EverGlow

If you feel like dying, you're feeling so alone...

Squall stared into the black abyss that had become his room. His supposed sanctuary. But lately, nothing was sacred anymore. There was no sanctuary because the one thing he needed to be saved from was himself and there was no refuge from that. Cruel irony, he supposed.

If you feel like crying and your praying for some hope

He was supposed to be the strong one, the unwavering hero. All he really was was a coward. The one who ran away from his problems, shoved them aside until they got so bad that he couldn't fix it anymore and all he had left was the pain. The pain he so willingly caused himself.

Just think about the things you need the most...

Sometimes it was like a high. A safe, warm feeling. The pain poured its way out of his veins, out of the incisions he made in his skins. It was a strange feeling, feeling as though the pain simply vanished from your body and mind. But like all highs, it was gone too soon. So he needed another fix.

How was I to know? Everything you said were lies...

At first, Squall had dignity, pride. But soon, he had nothing left. All he wanted was to feel the pain escape out his skin and leave him in peace. It always came back, and he needed more to make it go away. So he cutdeeper.

It had started small, like an after thought. A little slice here or there. Not enough to notice and most definitely not enough to bleed, least someone suspect. Soon, it wasn't enough. So he cut more often, thinking maybe that would soothe him for a while longer. It didn't.

The same nightmares and problems that he could never escape from, his mind screaming that he didn't deserve to live, that he was useless and noone would ever save him. Ever. He just wasn't made to live. In retaliation to his own demons, he abused himself. It was a sadistic pleasure that he couldn't get enough of. Just watching the crimson liquid flow from his wrists and arms, running onto the floor. He wished his problems were like that. That his mind could be quieted just as easily as he could wipe the blood off the floor. But such wasn't the case.

Just close the door and let me do as I need...

And here he was again, alone in the dark of his room, trying with all his might to shut his mind up, begging for someone to save him from himself, from his own demons that threatened to destroy him from the inside out. But no one answered. No one ever answered.

Slowly, precise as always, he drew the knife across his wrist, watching as the blade sank into his pale skin, a burst of scarlet flooding his eyes with color. He let out a hissed breath, feeling the pain leave him. It would be back though. It always came back.

Suddenly, Squall didn't want to live anymore. It wasn't worth it now. The pain would always return, his mind would once again roar into life, telling him he should die. That no one would miss him anyways. Maybe...maybe it would be better that way. The pain would end forever. Never again.

And if you feel like dying...and you're feeling so alone...

A deep breath was taken and Squall stared at his wrist, his mind flashing him images of his 'friends', the ones who never realized how much pain he was constantly in. Shaking his head, he looked back down. He wouldn't rationalize this. He wouldn't stick around to find out that it would all stay the same and that he'd live his life wishing he'd done it. So Squall would do it now.

A jagged edge was raked harshly against his skin, sinking in so deep, tearing his flesh so violently it brought tears to Squall's eyes. For once he felt alive. Cruel irony.

Again he dragged the edge of the knife over his other wrist, mutilating the skin in a somewhat fanscinating fashion. Squall never knew he could inflict such brutal pain upon himself and he found himself addicted to the pain, addicted to the way life poured out onto the floor.

Dizziness swept over him as he slashed his wrist a third time. And then a fourth. He didn't bother standing now, he just lay back on his bed, watching his wrist, knowing he was watching himself bleed to death. A smile sat on his lips.

It was over.

I'm asking how it feels, I'm asking how it feels to die...

I'll sneak around this bedroom floor with the dagger in my hand...

Squall's attention drifted sleepily to the green eyes of someone else. Seifer. The tall blonde had tears in his eyes. Seifer cried? Squall felt vaguely sorry he had caused the man to cry and he reached out a trembling, bloody hand to wipe the tears away, succeeding only in smearing his blood onto Seifer's face.

"Why didn't you wait for me? Or maybe I just wasn't quick enough? You're not alone anymore Squall...you were never alone!" Seifer whispered, tears falling down his cheeks, Squall's blue eyes intent on the man on his bed as Seifer took the knife from Squall's pale hand, pain in his pretty green eyes.

"...I'll go with you Squall. I always wanted to be with you. We'll go together...I always promised you forever, didn't I?" Squall reached for the man, wanting to tell him not to do it. Wanting to take it all back and give Seifer a chance to save him, not to die with him, but it was too late. Squall was too weak and Seifer had already slit his own wrists. The blood ran onto the bed as Seifer leaned back with Squall and wrapped him into his still warm arms.

You were nothing more then how I used to be...nothing more then a way to run...

"Squall...I don't know what's going to happen. I always hated not knowing. But not matter what...no matter where we go after this...I'll find you. I'll never leave you again, Squall. You'll always know how much I care..." Squall turned to look up at Seifer, only to find the blonde's lips pressed gently to his as his life finally ended.

I can see better days ahead, I can be everything you'll ever need...

You'll never know how it feels to live your life for someone else...

Seifer pulled away, looking into the closed eyes of the one he had once held so dear. The one who'd held so much pain inside he'd ended it all with a simple blade. His tears wet Squall's lifeless face and he could only be thankful that Squall had died in his arms, knowing that someone had cared. Someone had loved.

I swear on anything, another bloody romance...I did it all for you...

Seifer could feel his heartbeat steadily slow, feel the warmth leave his body and he pulled Squall closer, afraid. He promised he'd find Squall, that he'd never leave him alone again. It was a promise he intended on keeping.

No matter which life he had to die in to find him.

I did it all for you...A way to run...I swear on anything, another bloody romance...


A.n: Aw sad day. ONE SHOT PEOPLE! Unless I randomly come up with some half assed crazy plot for which you'll all adore me and crave for more. Which will most likely be the case. So until then, one shot. Hope you enjoyed the sadistice love affair.

Oh yea, Music by Death in December and Bayside. Check them out on site rocks my socks!

btw the way Jack Hanek:I fixed it, see it says sorceress now. I noticed that error like a year after I had my pen name lol. oops. never did get around to fixing it heh.