A Wolfhunter Productions Presents
A Ranma ½ / Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fusion with a hardy helping of Sailor Moon and a shot of Tenchi Muyo!
There comes a time when a man, or woman, realizes there is more to life then beating up their opposition. Of course, many people already discovered this revelation a long time ago, but for one Ranma Saotome, it's completely new concept. It's not like he beats people up on purpose; more like, they try to kill him and he just fights back to prove who's better. Strangely enough, half the people who do manage to beat him up want to marry him. One in particular is Akane Tendo who many believe is a violent tomboy.
Not that there is anything wrong with that in her mind, but she will never admit that she is one; or the fact that she cannot cook, or fight. In her mind, she wants to be just like her sisters. Well, to be exact, more like Kasumi and independent like Nabiki. Unfortunately for her, she has none of the patience that Kasumi and Nabiki tend to show and tends to jump to conclusions. It is this flaw that, on many occasions, she tends to mallet Ranma to oblivion. To which comes to the events leading up to Ranma's revelation.
It started on a warm and sunny afternoon in Nerima when Ranma's two affectionate fiancées decided to hitch a plan to get Ranma to take them out on a date. This, of course, was doom to fail due to one simple thing. They didn't plan this together. Which lead the two to compete for attention and ultimately, a little possession fight with Akane showing up in the middle blaming Ranma for the entire situation. Ranma, on the other hand, completely denies any involvement in the cause of the fight which launched him on an impromptu tour of the Nerima sky line.
Now, this wasn't the first occurrence, or the last, but this occasion was special. This was when Ranma learned there was more to life then beating people up. That there was a life outside of martial arts. Things he could do like become a god, a bounty hunter, travel through space in search of treasure, fight for love and justice in the name of the moon, and even become an intergalactic editor of a widely popular guide. It all starts with a book.
Ranma and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The book was a wholly unremarkable book in its design. It had a fairly simple cover with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed in large, friendly letters on the cover with the name "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" on the binding, not that the new owner of this very book really knew what to think of such a book. The fact that it was a book was beyond Ranma as he had always thought books had pages and tons of important looking words and phrases aimed at trying to teach him anything. In fact, to him, it looked more like a PDA then a book so he assumed that 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' was, in fact, a miniature computer. At first, he was going to just give it to Nabiki, seeing as she had more use for computers then he, until he opened it up.
Not many people remember the oldest version of the Guide due to one simple fact. It, like many doors before it, was designed to have a happy disposition and tended to drag on and on before actually giving up anything useful. It is said to have been banned after the entire population of Altair VII got so fed up with it that they launched the only copy of it into deep space, never to be found again. Instead of being lost, though, it ended up on Earth through many different hands which had absolutely no idea what the book was used for.
As it happened, Ranma had become the proud new possessor of the first and only copy of the Guide before it was redesigned with a nice looking menu and very straight forward voice/text mode. With a happy, "Hello! This is the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!" to which it promptly goes through a lengthy and semi-informative speech of the origins of the Guide. Normally, this wouldn't be a problematic if it wasn't for the fact that it did this every time you opened up the book. Needless to say why it is the only copy of that particular version.
"What in the world is this?" Ranma inquired intelligently, to which the Guide promptly and excitingly explain its origins once again to the slightly befuddled and confused man. Oddly enough, it went into a lengthily explanation of the Theory of Antigravity which had something to do with cats and butter, to which he couldn't quite completely understand. Closing the book, he managed to find his way home with relative ease.
Kasumi Tendo wasn't a happy person. Here she was taking care of the family and trying to get her younger sister get together with their current guest and fiancée and Akane wasn't cooperating. No, she wasn't happy at all. Her last plan had failed miserably when she tried to help her little sister make dinner for Ranma. Putting it lightly, it was a disaster.
It started out simply enough. Most of the family was supposed to be out for the night, leaving only her, Akane, and Ranma around to make dinner for, so she went to her sister and brought up a proposition. She would help make dinner and then leave to go visit some friends she had in the neighborhood. It was doomed as soon as Akane had turned on the stove. In the end, Akane managed to barely make the food taste like anything and Ranma got malleted for insulting her when she got angry.
