How Mariku (Yami Malik) Got His Clothes

Dedicated to Amei-kun (Evee1sh)

Authoress- Elle (DreamCherry66)

Disclaimer- I do not, in any way, own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything associated with it. Amei and I own the idea of how Mariku got his clothes, though.

Genre(s)- Humor/General

Summary- Ok, Malik didn't bring a bag of clothes with him to the Battle City Finals, so how the heck did his darker half get a different set?

A/N- Whelp, Amei and I were IMing (Instant Messaging) each-other on MSN Messenger and somehow we got onto the topic of how Mariku got his clothes. This is the spawn of that conversation.

Warnings- Sexual references, lame jokes about Odeon (Rishid) and Yami (other Yugi), rabid pillows and bedhseets trying to kill our beloved hero. Not Yami, Yami sucks, he's stupid, but Mariku.

Note- I'm a Bakura (Yami no Bakura, Dark Bakura) and Ryou (Bakura) fangirl. Do not mistake me for a Yami hater or a Mariku-obsessed fangirl. Bakura is my boo, fear his wrath. And the creampuffs, for if we do not give them their light, they will incinerate us with their creamyness of doom. Just ask Ryou, he's suffered their wrath before…Sever diarrhoea, people.

For fun, try to count the amount of discreetly placed sexual references in this fic.

By the way-



My lavender eyes blinked in shock, before my face broke out into a grin. Laughter escaped my lips (the kind that sounds more like insane cackling to everyone else). I was free! Finally, that virgin runt of a light got so pissed off that I could take over!

After giving the Geek Patrol a short speech (Re-damned Pharaoh, he likes the sound of his own voice too much. 'Don't molest Bakura!' 'Don't set Joey on fire!' 'If you do that, we'll ALL die!' Hmph, like I didn't know that.) I noticed what my…host…tried to force me to wear, and my eye vein twitch developed itself.

"P-pink." I snarled in disbelief.

"That Re-damned ASSHOLE put me in PINK?" Somewhere from his Soul Room, Malik was protesting, saying that it was lavender.

"It makes no difference!" I screamed at the Rod, banging against the wall with it.

"Clothes…Clothes…Clothes…" I muttered to myself, walking past the Cheerleading Squad and into the blimp's middle level.

"Stupid moron didn't bring any clothes…The Hell was he expecting to do? Steal Bakura's toy's clothes after fucking the poor kid? Hmph, well, I doubt that idiot brought a change of clothes either." I continued my perfectly sane ramblings all the way to a closet, where I knew I would be sleeping. Nothing like coming out of a closet first thing in the morning and scaring the Hell out of people.

When I was trying to sleep that night (the pink was trying to consume me) an idea hit me. What if I went on a scavenger hunt?

So, I made a checklist on my palm, using the Rod, of what I would need.



Shirt (optional)

Shoes (to throw at people)


Well, I had my mind made up. Everything was engraved into my hand. First thing first, I had to get a cape.

I crept into Ishizu's room first, Malik's knowledge telling me that she had brought purple bed sheets for her brother. Not bothering to be quiet (the old hag sleeps like a rock anyway) I ripped apart her bag and spotted the precious dark purple satin bedsheets. Laughing to myself, I tied it around my neck and began to trounce out of the room when something hit me. I spun around and saw a pillow lying on the ground…

"..The fuck?" I snarled, picking it up and trying to tear it apart at the seams.

Alas, it didn't work. Instead, a face appeared on it, grinning up at me. Teeth were suddenly bared, and in seconds I was on my back, screaming as the pillow tried to gnaw off my head. The light turned on and the pillow froze, but I kept screaming, knowing that it would soon return to life.

"…Mariku?" A quiet voice asked from the doorway. I stopped screaming long enough to turn my head to the person and nod in acknowledgement, before continuing trying to fight off the bloodthirsty pillow.

"Um, Dark Malik?" Another quiet voice joined the second. I huffed in annoyance, turning my head to the two.

"Can't you see I'm fighting for my life?" I asked exasperatedly. Yugi and Ryou stood side-by-side, throwing each-other nervous glances.

"Dark Malik…That's a pillow." Yugi pointed out. Ishizu was still snoring away in her bed, ignorant of her missing pillow.

"So?" I asked, a challenge in my voice. Yugi sighed and shook his head.

"I'm glad Yami got over this stage quick." He muttered, walking out and leaving a sweatdropping Ryou to care for me.

"Uh, well, I guess I'll leave you to it, then." He murmered, blushing. He quickly walked over and grabbed the pillow from me, throwing it behind him (coincidentally hitting Ishizu's face) and helping me up. He noticed the bedsheet around my neck and suddenly Bakura was in control, scowling at me.

"That thing will kill you." He snarled, trying to rip my cape away. I jumped away from him and held it protectively in my arms.

"No! Muddy (1) would never do that to me!"

"Muddy? You're growing attached to that damned thing? Hand it over, it's brainwashing you!" Bakura demanded, advancing upon poor Muddy and I.

"NEVER!" I screamed, kicking him in the stomach and bolting out the door. Still Ishizu slept on, unaware of her now almost completely destroyed room.

After playing a game of Hide-and-Seek with Bakura, who was trying to kill my precious Muddy, I found myself in the blond mutt's room, on top of his bag. On ce again my grin found its way onto my face and I ripped into his bag, finally coming across a pair of pants that were to my liking. I cackled this time, and removed Malik's underwear and pants, and wriggled into my new clothing. I flung my old clothes at the sleeping form of Joey and skipped out, cackling in my head.

Two down, three to go.

The next item I found was in my good ol' buddy Bakura's bag. He was still out looking for me around the blimp, so I saw no harm in stealing a shirt from him. Snickering, I threw Malik's pink (lavender) shirt at his window and picked out another from his bag, sending all the clothes that weren't his striped shirt outfit to the Shadow Realm.

I escaped from there quickly and not two minutes later I heard Bakura's roar of rage. Gods, how heavily do these people sleep?

To cut a long story short, I stole Kaiba's boots and Yugi's eyeliner (apparently it was almost the same as Kohl…).

Little did I know that some presence was watching my every move…Waiting for me to slip up.

It wasn't until my duel against the idiot (Joey) that I realized.

Ishizu's pillow had gone missing...

Oh, and by the way, no-one could change their clothes at all during the finals. Heh, sometimes I just rock too much for words.


So…How bad did it suck? Lots, gigantic, or so sucky there are no words to say how crappy it is?

(1)- .:whistles innocently and shoots a look at Amei:.