Love Hurts

Disclaimer: yeah yeah, you should all know that I could never own Final Fantasy and/or characters the only character that I do own is Sirea.

Now a message from Mallow64

*We see Mallow64 on a director's chair wearing one of those berets and holding a megaphone*

Me: Hey people, Mallow speaking :). If your reading this thank you for sticking with me up till now. However if your not reading this than you're probably a reader who grew tired of my stories and I say I hate you people, just kidding "lol". I'm telling you though I can't wait to start writing my Iris Chronicles fic. It has been like an explosion inside of me that I just want to release to show the world, however I must keep calm the whole new series must be kept top secret.

*Just than Iris comes in*

Iris: it's gonna be great, like Mallow is pulling all the stops to make sure he's perfected the new series. It's going to be completely action packed and it's going to be filled with all new locations, new friends, enemies and people and it's going to have so many outrageous yet understandable plot twists your going to ask him "is he crazy? Or is he a genius?" Oh yeah and the whole exciting part about this is he's even writing up a teen version of me, that is SSSSOOOOOO KEWL!!!!


Iris: oops sorry, I'll be going now tee hee *leaves*

Me: kids...okay now where were we last time? Oh yeah, Cloud and Sirea got married, Sirea got into an accident and was presumed dead, Cloud met Aeris through Tifa after Tifa's blotched attempt to get him to go out with her. Cloud just marries Aeris and now Sirea who's not dead makes the scene well now on to the story.

*After both woman have recovered from fainting, it is after the wedding service so Cloud IS officially married to Aeris, all the guests have left and Cloud, Aeris and Sirea are eating cake and discussing events*

Cloud: Sirea, it really is you I thought you were...

Sirea: dead? Gone? Maggot food? Six feet under? Never comming back?

Cloud: I was going to say passed away but you got the idea, so uumm what happened? Where were you for *looks at his watch* 2 years, 7 months, 5 weeks, 3 days, 4 hours, 8 minutes and 6 seconds, 7 seconds, 8 seconds

Aeris: you kept track how long Sirea was missing?

Cloud: well yeah doesn't EVERY husband do it?

*There is a dead silence and crickets can be heard*

Sirea: never mind, I'll tell you what happened Cloud

*Flashback on the plane the Big Bronco*

Sirea: man is it just me? Or is this plane a little shaky?

Man: *obviously drugged up* hey peace pretty lady maybe EVERYTHING is shaky

Sirea: riiiiiiiight, *calls for a flight attendant* umm is there something wrong with this plane?

Attendant: *obviously very drunk* no *hick* ma'am it's just you *hick* imagination

Sirea: this is weird

*Gets up to head to the bathroom and notices that every passenger and flight attendant are all the same*

Sirea: okay this is weird *realizes that she is the only passenger on the plane that's not drugged up or drunk* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay okay don't panic if everyone is like this than what about the pilot? Oh crap

*Rushes over to the cockpit*

Sirea: please don't tell me that you're drunk

Cid (the pilot): of course not I can handle my liquor very well just one thing?

Sirea: yes?

Cid: can you stop spinning so I can talk to you?

Sirea: okay, this is bad

*End flashback*

Cloud: so you were the only okay passenger

Sirea: that's right

Aeris: that story sounds so absurd, like it sounds like it was made up by a teen in a desperate attempt to post on the internet so the public can read

Sirea: hey who's telling this story? Me or you? Anyway, I tried to get the plane back on track but it crashed into the side of the mountain everyone amazingly survived the experience but I was thrown out of the plane before it crashed, knocked my head and developed temporary amnesia.

Cloud: but there was search parties how come they didn't find you?

Sirea: you know I don't know, now how I got off the mountain and regained my memory


Sirea: man, who am I? Where am I? Why am I here? Why am I asking myself these questions?

*Just than a man on a snowmobile passes by*

Man: hey Miss!!!!

Sirea: you talking to me?

Man: yeah, have you seen this woman who amazingly looks exactly like you? *shows her a picture of herself*

Sirea: *looks at the picture but amnesia prevents her from recognizing* no can't say I have

Man: oh okay *and the idiot drives off*

Sirea: what a nice man

*A few hours later, Sirea is forced to crawl on the ground very cold*

Sirea: so...cold...hate...this...mountain...hate being lonely...talking to myself

*Just than an image of an old man appears*

Old man: you must travel to Dagobah and train under my old master, Yoda

Sirea: wrong frozen person, your looking for the delusional young man, I'm the cold lonely woman who can't remember anything about herself

Old man: sorry *disappears*

*Just than a very familiar author appears, yep it's me*

Sirea: who are you?