Sighing, Kasumi walked into the kitchen to make some tea when Ranma walked in the door with a "Todaima!" which she automatically followed by an "Okaeri-nasai!" When she walked out on the other hand, she found Ranma engrossed in a book as he sat down on the couch. A book!
"What are you reading" Kasumi asked as she approached the martial artist and sat down next to him.
"I ain't exactly sure. I think it's called the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I ain't sure it's even a book." Came Ranma's response as he read the new passage in the guide in its text only mode. Another cunning and annoying feature which only lets you use the text or audio only functions.
Blinking, the eldest daughter peeked into the book, only to see a definition of some type. She could have sworn she saw the name Nabiki in the title. Curious, she turned to Ranma and asked, "Mind if I take a look?"
Shrugging, Ranma handed the guide over to Kasumi, to which it promptly went blank and switched to audio only mode. This is what the guide has to say about Nabiki.
Nabiki is a strange yet commonly used word which had been discovered somewhere in the vicinity of Alpha Centari. It means to do something so mind bogglingly stupid that makes even the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal look smart. Needless to say, when someone says, "Oh dear. I believe a pulled a Nabiki," one should either look on with immense amusement or you can refer to the entry, "What to do if you find yourself trapped beneath a large boulder with no means of escape" of the Guide. Strangely enough, there only two creatures in the galaxy with Nabiki as a name. One lived on Centari IV but died upon the adoption of a Bugblatter Beast of Traal. The other lived on a small blue planet and, like the planet she lives on, is considered perfectly harmless.
"Oh my." Kasumi said intelligently as she did a double take on what the guide entry then turned to Ranma. "Where did you find this?"
"Yes. Where did you find this?" Nabiki, who had come in just as the Guide had begun the definition on her name sake started. She was, of course, a little miffed. I am not harmless
"I found it lying on a bench in the park." Ranma explained while scratching the back of his head. "It didn't look like it was anyone's."
Nabiki blinked at that but understood as she would have completely ignored the book if it wasn't for the fact that there was an entry about her name in it. "Why wouldn't anyone else pick it up? Looks kind of expensive."
Shrugging, Ranma just took a look at it and said, "Figured most people considered it somebody else's problem." To which, Nabiki surprisingly agreed.
"What else is in there?" Nabiki decided to continue.
"Something about Ascension, whatever that means and other various things I could do besides martial arts." Ranma stated then proceeded to open up the guide again as got up and proceeded toward the front door.
"Where are you going?" This time it was Kasumi.
"To the park." Ranma shrugged. The Park had, strangely, been one of the few places he could read in peace. Not that he read that much in the first place.
"Have fun." Kasumi said just before Ranma left.
Setsuna was in a pickle. For almost ten millennia, she had believed that the Moon Kingdom was ended when Metallia attacked with her minions, forcing Queen Serenity to use the Silver Imperial Crystal to send her senshi into the future. In one moment of carelessness, everything had changed, yet stayed the same. And it was all Ranma's fault.
Why was it Ranma's fault? She wasn't quite sure, but she did know that the kingdom was not destroyed by Metallia. Instead, Metallia and her minions made a wrong turn around Saturn and promptly got lost shortly before this creature appeared, destroying it for them. That was not all.
Strangely enough, Metallia and Queen Beryl eventually did come, only several years late. Ten thousand to be exact. Needless to say, they were quite tired and frustrated when they landed at D-point of the Artic.
Luckily, for the Senshi of Time, events played out like it did before with Sailor Moon defeating Metallia, then The Black Moon Family, Pharaoh 90, the really odd Pegasus series, and Galaxia. Yep, she was real happy that nothing really changed and that Crystal Tokyo was going to occur. Only one problem though, Ranma Saotome.
"So why are we here?" Rei asked, slightly confused at the sudden meeting.
"Please tell it isn't another monster." Usagi predictably complained as she hung her head, knowing that it was probably that.
"Unfortunately, yes. Though I'm not completely sure what we're facing." Setsuna said then took a sip of her tea.
"What's wrong? Another threat?" Ami began as she set up the Mercury Computer "And here I was hoping to get a little peace for studying."
"I found something quite disturbing." Setsuna paused hoping it'll get the attention she wanted. "The Moon Kingdom wasn't destroyed by Metallia."
"WHAT!" Everyone in the room yelled, but Ami was the one that continued, "But what the dreams? The flash back we had way back while we were up at the D-point."
