Disclaimer: All these fabulous characters belong to JK Rowling. I'm just letting them have a little fun. ;)
A/N: I consider this a sequel to Someone Like Me, but you don't have to have read that one to enjoy the craziness of this fic. But for the total fluff experience (and to make me a happy little fic writer) I suggest reading SLM first.
Comments of all kinds are always appreciated. My reviewers rock my socks.
Old Wolf, New Tricks
Professor R.J. Lupin sat down at his desk with a sigh, and poured himself a hot cup of tea.
He had just dismissed the last class of his first day back as a teacher at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, he still had to sit through dinner in the Great Hall and a faculty meeting before he could finally get home to his wife.
His wife. Merlin, that sounded strange.
If five years ago—the last time Remus Lupin had resided in this office—someone had told him that one day, a beautiful 25-year-old woman would stand up in public and joyfully agree to be his wife, he would have sent that person to Madam Pomfrey to have their head thoroughly examined. And yet, here was a shiny gold ring on his left hand, and a picture on his desk of him holding a grinning pink-haired woman in a wedding gown.
Staring at the picture, his mind began to drift to thoughts of her—her infectious smile, that light perfume she always wore, her large eyes that never seemed to be the same color twice, her long, perfect legs, her smooth skin, her warm—
A knock on his office door immediately snapped Remus out of his increasingly naughty thoughts, so much that he jumped and dropped his teacup in his lap. He cringed and willed himself not to start yelling obscenities as he frantically grasped for his wand to evanesco the hot liquid off his nether regions.
"Professor Lupin?" a timid voice asked from the other side of the door.
"Just a moment," Remus called out as he recollected himself and sat back down behind the desk, glaring at the teacup as if it was all its fault for getting him distracted. He picked up a quill and put his Professor Lupin face on (or at least, that's what Tonks called it). "Yes, come in."
The door opened and in walked a girl in Ravenclaw robes. She looked about sixteen and had long, shimmering blonde hair and sparkling green eyes.
None of this meant anything to Remus, as it was only the first day of classes and thus he knew very few of his students. He immediately apologized for not yet knowing her name.
She shyly looked at her shoes. "It's Sweetie Twinklebottom."
Remus had to take a quick gulp of tea to keep from laughing. What were this girl's parents thinking! And Tonks thinks "Nymphadora" is bad?
He put down the teacup and cleared his throat. "Well, Miss Twinklebottom, how can I help you? Did you have a question about today's homework assignment? It's really simpler than it looks, I can assure you—"
But Sweetie Twinklebottom's attention was fixed on a certain photograph on Professor Lupin's desk. "Is that your wife?"
That was unexpected. "Erm…yes, yes it is."
"She's very pretty."
"Yes she is."
"Mrs. Lupin must miss you a lot while you're stuck here at school all day."
"Erm," Remus fished for the right thing to say. Was this proper conversation for a teacher and student? He didn't think so. He also imagined Mrs. Lupin would have many vicious things in store for Miss Twinklebottom if she ever learned about this. "Well, she has a job of her own to keep her occupied, and I'd prefer if we left it at that. Now, about why you're here—"
But Sweetie was not finished. She flung her long blonde hair over her shoulder and leaned over Remus' desk so that he had a good view of her cleavage. She batted her eyelashes. "This is a really lovely desk you have, Professor Lupin," she purred. "It's very sturdy, and long…and hard."
Remus opened his mouth but no sound came out. He tried again. "Miss Twinklebottom, I really don't believe this is appropriate—"
She leaned completely across the desk and grabbed him by his cardigan. "Oh, I think it is."
And then he saw it. Her eyes were sparkling blue. She blinked again, and they were green again.
She grinned, and suddenly Sweetie Twinklebottom's teenage body aged by nearly a decade, the long blonde hair shrank into short pink spikes, and Nymphadora Tonks Lupin was in her place, laughing hysterically.
Remus let out an enormous sigh of relief. "For Merlin's sake, Nymphadora."
But Tonks was still laughing. "You should have seen the look on your face!"
Remus looked desperate. "Tonks, you could have gotten me fired! What if Minerva had walked in?"
"She could join in," she answered cheekily.
"I'm sorry I asked."
"Remus," Tonks chastised, her face still flushed from laughing, "you're back at Hogwarts now. Where's your naughty Marauder spirit?"
"I'm a teacher now. It's different." It was then that it hit him that she was still wearing the Ravenclaw uniform, only now the skirt was at least three sizes too small and far too short, the blouse was riding up above her belly button, and the jumper far too tight--which in turn was starting to make Remus' trousers feel tight.
