Love, the most complicated thing. Gil Grissom knew that very well. He always knew that he loved Sara, but he could never understand that love. Now he had lost her to Nick. She had warned him that when he made up his mind about them that it might be too late, and now it was. He didn't make a move to tell her how he felt when she started to date Nick. He sat though their wedding and didn't say a word. All though he wanted to, he didn't. Back before Sara got with Nick, they had a night together. He confessed that he loved her, everything. That he wanted her, and he needed her, but after she fell asleep he left and everything went back to normal, like it never happened. A month after that she started to date Nick. He fell apart. He knew he lost her, and he'd never get her back. Every night he came home to his empty townhouse and drank. He drank his pain away. The damage is done, Sara's married to Nick, and he can't undo it. He wished he could.

Flash Back

They pulled up outside of her apartment. They were talking at work when it happened. They kissed. The kiss became deeper and deeper until they just wanted to have sex right there on the break room floor, but he drove them back to her house. She hurried inside and told him to sit on her bed. She turned the lights down until it was almost dark and lit candles all though the apartment. She went into her bathroom and changed into this skimpy, silk nightgown. She opened her bathroom door and walked out very sexy. She kissed him deeply, making him want her more. She pushed him back onto the bed and he whispered in her ear.

"You look beautiful in the candle light."

End of Flash Back

The rest of the flash back was perfectly clear to him. He remembers every word he said and every word she said. Grissom took another drink from his bottle of liquor, laid back on his couch, closed his eyes, and thought of that night. Letting it replay over and over from beginning to finish. He knew he blew it. He lost the only thing that he ever cared about. The woman he'd kill for. The woman he'd die for.

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

AN- What did you think? PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! Thanks! Reviews make my day:)

The song at the end was 'It's Been A While' by Staind.