Warnings: Bakura and Malik in a closet, do you really need warning what's going to happen? I'll do it anyway, just in case. Lemon, Anzu-bashing, bitching, arguing, bad language, humour (hopefully), and all the crap I usually have in my fics.

Author: Koneko Shido.

A/N: The name comes from an Everclear song.

So Much for the Afterglow.

Bakura POV (Only the first bit.)

"Yes, Yugi, I'd love to have you over!"

Oh, bloody hell. Lemur boy is coming over. Lemur, yes. Small, annoying rodent with huge eyes. Ok, I think I can just about cope with this unless-

"You're bringing Anzu? Alright, see you in ten minutes!"

Unless that. The drivel-spouting, friendship-obsessed cheerleader we'd all secretly like to murder. Well, not so secretly in my case. I'd gladly rip her to shreds with my bare hands in front of an audience. I wonder if they'd clap?

Right, back to more important matters. Ryou is having the guests from hell over, and I'm not fucking sitting through another three hour lecture on why I should be nice, help my friends and stop sharpening my teeth. Place to hide... argh...

Ok, the closet will have to do. Fuck, it's small in here. And... filled with sheets and things, unsurprisingly enough. Hmm, I wonder who else the pharaoh's pathetic spineless excuse for a vessel will bring with him? I'll just lurk here in the dark and wait to find out... Mwahah.

(Normal POV)


"Are you alright, Malik? It sounds like you're getting a cold." Anzu asked, looking concerned.

"I'm fine. CoughBITCHcough."

"Did you say something, Malik?" She blinked stupidly at the Egyptian, who was walking along with the group towards Ryou and Bakura's house.

"No. CoughDIEcough" Malik replied, his yami snickering beside him and Yami Yugi sending him looks of death every few moments, when he wasn't obsessing over Kaiba.

"Why the hell am I doing this again?" Marik suddenly asked, stopping. Malik just grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged him onwards, and everyone continued walking.

"Because I said so, and I'm in charge." Malik smirked.

"Because it's nice to see your friends occasionally." Anzu added.

"Because we're not leaving you alone." Kaiba continued.

"And if you don't stop whining I'm sending you to the shadow realm." Yami finished. They had the same conversation every few feet. Marik not only had the morals of a goldfish, he also had the mental capacity of one, and therefore a seven-second memory.

"Oh. Right." He said, then resumed sulking. Hell, Malik thought, anyone would be sulking if they had to put up with Anzu for hours. For once, he didn't blame his yami.

"Ryou's so nice for having us over, isn't he?" Anzu smiled blankly. Not much going on behind the eyes, Malik noticed. Maybe she should stop ranting about what great friends they all were and go read a book or two.

"Ryou's always nice. If he wasn't nice we'd take him to a therapist and get him pills to make him nice again. We're used to it now. Just like we're used to the fact that you're always an annoying bitch, Kaiba is always a power-mad bastard, Jou is a stupid dog, Yugi is a way-too-trusting midget, the pharaoh is an egotistical maniac, Bakura is a sexy klepto, my yami is a headcase and I'm just going to keep bitching because nobody is listening to me anyway." Malik said, polishing his Rod with the special Rod-polishing kit he kept in his pocket.

"I ain't a dog." Jou muttered, but other than that nobody seemed to be paying much attention. Yugi was skipping alongside the stupid canine, Malik noted with disgust. He really hoped those two didn't have anything going on. That was just too disgusting an image for him to handle. Of course, the second after he thought this he began wondering who was seme in that relationship, and began to feel physically sick.

Deciding to torture his yami, he sent the horrible mental images he was getting through their link, resulting in Marik screaming suddenly and staring with wide eyes between Yugi and Jounouchi, who looked worried.

"Er... whassup with him?" Jou asked Malik, who just smirked.

"He's mad? Did you forget that or something? You'd think it would've sunk into even your brain after last time he bit you." The Egyptian sneered. Jounouchi growled and looked about to do something drastic, but Malik just sent Marik another terrifying mental picture and the yami screeched insanely, clutching at his head and shaking it to try and dislodge all the horrid images his hikari was sending him.

"Get it away!" He shrieked, twitching.

"Get what away, Marik?" Yugi asked, walking right up to the big, crazy, twitching yami and smiling sweetly. Marik screamed and backed away, scared out of his mind.

