The X-Mansion is all is quiet. It is night and everyone is asleep. (for simplicity's sake and to explain a lot of potential plot holes, most of the kids are back home for some random holiday, lets say summer, leaving only a few runaways and random characters with cool powers that the producers wanted to use left). Suddenly… the alarm sounded. Storm and Professor X were in some random room.
'Oh no! The alarm.' Storm said.
' There must be an intruder.'
'Well, you're psychic, you should know.'
They went downstairs to the War room to investigate the monitors. On their way they are overtaken by a semi-naked Wolverine running, claws out, screaming.
Storm shrugged, 'Well, Wolverine's up.'
Cyclops joined them in the war room, 'I heard the alarm.'
Nightcrawler also suddenly appeared out of thin air, 'Half of New York heard the alarm.
Professor X looked annoyed; 'Hey! You're not in this film.'
'Why not?' Nightcrawler replied, 'I am clearest the coolest of the X-Men here.'
'Excuse me?' Cyclops queried.
'Sorry mate,' Nightcrawler laughed, 'but you're just a wimpy wimp now.'
'Point taken.' Cyclops admitted.
'Be that as it may, you're still not in this film.' Professor X continued.
'So how is my disappearance explained?'
Storm offered an explanation, 'You're a teleporter. You disappear all the time without explanation. That's what you do!'
This annoyed Nightcrawler, ‚Schiße! Das ist nicht gut! Ich möchte mit meinem Agent sprechen! Ich bin hier am besten. Das ist alles! Ich bin gegangen!' And with that he disappears in a cloud of smoke. Storm looked confused.
'What was that all about?'
Cyclops shrugged, 'Don't look at me. I've been rendered obsolete.'
Wolverine ran past the door, still screaming, still with claws out; he then runs past again in the opposite direction. Professor X sighs.
'Wolverine! We're in here.'
Wolverine enters boldly. 'I heard something.'
'It was the alarm.' The Professor explained.
'Half of New York heard…' Cyclops mumbled, no-one paying him much attention. From nowhere, a slight German voice can be heard, Nightcrawler.
'Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean he can nick all my lines!'
'There's an intruder.' Professor X explained.
Cyclops got excited, 'Maybe it's Jean! She's returned!'
Professor X sighed again, 'Scott. Jean is dead.'
'How do you know? We found no body.'
'She got hit by a million tonnes of freezing water.'
'Physics was never your strong point, was it? Anyway, I can't sense her anywhere. And I can't find her using Cerebro.'
'Yeah ,well, in the TV series you couldn't sense Morph either when he was alive. I think Cerebro needs servicing.' Wolverine chuckled.
'Well, in the TV series you're 5"3.'
'You're point being?'
'No point. Just thought I'd mention it.' He smiles to himself.
Storm couldn't believe that they were having an argument while the alarm was still sounding. 'I hate to bring this up, but the Intruder?'
'Scott, check the monitors.' Professor X ordered.
Cyclops looked at the monitor and called out, pointing at the screen. 'Look. A giant, butt-ugly, misshaped mutant has entered the building wearing a footie shirt.'
Professor X panicked unexpectedly, it must be bad. 'OH NO! It…it… it can't be!'
'Who?' many voices asked.
'Have they brought in some random X-Man to fill Jean's role?'
Professor X shook his head 'No. This is not an X-Man.'
Wolverine looked like he would leap for joy if it was in his character. 'Great. Another bad guy. Let's go kick this actor's butt back to drama school.'
'That won't work.' Professor X admitted.
'It's never failed before.' Wolverine mumbled back.
'Yes, but then you were fighting an actor. That is no actor, that's a footballer.'
Everyone gasped most dramatically.