Set Post-Nesting Dolls
Spoilers- Pilot, Cool Change, Playing with Fire, Mea Culpa, Nesting Dolls. Maybe a few more minor ones.
Summery- She never gave up her dream of happiness, of Someday
Pairing- Eventual GSR
A/N- This is an awkward, jolting piece. I tried to smooth it over, but it was more stubborn then I am. Friggin' thing… LOL
Warning- The end of this story is extremely fluffy. Sickeningly fluffy. Sorry.
Many Thanks to every one who reviewed my two other stories- icklebitodd, Geeklove4eva, committed, Golden Grasshopper, slm4gsr, addicted666, csilouise.
You guys are the reason I post these fics!
Also, I can't seem any pre-csi dates, like when Sara or Griss were born, went to college, things like that. So if I get the dates wrong, I am really sorry.
On with the story!Someday
There was a cupboard under the stairs in the house where Sara grew up. It was old, and the door creaked when it opened. The old cardboard boxes formed leaning towers all the way up to the slanted roof. Everything inside was covered with a thick layer of dust and it smelled of rotting mothballs. A single, grimy window allowed little light to filter through. In the early morning, when the sun was brightest, the light caught the floating dust particles and they seemed to glimmer. It was ethereal and almost beautiful. It held many forgotten treasures that captured the mind of a small, lonely girl.
No one else bothered with the tiny cupboard, and it became Sara's sanctuary. While she was in the tiny room, she could pretend that her parents loved each other- that she was living happily ever after. She could pretend that she was happy.
She emptied a few of the boxes, and made another into a desk. She lined one wall with all her beloved books and brought in her tiny, whitewashed chair. A small flashlight hidden under a blanket finished off the room.
It was in one of the forgotten boxes, which had been shoved to the corner of the closet, she found her greatest treasure. She found it accidentally when she had moved the box. It had broken and its contents spilled over the floor. They were pieces of folded paper with exotic pictures proudly displayed on their fronts. She had cocked her head to one side and reached down to pick up one of the papers.
It was a brochure, an advertisement for a far away place. Curious, she had read them one by one. She drank in the words of peace, beauty and harmony. She looked each one carefully, staring at the pictures for hours. Deep blue lakes and tall majestic mountains. Amazing forests with creatures she had never heard of before. There were beautiful woman, handsome men, and pretty children. All of them were laughing and smiling. They were happy.
In Sara's young mind, an idea formed. Maybe that was where happiness was. In these beautiful places, where the air was fresh and the waters clean. Maybe kindness was hidden in the smiles of these mysterious people in the pictures. Maybe peace needed to be found in the trees and forests they spoke of in the papers. Maybe…
Her mind was made up. Someday, she would go to these places. She would escape from this house and find her happiness in Jamaica, Alaska, Paris, or Greece. Someday.
The brochures were carefully wrapped in newspaper and placed in a new, sturdy box. On the bad days, she would take them out again, read them and dream. The papers grew worn around the edges and stained with her tears. The pictures, once so bright they seemed to dance off the page, grew dull. But they never lost their magic, and she still dreamed of escape.
Then her father died. Then the policemen took her mother away. A tired looking lady came and told her to pack her things in a bag. Sara asked why, but the lady didn't answer. Her eyes were soft and she just smiled sadly. Sara didn't smile back.
She packed a few of her clothes, but most of the space in her backpack was taken up by her most treasured possession- the brochures.
She clung to her brother's hand as they were led into a large house. She saw in his eyes they same fear and apprehension she knew were in hers. That night they slept together, clinging to each other- holding on tightly to the remnants of their former life.
Then next day, the Lady came back and took her away. Her brother protested loudly, demanding that they stay together, but he was ignored. It took three people to pry her out of her brother's arms and carry her away, kicking and screaming.
She sat in the back of a small black car, watching her brother's figure grow smaller and smaller. But she didn't cry. She would find him again someday. She would find him in the places from her brochures, and together they would find the peace and happiness they deserved. Someday.
