Disclaimers: I do not own Wicked (the book and musical) or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.
This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.
As much as I love Harry Potter, I love J.K. Rowling even more for creating him and all the other wonderful characters such as Dumbledore.
Skittles and M & Ms are yummy and copyright of Mars Incorporated.
"Survivor" is copyright of CBS.
Ch 8: Originality is All the Colors of the Rainbow
Once again students in class were giving a professor reason to vent.
It took Professor Spork a few moments to regain her balance and composure when the students began entering the classroom. She had been rather engaged in spinning herself around in her "rolly chair."
"Good afternoon all. I trust your experiences have been pleasant thus far?" she asked.
A few muffled groans and mutterings answered her.
"Excellent," said Professor Spork, smirking. "Welcome to 'Originality 101' otherwise known as 'Clichés and How to Avoid Them.' I'd first like to start out with a brief poll. How many of you have written sequels to the musical?"
Almost every person in the class's hand shot up. Each person believed his or her story was the greatest work of fanfiction ever created and was simply dying for the chance to read it aloud. Professor Spork simply nodded.
"How many have a written a sequel to the book?"
Half the hands went down.
"Did Glinda and/or Elphaba burst out into tears frequently?"
Once again most the class raised their hands.
"Did Elphaba and Fiyero 'make love' at least once within the story with the lyrics to 'As Long as You're Mine?' following or woven throughout the scene?"
Everyone in the class's hands shot up.
"Don't you people have any BRAINS!"
Several people opened their mouths to reply, but Professor Spork cut them off by saying, "Make a pun about Fiyero, and I'll send you to Miss Lan's office in less than two seconds!"
Those with open mouths quickly shut them. "I suppose the best way to start this course is to first define the term 'cliché.' Someone please tell me what the definition of this word is."
One of the five Glindas in the class raised her hand.
"You there in the pink," said Professor Spork pointing to the girl.
"Me?" chorused all the Glindas and Galindas.
"The one raising her hand!" snapped the Professor.
"Ummm…isn't it like…like…something a lot of people like do…or something like that?" the girl replied timidly.
"'Something like that,' yes in a sense. A cliché is something that is obvious, expected, stereotypical, and common. In regards to the sequels so many of you have written, did any of those stories have an actual plot, substance, direction?"
An average looking girl raised her hand. She was a lone figure in blue jeans and a t-shirt with red hair amidst all the curly-haired blondes in pink dresses.
"Well, I just go this great idea, and it's really original," she said.
"By all means please share with the class," replied Professor Spork.
"Ok, so it starts out that Elphaba actually melts, and Fiyero heartbroken tries to heal his pain and Glinda's by hooking back up with her. He knew Elphaba would have wanted them to go on," she paused a moment to observe the reaction she was getting.
The entire class was enraptured and many were taking notes. Professor Spork was raising an eyebrow.
"But Boq is getting more and more jealous because Glinda still pays more attention to Fiyero than him even though he is a scarecrow. Then Glinda who is trying to learn how to read and use the Grimmerie for good finds this spell. She decides to try to read it out loud and see what happens. Surprise! Elphaba reappears and…"
"Just stop right there," interrupted Professor Spork. She couldn't stand the thought of having to listen to rest of this terribly constructed, over dramatized plot which would clearly include lots of angst, cliff hangers, and love triangles, perhaps even a death or two. "While that is original," said Professor Spork slowly trying to get her point across without promoting bad fanfiction. "as it does have something not many would see coming, I wouldn't recommend acting upon that idea."
The students perked their heads up at the word "original." One boy bravely raised his hand and interrupted the Professor.
"Can we use that idea then?"
"NO! That's the whole purpose of this class and my lecture! How can you be original if you use someone else's idea?" answered Professor Spork sharply. "For homework tonight, I want you all to choose a minor (a.k.a. NOT Elphaba, Fiyero, Glinda, Boq, the Wizard, Nessarose, or Liir) character from the book and write an essay, ranging from two to three pages, that discusses their role in and significance to the story. The main purpose is this is to help you all realize that the characters you are all so over fond of using are not the only ones in and important to the story. Keep in mind you are writing an essay not a fanfic. Any questions?"