Me: don't be afraid

Sirea: I'm not, how can I be afraid of a pudgy marshmallow?

Me: low blow, low blow...anyway I've come to help you Sirea

Sirea: and how would you know me? You happen to be a fanfiction author and your making a guest star appearance in one of your own fics and the reason you happen to know me is that you actually was the one who created me, is that it?

Me: *laughing nervously* no, of course not how can you think of something so stupid?

Sirea: *shrugs* it's a gift

Me: okay on to helping how to do that? I KNOW!!!!! *mysterously pulls out a labtop and types in "Sirea than regains her memory" and hits enter*

Sirea: what's that going to...wait it's all so clear now!!!!!! I'm Sirea Bouorghaings and I'm married to Cloud, yeah I remember it all thanks mysterious marshmallow stranger

Me: your welcome

Sirea: um since you can help regain my memory can you get me off this mountain?

Me: sure *types in "Sirea is off the mountain somewhere"* well my jobs done, bye *disappears*

*a few minutes later*

Sirea: huh? Where am I now?

*She looks around to see she is in a moogle village underground*

Sirea: hhhmmm I don't think he specifically stated where to put me...

Moogle *comes up to her* KUPO!!!!!!!

Sirea: *smiles* hi, little fella can you tell me how to get out of here?

Moogle: kupo

Sirea: uumm do you speak english?

Moogle: *stares at her blankly and replies* KUPO!!!!! KUPPO!!!!

Sirea: this is going to take some time

*End flashback*

Sirea: so I actually spent two years learning how to speak mooglese and learning how to get out of the moogle village

Aeris: riiiiiiiiiight *whispers to Cloud* your first wife's crazy

Cloud: never mind the only important thing is your home, Sirea *hugs her*

Aeris: hey

Cloud: oh sorry Aeris *hugs her* I know this is a lot to take in and thank you for being supportive

Sirea: hey

Cloud: oh sorry Sirea *hugs her*

Aeris: hey

Cloud: oh sorry hon *hugs Aeris*

Sirea: hey

Cloud: oops my bad *you know the drill*

*Hours later*

Aeris: well Cloud me and Sirea has come to a decision

Sirea: that's right, while you were busy hugging us we were talking plans

Cloud: *panting* so what is it?

Aeris: you have to choose one of us...

Sirea: or we'll both leave you


Aeris: Cloud no offense or anything we both never pictured our married life to be shared with another woman or anything so don't take anything personally or anything

Sirea: so Cloud who's it gonna be? Me or the quack?

Aeris: actually I'm a psychiatrist and part time botanist

Sirea: *shrugs* same thing...come on Cloud you have to love one of us more

Cloud: um if you don't mind I might need a little thinking for this *drags Reverend Paul (who amazingly is still here) into a confession box*

*Inside the Confession box later*

Cloud: so that's my problem Reverend you have been able to always solve my problems before so do you have a solution now?

Paul: okay now this is a very interesting problem, now you say you love both women?

Cloud: with all my heart

Paul: and your saying you HAVE to choose one?

Cloud: or there both leaving

Paul: well Cloud I can honestly say I don't have a solution for you

Cloud: huh? Why?

Paul: look how many people are going to come to me saying they "accidentally" married two women and can't solve who they love more?

Cloud: well that couple on that sitcom...

Paul: *glares at him*


Paul: what do you think? That the stupid plot twists they are going to have is true

Cloud: well...I

Paul: never mind let's work on your problem, okay since you love both women and since you both got married in this church and thus are legally bonded to both of them, that technically states that both women are your life partners. Now we can do this the clean but painful way, you could tell both women that you love them but you could ruin both of their friendships for you...

Cloud: *stares at him blankly* or?

Paul: oh you could do this the quick and dirty way

Cloud: ooooohhhh QUICK AND DIRTY, QUICK AND DIRTY!!!!!

Paul: *sigh* Now this is what I think you should do, spend a day with both of them, you know at their job and what they do and what you find particularly interesting about them

Cloud: you mean stalk them?

Paul: stalk is such a mean and sinful word, it's more like careful observation, after your done that and you determined come back to me and I'll denounce one of your vows

Cloud: you can do that?

*Lifts up a briefcase and shows it to Cloud*

Paul: I'm also a divorce lawyer

Cloud: man they're making everyone lawyers these days

*Cloud leaves the booth*

Cloud: ladies I'm still uummm kinda undecided do you mind giving me a few days to think about it?

