The Wizard of La

Disclaimer: I own neither The Wizard of Oz nor Marvel Comics. Please, exercise some common sense, people!

Full Summary:

Remy Lebeau hit his head exceptionally hard in the Danger Room and landed in a coma. This is a Wizard of Oz parody, a comedy, and an AU fic. I hope you guys enjoy – writing it is so much fun. Instead of having super-long chapter, I think it would be more entertaining in smaller bits. So, shorter chapters, but more of them.

Chapter One – High Heels

"Merde!" Remy thought as he opened his eyes slowly. "Uh-oh, woke up wearin' femmes clothes, again. Remy, y'gonna hafta stop drinkin'!" Speaking softly to himself as he stood, Remy examined his attire. "Kinky." He said finally as he straightened the blue gingham dress and the pale blue socks that he wore. "Remy lost his shoes, neh?" He looked around, walking through some dew-covered grass in his socks. "Wet socks suck worse dan wakin' up wearin' dese…" He felt his hair. "Pigtails!"

He spotted a red glittering out of the corner of his eye, only to see a pair of feet poking out from under a house. "Mon dieu!" Looking around, he smirked and stole the shoes. "Y'dead, mon ami. Don' need dese anymore." Remy noticed the hairy man-legs of the slippers' owner as he took them off and gagged. "Say it wit Remy, Monsieur Morte – 'foot odor,' Y'feet still gonna smell worse dan y', even when y'rottin'."

"Remy's glad Wolfie ain' here." Remy said, snickering as he put the slippers on. Quickly, he jerked his head and took a fighting stance as a strange bubble appeared before him. The woman, who was wearing a huge pink dress, didn't seem to threaten Remy, who put his hands down. "Jeannie?"

"I am no genie." The woman said smoothly, a broad smile plastered to her face. "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

"Uhh…" Remy said, deciding that, despite looking EXACTLY like Jean, this was a very different person. "Witch? Non. Remy's a thief. Jus' woke up here."

"The Munchkins called me here; they said that you dropped a house on Eric, the wicked warlock of the East." She said. "I am Jean, the Witch of the North."

Remy smirked. "Dis be Remy Lebeau, of da swamp….what's a munchkin?"

Several giggles came from around him as smaller versions of the younger X-Men suddenly surrounded him. Jubilee wrapped herself around one of Remy's legs, holding it tight. She sniffed him. "You smell like cigarettes!" She yelled accusingly.

"Is this true?" Jean asked.

"Oui, Remy's a smoker, Momma." Remy said sarcastically, as the children gasped and back away from him. "Jus tell Remy how t'get back home."

A midget version of Shadowcat pointed to the sidewalk. "Follow the yellow brick road!" She said to Remy.

"T'anks, Petite." Remy laughed as he thought of how 'petite' she was at present. He started to walk away when the small creatures began to follow him and sing. Frightened, Remy turned and ran as fast as his sexy red slippers would take him down the long yellow brick road. "Merde, dis is weird, even f'Remy."

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Next Chapter: Who is the Scarecrow? I guarantee you'll laugh. A lot. It's a joke waiting to be told.

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