"Hikari! Save me! It seared itself into my brain!" He pleaded, looking panicked as Yugi came closer and he continued to back away.

"Think of something you like, instead." Anzu suggested, even though she had no idea what was going on. She was helpful like that. All the time.

"Something I like..." Marik echoed, going eerily quiet and staring at Anzu, narrowing his eyes.

"Meheheh..." He whispered creepily.

"Uh... Marik?" She whimpered, edging away from him towards Jounouchi.

"That's right... scream...Mwahaha...bleed..." The yami said gleefully, eyes glowing slightly.

"Ignore him. He's just fantasizing about maiming you. He does it all the time." Malik informed Anzu, who tried to figure out if that was supposed to make her feel better.

"Uh... right..." She whimpered. Luckily for her, they were approaching Ryou's house and something else quickly distracted Marik's attention.

"I smell cookies." He snapped out of his bloodlust mode and bounced on his heels, following the others up to the door and bounding inside when Otogi opened it.

"Yo." The dice player said as he held the door open for them all to come inside. He had icing dripping slowly down his bare chest, but nobody said anything, because it wasn't exactly unusual to find Otogi walking around Ryou's house half-naked and covered in some sort of food. Or occasionally completely naked. Otogi happened to look even better than he usually did without clothes, so nobody stopped him. Least of all Ryou, who usually got molested by him somewhere along the way.

"Where's Bakura?" Malik demanded, wanting to get away from Anzu as quickly as possible before she found something new to rant about.

"Hiding from Anzu in the closet." Otogi smiled innocently. Anzu frowned and gave the dice player her best glare, while Malik nodded and headed for the closet.

"Oi, you in there?" He called, knocking on the door.

"No. Tell Anzu I died. Again." A raspy voice replied, and Malik turned to Anzu, who was standing about two feet away from him.

"Bakura says he's not in the closet hiding from you, and he died again." The Egyptian repeated, then turned back to the door.

"Well, how rude! See if you get a Christmas card this year!" Anzu sulked, storming off to go and see what everyone else was doing. Probably groping each other. They seemed to do that a lot. Bloody bishonen, always molesting each other in the middle of her very important inspiration speeches. Hmph.

"She's gone." Malik told the door.

"Good. You can fuck off, too. My closet." Bakura growled.

"Don't be greedy, I need a place to hide before she comes back, you bastard!" The hikari scowled at the white door.

"Well piss off and find somewhere else, there's no room in here."

Malik narrowed his eyes.

"Fine, see if I share this with you, then." He held up the carrier bag in his hand and showed it to the door, which remained impassive. Bakura, however, was as curious as usual.

"What?" He demanded.

"Mmmm..." Malik moaned obscenely, taking a can of whipped cream out of the bag and tossing the carrier aside, spraying a little of the fluffy white substance on his tongue. "It's soooo good..."

"Cream?" If Bakura had been a dog, his ears would have perked up.

"Mmm-hmm..." Malik smirked, licking cream from his lips.

A moment later the door opened and a pale arm shot out, grabbed Malik by the front of his half-shirt and yanked him inside, the door slamming shut afterwards.

Otogi sauntered out from the living room, on his way to the kitchen to bother Ryou. On the way he passed the closet door, and with an evil little smirk he turned the key in the lock and then dropped it into a pot plant near the window, humming a song to himself as he did so.

(Half an hour later.)

The cream was gone. It had lasted approximately two minutes. It had been a large-sized can, too. Malik was pouting.

"There has to be something to do in this stupid little hole!" He ranted, having gotten bored about a minute after the cream ran out. He had now taken to rummaging through all the boxes of junk that lined the shelves at the very back of the closet, behind all the sheets and pillowcases and things. "Why the hell does Ryou need so many shoes?" He demanded, throwing yet another pair in Bakura's direction. The tomb robber dodged them easily and continued to stare forlornly at the empty cream can. "And what the hell is - Oh My RA!"

"Meh?" Bakura frowned in Malik's direction as the Egyptian began backing away from what appeared to be a shoe box. "Whatsat?"

Being curious and quite bored anyway, the tomb robber pushed past Malik and opened the lid of the box.