"Echoes I would venture." Setsuna replied "Something of an automated message if you will. Unfortunately, the message was never changed when the Moon Kingdom was destroyed."
"Then what did happen!" Rei said.
Pausing to think for a moment, Setsuna got an idea. "Ami, lend me your computer." Blinking, Ami handed the device over to Setsuna,
"What for? I've already trie-" Ami trailed off as something she's never seen it do…
During the early years of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, many versions were developed before the current version was published for the general consumer. The first version was promptly scrapped and forgotten about for obvious reasons. The second foray was, what later would be called, the Mercury Computer.
Created on Mercury during the height of the Silver Millennium, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was designed as an all purpose computer which could, not only, give helpful descriptions and tips about life, the universe, and everything, but works as a fully functional sensor station and video game counsel. Upon its first release, the largest problem became apparent.
Despite being so undoubtedly useful; the production cost of such a Guide made the selling price approximately 42 Centari Dollars. When converting that into Galactic Credits, it came to be approximately 7,141,984 . It is sufficient to say that no common hitchhiker would be able to afford it and was also scrapped.
Not letting such a useful design go, they renamed the Guide to the Mercury Computer and gave it to a certain 5 year old which, by a staggering coincidence, grew up to become Sailor Mercury.
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy version 2?" Ami read aloud as a large holographic screen came up with the name of the book. Buttons with the words 'What is…', 'What to avoid…', '10 easy steps to creating your own Senshi', and 'Press here to nuke Canada' popped up at the bottom of the screen.
"Press here to nuke Canada?" Usagi asked while she held her figure ever so close to the button she was inquiring about.
"If I remember correctly; Mercurians didn't really like Canadians for some reason." Setsuna said then sweat dropped as Usagi lost her balance, hitting that particular button.
"Did she just…" Rei was cut off as Setsuna shook her head.
"No need to make her panic." Setsuna said calmly, though there was a noticeable twitch in her eye. "While you all know this is the Mercury Computer, It was originally designed for something else entirely. Thank god those idiots back in R & D didn't delete this particular program."
Turning toward the screen, Setsuna hit the 'What is…' button then said "Silver Millennium".
The Universe is old. It is soo old that even God, himself, doesn't quite remember why he created it in the first place. Which is why it isn't hard to believe that in a small out of the way solar system, there existed a large kingdom ruled by, what the people of Earth called, magic.
It was ruled by a woman known as Queen Serenity who ruled on the moon of Earth. Why she chose to rule there instead of the more climate and better looking Earth is beyond even the most intelligent person on Relgar II. Though there is speculation that the people of this kingdom were just too stupid to realize that Earth was much more habitable.
The Silver Millennium, though, was far from peaceful. They had invaders from without and dissenters from within. To this, defenders were created to protect the kingdom. These were the Sailor Senshi.
The Sailor Senshi was a group of women imbued by magic to help defend the moon of all its opposition. Whether it be Youma, Cardians, or the occasional bowl of petunias; they were there to fight it. Wearing sailor fuku with skimpy skirts, they fought for love, justice, and a couple of scoops of ice cream at the end of the day.
The Silver Millennium, or the Moon Kingdom some would call it, lasted for a little over a millennia before a strange creature appeared on it one day. It is said that the last things anyone had heard was, "Where the hell am I now?" which was promptly followed by "Ranma Saotome! This is all your fault!" The kingdom was promptly destroyed in a fit of frustration and a great green light. It is unknown who or what this creature was, but many historians and scientists had sought out this Ranma to find out what would cause a creature to behave so erratically. In the end, they never did find this Ranma and determined that it was, indeed, all Ranma's fault.
Rei sat there in silence
Usagi fumed at being indirectly called stupid.
Ami found the recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargleblaster and was paying more attention to how to make one then the entry the Guide had given them.
Setsuna found it quite odd that the more vocal Minako and Makoto were quiet. That's when she realized something.
"Where the hell are Minako and Makoto?" She observed, finally noticing that the two weren't there for the meeting.
"Mina-chan said something about the park. Mako-chan had a date." Ami murmured as she tried to figure out what the last ingredient of the drink was, clearly unaware of what the drink actually was.
