The Talk
By An

Summary: A Kakashi gaiden universe fic. The future Yondaime has a hard mission with his three students and vents to the Sandaime.

Pairing: n/a

Fandom: Naruto

A/N: My first (published) Naruto fic. Enjoy...or not. If not, feel free to reviews. E-mail me flames and I...won't care. Are you sick...of pauses yet?

Disclaimer: I don't Naruto. I own plushies, which make for nifty voodoo dolls when the characters annoy you.

The door crashed open. The Sandaime looked up at his apprentice as he marched across the room and chucked his most recent mission report into the in-box. He then flopped down in a nearby chair and rubbed his hands over his face, slumping so far down that very little of his tall frame remained actually in the chair.

The Hokage waited a few minutes as his successor repeated the face-scrubbing routine, moaned a few times and finally subsided, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"How was it?" The old man finally ventured, hiding a grin behind clasped hands. He'd grown used to these periodic debriefs on the occasionally disastrous missions of the wayward team.

"Awful," The young man stated. "Never before have so many minor things gone wrong at the absolute worst times."

The old man 'hrumphed.' "You've had bad days before. What's so special about this one?"

"Let's start from the top," the other man began. "It started with the usual, Obito being late, making up bad excuses, being scolded by Kakashi, the two of them started fighting, Rin got upset, so on and so forth. Then the mission started.

"It was terrible. Rain, mud and blowing wind are all well and good in a ninja's world, but it begins to wear after a solid week of it. Somewhere in the middle of it, both boys snapped and finally yelled at Rin instead of each other, and as a result she went off to sulk and snap at either of them and myself when we tried to coax her back. Rather out of character."

The Sandaime grinned broadly behind his hands as his student continued his rant.

"Anyways, we finally caught up with the mark we were supposed to be protecting, an old fat daimyo. And this is the absolute worst part of the whole thing:

"One: He was, to be more specific, a old, fat, lecherous daimyo. He needed a single, though forceful, reminder that young kunoichi are definitely off limits. The kids were absolutely clueless, which is where two comes in.

"Two: You know that class that all the academy students take for a year when they're ten?"

The Sandaime frowned, thinking back.

"The Health one?"

The old man suddenly cracked up laughing.

"The one that, because they graduated at the respective ages of five, six, and nine, Kakashi, Rin and Obito never had?"

The Hokage was struggling to maintain his dignity and control his hilarity. He hadn't had this much fun since Jiraiya had attempted to explain this "issue" with his own students.

"Laugh it up old man. Three: The daimyo spent most of his time in the red-light district and the kids wouldn't understand why I was so reluctant to split the sentry duty with them. Finally I relented, praying that they wouldn't be scarred for life."

The old man snorted. "How did they react?"

"Kakashi came back stoic, but slightly confused. Obito and Rin returned in various shades of purple and red. The worst bit of that, though, was hearing them compare notes amongst themselves, trying to figure out what the daimyo and his various paramours were up to."

Chortling, the Sandaime finally asked. "How did you break it to them?"

The Yellow Flash of Konoha smirked and flitted out of his chair to the door in the blink of an eye. He opened it, revealing his three students: Expressionless Kakashi Hatake, sulking Obito Uchiha, and a weary Rin.

"Kids, Uncle Sarutobi here is going to explain to you the actions of the daimyo and his uh...friends. I'll be in the mission assignment room when you're finished."

The Sandaime stared in horror, first at the students and then at his student, who winked.

"Hey, it was you or Jiraiya."

He vanished and the door swung shut.

"Hokage-sama, what's a..."

The End

Endnotes: I decided not to use a name for the Yondaime, though I have one in my head. Please excuse any assumptions about Academy curriculum and Rin's graduation age (the data book doesn't say, which actually bodes well for her future). The Yondaime's use of Sarutobi is stolen from when Orochimaru calls the Sandaime "Sarutobi-sensei."

For the Naruto Fangirl Japanese impaired:
Hokage -- Fire Shadow, the leader of Konohagakure (Village Hidden in the Leaves)
Sama -- an honorific that denotes high respect
Daimyo -- Warleader, outside of the ninja hierarchy, a step above samurai
Kunoichi -- Female ninja

I was going to insert some nasty slng in the last sentence, but didn't feel like raising the rating of this any higher.

I beg of thee: read, review, ask questions!