate.
She couldn't help but grin. "It was actually pretty interesting." Butterflies, she felt them in her whole body. The way he looked at her; the way he had smiled at her.
"Phew. I noticed you were the only one who actually paid attention to what I said and now I got really worried that even you thought that it was boring."
"Those students will only realize what they could have learned when they need it at work." She said and smiled softly. She wondered how long it was ago that a man had made her feel butterflies in her stomach only by looking at her. Never before.
"You're not a student anymore?"
She shook her head. "Nope. I'm working for the SFPD, CSI."
A bright smile flashed over his lips. "You're not looking that old to me."
"I'm old enough." She said and winked at him. "My name is Sara Sidle by the way." She blushed when she realized that she had been flirting with him. This was not her, she usually did not do this, not like this, not with older men, not with men like him...
"Nice to meet you Sara Sidle." They remained in silence for a while.
Sara felt tension building up between them. Her eyes wandered over his body. He had strong arms, strong shoulders, arms that she wanted to be held in, shoulders that she wanted to touch... she bit down on her bottom lip reminding herself that he was somehow her teacher and that she shouldn't have those thoughts about him.
He broke the silence when he cleared his throat and began to come back to the actual theme. "You had a question."
"Oh yeah. Right." She nodded softly. Had he caught her staring at him? The best thing would be to pretend that it hadn't happened at all... "About the maturation intervals of different insects."
"My favorite theme. Maybe we should talk about it somewhere else. Do you know a nice café near the campus?"
Her heart was literally jumping. Somewhere else. Not here. Somewhere else, he wanted to talk with her somewhere else...in a café. He wanted to drink a coffee with her, was this the actual subtext of his words? Or was she just misinterpreting it? "I know one. It's about five minutes away from here afoot, through the park."
"That sounds good. Then let's go there." He signalized her that he would follow her.
They had ordered coffee and pie. While they waited for it to be served he began to answer her question. After a while Sara caught herself drifting off into daydreams, her eyes always focused on him, she had begun to think about how it would be to be held by his strong arms. And his eyes were really blue. Blue eyes that she could loose herself in so easily, much too easily.
"So that's actually it. It's an easy theme but pretty interesting."
She nodded softly biting down on her bottom lip. She hadn't even listened to half of his words. The shape of his lips had been much more fascinating than some insects.
"How old are you?"
Now he finally ripped her completely out of her thoughts. "Twenty-three." Why did he ask? Was he interested in her? She could feel her heart beating faster and harder in her chest.
"And you already work as a CSI?"
She smiled softly. "I have been a science nerd for all my life."
He grinned. "Those are the best CSIs...well I have to say that, I'm one myself."
Sara smirked. "I read about your work. To be honest I expected you to be older."
He cleared his throat. "May I see this as a compliment or is it criticism?"
"You may choose." Compliment Compliment Compliment Compliment!
He chuckled softly. "Well, I guess I already answered your question but I hope you'll stay here and drink a coffee with me anyways."
She had not been misinterpreting anything. A happy feeling ran through her whole body.
At the same time the waitress served the coffee and the raspberry pie. The woman raised an eyebrow, she knew Sara and probably wondered who Dr. Grissom was. Next time Sara would not be able to drink her coffee in the privacy that she preferred but would have to answer all the woman's snoopy questions.
"It's an honor to me." Sara said with a sweet smile on her lips then she took a sip of her coffee, feeling his eyes on her. It sent showers of sensations down her spine. He was looking at her...
"Have you lived here all your life?"
"Nope. I was born and raised in Tomales Bay, my parents owned a Bed and Breakfast there. Then I spent a couple of years in Boston..."
She nodded. "Yeah. Then I moved to San Francisco. While I was in graduate school I began to work for the SF coroners office, that was the hour of birth for my interest in forensics."
"For the benefit of the crime labs of the country." He said and smiled softly at her. "You're an intelligent woman."
She felt the blood rushing into her cheeks. She would be as red as a tomato soon, she hated that she tended to blush so easily. Changing the theme was the only thing she could do. "Are you originally from Vegas?"
"I was born near Los Angeles. My mother still lives there."
"Also California. Though I can't really figure you as a classical beach boy." The picture of him with a surfboard under his arm made her laugh inwardly.
"The only thing I ever did at the beach was searching for dead animals that I could dissect... I should add that I was between six and thirteen while doing so." He said smiling softly.
Sara chuckled. "Once a geek always a geek."
It was already late afternoon when they left the café and Dr. Grissom did not seem to be bored by her company. They talked about all the world and his brother, laughing, joking, fooling around but also about serious themes and from time to time they just remained in silence for several moments.
