Disclaimer: I own nothing. Benji the Fallen Archangel belongs to my friend.
AN: Obligatory camping fic. includes some of my experiences. like the marshmallows thing. My uncle refused to go get stuff for smores until afterI went to bed.
there's some reference's to "Randomness" in here so you might want to read that before you read this.
"Would you stop that?" Rad yelled at X-brawn.
X-brawn grinned sheepishly and put down his banjo as Rad walked off in search of more firewood. "Does he seem a little high-strung?" X-brawn asked Koji.
"It's probably the bugs. He really hates spiders" Koji paused for a second. "And the banjo music is kind of creepy too, especially since we just watched 'Deliverance' before coming up here".
"What's 'Deliverance'?" Sideswipe asked walking up the hill with Blurr. Koji and X-brawn anime sweat dropped.
A banjo started playing near by but was cut off seconds later. "AHH! Me no burn good! Me no burn good!" Ben yelled flying for his life from Rad who was brandishing a flaming spear.
"I told you to make him get rid of all the weapons he got from Achilles" Sideswipe said to Koji.
Koji shrugged. "At least he isn't wearing the skirt".
"It wasn't a skirt! It was traditional Greek armor!" Rad yelled still trying to catch Ben.
"Should we help Ben?" X-brawn asked.
"No, he needs to learn some responsibility" Eris said appearing on X-brawn's shoulder.
"Colonel? Since when do you have wings?" X-brawn asked.
"Mom's a fallen Archangel too," Koji said.
"How'd that happen?"Flashback
"Ben how's naming these things coming?" Eris asked Ben who was supposed to be naming all the animals on the planet.
"Lookie I taught it to talk" Ben said bringing a monkey over.
"What's it say?"
"Buuurrrnnn goooood" the monkey said.
"That can't be good" Eris said.
"And I taught him to use tools while hunting" Ben said in his helium voice.
"Are you sure that was a good idea?"
"What could go wrong?"
1 million years later…
"Die you heathens!" one big army yells throwing spears and shooting flaming arrows.
"Buuurrrnnn!" other army yells using catapults to launch burning balls at the big army.
"You're fired" Gabriel says looking very pissed at Eris and Ben.
"Uhh… Don't we get a second chance?" Eris asked.
"Well you did manage to stop the transformers war" Gabriel said looking at Megatron who was singing Nacho man even though the song was suppose to be Macho man. Megatron hadn't been able to do anything else since Ben had lodged a nacho in his circuitry. "Although he is getting on the other transformers nerves".
Optimus is trying desperately to block out Megatron's singing. "That's it! I'll destroy the universe myself!" he yelled finally snapped.
"Nacho, Nacho Man, I want to be-"
"I'll fix this" Ben yelled flying over to Megatron and smashing the huge nacho that had been sticking out of the side of his head.
"Destroy humanity!" Megatron roared.
"Oh that's so much better" Eris said sarcastically.
"You're still fired" Gabriel said.
"Uncle Ben started organized warfare among human?" Koji asked surprised.
"Yup" Eris said.
"How did a demon get married to an angel exactly? And have a kid?" Blurr asked.
"I had to stop Ben from giving the Flaming Hammers of DOOM to a demonic cult. My husband brought them back to me after the cult used them to wipe out two thirds of the population of Europe in the 1500's".
"I though that was the Black Plague" Koji said.
"Yeah black as in ashes"
"RING AROUND THE ROSIE, POCKET FULL OF-" Ben's singing and banjo playing was cut off by a loud thump. They all turned to see Ben's banjo pinned to a tree by Rad's spear.
"Nice aim" Blurr said looking at the two inches between the spear and Ben's head.
Rad looked disappointed. " I missed".
"Hey, where's Sideswipe?" Blurr asked.
"I don't know. I thought he was standing where that piece of paper is" X-brawn said.
Koji rolled his eyes and picked the paper up and read it aloud.
"Dear Puny Pathetic Autobots and Human Pets,
We have your friend. If you do not surrender your marshmallows to us we will use banjo music on him.
Love, with all my heart
"Dude since when does Megatron love any of us other than Optimus?" Koji asked.
"I'll kill him!" Blurr yelled.
"No Megatron for daring to think I would let him have any of my marshmallows!"
"So I take it you and Sideswipe broke up?" X-brawn said.
"No. Why?" Blurr asked.
"Do you know banjo music is code for?"
"No" Blurr said. X-brawn whispers into Burr's ear for a moment.
"WWHHHHAAAATTTTT?" Everyone covered their ears except for the two fallen archangels, the half demon half archangel, the quarter demon/quarter archangel/half Cybertronian, and the one yelling. So only X-brawn covered his ears.
"I'LL KILL THEM AND CASTRATE THEM ALL WITH WOODEN SALAD TONGS!" Blurr yelled before running off. He came back five seconds later when he realized he didn't have the faintest clue where the Deceptacon where.
"So what do we do now?" X-brawn asked.
"We track down the Deceptacons, kick their butts, and rescue Sideswipe" Koji said.
"If by some off chance they really meant they were going to play banjo music then Rad can track them. He can hear banjo music from twenty miles away," Koji said.
"What if they're more then twenty miles away?" X-brawn asked.
"Megatron's an idiot he won't have gone to far"Five minutes later…
"Told ya they wouldn't go far"
"Damnit how did you find us?" Megatron asked.
"Dude, our campsite's right there," Koji said pointing to where X-brawn was making smores twenty feet away.
"Hi" X-brawn yelled, waving.
"I told you we should just go to the Seven-Eleven in Fort Ashby but nooooo. We had to ransom an Autobot to get them," Starscream said condescendingly.
"Shut up! We'll return to base and send Thrust to the Super Wal-Mart" Megatron said before retreating.
"Yes! Now we can keep our marshmallows!" Blurr yelled. Sideswipe looked at him with the abandoned puppy look, complete with lip quiver. "Uhh… I mean you're safe" he amended quickly. Sideswipe smiled and they hugged.
"Time to celabrate with banjo music!" Ben yelled. Forty throwing stars came out of nowhere and pinned Ben to a tree by his wings.
"Who's up for smores?" Rad asked dusting of his hands after hiding his left over throwing stars.
"Me" everyone said in unison heading back to the fire leaving Ben pinned to the tree.
"Uhh… Eris? A little help here?" Ben said. "Anybody?"
"Don't make me summon Unicron again" Ben yelled. A suspicious looking squirrel dropped a very large eggcorn on Ben's head knocking him out cold. The squirrel turns to his buddy and the do the Geico Squirrel hand thing.