In a small, cramped room of an inn sat four men. Well, three men and a young man. All silent and almost unmoving. Two were getting annoyed, one was sad, the other was thoughtful. One of the annoyed ones was sitting the wrong way in his chair, flicking a lighter open and closed repeatedly. The other annoyed one was sitting with his head on one hand, grinding his teeth and glaring at the lighter. The sad one was also sitting the wrong way in his chair, letting out little sighs and stomach grumbles. The fourth was tapping his lips thoughtfully with a single finger, eyes narrowed.
Finally, the thoughtful one, Hakkai, let out a sigh slouched down in his chair. "Well, I'm all out of ideas," he said.
"Damn it, I need a SMOKE," Gojyo, the one with the lighter declared, pushing his long crimson hair over a shoulder.
"Shut up," Sanzo growled. "I'm in the same fucking boat."
"Shut the fuck up yourself, you damn priest! You stole my last cig!"
Gojo's fist went back. Sanzo leveled a gun to his head. Goku, the sad one, and Hakkai both scooted their chairs back as far as they could go.
"Okay, let's just calm down a bit," Hakkai laughed nervously. "Maybe this is the break you two need to cut back on the nicotine."
Both turned slowly and glared at him. Hakkai laughed again and wished to God he hadn't suggested that.
Goku's stomach rolled again. "No food...they won't let us eat anything?" he asked weakly.
"I'm afraid not. We owe the inn quite a bit of money as it is," Hakkai explained patiently. For the fifth or sixth time.
"There's no ATM, so his holiness here can't draw out money," Gojyo griped. "It's the only fucking Christian town we've been to yet, so he can't even swing the High Priest bullshit for us."
The gun was out again, the cold metal pressed to Gojyo's forehead. "Wanna play the blame game? Okay, let's talk about the fucking perverted kappa who blew all his cash in a gambling game when he was caught cheating?" Sanzo snarled, eyes narrowing dangerously. Sanzo with no nicotine and no caffeine was a very scary thing.
"What about your pet monkey eating out the entire inn's store of food, huh?" Gojyo railed back.
"You really wanna die today, don't you?"
"No way in hell I'm gonna let a stupid prick like you kill me!"
"Okay, stop it," Hakkai cut in sharply. It took a second, but the gun was slowly withdrawn and Sanzo crossed his arms over his chest, keeping it out in the open. Gojyo sat back, chewing visciously on a toothpick. There was a whole box in front of him, all mint flavored, and the pile of broken ones was growing under his chair. Hakkai sighed and continued. "Look, they have the authorities outside our door to make sure we don't leave until we've paid. They won't let us work it off in the kitchen because of...an incident with one of the barmaids." He didn't want to point out that it was because the barmaid was married and Gojyo had been hitting on her mercilessly.
"Sure, pin the blame back on me," Gojyo snapped.
"Well, if you'd think with your head and not your dick for a change, this wouldn't happen," Sanzo pointed out.
"Guys, can we PLEASE stay on topic!"
Goku sighed and shifted again. "So, what are we gonna do?" he asked. "We don't have any MONEY!"
"Then we need to make some. And, seeing as Gojyo was so kind as to point out he's the reason we can't work off our debt, I think it's only fair he earns our money for us the only way he knows how," Hakkai answered.
Gojyo snorted. "I was banned from the casino, remember, Kai? For cheating? Not that I was...on that hand anyway." The last was muttered under his breath.
"I take it you've thought of a way for us to get money out of his lazy ass?" Sanzo asked. Gojyo was about to complain when Hakkai cut him off.
"Actually, I have."
"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Gojyo glared at Hakkai, eyes flicking over the crowded common room. Crowded with women. Some hot, some not-so-hot and others so below his standards he wouldn't do them with a salami stick.
"It's only fair, Gojyo," Hakkai whispered.
"No way in hell! Why can't we sell off the monk or his monkey?"
"Do you seriously think they would go through with this?"
Gojyo sighed. No... no they wouldn't. "Damn it, I feel so cheap!"
"Oh, don't worry about that," Hakkai answered cheerfully.
