Disclaimer: I own nothing. Benji belongs to a friend.
AN: in my last fic somebody asked for so more Megatron/Optimus stuff so here it is. All my humor fic are connected in a series so if you don't get this you should probably read "Another stupid Human Story", "Randomness", and "Camping Fun" first.
"Optimus, why is Megatron sitting in the middle of the community room?" Rad asked.
"It's part of our court ordered marital counseling. We have to meet with a licensed marital counselor once a month" Optimus said.
"You haven't done this before and you've been here six months. Why are you starting again now?" Rad asked.
"Cause we now have a marital counselor on earth" Optimus said in the fake cheery voice I love to make my characters use.
"Ok Megatron, Optimus are you ready?" Sideswipe said, walking in.
"You're a marital counselor?" Rad said looking skeptical.
"Yeah I got my degree just before I came here" Sideswipe said.
"Ooookkk" Rad said slowly before sitting down and starting his homework.
"Alright are you two ready to begin?" Sideswipe asked sounding just like a counselor.
"I thought this was suppose to be a private secession" Megatron said glaring at Rad, who completely ignored them.
"Rad's got as much right to be in here as we do" Optimus said.
"Why's that?" Megatron asked.
"My grandma baby-sits the guy who broke you guys up," Rad said.
"Huh?" Megatron asked.
"Uhhh… never mind" Optimus and Sideswipe at the same time.
"Ok" Sideswipe said going into counselor mode "Who originally decided to split up?"
"Him" Megatron said bitterly, pointing at Optimus.
"Optimus, what was your main reason for wanting to split up?" Sideswipe asked.
"Megatron changed to much. He wasn't the same person I married" Optimus said.
"I didn't change that much" Megatron said indignantly.
"How did he change?" Sideswipe asked Optimus.
"When I married him he was a woman!" Optimus yelled.
"Calm down. Now Megatron, why did you decide to have a sex change?" Sideswipe asked Megatron.
"I didn't. One of his flunkies did it while I was napping!" Megatron yelled pointing at Optimus.
"And what was your initial reaction to this Optimus?"
"To leave" Optimus said.
"And how did you feel about your husband leaving you over something you didn't consider your fault?" Sideswipe asked Megatron.
"And what did you do about it?"
"I started a war" he said slightly ashamed.
"Does that sound reasonable? He left you-"
"And our children!" Megatron said holding up a toaster.
"Daddy" the toaster moaned out.
"Hi kids" Optimus said waving at the toaster.
"-And your children, and you start a war. Does that sound reasonable to you?" Sideswipe finished.
"No" Megatron said, pouting like a small child.
"Primus! It's the pouty thing" Optimus groaned.
"Don't you even start on that! I could mention a few annoying things you do with your mouth" Megatron yelled.
"1) TMI, 2) let's get back to the discussion--" Sideswipe was cutoff.
"You use to like that! At least that's what you said that time-" Optimus was cutoff when Megatron tackled him.
"Sideswipe? Is Megatron trying to squeeze Optimus to death?" Rad asked so pleadingly that sideswipe was sure that he knew what was really going on.
"Uhh… Yeah" he said slowly. "Let's leave them alone to 'kill' each other" he said picking up the toaster, which was making disgusted noises at it parent's antics, and walking out while trying to cover Rad's eyes to protect him from even more emotional and mental scarring.
"Well that could have gone better" Sideswipe said. "Uhh are you ok Rad?"
Rad just stood there for a minute then turned and walked off.
"That's not good" Sideswipe said watching the boy. "Better talk to Blurr. He's the one who got his degree in child psychiatry".