By: rixiel

Disclaimer: Peacemaker Kurogane belongs to Nanae Chrono, and I gain no profit through this.

"And I don't want the world to see me,

cause I don't think that they understand.

When everything's meant to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am."

Goo Goo Dolls; Iris

"Susumu." Hijikata's voice, edged uncharacteristically with uncertainty stops Susumu short as he made his way back from her empty quarters. All she had left behind was the faint scent of lilies.

"Yes?" He doesn't turn around because he isn't sure if he is strong enough to look Hijikata in the eyes and be told that he is not needed here anymore.

"I'll see you in my quarters." Hijikata's voice is now steady, like his footsteps as he left. Susumu closes his eyes, a dull weight on his chest. Once again, he had let her down.

He slides the door open carefully and finds Hijikata pacing around the room, pipe clutched tight in his hands and his eyes slit. It surprises Susumu but he slides the door back in place and stands waiting. Hijikata makes no move to acknowledge his entrance as he continues to pace. Finally he stops, his voice menacing, "We're taking them down tomorrow. Souji's team will be deployed."

Susumu nods, suppressing the welling bitterness, "I will take my leave then." It will end this way after all.

"You're going with them." Hijiakata exhales, along with a stream of smoke from his drawl at the pipe.

Susumu stares, confused, uncertain if he had heard correct. Avoiding his questioning glaze, Hijikata rambled on. "We'll set off before the day breaks tomorrow to catch them unguarded.


"They'll be surrounded and we can catch them all in a loop. They will not get away, those fools, underestimating the --"

"Hijikata san."

There was a moment silence and Hijikata turns to look him straight in the eyes, his voice thick, "I'm sorry Susumu."

Susumu blinks in surprit often and they were always discreet. He remembers their fi fallen across his face. His voice wavers and he smiles self mockingly, "It was my fault. I couldn't do anything for her."

Strong arms reached for him then, and Susumu was bewildered to be pulled into a wide chest, bodies crushed together. Hijikata hold was so tight that it bruised, but the pain was welcoming. It took away some of that numbing ache in his heart and Susumu returns it with equal force, afraid that if he let go, he would be lost.

Hijikata backs them both to a wall and supporting their weight on it. His hold on the younger man never loosening as Susumu clung onto him, body shaking lightly from self control. They embraced each other in silence and he traces comforting patterns across the slim back, and smoothens down stray hairs.

When Susumu finally lifts his head away from the crook of Hijikata's neck, the man strokes his face softly, and presses a kiss to his forehead, before following the path his fingers created. The kiss was hot and slow when their lips finally meet and Hijikata slides them down to the floor, his back against by the wall with Susumu sprawled across his lap.

It is not the first time they share a stolen moment of pleasure together, though not often and they were always discreet. He remembers their first, it was when he had decided to send Susumu undercover and was given a preview of Osei. After which he had accidentally stumbled onto the transformation of Osei to Susumu.

Curious, Hijikata stayed to watch daft fingers working meticulously to remove the light layer of makeup. First was the dark liquid on his long lashes, next was the shadow of pink powder on his eyes and then yielding away the light powder on his face with gentle swipes of a damp cloth.

Hijikata was found it strangely erotic that the carefully applied colours fell apart to reveal smooth glowing skin, and those dark brown eyes narrowed in concentration as he dabbed carefully at the gloss on his lips, turning them lush. 'Like the colour of ripe plums' his brain commented helpfully and he had to agree. When the carefully bounded hair came tumbling down, falling wildly into the elegant curve of his neck, Hijikata saw some hope for his haikus.

Finally raising his eyes from the mirror to meet that of his audience, Susumu was greeted with lust. It caught him off guard that the look remained unwavering even after being discovered. He swallowed, nearly forgetting his mask of indifference. He had been propositioned before, by men and women, but it was usually just suggestive smiles or sneaky peeks, never were they this honest.

The stillness dragged on and Susumu knew it was his call to make. Hijikata was his master, but Susumu was never his slave. Nonetheless, Susumu obeys every word, but this time there was no order. He could pretend nothing had matter and continue calmly with his routine, or he could touch the man and have his touch in return. Susumu knows what lust is, it is an emotion that is everything but love. Knows what it feels like, but like the rest of his emotions, it is buried somewhere deep to be forgotten.

He doesn't know how to handle this, and silently asks for an order, and he receives none. He tries again, some desperation seeping through this time. He sees Hijikata thinking, running through the consequences of each choice and he knows what Hijikata is thinking. It's mutual agreement, one with pleasure but no promises, no emotional attachments, to be kept secret, that nothing is to change and the topic of Okita is off limits. He shows his master that he understands, and that he accepts whatever the order is. He sees Hijikata hesitating, and he feels something inside him stir, a bittersweet sort of ache.

The small flicker of emotion in those usually guarded brown eyes made his decision and Hijikata moves slowly to kneel before the younger man, giving him the space to flinch, but he doesn't, even when their lips are almost touching, breaths washing across each other faces. Susumu's glaze is still as obedient and it annoys him, he wants Susumu to want this as much as he does. Grabbing Susumu by the back his neck, he pressed their lips violently together.

Susumu is stunned, everything feels foreign, the scrapping of lips, tiny sharp nips and the ruthless exploration of his mouth. It left him breathless and exhilarated. He feels experienced fingers pull apart his obi to let the layers of silk slip his shoulders. It took him a week to learn how to put on the kimono and it took Hijikata five seconds to dismantle the entire outfit.

Hijikata finds that even in pleasure, Susumu was quiet, his pants were soft and gasps stifled as Hijikata teased him mercilessly, tracing feathery touches across harden nipples. He nudged long slim legs open to stroke Susumu's growing need and grinned wickedly when those dark brown eyes dilate in pleasure, desire burning bright and body thrusting instinctively into Hijikata's hands.

There was a slight protest from Susumu when Hijikata stops to discard their clothing to bring their bared bodies flushed against each other. "What do you want Susumu?" Hijikata whispers into his ears before biting the soft skin and grinds hard into the body beneath him.

"I… don't know." Susumu pants, hands gripping the sides of Hijikata's arm with such force that it forms indents. It wasn't an answer that Hijikata likes and he stills. Sumusu tries to buckle up, but the hands on his hips held him down, and he groans frustrated, "You're the first." Show me how.

Susumu learns fast, Hijikata notes as Susumu straddles his lap, straining forward to kiss him harder, asking for more, needing more of this madness and Hijikata gives. Calloused fingers slipping through layers of clothes, skirting across bare skin stopping at places where he knows will intensify the pleasure.

He offering the control to Susumu after he has prepared the young man enough to make sure he doesn't suffer, he sits back to watch the man impale himself on him with a sharp hiss, and Hijikata shudders at the warm heat engulfing him. Susumu arches as they rock, head lolling back and Hijikata sucks greedily at the exposed throat, feeling the vibrations as Susumu moans low.

When the ardency breaks them both, Susumu coils tight against him, taking Hijikata with him as he came. They crumbled into each other, breaths coming in hard pants, surrounded by a languid haze.

Hijikata's eyes are closed and he feels Susumu reaching out to brush away the damp hair clinging on his face. He kisses those fingers and pull the man into another fierce hug. He realizes suddenly that he needed this comfort as much as Susumu needed it and he wishes that he could change things. It was stupid, he was a realistic man, and he knew that decisions made can never altered, but he finds himself wishing for it anyway.


12 Oct 05

Thanks for reading! Comments are gladly appreciated:)