"Start low, Hakkai, I doubt they'd be willing to spend a lot on a used kappa," Sanzo called from his spot against the wall.
Gojyo flicked him off as Hakkai dragged him forward.
"Alright, ladies, the moment you've been waiting for," Hakkai called. He was grinning from ear to ear. Bastard! He was enjoying this, Gojyo thought. "As promised, one prime piece of man for the bidding!"
The room erupted into squeals and screams of delight. Gojyo felt his cheeks go hot. He was BLUSHING! Shit...
Goku was cracking up behind him. And Hakkai was still grinning. Yeah, these guys were gonna get their asses kicked.
"Okay, bidding starts at fifty dollars-,"
"FIFTY! Fuck you, Hakkai, I'm worth more than that," Gojyo snapped. Fifty...as if!
"Fifty!" a woman shrieked from the back, waving her hands and jumping up and down. Aw, hell no! NOT the one with pigtails!
"A hundred!" Yeah, she was a little more his style. He winked at her and she licked her lips. Maybe afterward he'd check on her...
"One twenty-five!" WHOA! Who let THAT one outta the house?
The bidding kept going higher and higher. It got to about three twenty and began to die off a little. They needed at least a grand.
"Gojyo, take your shirt off," Hakkai whispered.
"You want me to strip?"
"Do it, trust me!"
"Kiss my ass, Hakkai!"
Hakkai pinned him with a stern look. "That three hundred and twenty will cover our part. You got us in this, you get us out. Your shirt, please."
Muttering about the different ways he was gonna kill them, Gojyo pulled his shirt over his head.
The bids got higher and higher. Gojyo flexed a little. This wasn't too bad...oo, that red head over there was a real cutie!
The bidding got up to almost fifteen hundred before Hakkai decided to put a stop to it. At that point, Gojyo had lost count of which chicks were bidding what.
"The final bid of one thousand fifteen hundred dollars goes to...The lady in the back! Come on up and claim your man!"
Gojyo pulled his shirt back on as the tall woman came forward. Wow...she was REAL tall. Her legs were nice though. Grinning, he put an arm around her waist and waved airly back at the other guys. "Don't wait up, okay?"
The woman laughed, her voice deep and throaty. Yeah, the type to turn heads in a bar. She tossed a pack of bills to Hakkai, who caught it and counted it out to make sure. "Okay, just remember the rules. Have him back by morning, okay?" Hakkai said.
Gojyo flicked him off as he and the leggy blonde left for her place.
Once at her rather nice home, Gojyo shook his hair out and pulled his shirt off again. "So, what's your name?"
"Chris," she answered, moving around the room to light some candles. She wasn't as curvy as he liked but, damn, her legs!
"Chris, huh? Easy enough to remember. Short for Christine?"
"Mm..something like that."
"So, Chris, how do you wanna do this?"
Chris grabbed him and pushed him onto the bed roughly, kissing him hard. Oo, agressive! Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. Gojyo kissed her back, hand going into her hair and grabbing a handful. She was straddling his hips, and she sat back up, smiling down at him. Slowly, she pulled the short blue dress up and off revealing... Wait, was that a...?
"Oh, shit! You've REALLY gotta be kidding me!" Hakkai was so fucking dead now!
Chris smiled and leaned over to kiss him.
Everyone was waiting outside by the Jeep when Gojyo limped over to them, big circles under his eyes.
"Wow, why're you walkin' all gimpy?" Goku asked. Even Sanzo looked a little surprised, cigarette hanging limply from his lips, still poised and ready to light it.
"Just fucking drive," Gojyo muttered, climbing into the back and wincing as he found a comfy position. "And if you hit any bumps, Hakkai, I swear to fucking God I will beat the shit outta you!"
"I take it your evening didn't end well?" Hakkai asked hesitantly, taking the driver's seat and turning the key.
Gojyo ignored him. "Don't any of you ever say I didn't take one for the team, okay?"
"Never thought I'd hear you complain about getting laid," Sanzo mocked, passing back the pack of cigarettes for him.
"Next time, one of you gets to bend over and take it," he muttered. He pulled a cigarette out and lit up.