They walked through the park and during one of the longer lulls in conversation he ripped off a wild rose from a hedge and began to rip off it's petals. Sara was lost in thoughts and only noticed it subconsciously until he cursed and shortly grimaced from pain. "Damn!"
She turned to him. "What's up?" She asked worried.
"I prickled my finger on that thorn."
"Ouch." She saw a little drop of blood on the tip of his index finger, though it really did not look serious she still felt concerned. She could tell herself that it was nothing serious that there were thousand worse things that could happen to a person...but she didn't want him to be hurt.
"Well, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." He winked at her, then noticing her worried expression. "Hey, it's not even bleeding anymore." He smiled softly.
She felt stupid. This was embarrassing. She didn't even want to imagine what he thought of her now. She had been worried because of a little scratch, only a little scratch. She looked down to her feet not wanting him to see how embarrassed she was.
Suddenly he took her hand into his and squeezed it softly. "I really love this park, haven't been here for a long, long time."
She couldn't believe that he held her hand. She couldn't even believe the fact that he had reached out for it..."Yeah, I always love being here."
His thumb slowly rubbed over hers making her shiver softly. He slowly dragged her after him as he continued walking.
Hours later they reached the door of her apartment building. She stopped and rummaged her purse for her key. When she had found it she turned to him, a lovely smile on her lips.
"I really enjoyed this." He told her and smirked.
She had enjoyed this too, to be honest she hadn't spent a better day in her whole life. If something like intellectual stimulation existed then it felt exactly like the way that he made her feel. She had never believed that she could actually find someone with whom she was on the same wavelength. "It was really nice to meet you Dr. Grissom." She said softly, hesitating for a second, then turned around to open the door.
Suddenly she felt his hand on her upper arm. He dragged her close to him, his other hand reaching out for her shoulder. He stared at her for half a second and then their lips met in a passionate kiss. Sara felt overwhelmed by his sudden actions, the feeling of his lips on hers, the feeling his tongue created while it massaged hers...first it was difficult to realize that this really happened, when she found her senses back she reached up for his cheek and caressed it with her thumb while she pressed her lips closer against him, her tongue dancing around his.
After a while she slowly pulled away from him a bright smile on her lips that wouldn't fade away for a long time. "Goodnight." She whispered into his ear, her whole body shivering from the sensations that ran through it.
"Goodnight." He brushed his hand through her hair and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I checked in into the Mandarin Oriental until Friday. Call me there."
Another kiss followed, not as passionate as the first one, but with a feeling of despair and longing that Sara had never felt before.
After they separated she slowly walked up the stairs to her apartment, her knees felt like jelly while her mind still couldn't believe that this had just happened. She damned herself for having a crush on a man that was not only fifteen years older than she was but also lived hundreds of miles away from her. Relationships had always caused her trouble, this thing between them wouldn't be any better.
Wednesday passed by and she hadn't found the courage to call him. She had really wanted to but she neither knew what to say on the phone nor what to do about her feelings for him. She wanted to see him again, wanted to taste his kisses again, wanted to feel his touch...but there was this little voice in her head that told her that she could not be with him, that it would not be good for her. He would leave soon, would leave her behind, he was too old, lived too far away...
On Thursday evening she sat on her sofa, a cup of hot chocolate in her hand a forensic magazine lying on the desk in-front of her.
She was ripped out of her thoughts when her phone rang.
"It's Gil Grissom."
She swallowed hard. "Dr. Grissom." But she couldn't swallow the feeling of happiness that rapidly filled her whole body, thus she couldn't prevent sounding incredible enthusiastic.
"What are you doing?"
"Sitting on my sofa drinking hot chocolate and reading a forensic magazine." And missing you like hell! She made a short pause. "Not very sexy." She said and smirked.
"Oh, that depends on what you wear."
She could picture the boyish grin on his lips while he spoke and it let her forget about her doubts. She needed to see him. Even if it was only for one night, she needed this, she needed him. "Why don't you come here and find out." She couldn't believe that she had really invited him over. She bit down on her bottom lip on the one hand hoping that he might say 'no' on the other hand she prayed that he would say 'yes'. She knew this wouldn't be good for her, she didn't need heartache in her already troubled life but she couldn't help it. She was drawn to this man like a moth to a flame.
"Why don't you come downstairs and open the door for me?"
Her mouth dropped open. It took her a second until she found her words back. "I'll... be right there." He was already there. She couldn't believe this, this man seemed to love surprises.
She ran into her bathroom, hastily brushing her hair and putting on some make-up and perfume. She thanked God that she had just shaved her legs this morning, then she made her way downstairs to the entrance door.
He leaned against the wall wearing jeans and a Cubs T-shirt. She couldn't help but think how incredible hot he looked. Her stomach filled with butterflies, her heart jumping...in love just like a teenager.