Sirea: anything

Aeris: Cloud we won't push you if you don't feel like it

Cloud: thanks I'm glad I'm married to such virtuous women

*When Cloud's back is turned Aeris and Sirea both give each other death glares*

Day 1: Sirea

*Scene is the Modeling agency that Sirea works for, Cloud has disguised himself as a janitor with one of those large caps so a-hem "no one" will notice him*

Sirea: thanks for giving me my job back, it has been awhile (just until I can get a better line of work)

Boss: no problem Sirea, I don't care how long our agency has to wait just as long as you can grace everything you model for, your beautiful, charismatic and all the men want you whether mentally or...*very suggestively* psychically

Sirea: *giggles* that's nice boss, but I'm married and that means I'm a one man woman especially this one

*Cloud smiles at this comment and continues to work*

Boss: ah yes your husband, never heard of a bigger idiot in my life, imagine he "accidentally" marries a new woman. You know if I was him I rather never marry again than give up a vixen like you, like I said what an idiot, a buffoon, a moron

Cloud: gggggggrrrrrr

Sirea: HEY!!! Don't speak badly of my Cloudy like that or find yourself a new model

Boss: okay okay *leaves* geez they're making them feistier everyday

Photographer: okay Sir, what's it going to be today? Lingerie? Evening gowns? Or...

Cloud: (please don't say bikini, please don't say bikini)

Photographer: bikini

Cloud: (DOH!!!!! Must keep anger to minimum, this is only a who cares if many perverted and horney men get to see my wife)

Sirea: really hard to say

Photographer: you can pick whatever you like, you look good in everything

Sirea: hhmmmm *picks up a lingerie* I wonder what Cloud's reaction will be if I wear this for him?

Cloud: *prevents himself from drooling but notices that the photographer is drooling himself*

Sirea: you know I think I'll surprise him

Photographer: why don't you wear that now? I can get some great action shots

Sirea: thanks for the suggestion but I don't Cloud would appreciate it flaunting my body like that, I'll try to wear things less skimpy

Photographer: than why did you become a model?

Sirea: well I didn't really want to, I only became a model to help support Cloud...*smiles* he's done everything for me I want to do everything for him

Photographer: okay Sirea, I can't hide it I want you, come away with me

Sirea: look I'm a married woman, I'm not going to cheat on him

Photographer: he's not here he'll never know

*Cloud in his fury removes his disguise*


Sirea: Cloud what are you doing here? *her eyes than get all dreamy* oh I get it your here to defend my honor from the big brute!!!! This is SO romantic, I never thought you had in you Cloud

Photographer: who your calling a jackass, little man?

*Cloud now notices the photographer is really a lot bigger and very much stronger than him*

Sirea: don't let him talk to you like that, come on Cloud show him who you are!!!!

Cloud: eep

*After a few minutes of getting beaten up bad*

Photographer: that'll teach you, little man

*Sirea than taps him on his shoulder and when he turns around, Sirea flattens him with one punch*

Sirea: and that will teach YOU to hurt my Cloudy

*Sirea tends to Cloud*

Sirea: oh Cloud I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that but I kinda got wrapped up in the moment

Cloud: it's all right, I got a better shots in so technically I won

Sirea: that's my Cloud *helps Cloud to the door* HEY BOSS!!!! YOU CAN HAVE THIS JOB, I QUIT!!!!!


*His pleas are ignored as Cloud and Sirea leave*

Cloud: you know there's a way you can make up for this

Sirea: yeah?

Cloud: do you still have that lingerie?

Sirea: *smiles* tonight

Day 2: Aeris

*Scene is now psychiatry office that Aeris works for, Aeris is have a session with a very familiar psycho and Cloud is washing the window of the building*

Aeris: *taking notes* now Mr. Sephiroth, I believe you have a very interesting problem

Seph: *trying to look down her dress but is disappointed that he can't* and that is?

Aeris: well, you seem to have a case of "obsession" you want to go to great lengths to obtain one big desire and you don't care what you have to do to obtain it. When you find out you can't have it you can't give it up, I haven't figured out what your obsession is, tell me do you know?

Seph: what makes you think I'm obsessed? I'm never obsessed, say is that a new brand of perfume your wearing it smells really nice

Aeris: I don't wear perfume and your straying off topic, maybe your afraid of telling me of your problems

Seph: me?! I'm the Great Sephiroth I fear nothing

Aeris: and will you quit saying that? It's getting annoying

Seph: sorry, say that's a nice pendent can I "see" it?