One of the Glindas raised her hand. "Can we create our own characters? I haven't read the book, and really have no desire to."
"NO!" snapped Professor Spork. "You can only write on a minor character from the book. Unlike many of you I have read the book, so I will know if your character is canonical or not. To those who have not read the book, shame on you. None of you are excused from the assignment. This book is on the reading lists of every one of your classes; there's no excuse for not having it. This assignment will be turned in at the beginning of next class. You all are dismissed."
The students began gathering their belongings grumbling all the time about the ridiculous amounts of homework they were being assigned.
"Man, I really didn't want to have to read the book, and now I have to to get this assignment done," groaned Abby on the way out of class to her friend and classmate Elaine.
"Forget reading the book, I'll just skim the book and 'BS' the paper. Worse comes to worse, I can always get my room mate rambling—she's a hardcore book fan," replied Elaine casually.
"Hmmm…not a bad idea, think she'd mind talking to me too?"
"Just tell her you haven't read the book and once she stops berating you, she'll go off on a huge spiel describing every event and character in the book."
How extremely convienient; she wouldn't have to read the book after all Abby thought to herself. This provided her with more free time which could be productively spent on Fiyero glomping, Elphaba hating, and Glinda worshipping, well maybe a little Boq glomping too—he was awfully cute.
Elphaba was standing in the front of a shelf in the library pouring over a book. She heard light footsteps coming from behind her and felt someone slip his arms around her waist and breathe lightly on the back of her neck.
She sighed, mildly irritated by the interuption. "Fiyero, you aren't the lust driven beast that some of these writers make you out to be. You know I don't enjoy being bothered while I'm working." As she turned around to face her would-be-seducer, she added coyly, "But if you wait until classes are over…perhaps…we can..."
"WHA!" she exclaimed jumping back rapidly from the embrace of a familiar purple figure. Unfortunately there really was not much space between Elphaba and the bookshelf, and as a result, Elphaba found her back striking up against it quite hard.
"Surprise my love," replied the purple skinned man who had no other alias other than "Elphaba's supposed 'first'."
Elphaba swore angrily. "I thought we got rid of you!"
"You can't be rid of true love."
"This isn't true love."
"What else can it be?"
"Pure, unadulterated, loathing!" said Elphaba, spitting out every word.
"Playing the shrew now are we my love?"
"I am not your love! This is not love! Love is mutual, this is not!"
A look of realization crossed the face of the purple first, Elphaba thought perhaps she'd actually gotten through his thick skull.
"Someone else holds your heart captive." No such luck. "It's that man! The native man with those hideous blue tattoos." As if being an original character with bright purple skin was attractive. "You think he understands you, but he doesn't. He's only using you and will abandon you for some young, sultry creature that he happens to cross paths with. He's probably already doing so now behind your back. If he is, I'll kill him! If he isn't…perhaps…" A look that crossed between pure hatred, jealousy, and plotting appeared on the purple man's face. He suddenly moved away from Elphaba and left the library without even trying to touch her once more.
Elphaba heaved a sigh of relief and eased her aching back away from the bookshelf. Original characters normally weren't well developed and therefore seldom had more intelligence than a teaspoon. This character apparently could only be occupied with one thought at a time. The thought was either his undying love for Elphaba or his absolute hatred for Fiyero. Where was the Gale Force when they were actually needed? On second thought, where was Miss Lan when you needed her? This situation could get grossly out of hand if she, and more importantly Fiyero, wasn't informed.
"DUMBLEDORE IS NOT GOING TO DIE!" roared Miss Lan.
"It's a given pattern in all great works of fiction! The mentor has to die in order for the hero to gain full independence and strength to do what must be done!" responded Fiyero equally furious.