As Sara traveled from house to house, she kept to brochures close at all times. She had seen too many children lose their treasured possessions to someone else's malicious hands too many times. Whenever she struggled to remember what to was like to smile and laugh, she would pull out the papers. Someday, that smiling child would be her. One day, it would be her swimming in the cool waters of the Mediterranean. Someday it would be her scaling those mountains. Someday.
The years passed slowly, but she never gave up her dream. She gradated High School with honors. No one came to listen to her speech.
She was accepted into Harvard with no problem. One of her brochures was on Cambridge, Massachusetts, and Sara felt a flutter of anticipation. Maybe this was where she would find her happiness. Perhaps this was far enough away from her other life. Maybe this would be Someday.
But it wasn't. The studies were challenging and fascinating. The people were friendly and smart. The area was beautiful and different, but Sara didn't fit. She was happier then she could remember being in years, but she was not at peace. That brochure went in the trash-bin. Someday hadn't come yet.
Years later, she was sitting at home, reading a book on forensics. The phone had rung, and she had answered to absently, her mind still on the book. Then she had heard his voice. She had stood up quickly and the book had fallen to the ground, forgotten. He sounded tired and sad. He told her of Holly Gribbs and Warrick Brown. He said he needed her. She didn't hesitate.
She was throwing some clothes in a bag and yelling at the travel agent over the phone when she knocked the box over. Again, the brochures were spread at her feet. With a muffled curse, she hung up on the travel agent and bent down to pick up the papers. As she dumped them back in the box, one caught her eye.
The faded words Las Vegas were proudly displayed and discolored pictures of lights and beautiful people paraded across the front. Sara smiled widely. Maybe this time, Someday had come.
She went to Las Vegas and did what Grissom asked of her. She investigated Brown and helped solve Holly's shooting. With the murderer in jail, and her report on Grissom's desk, she waited. Then Grissom asked her to stay. She could hardly stop the smile from spreading across her face. Maybe, maybe…
But she kept waiting. She watched Grissom from a distance, waiting for him to see her too. Sometimes, she almost could imagine that he felt the same way. A single word he would say, or how his hand would brush against her arm. Other times, she wondered why she even bothered. He would push her to her limit, ignore her or belittle her. He pushed her away, and then drew her close, only to push her away again. She grew used to their game, and learned to live with it. She would wait for Someday- for him- for as long as it took.
She covered the walls of her apartment with pictures of exotic places. She cut them from magazines, or bought them from thrift stores. Rainforests and oceans, lakes and pyramids. Tall buildings and tiny huts. Amazing mountains, and glorious landscapes. Her entire bedroom became a collage of Someday. At night, when the nightmares kept her from sleeping, she would gaze at it and dream. Someday, she would see it all.
She made friends with the rest of the team- with Nick, Warrick and Greg. In them, she found the brother she had lost so long ago. They laughed with her, and joked with her. They tried to take care of her. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't peaceful, and it wasn't Someday, but it was good. And she could wait.
Sara thought she could wait. But almost dying sometimes puts thing in perspective. After the Lab exploded, she realized that she might not live to see her Someday. Maybe she needed to go to it.
So that night, she walked up to Grissom and smiled. She casually asked him to dinner, but it wasn't just a casual question.
She was asking him to make her Someday today. Make her dreams come true for a night. He could never have known what a strong question it was. If he had, maybe he would have answered differently.
But he didn't.
He turned her down.
That night she started thinking. It had been so long since that day in the cupboard when the dreams of Someday had been born. Sara knew that it was a child's dream, and holding on to it now was silly. Even if it was the dream that had kept her sane for so long.
She tore down her beautiful collage and threw the pictures away. The brochures, which had been lying on her coffee table, were clumsily shoved in a box and thrown on the top shelf of her closet.
She let go of her dreams of Someday, and washed them away with a bottle of Scotch.