Aeris: uuumm okay *gives it to him*

Seph: now this is very pretty...of course only pretty things should belong to you *drops it* oops

Aeris: *looks at him funny and bends her knees to pick it up*

Seph: DAMN!!!!!!! (she didn't bend over)

Aeris: this may take some more time looks like I'm going to have to book another appointment how about sometime next week?


Aeris: what?

Seph: no I need treatment NOW!!! What about our usual daily sessions?

Aeris: I'm sorry but this is my last session this week I'm taking time off to spend with my husband

Seph: but you don't need him and besides I'm not cured yet

Aeris: okay I'm getting sick of playing Ms. I don't know psychiatrist, will you stop lusting over me? You're sick and perverted and your never going to impress me

Seph: you knew?

Aeris: well ya, like you do it every session I only pretended like I didn't know so I can paid more after I did finally cured you and you know why I did it? Because I want to support Cloud I want to do everything for him even if I have to take up annoying stalking patients like you to do it, I love him and only him

Seph: but I want you Aeris

*This is about the time, Cloud stupidly crashes through the window in a jealous rage*

Cloud: hey you heard the lady, she doesn't want you, she doesn't want you

Aeris: let me guess you followed me to work

Cloud: I had good reasons

Seph: YOU!!!! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT STOLE MY ONE TRUE LOVE FROM ME!!!! DIE!!!!!!!! *materializes a Masamune*

Cloud: eep, how did he do that?

Aeris: he's a type of patient who can't be cured

*Sephy begins chasing Cloud around the room*

Aeris: don't worry Cloud, I won't let anything happen to you...oh Sephy?

Seph *stops instantly* yes??!!

Aeris: drop the sword

Seph: *does so*

Aeris: good, *flattens Sephy with one punch* that is for lusting over me and trying to kill my husband!!!!

Cloud: woah

Aeris: hm? Oh you must not be used to seeing that, well a girl learns when she has to

Cloud: so what are you going to do now?

Aeris: well it's obvious I'm going to cancel all my sessions with that nut

Cloud: that's great

Aeris: well let's go home, there's a "session" I want to give you

Cloud: *drools*

Day 10: epilouge

*After awhile of spending time with both women, Cloud felt confident of what he was going to do, he took both women to the roof of the church (so that they could be alone) and tell them what was his final decision was*

Cloud: well, now I know what to say

Aeris: go ahead Cloud just tell us

Sirea: yeah your hurting us more but not telling us

Aeris: but it doesn't matter who wins

Sirea: yeah just as long as we're all stay friends

Aeris: *smiles* that's right

*The two women shake hands and share a hug as they turn to Cloud for his final answer*

Cloud: well I....

Time than freezes as a familiar person takes the stage

Me: Hi everyone your probably wonder how this is going to end, well to tell you the truth there's MORE THAN ONE ENDING!!!!!!! Yep that's right I made up several endings for this story, I made some up myself while others I took advice from others and remember it's all in good fun so in I insult ANYONE, it's all for the purpose of humor and I do not mean it. Well without further ado the ALTERNATE ENDINGS!!!!!!!!! Oh and remember pick the ending you like best.

Ending#1: Sirea, my first and only love

Cloud: you Sirea

Sirea: Cloud

Cloud: you were my first love and I want to be with you forever...I'm so sorry I didn't wait for you

Sirea: Cloud, it's not your had to get on with your life and even if I had died I wouldn't have wanted to see you unhappy, I love you too Cloud

*The two move in to kiss, with a sad but very happy Aeris*

Cloud: *after breaking the kiss* Aeris, I'm...

Aeris: no don't say anything, you two were meant to be together I was only here to help you and it looks like I did. You don't need me anymore, so Cloud for everyone's sake just be happy

*Cloud smiles Aeris a thank you as Sirea and Cloud moves in for another kiss*

Ending#2: Aeris thank you for being there

Cloud: you Aeris

Aeris: Cloud

Cloud: Thank you for helping me and standing by me, when Sirea came back you didn't hold a grudge on her or me or anything. Aeris when I thought Sirea died you always there and I just feel I don't deserve you sometimes you standing by me even though I was so unfair to you

Aeris: Cloud, it's not your were trying to keep your relationship alive with Sirea, and I don't mind if you didn't choose me just as long as you were happy...oh Cloud I love you too

*The two move in to kiss, with a sad but very happy Sirea*

Cloud: *after breaking the kiss* Sirea, I'm...