"The park?" Setsuna repeated as she tried to remember something. Then it hit her. "Oh no! Ranma's going to be there!" She then transformed into Sailor Pluto.
"What?" Rei finally managed as the confusion was replaced by worry.
"We have to save Mina-chan from that evil boy." Usagi paused then turned toward Sailor Pluto, "He is evil right?"
"No time. Transform. We have to go." Pluto said urgently to which the three other senshi transformed and followed after Pluto.
It was well into the mid afternoon before Ranma managed to make it to the park he had chosen to read in. Sighing, Ranma sat down on one of the benches before opening up the book again. He hadn't even finished listening to the introduction before someone approached him.
"Ranma-kun! There you are." said a cheerful blonde as she plopped down next to the martial artist.
"Minako" Ranma said as he realized who the girl was.
"Minako?" The girl replied irritably, obviously expecting a different response, "I haven't seen you in over a week and all you can say is Minako?"
Chuckling, Ranma apologized, "Sorry about that Mina-chan. It's been a hectic week."
Nodding her head, she quickly scooted closer to Ranma and glomped onto the martial artists arm. "Don't worry, I, Aino Minako, will help you feel better."
"Uuuhh. Mina-chan" Ranma said uncomfortably, "You know how that makes me uncomfortable. What if someone sees us?"
"They'll think we're a couple." Minako smiled, "Plus, what are the chances of your fiancées finding you here?"
Higher then you think. Ranma thought to himself ruefully. After a moment of struggling, he managed to free his arm. It was then he noticed something.
"What are the towels for?" the martial artist asked while pointing at the two neatly folded towels on the bench.
"Oh, these?" Minako started as she held one up, "Just incase you came here not under your own power."
Blinking, all Ranma said was, "oh."
"It has been awhile. Anything new and exiting happen?" Minako shifted herself so she could look at the martial artist better.
Ranma just shook his head. "Just the usual." he sighed as he turned toward the book. "I'm thinking about becoming a writer."
Minako blinked at that. "You? With you're hand writing." to which she laughed.
"Hey, It's not that bad." Ranma tried to defend himself to no avail.
"What brought this on?" Minako finally said after she calmed down a little.
"This." Ranma said as he handed the Guide to the blonde.
"Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" Minako read aloud and started to push buttons.
"You know. Sometimes I wish something different would happen." Ranma said mostly to himself as he looked out into the park. That was when a whirling sound followed by a click drew his attention.
"Wow." Minako thought as she grabbed the futuristic looking ring. "Wonder what this does?" She then tried to put it on her finger only to find that it was a little too big for her ring finger.
"Maybe it goes on the thumb?" Ranma offered as he took the ring and put it on her thumb. It was a perfect fit oddly enough. He blinked when a shaft of light came out of the ring and headed where the thumb was pointing.
"Maybe it's one of those laser pens." Minako said thoughtfully as she pointed her thumb up to the sky so that the sun light would shine on it better.
Shrugging, Ranma was about to grab the ring when a peculiar feeling came over the pair.
It was at that moment that three tired and panting Senshi ran into the park, only to watch the boy and their friend disappear in a flash of light.
"We're too late."
"Mihoshi, we have recently detected A Class Criminal Ranma Saotome. It'll be your job to track him down." Johnston said as he looked over the papers. Johnston hated his job at the GP due to the fact that he was a dispatcher. Particularly, Mihoshi's dispatcher. That means that he has to, not only, decode the gibberish that the blonde tends to send out, but he has to tell her orders and hope she understands them. It wasn't an easy job. "If you do manage to track him down I want you to call SF and they'll handle the rest."
"Yes sir! I will hunt down and apprehend this criminal at once! Over." Mihoshi, of course, totally misinterpreted the orders.
"Wait. No! Mihosh…" Johnston tried to say before the transmission ended.
"Hmmmm…I wonder if Tenchi would like to help." The blonde said to herself. "Of course he would!" She then set a course back to Earth.
Author's Note: Well. I tried to get much of the set up done. Ranma and Minako have now become unwilling hitchhiker's. Sailor Pluto is now on a Rampage with the Senshi in tow. And Galaxy Police are now after Saotome with Mihoshi in the lead.
I really didn't mean to put so many Guide Entries. Actually, I had planned on maybe doing one or two entries a chapter at most. It turned out much differently then I had expected.