"I second that thought," said Nessarose.
"I'm betting it's one of the trio," said Avaric who really didn't care much about Harry Potter, but enjoyed seeing the members of the staff who did care riled up.
"No one asked for your input," snapped Miss Lan.
"Dumbledore is a staple figure and the only one Voldemort is truly afraid of. He has to stay. Likely one of his other mentors will be going; I have to say it will be Lupin," said Glinda.
As mentioned in the previous chapter, Harry Potter mania had also hit the realm of "Wicked" affecting not only the students but staff as well, both canon and non-canon. The staff, having finished lunch, were now engrossed in a heated argument over who was to be the rumored character to die in the sixth book which was to be released in a small number of days.
"Who is Dumbledore, and why does he matter," purred an unfamiliar voice, whilst the owner casually drapped her arm around Fiyero's neck and began stroking his chest.
Fiyero shifted uncomfortably and removed the arm from around his neck. He held on to the arm for a moment, puzzled by the marks he saw on it. He looked up and saw a dark, haired, tan skinned woman, with red tattoos in the shape of lightning bolts covering her skin wearing an alluring smile on her face.
In that same moment, Elphaba appeared at the table where the staff were gathered.
She was pleased to see that the two people she needed to speak to most were present.
"Good, you're both together; saves me a great deal of trouble. That crazy purple skinned man who claims to be my 'first' has managed to find his way back here and is skulking about here somewhere plotting something nasty no doubt."
"And who is this blinding beauty?" said the tattooed woman, her voice dripping with sarcasam. "No doubt a scorned lover."
"She is in fact my lover whom I would never scorn," replied Fiyero with a look of distaste.
"Current?" asked the woman raising an eyebrow.
"Permanent," acidly replied Elphaba.
"Caught him in the act of infidelity didn't you!" shouted a voice excitedly.
"Oh no!" groaned Elphaba.
The purple first came storming up to the staff table. "I told you he would do this to you. Now, come and let me take you away from all this pain," he said grabbing onto Elphaba's arm.
"You just don't get the message do you!" retorted Elphaba, wrenching her arm free.
Fiyero stood up fully intending to deal the purple first a great blow, but the tattooed woman pushed him back into his seat and proceeded to wrap her arms around him.
"She doesn't need your assistance. You see how she scorns men?"
Fiyero was having none of that though. He stood up and non-chalantly shrugged her off.
"How dare you reject the affections Fiona the Chieftess of the Jina-Jen tribe!" she cried.
"What are you talking about? There is no such tribe!" replied Fiyero. He turned away from her and marched over to where the purple first was.
"This means war! Jina-Jen to me!" shouted the enraged Fiona. Instantly, a large number of warriors had appeared behind her, some covered with red tattoos similar to their leader's, others had fiery orange tattoos, and still more had both orange, red, and yellow tattoos.
The students knew better than to be in the middle of a character battle and quickly fled.
"Elphaba why won't you understand that I love you! I was your 'first! We have an unbreakable bond! Doesn't that mean anything!'" entreated the purple first.
"Does the word 'stalker' mean anything to you!" Elphaba replied angrily.
The purple first wasn't given the chance to say anything further. Fiyero dealt him an immense blow.
"That wasn't necessary you know. I've been rather sucessful at taking care of myself," said Elphaba haughtily.
"I couldn't stand him manhandling you. Plus, I had my dignity to defend. I wasn't going to take anymore of his insults," replied Fiyero.
Elphaba's expression softend a bit. "Thank you," she said softly.
The purple first moaned loudly. "It isn't enough that you have her so head over heels in love with you that she can't see how you're manipulating her. You have to destroy any chance of happiness she has!" he declared while clutching to his aching head. "The Hajra are not the type of people to stand by and allow such things to occur. I will free my love from your tyrany at all costs! There will be war between our people! I summon all the warriors of the Hajra!"