"So," he said, fussing with some parchment, trying to distract himself. "Don't you have any important Auror business you ought to be doing?"
"Probably." She walked over to his side of the desk and sat herself in his lap. "But I wanted to come by and see how my husband was doing his first day at his new job." She lazily ran her fingers along his chest.
"Well," said Remus, fidgeting more and more with the parchment, "you could have just asked me when I got home."
Tonks wrenched the parchment out of his grasp so that he was forced to look at her. "I don't want to wait till you get home," she said in a low voice. She leaned over and brushed her lips against his ear as she whispered, "Mrs. Lupin has missed you very, very much." She began slowly placing light kisses down his neck.
"Really." It was a statement, not a question. Remus, in a wave of possessiveness, turned his head and claimed her lips with his own. Sweet Merlin, she knows how to push my buttons.
Suddenly, there was a noise, and Remus jumped.
"Oh, that was just me, darling," said Tonks. "I kicked off my shoes." She took one look at Remus' nervous face and added, "Please hold."
She turned to face the door, took out her wand, and quickly muttered a long incantation. She threw the wand on the desk and turned back around to face Remus. "There. This room is now officially sealed, sound-proofed, student-proofed, and even Minerva-proofed." She grinned and saluted. "Auror's honor. Now where were we?"
Meanwhile, Remus wanted to slap himself. I really am too old for this, he thought. My brilliant wife is throwing herself at me and all I can think about is what if we get caught. I'm Prefect Moony all over again, only older and more anal. She's right, if Sirius and James were here, they'd consider me an embarrassment to Marauderkind.
"Oh yes," continued Tonks, slowly undoing Remus' tie. "You know, it's always been a secret fantasy of mine to seduce a professor and have him make mad passionate love to me in his office."
"Is that so?" he replied huskily, as Tonks flung his tie somewhere across the room and began unbuttoning his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her and sought out all her curves that he knew so well, but couldn't get enough of.
"Yeah," she murmured, kissing him across his chest. "Although," she added, stopping to reminisce, "when I was younger, I always pictured some tall, dark and mysterious Astronomy teacher, or a large, buff Care of Magical Creatures teacher with a shiny, rippling torso and a whip. For some reason he always had a whip, I don't really know why." She had a faraway look in her eyes.
Remus blinked. "That was really far more than I ever needed to know."
"Oh. Right, sorry, went off on a tangent there," Tonks babbled, blushing. "My point is," she said, going back to kissing a now quite self-conscious Remus Lupin, "that now I happen to have a fixation with Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers. Especially one in particular. It's a very, very sexy subject."
Just as she said this, her eyes fell upon a shelf full of bodies of strange, grotesque creatures sealed in jars. Okay, maybe not.
"That is," she added, "you make it very sexy." She pulled him closer and their lips came together in a heated kiss. Tonks ran her fingers up Remus' spine and all the way up to his hair, and Remus decided he needed to feel his skin against hers. Now. He began struggling with the small buttons on Tonks' old Hogwarts uniform.
"I wonder how many other professors have had the honor of getting a shag in this office?" Remus pondered out loud.
Tonks' eyes involuntarily looked at the shelf with the jars. "I think you may be the first," she said flatly.
"Wow," said Remus, still fighting the buttons. "First werewolf to be a professor, and first to get a shag while at work. I really am a pioneer. And to think I accomplished it without a whip or a glistening torso."
Tonks smiled mischievously. "Well, I don't care about the whip, and trust me, you'll be glistening by the time I'm done with you. Oh, sod the blouse." She grabbed it and ripped the rest of the buttons off, finally throwing it in a corner. Remus stared in shock. It was almost an atrocity to him, as he always took excellent care of his clothes (since his whole life he rarely had very many).
Luckily, Tonks didn't allow him to dwell on the blouse very long as she soon took off her bra and threw it in another direction—Remus wasn't quite sure where, but he could swear he heard a small splash in the grindylow tank—and proceeded to ravage him with kisses. Unfortunately, during a particularly passionate embrace, the chair they were on fell over onto the floor, resulting in a messy tangle of chair, Remus, and Tonks.
"I'm so, so sorry," said Tonks, though she was laughing so hard she had tears coming down her cheeks. Remus, meanwhile, was rubbing his head where a bruise was beginning to form. Tonks gave it a kiss. "Really, really sorry," she giggled.
"This clearly isn't going to work," mumbled Remus, and Tonks frowned. "If we're going to do this," he added, "we've got to do it properly."