She would move on. She would survive. Someday wasn't coming.
It got worse. She watched as Ecklie tore her team- her family apart. Nick, Warrick and Catherine were their own team now. She watched them laugh and joke, and felt more alone then she had in a very long time. Grissom became even more removed from her life. She was slowly unraveling.
She threw herself into her work, solving the crimes and training Greg as best as could. She took pleasure in seeing the scum of the streets fall into the hole they had dug. She enjoyed showing Greg the secrets of forensics. She smiled at his enthusiasm and remembered how she had once been like him.
She had no life outside work, but that was all right.
As long as she had the lab, she would be fine.
She knew she wouldn't be able to keep her secrets forever, but she tried. She feared that people would look at her differently when the truth came out. So far, she avoided her friends' causal questions about her past with practiced ease, and they never suspected.
It had to end sometime.
She knew when she blew up at Catherine and Ecklie someone was going to ask questions. Someone would want to know why, and she would have to answer if she wanted to keep her job. Her job was her life, but for a moment, she didn't know which was more important- her job, or keeping those secrets.
She knew someone would ask, she just didn't think it was going to be him.
When she opened the door and saw him there, she froze. If anyone could see through a lie, it was him. But her secret, which had been so carefully guarded fro so long was not going to come out easily. She had all her answers prepared.
She was expecting him to dance around the question, before asking her awkwardly, coldly. She expected that she would be able to roll her eyes and push him away.
But he surprised her.
She wasn't expecting him to sit down next to her and ask so softly, so gently. She wasn't expected that sad look in his eyes, or how patiently he waited.
It caught her off guard.
She couldn't even try to lie. She just told him.
About her family, about her time in foster care, about school, and about her dreams of Someday.
He listened silently, sometimes adding a word in, but mostly just sitting there, giving her what support he could. He held her hand as she cried herself to sleep, and when she awoke, he was still there on her couch, sleeping.
As she looked down on his sleeping face, she felt oddly warm.
And slowly, silently, dreams of Someday entered her mind once more.
Sara decided to spend her suspension getting her life back in order. She read books, and watched movies she had never heard of before. She went out in Vegas during the day to see if some of the city's magic hadn't been washed away. She got out the box on the highest shelf of her closet and looked through the brochures once more. They were almost entirely white, and the pictures almost gone. The edges were broken, and fell apart when she picked them up. But they still held that magic. Maybe she had to make Someday come. Maybe she had to go and try to find it herself, one more time.
The papers where still spread around her when the doorbell rang.
It was Grissom.
She hadn't been expecting him, but she opened the door and invited him in. He took a seat on her couch, and declined when she offered him a glass of water. She took a seat next to him, and eyed him carefully. He seemed nervous and his hands were tucked tightly inside his coat. His eyes traveled over the room- from her to the simple pictures on the wall, to the empty counter, and finally to the floor where all the brochures were spread on the ground. He took a deep breath and reached for her hand.
Sara gave it to him hesitantly.
He spoke quietly. He told her of his past, his mother, and his father. He told her about his search for belonging, and how he had also dreamed of a Someday.
Then, he reached into his coat and brought out two tickets. Tickets to see the world. Sara froze. Softly, he asked her to see the world and find Someday- with him.
She couldn't answer. Her body began to shake and her eyes filled. See the world…Could it be? Slowly, she lifted her eyes to his, seeking the truth in their depths. She found sincerity there and so much more. She saw apprehension and fear; she saw hunger and pain. But she also saw peace, happiness and beauty, serenity and security. But most of all, she saw love.
A single tear escape from her eye, and he lifted his hand to gently wipe it away. Sara leaned into his hand and smiled.
She had found her Someday in him.
A/N- If there are any grammatical errors, they are entirely my little brother fault. HE has temporarily taken over the job of Beta. As he knows absolutely ZIP about CSI, it's not working out to well. SO, if any one is willing to be a Beta- Reader, for me, I am looking!