Like the Jina-Jens, the entire Hajra army appeared out of nowhere behind their leader. These people were varying shades and tints of purple from royal purple to lavendar. There were even a few fuschia and red-violet colored individuals.
"Great, another non-existant tribe of Oz to deal with," said Fiyero. "I guess it's time to answer the challenge by summoning my tribe. At least mine actually exists."
Not two seconds later, the entire Arjiki tribe was behind Fiyero, the members all tattooed in blue. The three groups, all assembled, growled and shot looks of anger at each other, while their leaders bellowed their challenges.
"Why do I feel like a giant bag of genetically mutated Skittles just exploded?" said Miss Lan.
"We're rather short on green though, and blue isn't part of the original Skittles group," observed Emily. "It's more like genetically mutated M & Ms."
"I think we should be more concerned with how to deal with all these rouge original characters rather than finding an analogy to the situation," said Professor WittyFae. "It would be rather tedious, not to mention difficult, to round them all up and send them back 'somewhere' where original characters usually reside."
"I say just let 'em hash it out," said Professor Spork.
"Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea," added Lady Bianca. "Canon trumps 'fanon.'"
"Logical and simple, sounds like a good plan to put in action," said Miss Lan as she got up and proceeded to stand on her chair. "Tribe leaders listen up!"
"Great, I feel like I'm hosting 'Survivor,'" she thought.
Continuing loudly, she said,"Since you all are intent on settling your disputes by use of violence on this campus you are to follow my instructions as I'm headmistress here. First, you are to fight outside the buildings and are confined to the university grounds; I will not have my university made a mess of or you wrecking havoc on the rest of Oz, second, there will be no taking students, staff, or canon characters hostage, other than that go forth and do battle."
The tribe leaders nodded in agreement and saluted Miss Lan. The Hajra led by the purple first left and were followed by Fiona and the Jena-Jin and lastly the Arjikis, Fiyero, and Elphaba.
A fierce battle waged out on the grounds of OWFU for the remainder of the day. That evening the staff had just resumed their lunch time argument in the staff lounge room when an exhausted Fiyero and Elphaba entered. The couple dropped themselves onto a couch, Elphaba leaning against Fiyero's shoulder smiling satisfactorily.
"Am I right to assume that victory was achieved?" asked Miss Lan.
"No more multi-colored original characters running about, thank Lurline," said Elphaba.
"Like I said, canon will always triumph over 'fanon,'" said Lady Bianca.
"Damages?" inquired Miss Lan.
"Minimal. The grounds look as if someone decided to splash every single color of the rainbow paint all over them, and there's not much shrubbery left. And, as you can see, Elphaba and I are fully intact."
"Excellent work," said Miss Lan. "I greatly appreciate it from both of you."
"Wait, where are is the rest of your tribe?" asked Professor Spork.
"They went back to their place in the canon—the Thousand Year Grasslands," replied Fiyero.
"Oh, I see," Professor Spork said.
"Now, back to what I was saying at lunch, it has been proven over and over again…," began Fiyero.
"I still refuse to believe that Dumbledore will die before book 7," replied Miss Lan firmly.
Needless to say the heated discussion continued much later into the evening.
AN: Finally, an update from those who haven't been with me since the beginning. This was the chapter that was sort of lost and it was written before the release of Harry Potter Book 6. I had saved it on a computer in my second home, thinking I could just download the backup copy from FFN. Well forgot to do so and boom my fic was temporarily deleted and I was missing a chapter. I'm pretty sure I came up with the term "fanon" but if I didn't, well I didn't, and credit goes to whoever did. I also unintentionally threw in a musical moment. Special thanks to Professor Spork for providing me with an excellent beginning to this chapter and letting me alter it to suit my tastes. I greatly appreciate all my staff, students, readers, and reviewers. I know I've been dead to the realm of fanfiction for a while, but I'm sure you all understand when I say it's due to a thing called "college." Updates may be sporadic and likely won't happen until summer when I have time to fully sort things out. Love to you all! --Lan