He got up, helped Tonks to her feet, and with a wave of his wand cleared off his desk. "There." He picked her up and set her on it. "Now, what was this you were saying about making mad passionate love on a desk?"
"Why, Professor Lupin," Tonks said coyly, "you're making me blush."
Outside, a few of the guys from the Gryffindor Quidditch team had gotten together for a quick afternoon game.
Ryan, the Seeker, watched as Hodgins, a Beater, whacked a bludger far out of bounds. "What'd you do that for?"
"Sorry," said Hodgins, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "I'll go chase it down."
Hodgins sped off on his broom after the bludger and finally caught it after it had gone halfway around the castle and ran into a tree. He was about to head back when something caught his eye.
He flew up to a window, and there, despite the stained glass, he could definitely see his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor getting it on in his office.
"OI!" he cried to his teammates. "You've got to see this!"
Ryan, Asprey, and Jones flew over and peeked through the window.
"No way!" the boys breathed. They let out a few cheers.
"Merlin," said Ryan, "I heard he was a cool teacher, but I had no idea!"
Jones whistled enthusiastically. "Professor Lupin is my new personal hero."
"Look at his girl! She's gorgeous!" exclaimed Hodgins. "How does a guy like that get a girl like her?"
Asprey shook his head. "All this time, I thought playing Quidditch was key to getting the ladies. I've got to change my strategy…spend more time in the library…invest in some tweed."
"He was Gryffindor, too, you know," pointed out Jones.
"Well if anyone's gonna get the works while at work, it's gonna be a Gryffindor. We follow in the footsteps of talented men." Hodgins puffed out his chest with pride.
"I thought he was a werewolf," said Ryan, scratching his head. "But werewolves don't get women like her."
"And I don't even have class with him till Wednesday," moaned Asprey.
Hodgins whacked Asprey in the head. "He teaches DADA, not Newt-Level Getting A Shag. He's not going to share the secrets of his success with us."
"Well, he should," grumbled Asprey.
"We better get out of here," said Ryan. "We don't want to get caught snooping."
All four boys gave Professor Lupin and his lady a final salute, and flew off.
Messr. and Mrs. Moony were sweaty and out of breath.
"Well, I suppose I ought to let you get back to work now," said Tonks, playing with Remus' fringe.
"This will definitely give me something to think about in case the meeting tonight grows exceedingly dull," replied Remus, smiling. "Which it probably will."
A surprised look crossed his face, followed by a frown.
"What is it?" asked Tonks.
"That was strange. I could swear I just saw someone at that window." Remus rubbed his eyes. "It almost looked like a young Sirius."
Tonks looked at the window, but there was no one there. "Well, it would be just like Sirius to come back and haunt us while we're in the middle of a good shag," she grinned.
Tonks got up and searched for all their clothes, while Remus restored the desk to its previous state, parchment and teacup and all.
"Why do your trousers smell like tea?"
Remus sighed. "Because I accidentally spilled tea on myself earlier, and I didn't have sufficient time to clean it up all the way."
Tonks smiled, handing him his clothes. "Well, at least for once it wasn't because your klutzy wife spilled it on you."
"Well, actually, it was your fault, indirectly. Or should I say, it was Sweetie Twinklebottom's fault."
Tonks raised her eyebrows. "You've got to admit, it was funny."
Remus couldn't help but smile and nod. "You're a clever woman. The Marauders would have been proud."
They were finally dressed, though Tonks couldn't find her bra and her blouse had only three surviving buttons.
"Well, I'd better get home," she said. She gave Remus one last kiss, then morphed back into Miss Twinklebottom, undid the protective spells, and skipped out of the office.
Remus sat back in his chair with a goofy grin on his face. Exactly twenty-nine seconds later, there was a knock on the door.
"Forget something?" Remus called out.
But it was Headmistress Minerva McGonagall. "Hello, Remus, I just came to see how you were doing your first day back."
"Oh," said Remus, "Excellent."
"Good, good," she replied, striding into the room. "I didn't see you at dinner so I was a bit concerned."
"Is it that late already?" Remus cringed. "I've been so…ahh…busy."
"You do remember there's a staff meeting in half an hour."
"Oh, of course."
Minerva smiled and glanced around the office. "It's really nice to have you back, Remus. I've already heard a lot of good things about you from the students."
Minerva froze. "Remus, has Tonks been here recently?"
No sense in lying."Yes, she has."
"I can tell," was all Minerva said with a slight smile, before winking at Remus and strolling out of the office.
Remus looked to where she had been looking, and saw his grindylow, floating around wearing Tonks' bra.
"I think that's a little too big for you," he said, and spent the next half hour trying to wrangle it back.