Once again, Ryuuji Otogi was walking past the closet at that moment, now wearing a pair of cat ears on a headband. Even he didn't know why he was wearing them. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. He stopped outside the closet at the precise instant Bakura looked into what Malik had stumbled upon. He knew this because a loud exclaimation of "ARGH! BLOODY HELL!" could be heard issuing forth from the closet.

Smirking in a decidedly feline way, not at all helped by the cat ears sticking out from his hair, Otogi flicked his earring and turned towards the kitchen again.

"Oh, Ryou! I think they found our box!" He yelled, then gave the closet one last glance before whirling around and padding off to annoy Kaiba and Yami by interrupting one of their 'moments.' No way was he letting those two indulge in their deviant sexual behaviour in Ryou's house. Of course, he was allowed, hence the mystery box.

There weren't many things that could traumatize two people as touched in the head as Bakura and Malik. Otogi was quite proud of the fact that a few of those things were probably in the box.

"What in the name of Ra do you do with that?" Malik stared at the many-buckled, studded leather contraption he held between his thumb and forefinger with a disturbed look on his face.

"I know." Bakura smirked. "Turn it the other way up."

Malik did so and, like a man who has seen the light, all confusion cleared from his eyes.

"Ohhhhh, riiiight." He drawled in understanding. "I see. So this bit goes in-"


"And this bit goes on- "


"Hmm. Who makes these things?"

"Elves or something. Hey, this one's shiny." Bakura's blood coloured eyes sparkled with avarice as he looked into the box at something silver.

"Wow, who knew Otogi and Ryou were such perverts." Malik remarked, sorting out all the different packets of lube by flavour.

"That dice freak has corrupted my hikari." Bakura growled, glaring at the shiny silver thing, which turned out to be a pair of hancuffs. A moment later he got a thoughtful look on his face and walked over to the door. "I'll have to ask him how he managed that."

"Are you sure you really want to know?" Malik asked, making a lube pyramid.

"Good point." Bakura made a disgusted face and tried the door. "The door is locked," he said, glaring at it. He didn't really seem that bothered.

"What?" Malik screeched, jumping to his feet and pushing Bakura out of the way before trying the handle himself. "Argh!" Was all he could come up with to say upon finding that it was indeed locked.

"Heheh. You forget, I am the great tomb robber, yami no Bakura. I can pick any lock there is." Bakura said smugly, sitting down cross-legged on the floor to see how many packets of lube he could balance on top of each other before they fell over.

"Well? Open it, then!" Malik demanded, glaring at the white haired thief.

"Make me." Bakura sneered, "I don't want to go out there anyway. Anzu is out there."

"Well I'm not staying locked in here all day with you! Let me out!" The blonde growled.

"No? I need you here, anyway." Bakura stood up, looking decidedly evil.

"Why? What are you going to do?" Malik sounded a little nervous, Bakura was getting that manic look in his eyes. The one he got before he did something he was really going to enjoy. Most things Bakura enjoyed were very bad for other people.

"I'm locked in a closet full of sex toys with you, what do you think I'm going to do?" The thief smirked, twirling the handcuffs around his finger.

"What? What makes you think I'm gay?" The Egyptian folded his arms petulantly.

"Oh, please. Nobody is more gay than you. Except maybe Otogi." Bakura snorted.

"Fine. What makes you think I want to sleep with you?"

"...Because I'm me?" Bakura looked mildly puzzled. Malik had to admit, Bakura had him there.

"...Well...What makes you think I'm going to let you?" He tried. The thief narrowed his eyes and gave a wicked smile, taking a step closer.

"What makes you think I care about having your permission?" He hissed, then pounced on Malik and ignored the yelp of protest, knocking the hikari onto his back and handcuffing his wrists to the water pipes running along the bottom of one wall.

"What the- Mmphh!" Malik tried to yell, being cut off by Bakura's lips crushing against his own and a cool hand running up his exposed stomach. Curse the half-shirt! And curse Bakura's stupid sexy eyes! And curse the- At this point Malik shut up at the abrupt realization that Bakura had very nice hands. Cool and soft, and currently sliding up beneath his shirt to his chest, which burned at the touch.

"Come on," Bakura muttered against his throat, poking him in the side, "at least struggle a bit." That said, the thief grazed Malik's skin with his unnervingly pointy teeth, sending a shiver up the hikari's spine.