He didn't wait for any invitations. He entered and before she could think about it, he had already pressed his lips on hers. His hands slipped under her shirt and caressed her skin while they pressed her close against him. She moaned into his mouth, feeling him so close to her and wanting him so badly almost drove her insane.
Breathlessly she pulled away from him, a bright smile on her lips. "My apartment is upstairs."
He didn't say anything just followed her upstairs, his hands on her hips while they walked.
As soon as they had entered her apartment he began to take off her shirt. Usually this would have been much too fast for her, but with him she didn't care.
"Bedroom?" He asked a little out of breath.
"Over there." She pointed to the door on the right of the room, finding herself back on her bed only seconds later, only wearing her panties and her bra.
She lay on her back and he kneeled over her, his legs left and right from her hips, his lips never letting go off hers. His hands caressed every inch of her body until he slowly pulled away. For a while he just stared at her, his eyes running over every millimeter of her skin.
His hand rested on her stomach, his thumb circling around her belly button. "God, you are so incredibly beautiful."
She was thankful for the semi darkness of the room because otherwise he would have noticed how much she blushed. Just with his words he sent feelings through her body that she had never before experienced in such an intensity.
"Every man must love you." He whispered into her ear while his hands slipped over her hips.
She reached out for his shirt and took it off, her hands slowly running over his chest. She couldn't believe that now she was touching the strong muscles that she had adored just two days ago.
"How many did you have before me?" He asked, his lips brushing hers.
"How many men did you have before me?"
Sara swallowed hard. She really did not want him to know but on the other hand, why not? Though she didn't know why he was interested in this. "Why do you care?"
"Oh that's a good reason." She chuckled softly.
"C'mon, tell me." He said, his hand resting on her cheek his thumb caressing her lips. "Show me that you trust me."
She hesitated for a second but then decided that it really didn't matter whether he knew or not. "Two."
"So I am the third one?"
"Yeah." She whispered just before their lips met again. She wondered why it was so important for him to know but soon his touches sent her into a state of mind in that she didn't care about anything else but the way that he made her feel.
Many kisses and touches followed until they drifted off into sleep in each others arms. Before completely falling asleep Sara took a last deep breath, inhaling the scent of him and the sweat of their lovemaking.
No one had ever made her feel like he had made her feel. She wished that this would never have to end, she did not want it to end...but she knew that tomorrow he would leave her here, entering the plane to Las Vegas leaving her behind. Maybe carrying the memories of the days they had spent together with him for a while but soon she would only be a fading memory, someone he would not even recognize if they'd accidentally meet in a bar. He wouldn't be able to remember her face anymore, then he would forget her name and the feelings she had once caused in him...until she wouldn't exist for him anymore.
But she had known this before. She had made the decision to spend the night with him, now she had to deal with the consequences.
One thing that she knew was that it wouldn't be as simple as she had thought to move on after this. At the moment she actually doubted that she could ever forget him...
When she woke up the next morning he leaned over her his hand brushing through her hair. "Good morning." She whispered softly.
"Good morning sleeping beauty."
A smile flashed over her lips. She longed to feel his kiss again but the way he leaned over her made it impossible for her to move. The look in his eyes worried her. He looked so sad. She swallowed hard, sensing what would follow soon. And it hurt deep in her heart that only seconds later she was proven right.
"I'm sorry." He tried to justify himself. But that didn't make it any better. He offered her a friendship, telling her that he wasn't able to give her more, that he wasn't allowed to give her more. It wouldn't work between them, he wouldn't be able to live in a relationship, the age difference alone would be problem enough but in addition to this there was also the geographic distance. He could not give her what she needed, he would never be able to. His first love would be his job seamless followed by the science, she wouldn't be happy with always being nothing more than the number three in his life. She deserved to be someone else's number one, someone who didn't care about anything else. She would be too good for him because he would never be able to see her real worth, he would never be able to cherish her like the treasure she was.
He said that he should have known before, but that he had just not been able to resist her beauty. He told her that never before he had felt so much attraction towards a woman and how much it hurt him that he could never be with her.
Did he even care how much it hurt her? But she told herself that she should have known before. It was not all his fault if she would have wanted to she could have told him to stop and leave at any time.
And so it happened that Gil Grissom went back to Las Vegas taking her heart with him, never supposed to find out about it.
She would recall the events of these days for a long time never regretting that night of passion that she had spent with him. Only regretting that she hadn't been able to feel less for him.
She didn't know if he still remembered, if he still wanted to remember...maybe she would find out, maybe not...
She could ask the petals of a wild rose, could ask it whether he loved her or not or she could just wait for the day to come when he would realize that every rose has its thorn.
I hope you liked this... : ) Thanks for reading! Chapter 2 should be up next Friday : )