"Holy shit...a city! A REAL city. THANK YOU!" Gojyo threw his arms wide, grinning up at the darkened sky in delight. FINALLY, after the endless miles through a desert wasteland, they came upon a full out city, complete with at least six different bars, about ten casinos and more hotels and strip joints than he could count.
"Wooooow," Goku breathed, eyes wide. "Hey, Sanzo, you think they've got any good restaurants here?"
"How should I know? I've never been here before," The monk answered sourly.
"Most likely they will, Goku," Hakkai answered as if Sanzo hadn't spoken. "The bigger cities tend to have a better variety. Maybe we could stay here a couple days, get our feet back. What do you think, Sanzo?"
"That's a yes! That was definately a yes," Gojyo exclaimed.
"YAY! Food, food!"
Hakkai pulled up to a a relatively decent sized hotel and they piled out, Goku hefting all their baggage. The Jeep transformed int Hakuryu and they went inside, Sanzo pulling out the credit card from inside his robe.
The girl at the desk was rushing around, giving orders to other employees as she ran. She paused, wiping her brow and managed a harried smile. "Hello, and welcome. How can I help you?"
"Four rooms, preferably as far away from each other as you can put them," Sanzo answered.
"I'm very sorry, but we're hosting a wedding...a very BIG wedding. Some husband and wife went and had sixtuplets-,"
"Oh, my," Hakkai laughed.
"Yes, that's what I said. Anyway, all of them were girls and all the girls are getting married today," she glanced over at the packed common room when a champagne cork was shot off and cheers erupted. "Well, it seems sixtuplets run in the family and-,"
"Is there any end to this story?" Sanzo bit out sharply. "Four rooms, now."
"Well, I...that is to say...we only have one room available. But it's a suite!" She added the last on quickly when the death glares were leveled at her.
"I'm sure there's another hotel that can accomodate us," Hakkai said, the smile still on his face, but the tone was a little too dark for the pleasant expression.
"Um...actually, sir, this was the last hotel for the wedding. They came here after all the other ones were filled to capasity. It's a very, VERY big wedding you see..."
If anything the glares got even deadlier. After a bit, Sanzo slid his card over the desk. "Fine, but you better bring extra cots or mattresses or something."
"It's a king sized bed, so maybe...you...could...I'll bring them up right away, sir," she finished with a heavy gulp. She handed him four keys and he snatched them from her before storming over to the stairs.
Gojyo leaned over the counter and gave her his best smile. "Say, maybe you can tell a guy where he can have a little...fun."
"Oh, um, for the four of you?"
"Yeah, sure. Whatever."
"Well, the Ball and Chain might be a place you'd enjoy. It's a bar, but it's one of the nicer ones."
He winked at her and said, "Thanks, doll. See ya!" And followed the others up to their room.
"WOOOOOOOWWWWWW!" Goku exclaimed, eyes wide and shining.
The room was truly deserving of such praise. Easily the biggest they'd had the whole trip and the nicest furnished. Workers brought in three more comfy mattresses and there was STILL enough floor space for them to stretch out on.
"I must say, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be," Hakkai said, exploring further. "Hey, a hot tub!"
"I call dibs," Gojyo shouted, making a run for the bathroom.
Only to trip over Sanzo's foot. "I paid for it, I get it first," he said coldly.
"Like hell! You'll use up all the hot water!"
"I've got to get your filth off me somehow."
"Why you stupid, pain in the ass, arrogant prick!"
"That's a pretty complex sentence for a stupid kappa. I'm impressed."
Hakkai grabbed Gojyo before he could lunge on Sanzo. "Now, now, he does have a point, Gojyo. But I'm sure Sanzo won't mind leaving enough hot water for all of us, won't you, Sanzo?"
Sanzo flicked him off before shutting and locking the bathroom door.
"Damn it, I bet he launches one off in there so we can't use it for an hour," Gojyo complained, flopping onto the bed.
"Ew, that's gross!" Goku said, sitting on a mattress and petting Hakuryu.
Hakkai smiled and opened the doors leading out onto the balcony. "Would you look at this view! It's amazing!"
"The only thing I wanna look at is some hot chick's thong on the floor," Gojyo called back.
"Pervert," Goku sneered, making a gagging face.
"Hey, just cuz you're an unsexed little runt doesn't mean I'm a pervert! I happen to enjoy women's lingerie. Call it a hobby of mine, if you will."
"HAHA! Yeah, you enjoy WEARING it! Why else would you have long hair?"
Gojyo was on Goku in a hot second, pinning the brat to the floor and making damned sure to grind his face into the carpet, giving him a red burn on his cheek. "Wanna say it again, monkey?"
Both jumped when the bathroom door opened enough for Sanzo to fire off six rounds in their general direction.
"FUCKING HELL! Are you even looking where your shooting?" Gojyo hollered.
"I don't really give a shit. Stop bickering or I WILL aim next time, right for you fucking heads!"
Hakkai came in from the balcony as if nothing had happened. Perfectly natural for people to be shot at in a hotel suite, right? "Well, at any rate, I doubt very much they have enough food for us. We should probably find a restaurant somewhere."
"Hey, that babe at the desk said to try a place called the Ball and Chain. Supposed to be a good place." Gojyo conveniently left off that it was a bar.
Hakkai narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "The Ball and Chain? Sounds kind of kinky to me."
"Hehe, I wish!"
"EWWWW! Nasty perverted kappa!"
"Eat me, ape-boy!"
"Yeah, like I'd risk putting anything NEAR that mouth of yours! You'd bite it off thinking it was food!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP?" The door didn't open again, but the shout was enough to make them cling together in fear.