Sirea: no don't say anything, you two look like you were meant to be together, you look like you need each other more so Cloud for everyone's sake just be happy

*Cloud smiles Sirea a thank you as Aeris and Cloud moves in for another kiss*

Ending#3: French isn't always the word for love

Cloud: ...well can you two come over here?

*Sirea and Aeris moves in as Cloud whispers something to them, Sirea and Aeris than look at Cloud angrily at him*

Cloud: what? It's a French word

Sirea: you pervert

Aeris: don't you even care for our feelings?

Cloud: I do I would also like to be with you both

Sirea: yeah but that is SO SICK!!!!!!

Cloud: is that a yes?

*Aeris and Sirea attack Cloud as the screen fades*

Ending#4: Or maybe it is?

Cloud: ...well can you two come over here?

*Sirea and Aeris moves in as Cloud whispers something to them, Sirea and Aeris than look at Cloud a little silent at him*

Cloud: what? It's a French word

Sirea: why not?

Aeris: well I love you a lot

Sirea: so do you Cloud?

Cloud: I do I would also like to be with you both, I love the both of you

Aeris: Cloud I'll never leave you side and that's the way you feel than I'll stay with you

Sirea: neither will I

Cloud: thank you, I promise I'll love the both of you till the end

*Scene fades as all move in for a group hug*

Ending#5: It doesn't matter who wins just as long as Tifa dies

*Just than Tifa bursts in*

Tifa: STOP!!!! YOU LOVE ME CLOUD!!!!!!

Cloud: no I don't and leave me alone, DAMN I JUST WISH YOU DIE, SOMETIMES!!!!

*Just than a mysterious figure in black descends down from no where and stabs her in the back and kicks her off the blade. The kicks causes her to fall off the church*

Cloud: oh MY GOD!!! *rushes over to edge* oh I hope those parked cars will break her fall

*Sounds of crashing can be heard*

Cloud: well maybe one of those speeding cars will stop to help her

*Sounds of cars running over Tifa can be heard*

Cloud: ow, maybe that passing circus with those elephants will stop for her

*The circus and elephants go by not noticing and tramples her*

Cloud: ooookay maybe those tanks will stop, wait a minute...TANKS??!!

*Tanks run over her as well*

Sirea: *looking over* I'm not a doctor Cloud but I don't think Tifa can bend like that

Cloud: *whirls to the Figure* YOU KILLED TIFA!!!!!!

Figure: do you really care for her?

Cloud: but that's not the principal of the whole thing

Aeris: who are you anyway?

Cloud: I know it must be Reverend Paul

*Paul enters*

Paul: no I'm here

Aeris: I know it must be Sephiroth

*Seph enters*

Seph: no my love I did not do this

Aeris: AAAHHHH!!! *shoves Sephiroth off the roof* sorry reflex action

Sirea: I know it must be the author himself, Mallow64

*I enter*

Me: nope I didn't do it either

Cloud: than if Paul didn't do it and Sephy didn't do it and you didn't do it...who's *points at the figure* that person

Me: I know it's none other THAN...!!!!!

*I rip off the figure's mask as everyone gasps*

(Only I know, hee hee hee try and take a guess)

Ending#6: Bizarre ending


*Just than a group of moogles enter*

moogle: KUPO KUPO!!! (My queen, we have come to help you)

Sirea: kupo, kupppo (not now guys)

Aeris: how do they communicate by only saying kupo?

Cloud: *shrugs*

Moogle: kupo kupo (we see that you need help)

Sirea: kupo..(don't worry I can do this) so Cloud you were saying, kupo? Sorry force of habit


Ending#7: the make up your own ending

The End :)

Well that stories done, now what's next for Mallow? My greatest masterpiece THE IRIS CHRONICLES!!!!!!! I can't wait to get started on that and for those of you who know they have a character in the story, I like to say thank you, thank you for giving me the honor to write you guys in it. Thank you for always supporting me I can never get this far without you, I will try to write about you guys as bes as I can. :)

Okay I may have made a few people out of character and I'm really sorry for killing off Tifa if it offended you Tifa fans, I was only doing it for humor.
As well I made a guest appearance in my own fic and yes I did act like a "goof" but let me make something clear I did that for humor as well.

Oh and I like to say I'm kinda still one character short for the Iris Chronicles so if anyone's interested give me your e-mail, and I'll help put you in the story guaranteed. :)

And to everyone else, PEACE!!! :)