"Bastard..." The blonde moaned, turning his head to the side to give Bakura more room to work with and at the same time bringing his knee up into the thief's stomach.

"That's more like it..." Bakura growled, narrowing his crimson eyes and grabbing Malik's belt, using it to pull the tomb keeper up against him, his back arched off the ground and Bakura's knee driving between his legs to part them.

"Unchain my hands and I'll really give you a fight..." Malik suggested, shivering as the thief pushed his shirt up over his head to his arms, restricting them even more and leaving his chocolate-coloured chest bare.

"I think not." Bakura smirked, letting go of the belt and watching Malik gasp as his hot back met the cool floor.

"You-!" Malik began, once again being cut off, but this time with a sharp intake of breath as Bakura grinned evilly at him and leant down, taking one of his captive's nipples between his teeth, his eyes never moving from Malik's. Keeping their gazes locked and a wicked look in his eyes, Bakura flicked out his tongue and gave a deep laugh in his throat when the hikari whimpered and let his eyes flutter closed.

"Hmmm..." Bakura murmured against Malik's chest, reaching up to unbutton his own shirt and leave it hanging open, revealing his pale chest and the silver lines of a few old scars. Knowing Bakura, Malik mused, he probably did them himself.

"I'm telling my yami..." Malik moaned, hissing as Bakura bit him.

"The fun thing about Marik is that he's a complete idiot. I'll just give him a cookie and tell him I'll never do it again." Bakura hissed, licking his way along Malik's collarbone.

"Dammit..." Malik moaned, half in pleasure and half in annoyance at the sad fact that Bakura was right.

The tomb robber smirked, knowing he'd won as he sat up, straddling Malik's hips to hold him down while he undid the belt and yanked it out so hard that it made a whip-like crack in the air. It was very, very hard not to be turned on by the sight of the white haired thief slowly undoing the buttons of his jeans and sliding them down his tanned hips and legs to be discarded towards the back of the closet.

Malik was failing miserably.

He could hardly help it, considering the fact that Bakura was sexy and evil...and currenty removing his own jeans, leaving him in nothing but a green shirt that hung open from his shoulders.

"So," Bakura remarked, resuming his spot straddling Malik's hips and ignoring the hikari's choked curse at their skin-on-skin contact. "What's your preferred flavour?" He asked, holding up a packet of lube and looking pleased with himself, as per usual.

"Go to hell, you albino bastard." Malik replied flatly, and he would've folded his arms, had they not been chained to a pipe.

"Of course, we could always use blood." Bakura mused. "Your blood, that is."

Malik's eyes widened a little and he looked over at his half-finished lube pyramid, quickly picking a flavour.

"Pear." He growled, glaring at the tomb robber as he picked up a packet of bright green lube and ripped it open with his fang-like teeth. The scent of pears quickly filled the small closet, and Bakura dipped his fingers into the scented liquid.

"Good choice. I always liked pears." The thief said in a voice that told Malik there was probably some twisted, perverted reason for that. He didn't want to know.

"You are a sick, sick freak." The hikari stated, then gasped sharply and threw his head back as Bakura slid two fingers into him.

"Don't pretend you don't love it." The thief grinned wickedly, scissoring his fingers and watching Malik writhe about on the floor.

"You... utter... bastard... If you're going to do it, do it! Stop teasing me, dammit!" Malik demanded, giving Bakura his best lust-glazed glare. The thief responded by adding another finger.

"Patience is a virtue." The tomb robber said in his sexy, gravelly voice.

"Where's my Rod! Screw shadow powers, I'm going to stab you with it!" Malik screeched.

"Fine, fine. If you want it hard and fast..." Bakura drew his fingers out in one quick motion and sneered.

"Impatient bloody whore."

"What did you call me! How dare- AHHH!" Malik shrieked, arching his back right off the ground.

(Elsewhere in the house.)

"So, how are you two doing?" Otogi smiled brightly as he made himself comfortable on the arm of the sofa. Yami and Kaiba quickly pulled apart, the former blushing slightly and the latter glaring at the oblivious dice player.

"We were doing just fine." Kaiba growled.