Hakkai sighed and sat in a chair, shaking his head. "You know, between the two of you, you're going to make poor Sanzo die of a heartattack before he's thirty. Anyway, I guess we'll try the place out. She doesn't seem the type for, ah, THAT scene."
"Aw, you just broke my heart, Hakkai! And here I was kinda hoping she was," Gojyo drawled, shoving Goku away like he had a disease.
"HEY! Quit shoving and get your own bed," Goku railed, shoving back.
"Please, you two, I'd really hate to see Sanzo kill you both in such a nice room."
Both Gojyo and Goku dove for cover as the papaer fan came down, beating them both mercilessly. And Hakkai sat back, petting Hakuryu with a little amused smile on his face.
It was some time later before they left the hotel and found the place. They stood outside, looking at the carved wooden sign. The door opened whenever someone entered or left, letting out loud music and cigarette smoke.
"This is a bar," Goku said.
"Yep," Gojyo answered.
Hakkai let out another sigh. "Well, it's too late to go to any restaurant, though I really wish you would have told us earlier, Gojyo."
"Hey, sue me, the place sounded interesting! And she said we'd all like it."
"Whatever, so long as we can smoke inside, it's fine," Sanzo answered, for once backing Goyo up. He pushed the door open and the others followed.
Only to run straight into his back when he stopped inside the door. "What. The. Hell?"
Peering over the monk's shoulders, they all looked around the crowded bar. Full of men. Some of them dressed as women. And lots of them making out with other men.
"Um, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked with a nervous laugh.
"Yeah?" Gojyo asked slowly.
"What kind of place did the girl say this was?"
"She didn't EXACTLY say..."
Goku pushed forward, brow wrinkled thoughtfully. "Hey, are those two dudes kissing?"
"It appears that way," Sanzo said slowly, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting up.
"Oh...OH! Wait a second! This is a gay bar!"
It was like all the sound in the room stopped right when he said that and everyone turned to gape at them. Sanzo's teeth were grinding and his fists were shaking with the effort not to kill the brat. Hakkai and Gojyo began backing out when some rather meaty looking guys grabbed beer bottles and smashed them on the counter into sharpened points.
"You stupid fucking monkey!" Sanzo shoved them out the door, slamming it shut when the bottles were thrown at them.
They went straight back to their room, shutting the door and collapsing on the beds, exhausted from traveling and still hungry.
"So, wanna tell me why the girl at the desk recommended a gay bar?" Sanzo demanded, lighting another cigarette.
Gojyo followed suit and blew the smoke in the monk's generally direction. "How the hell should I know? I wasn't the one putting off the vibe!"
"Are you implying I was?" The question was cold and was daring him to answer.
"I never really thought we came across that way," Hakkai mused.
They were all silent for a long time. Goku shifted and finally broke the silence. "What about that shower thing?"
Hakkai blinked, confused.
"Well, when you and Gojyo-,"
"For the love of God, we HAD to share a shower cuz his royal fuck-face here hogs all the hot water," Gojyo exploded.
The gun was out and leveled at his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you well. What did you just call me?" Sanzo snarled.
"You heard me well and good!"
"Yeah, but what about when Hakkai-," Goku interupted.
Hakkai covered his eyes, smiling and shaking his head. "Goku, I've explained this to you four times now. I dropped the soap. I was picking it up. And if what you saw through the steam LOOKED to be something else, I'm sorry, but it wasn't. I'm very straight."
Hakkai lowered his hand, arching a brow. "But, what?"
"Well, you like to cook and stuff..."
"I get a lot of practise feeding you. And since when is cooking considered a gay activity?"
Goku sat back, biting his lower lip and looking puzzled.
"And if you're going to split hairs, what about you and Gojyo?" Hakkai added, his voice a little sharp.
"Huh?" Both said, shocked.
"Constantly bickering, using any excuse to wrestle. Looks to me like you two are flirting with each other."
"LIKE HELL!" Gojyo shouted.
"AS IF!" Goku hollered at the same time.
Hakkai shrugged and smiled, sitting back.
"I wouldn't flirt with that monkey if he was the last chance I had of getting laid again!"
"Fine, not Goku. What about Sanzo?"
Sanzo choked on his cigarette. "Fuck off, Hakkai, I'm not getting involved with this."
"You seem to have a penchant for beating the two of them. A fetish, perhaps?"
For the first time anyone could remember, the priest aimed the gun on Hakkai. "Keep talking, pretty boy."
"Hey, that's an idea," Gojyo joined in. "Only put Hakkai in where you had me! You two are always so chummy all the time. Maybe she was picking the vibe up off of you two!"
Two pairs of eyes, one emerald the other violet, turned on him slowly and with the threat of pain in them.
"Definately the kappa," Sanzo sneered.
"Mm, I agree. He tries too hard to flirt with the ladies," Hakkai added.
"WHAT! I'm totally real with them! What about Goku, he doesn't even notice the broads!"
"HEY! Just cuz I don't act like a pig and drool all over them doesn't mean I don't notice," Goku shouted back.
"Maybe you and the priest are getting cozy at night! Wouldn't surprise me with the way they train them at the temples!"
"Dead. You're very dead!"
"Not if I get him first," Goku shouted at Sanzo.
"You could try. I'll kill you, too."
Any further argument was interupted by a knock on the door. Hakkai answered it and spoke with the person there for a few minutes before shutting it.
He resumed his seat but didn't say a word. Instead, he stared very fixedly at the floor.
"Who was it?" Sanzo asked.
Hakkai was tapping his fingers against the chair, a little smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "That was the hotel manager."
"He was asking us to keep the lover's quarrel down because it was disturbing some of the other guests."
No one said a word for a very long time.
Gojyo broke the silence first and said what everyone of them was thinking, "Oh, shit."