Resident Evil: Super Quest

By: Kamesen

Note: This tale is inspired by Wesker Chick's works, especially 'Survivor Resident Evil Style' and 'Camp Umbrella'. I enjoy reading those stories very much. Ergo, this story is dedicated to her, and to all the RE fans.

All 'Resident Evil' characters © Capcom

Anyone else © whoever owns them


The story begins on a normal day at the S.T.A.R.S. office. Albert Wesker, the man in black, sits at his desk, arms folded over his broad chest and feet up on the table. His head is bowed slightly as he surveys the others with a steely gaze that is unreadable behind the shades he wears.

Jill Valentine and Chris Redfield are going over mountains of case paperwork. Their respective blue and green combat vests are slung over the backs of their chairs, making it apparent that they've been at it for a while now. Chris flips through several crime scene photos, frowning as he turns them upside down, and then turns them yet again. Jill is staring intensely at her papers, rubbing her forehead strenuously with one hand as the other holds a pen. Secretly, she is doing a crossword puzzle that is hidden underneath the papers.

Barry Burton reaches into his red vest, pulling out a cleaning rag. He takes a seat by the gun locker and begins to lovingly polish his colt python squirtgun. Joseph Frost looks on with a bored expression, toying with his bandana and occasionally reaching into a box on the nearby desk to grab a Krispy Kreme™ doughnut.

Last and least, Brad Vickers is seated behind his desk, unmoving, unblinking, both hands resting in front of the radio controls on his desk. He listens to the radio on his headphones, staring hard at nothing. The top two buttons of his yellow vest are undone, partially revealing a t-shirt that reads 'Kiss The Cop'.

"Hey, Captain Wesker," Chris starts, frowning at the photos again. "Do you think that-" he looks up, pausing as he stares at Wesker. "Captain?" No response.

A light snore escapes from Wesker, causing Jill and Chris to chuckle amongst themselves. Joseph just smirks, while Barry is too engrossed in his guns to notice anyway. Brad doesn't even know what's going on, but he laughs stupidly, trying to look cool. Everyone just sort of sighs and looks away from him, returning to what they were doing.

Just then, Anthony Mihovich, Leon Scott Kennedy's cousin, walks into the S.T.A.R.S. office. He is wearing jeans and a hand-me-down S.T.A.R.S. t-shirt with a 'kick me' sign taped to the back. "Hey," he says quietly.

Brad clutches his headset in horror, uttering a loud, high-pitched scream. Everyone jumps, and then looks annoyed. Wesker falls out of his chair and onto the floor. "NO, NOT THE BUTTERSCOTCH!" he cries. For a long, uncomfortable moment, everyone stares at him, except for Brad who is panting quietly and looking frightened.

"What, what…what is it…" Wesker blurts, quickly jumping up from behind his desk. "I'm awake, I'm awake." He regains his composure, straightening his shades and running a hand through his blonde hair. "Alright people, less talkie more workie," he says, clapping his hands twice. He then looks to Anthony. "What do you want."

"Captain!" Anthony screams, snapping to the position of attention and hurling up a sharp salute. "I'm here to inform you that Resident Evil 5 is scheduled for release in Japan tomorrow!"

One, and then both of Wesker's eyebrows raise in surprise. Chris spits out the coffee that he has been drinking, getting it all over Jill's crossword puzzle. She is too shocked to notice, however. Joseph and Barry look up in shock as well, Joseph sputtering as Barry's squirtgun goes off in his face. Brad just sort of gives a really brittle looking smile and he whimpers with apparent joy.

"My gosh," Wesker states gravely, clenching a fist. "Everyone! TO THE BUS!" There is a brief moment of complete silence before the entire room springs into action. Everyone scrambles over each other, grabbing gear and heading for the door. The mission to purchase the new Resident Evil game has begun…