"Oh, good! It's nice to see you two getting along so well! Just the other day, Ryou was telling me how happy it makes him that you don't fight as much anymore. Of course, he was smirking at the time, but that has nothing to do with it." Otogi put on his best blank smile, seeing how far he could push Kaiba.

"Ryou smirks?" Yami raised an eyebrow, not quite being able to picture cute, innocent little Ryou managing that.

"Oh yes, in fact he was smirking just this morning, before you all arrived. Now what was he doing at the time? Hmm..." Otogi tapped his chin with a finger in thought. "Ah, I remember. He was on his knees, using his 'special talent' and he was smirking because while he was at it he was humming 'God Save the Queen.'" The dice fanatic grinned devilishly. Kaiba and Yami were staring at him by this time with slightly wide eyes. It looked rather funny on them, Otogi thought with a smirk.

"Ahem." A new voice rang out, and Otogi 'eeped'. "You know, there are some things that aren't meant to be shared, darling." Ryou stood in the doorway, his hands on his hips, looking slightly annoyed.

"You never let me have any fun." Otogi pouted, sliding to his feet and padding over to Ryou, who held out a wooden spoon like it was a weapon.

"I think you have far too much fun." The hikari pointed the spoon at Otogi, who held up his hands in surrender.

"You're absolutely right, I've been a bad boy and I should be punished." The green eyed duelist nodded in agreement. Ryou rolled his brown eyes and smiled.

"Honestly, you're such a lech."

Otogi looked down at the hikari through lust-clouded emerald eyes and grinned.

"So, are you going to come upstairs and punish me? I've been very bad."

Ryou looked at him for a long moment and then walked over to Kaiba, handing him the wooden spoon, which the CEO looked at in confusion.

"You're in charge. Back in twenty minutes! Don't let the cookies burn!" The hikari smiled sweetly, then nodded to Otogi, who followed him up the stairs.

Yami looked at Kaiba with large, purple eyes.

"I think I've just been traumatized." He mentioned. Kaiba just nodded, frowning at the wooden spoon he held.

(Back in the closet.)

"You-ah-ohh-ah-git-ah-ah!" Malik gasped, trying and failing to glare at Bakura, who had one of the hikari's tanned legs on his shoulder and was enjoying himself far too much.

"This 'git' has the keys to those handcuffs." The tomb robber mentioned casually, leaning down to bite Malik's neck as he gave a hard thrust.

"Fine, then you're a bastard!"

"I know that." Bakura gloated, making sure he left a mark on the hikari's pretty skin, just to piss him off even more. Malik wasn't going to last much longer. Nor was Bakura, for that matter. Seeing Malik writhing on the floor and struggling to keep up his bitching was doing very bad things to him.

"I-I can't... Ahh... You son of a-ohh!" Malik was growling in between strings of incoherent moans, his head thrashing from side to side and the handcuffs clinking against the pipes each time he twisted.

"You're sexy when you're trying to be annoyed." Bakura said, his chest shining with sweat and his shirt hanging off one shoulder as he moved against Malik.

"I'm always sexy. Ahh... Shit... Ohhh..." The hikari writhed, close to the edge.

"Watch your fucking language."

Bakura gave a particularly hard thrust, earning a gasp from the tomb keeper.

"Ah! Piss off, watch your own language!" Malik cried.




"Nympho! Ahh, yessss!" Malik hissed, breathing heavily and digging his nails into his palms as he finally gave up fighting and shuddered in release. A few moments later Bakura growled and his grip on Malik's leg tightened for a moment before he all but collapsed, catching himself over the hikari, who glared up at him.

"If you think we're cuddling now you can think again."

"Like I'd want to." Bakura made a face and reached up to unlock the handcuffs, sitting back as Malik began to pull on his scattered clothes.

"Now," Malik demanded a few minutes later, after they were both dressed. "Open the door." He was a little surprised when, instead of getting up, Bakura leant back against a pile of sheets and smirked.

"About that..." He began slowly, "When I said I could open any lock, I meant any lock that was made in Egypt, five thousand years ago."

Malik blinked.

"What? WHAT? I'm stuck in here with you? We could be here for days!" He shrieked.

"Relax," The tomb robber said calmly. "We have plenty of lube."

The End.

I should probably have thought this one out or something before I wrote it... Oh well, it's done now.