Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked (the book and musical) or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.
This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.
For all those interested, the enrollment form included in here can be copied, filled, out and sent to me via email. Do NOT post the form on the review board. You don't necessarily have to be a terrible writer (they are automatically drafted), but you do have to have a sense of humor and a desire to improve. I'm also looking for a few staff members, so if interested send me an email outlining your qualifications, and briefly describing why you want to be a staff member. I reserve the right to reject anyone I deem unfit, as I am an elitist bitch.
Ch. 1: The Grievous Errors of a Pseudo-Fangirl
"Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!" belted out Abby Clark as she sat down to embark on her latest fanfiction expedition which involved the characters from Stephen Swartz's musical "Wicked" which in turn was based off of Gregory McGuire's book. Now, she hadn't exactly seen the musical nor read the book, but she had listened to the soundtrack over and over and seen enough pirated clips of the show to fancy herself expert enough to write a fanfic based off the musical.
"That's the best song in the show, next to 'For Good' of course. Elphaba and Glinda are the greatest pair of friends ever put together!" Abby sighed. At that moment inspiration struck. "I'm going to write a songfic!" she declared. "The intro will be made of song lyrics and the plot will be the thoughts going through the characters heads at the time of the song! No one's done that before!"
A week later, Abby finally completed the first chapter of what she considered her latest masterpiece (though it lacked any form of grammar, spelling, and adherence to the canon) and had just posted it on Fanfiction Dot Net. After refreshing the screen every five seconds, for nearly three hours, she finally found she had gotten a review. It read:
I'm sorry; this story was found to be in violation of the standards of proper Wicked fanfiction writing, set by The Official Wicked Fanfiction University (OWFU). It shall be removed exactly one minute after this notice has been read. Furthermore, it has also been found that you have failed to fulfill the requirements necessary for being a licensed Wicked fanfiction writer. Until you have enrolled in The Official Wicked Fanfiction University and passed the courses required to obtain a degree and license from the university, you will furthermore be banned from the realm of fanfiction. Upon acquiring the degree and license, the ban shall be lifted. Information about and the documents for enrollment will be sent to you shortly. Refusal to attend shall result in severe consequences. Any further attempts to spread the plague of terrible fanfiction will result in dire consequences.
Miss Lan, Esteemed, Headmistress and Course Coordinator
In exactly one minute, a little less than the time it took to change pages with a fast connection, Abby found in place of her story a rather long form.
"Please print and fill out" it said. Following the instructions was a long list of questions, which to Abby made no sense.
Pen-Name (the name you put on your stories):
Stories Written please include the title(s):
Preferred Plot (i.e. sequel, alternate universe):
Pairings (i.e. Elphaba/Fiyero, Glinda/Elphaba):
Lust Objects (i.e. Fiyero, Boq):
Bookverse, Musicalverse, Bookverse and Musicalverse, or Crossover:
Green or Pink:
Black is (fill in blank):
Grammar is (fill in blank):
Ever attended a Grammar Boot Camp session (yes or no):
Because (fill in blank):
Using stereotypes (yes or no):
In or out of character:
In first, second, or third person:
In present or past tense:
Slash (yes or no):
Mary-Sues (yes or no):
Seen the show:
Read the book:
Done neither, but have the soundtrack and listen to it twenty-four/seven:
Party or Study:
Wicked or Not:
Have you previously been enrolled in any another Fanfiction University (if so please name the university):
Although you basically have no choice in the matter, thank you for enrolling. From the staff of OWFU, we look forward to seeing you attempting to improve, pass, and survive over the upcoming year. Please note that your information will only be made public only to the members of the OWFU staff for our own personal use and entertainment. Once again we must convey our best wishes.
Miss Lan, Esteemed Headmistress and Course Coordinator"
"What a bitch!" exclaimed Abby. "Who is she to tell me I can't write fanfiction! Since when did you have to follow standards in fanfiction! It's fanfiction for pity's sake! I can do whatever I want! I'll show her! I'm not wasting my time filling out this stupid thing!"
Abby then proceeded to open up her word processor and begin typing an even better fanfic. This one was to be a sequel to the show. She had at least read a summary that included spoilers.
"In Kiyamo Ko (that's Fiyero's house) Elfie and Fiyero sat down to eat. Fiyero noticed his lover was looking very sad. He knew this because he saw she wasn't hardly eating anything, and the food was her favorit. He says, 'Wut's wrong baby?' 'I'm so sad Glinda can't be with us. She wuz my best friend!' says Elfie breakin down to tears," Abby typed or at least that's what she thought.
Looking back up at the monitor she found her work had once again been replaced with another message from the stupid lady trying to get her to go to the stupid school.
You have been warned once and made aware of the consequences of refusing to enroll and continuing with your atrocious writing. Five seconds ensuing the reading of this message, you shall receive your punishment due. If there is any room remaining, you will be sent a late enrollment form. If there is not space available for you to enroll, your punishment will be eventually removed within the course of a week. Additionally, you will be kept on probation and under heavy surveillance until the next year. I do hope you will think to follow instructions then.
Miss Lan, Esteemed, Headmistress, Course-Coordinator, and Disciplinarian a.k.a. Elitist Bitch
"Huh?" was all Abby could think. Her puny, pseudo fan-girl mind hadn't even had time to comprehend the message before she was sucked into a swirling vortex.
When she finally regained consciousness, Abby felt very strange. She looked down to see that she was somehow several feet above ground. She took in her surroundings. She was in a cornfield. Her neck began to ache.
"Oh no," she groaned as she attempted to move it. She had been hung up and bound tightly to a metal post in the position of scarecrow. The sun was bearing relentlessly down on her head, causing her extreme discomfort. Then the crows came.
Lan simply shook her head as she gazed through Elphaba's green glass plate.
"Pseudo-fangirls are the worst of their kind, especially when they think they know enough about a show or book to write a fanfic about it."
"Seems kind of extreme to do that to her though," commented Fiyero. He could definitely empathize with the girl, although he wasn't too fond of her. Being strung up and left hanging on a post for a prolonged period of time was not fun.
"She deserves it. That's someone who I would say is truly 'wicked,'" replied Elphaba vehemently. "I would never break down like that."
"Oh, well that's saying a lot about our friendship," said an affronted Glinda who had just entered the room.
"It's says quite a lot about our friendship, that you don't know by now that I would never act like that. I do mourn for the people I've lost, but in my own way."
"You mean bitter sarcasm!"
"It's not as if you could pull it off!"
"Are you implying that I'm just a dumb blonde?"
"Why else would so many writers portray you that way?"
"Oh…you…" Glinda sputtered at a loss for words. "Fiyero!" she said, turning to Fiyero for support.
Fiyero helplessly looked from Glinda to Elphaba and back. "Ummm…Fae…save it for…the students…" he said a little timidly.
"This is hardly a taste of what they'll receive," said Elphaba maliciously.
"Oh, yes. We have much in store for them," added MissLan joining the conversation.