A/N: After watching Advent Children I noticed that a cell phone is really big deal, well in the case of Vincent anyway. Poor guy doesn't have one so I decided to give him one. Positive criticism and comments are well liked but flames will be ignored.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or Advent Children. And I also don't have a cell phone nor do I own any of the cell phone companies and brands being mentioned.

Chapter one: Vincent gets a phone

The lone figure walked through the crowd ignoring the stares that followed his crimson cape, which hovered off of the ground and dramatically waved into the air. His red eyes focused. Vincent Valentine knew the reason why he was out of the creepy comfort of his dark mansion. He saw it in his dreams. It mocked him while he showered as he could hear a distant ring. It didn't help that everyone had it; it was like a plague that began to spread, making Geostigma look like the common cold.

'You should get one that matches your eyes, I hear red is the new black' Chaos choked down a laugh.

'Shut it.' He snapped at the demon.

It was obvious that the object that brought Mr. Valentine such grief was a cellular phone.

He turned a scruffy looking corner and proceeded down the block where the shopping mall resided. It was all too crowed with people walking around with bags. This irritated him. The nerve of these individuals. He looked at the other side of the street and saw a dark alley full of stores that did not receive attention. Maybe it was because of the lighting that made it impossible to spot or the fact that it's the most violent part of the city where tourist get mugged and murdered that warned him not to go. He shrugged not seeing the technicality and veered in that direction.

Safety is not an issue when you're Vincent Valentine; technically, the man had a crew to back him up. That is if you want to count the demons that speak in tongues in his head that torment him by bringing up memories of his dead beloved and his failures. Yup, those were his 'peeps' and he doubted that in a fight he would lose, after all they can just take over his body and that would be the end of the argument right there.

The florescent light from the shop was hanging by a thin wire and it creaked as the air pushed it back and forth. He peered into the glass and saw what he was looking for. Opening the ringing door, he walked inside the shop and was surrounded by phones. There were all different types staring at him from their plastic prisons. He felt the need to watch them with suspicion, as if they could ring at any moment.

"Hello there!" a voice squealed. It almost made him jump from out of his skin. He turned around to face a young woman whose nametag referred to her as Sherry.

"I'm Tiffany! How can I help you?"

He raised an eyebrow at Tiffany hoping that she was covering for the other girl or at least knew that her nametag was different.

"I am looking to purchase a cell phone"

Her eyes lit up and he soon regretted his words. She took his hand and nearly dragged him to the front desk.

"We got a new shipment today! Lucky you!" she bent down and came up placing a silver suitcase on the counter.

She opened it to reveal five different phones that were in order from largest to smallest.

"Which one would you like?" she said leaning forward so that her cleavage could be seen.

"I don't know, they all serve the same purpose"

"Oh! You can't say that! You have to get the perfect phone!"

He was taken aback from her sudden outburst. She picked up the largest phone.

"Very well then,"

"Oh how about this one! It's a Nextel and it's worth 30000 Gil! It also doubles as a walkie-talkie and you can record images, take pictures, make music videos, see in infa-red and translate six languages. Isn't that cool?"

"A phone that can make a call would be nice," he said.

"Or how about this one!" she picked up another one. "It's from Samsung. It has a shiny metal cover, you can upload your e-mail, watch Television, listen to the radio, store 56473 telephone numbers, and best of all you can see the person you are talking to."

"Then why do I need it if I can see the person I'm talking to, won't it make sense to set up a get together and chat?"

She gave him a blank stare as the information went in one ear and out the other.

"It has a shiny cover" she smiled.

He mentally slapped himself.

"This one is from Toshiba. It has diamonds incrusted in its cover, the perfect accessory for a bling-bling person like your self."

Vincent looked confused.

"It can record your voice and warn off intruders that are trying to steal or use your phone. It can also do x-ray scans, download music, play video games, I mean you should play Final Fantasy ™ awesome game, any way, it doubles as a flash light, a device to hit enemies with in a dark alley, you can wear it as a belt buckle, it has a complete volume of encyclopedias built in its memory and the meaning of life!"

Her face was pink and she took in a hungry breath.

"Are you sure that's even a phone?" he asked almost afraid of the tiny thing.

"Who is the expert?" she said still catching her breath.

Vincent was silent. If he said other wise he was afraid that she would attack.

"Oh look, this is from Toyota!"

He tried to ignore the fact that Toyota was a car company and the cell phone label said Square-Enix, but her voice seemed to over power common sense and distract him.

"It's the newest model and it can only be charged by your car battery, it doubles into a lighter, measure time and space,"

At this point Vincent doubted that she was talking about a phone anymore.

"Skhldhfoudhfkdufeoihrfkdjfd with alhfkadjfkdfha features, gfsafskdhfk shiny! Jdhfkadhfkads buttons!"

Her words ultimately made no sense to Vincent so he just nodded his head as strange sounds came from her mouth accompanied by an occasional squeal that stung his ears.

'Let me kill her'

'Tempting…very tempting…but no'

'I demand that you release me! Or her endless chatter will destroy us all!'

'Be patient chaos, we will overcome this'

"Hey, is that blood trickling down your ears?"

Vincent looked startled.

"Just kidding! My boyfriend says that when he says I talk too much, but I don't know why, I mean, I barely talk at all, I'm just a simple quiet girl from the country trying to make it…"

Vincent touched his ear. If she didn't shut the hell up then the crimson liquid would surely gush out making his head explode. Unfortunately death didn't come and he stood there feeling awkward because his legs were falling asleep.

"So what phone would you like?"

"The one that makes calls"

"Oh this one? well your no fun" she went down again and she came back up with a simple flip phone.

"Here's a T-mobile,"

"What does it do?" he eyed it suspiciously.

"You can change the background and have a different ring tone"

"And that's it?"

"Yup! Unless you want…"

"No!" he found himself almost shout. She was startled and jumped back. he cleared his throat and grew more composed. He stood up straight to keep 'I'm too cool for this $h!t' exterior intact.

"This one is fine. I'll take it" he said smoothly.

"Oh right then"

She charged him and he quickly handed her the necessary gil. She bagged the packaged phone along with a tiny thick booklet and charger.

"Wait, you have to fill in the paper work for what kind of plan your phone will get"

He could feel Chaos through his veins as his anger and annoyance pumped through his heart.

"Just give me something simple, the phone is for emergencies."

"Are you sure you don't want the…"

Vincent buckled as he could feel Chaos try to break free from his skin. He gripped the counter, letting his metal claw dig into the fine wood and she saw it chip before her eyes.

"Eep! Simple plan it is!" paled faced and shaking, she filled out the work for him.


Vincent stood up and politely smiled…he didn't smile, he just made his lips look thinner and thanked her. She told him that all he needed to do was turn it on at home and follow the directions on the instruction booklet which was in English, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, French, German, and Lebanese. He didn't even know if Lebanese was even a language let along a country. He didn't care; at least he got a phone.