Okay, I technically should be updating my other fic, Magical Toothbrushes and Kitchen Fires, but I just have so much inspiration tonight! (squeals happily) Yes, I am going to attempt to write a multi-chapter fic with some semblance of a plot. Oh, the horror.

Anyways, this idea has probably been used before—but read it anyways. Please? And review? Oh, and of course, there will be lotsa yaoi in later chapters. :D

Disclaimer: I don't own KKM, though I wish I owned Wolfram. Rawr.

Chapter One: As naked as poor Mr. Gills.


Wolfram paced the halls back and forth in the castle. That idiot of a fiancé of his had gone missing yet again. Of course, it wasn't like he was worried or anything. He was just pacing the halls because….

He really, REALLY had to go to the bathroom.

"DAMMIT! Gunter, get out of the bathroom!" he screeched. You'd think a HUGE castle like Covenant would have more that one bathroom to use at a time. Who planned the cleaning schedule anyway?

Wolfram bit down on his lower lip. Between his worrying about Yurri and the fact that his bladder was filled to 'maximum capacity', he was about to wet his pants.

He wondered if his Gwendal or Conrad considered it un-dignified to pee off the edge of the balcony.

Deciding that they probably did, he shot off down the stairs.


Gwendal exited the Maoh's office where he had been signing papers in Yurri's absence. Lots of papers. Papers from everything to prison sentences to whether it was proper to have sex in public bathrooms. He decided to ignore that one, and let Yurri deal with it. (Evil guy.)

Passing up the bathrooms that were being cleaned on his right, his left, his right—why were all of the bathrooms being cleaned at the same time?

He finally reached a bathroom that wasn't being cleaned, and Gunter's handmade 'occupied' sign was hanging on it.

Of course, only Gwendal knows that Gunter likes to hole himself up in the bathroom and read for hours. God forbid he use his giant bedroom for that.

He knocked rather roughly on the door. "Gunter, open up. I know you're in there."

Gunter opened the door and looked up sheepishly at Gwendal, book of high-level elemental spells in hand.


Queen Celi knew her son had done something he wasn't supposed to the minute he sat down at dinner that night. He avoided her gaze and concentrated on his roasted chicken very hard.

After a few minutes of Gwendal and Conrad telling her what had gone on while she was away for the past two weeks (including the fact that the Maoh was gone AGAIN) she decided to confront Wolfram.

"Wolfy-hunny, what did you do?"

Wolfram, being his mother's son, could play THAT game just as well.

"Nothing, mother," he said with enormously large eyes for added effect.

Celi sat her spork down on her plate and grinned at Wolfram. "C'mon baby! I'm your mother, I know you did something."

Wolfram pouted. "You have no proof whatsoever, Mother." He took a bite of his chicken.

Celi gasped. "Oh Wolfram! It couldn't be that—you've taken away my poor Yurri-chan's virginity already!"

Wolfram choked on his chicken.

Conrad, being the wonderful older brother he is, rushed to Wolfram's side and started Heimliching the crap out of him.

A few moments later the offending piece of chicken flew across the table and landed in Gwendal's plate. (Ew.) Wolfram clutched at the table and gasped for air. It was at times like these that made him wonder why he loved his mother. And oh, there were many times like these.

Once he had enough oxygen and the blue in his face had turned to a heavy hue of maroon, he decided to let her have it. Ha-ha, screw the innocent façade.

"MOTHER!" He screeched, slamming his hands on the table. "The fact that you would even SUGGEST that I had sex with an idiot like Yurri makes me want to PUKE! PUKE, MOTHER!"

Gwendel picked up the regurgitated piece of chicken with his napkin, crumpled it up, and set it down on the table.

Conrad decided it was nice outside, and set off to do some night-time training. (No, not like that.)

"After all, he MAY be cute, but he's HOPELESS!" He'll flirt with anything that walks! He has no loyalty to me whatsoever! I HATE HIM!" Wolfram sank into is chair and pouted.

Celi didn't bat an eyelash. "Well, that may be true, Wolfy, but then whatdid you do?"

Wolfram looked up, surprised. "Eh?"

"I know you did something."

Wolfram shifted uncomfortably. "I just—uh—went to the bathroom in your garden."

Gwendal's eyebrows rose. "You urinated in Mother's garden?"

"HEY! 'S not like I had anywhere else to go, that idiot Gunter was holed up in the bathroom doing God-knows-what!"

"Hmph." Gwendal went back to eating. (Oh, evil man.)

Celi laughed loudly.


"Argh!" Wolfram muttered to himself, stalking down the corridor to his room. Reaching it, he threw open the door and let it slam shut, in a sad attempt to frighten the fangirl maids away. (Little does he know, they only find him sexier when he's having a temper tantrum. But I digress..)

Wolfram relaxed a little when he realized that he was alone. He grabbed a bath towel from one of his heavily gold-laden cupboards and walked down the hall to his bathroom. Stripping off his clothes, he climbed into the previously prepared bath.

He sighed. The water was the perfect temperature, the candles smelled nice—and the drain was making weird gurgling noises. He'd have to tell the castle plumber later.

This was about the farthest away he could get from his family without actually leaving the castle. What he needed was a vacation, somewhere different, preferably with Yurri..wait, did he just think that? Ah, how the mind betrays us.

Wolfram's conflicting thoughts were interrupted by a sharp pull at his ankle. He sat up in surprise, the cool washcloth falling off his forehead. What the..? He tried to pull away, but it was now use! Whatever it was dragged him underwater and—straight toward the drain. Oh damn. Now he knew what poor Mr. Gills felt like.


Yurri sighed. "What is it now, Mom? I'm tired, I want to take a shower and go to bed!"

His mother glared at him. "Don't take that uppity tone with me, young man! There's something I want to talk to you about!" She produced a pink thong from nowhere.

"ACK!" Yurri fell over backwards. "Mom, that's not mine, I swear!"

"Really?" She stared into his eyes.


And of course a mother knows if you are lying or not. So when she saw that he wasn't, she was slightly scared.

"I think I need to have a talk with your brother."


Yurri opened his frighteningly-well organized drawers and took out a pair of pajamas. Honestly, he wouldn't be too surprised if he took a trip down the drain to Demon World tonight; it had been more than a week since he left.

Whistling a happy tune, he set out his toothbrush, hairbrush, clothes, and towels for that night, (neat freak) and swept open the shower curtain.

Only to find a very confused looking, very drenched, and a very naked Wolfram sitting there in his tub.

Yurri clamped both hands over his mouth to contain the initial scream of horror.

"Wolfram!" he whispered angrily. "Why is it that everywhere I go, you're there right along with me, only naked!



(Holds up naked Wolfram) You can only touch if you review!