Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, the rest belong to whoever owns them.

Challenge: Ten Things That Never Happened To... Riley


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/X-men



"Ready. And … pumping."

The man in the tank began to thrash about in pain. Agent Finn fought the urge to be sick.

"Subjects heart rate has accelerated," he reported in a calm voice. "Status: steady."

"Continue," the scientist drawled over the speakers. "Increase by five."

Obediently, Riley turned the dial.

"Subjects heart rate has accelerated. Entering danger zone."

"Cease pumping."

In the tank the man began to calm.

"Good day, Agent Finn."

Riley saluted and left, glad that his transfer papers had come in.

There was no way that the Initiative could be as bad as Weapon X.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/The Weakest Link


There was something about Reality TV that drove demons to compete and host, it was likely to be the anger and frustration that it caused – but just as likely to be the availability of humans for food.

It left Omega Delta trying to sift through the masses to find and exterminate the dangerous demons.

Often it called for them to compete. Like now.

The redhead's eyes glinted and he found himself hoping that she was a demon; just so he could kill her.

"Riley Finn, you are the weakest link. Goodbye."

He glowered. They'd never let him live this down.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Men In Black


There was a flash of bright light.

"You did not see an alien. There was no spaceship. A delivery truck crashed through the wall and spilled its cargo of sausages, rendering the place unable to cater to customers. You are all advised to go home and wash your clothes. Our apologies for the interference to your day."

Agent Finn took off his sunglasses as the people swarmed out in mass confusion.

"So, Riley," J. began, sitting at a table that still had food. "Pizza?"

Riley shrugged. The cleaners were almost finished getting the alien guts out of the carpet anyway.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Pirates of the Caribbean


"We've got a new assignment!" Riley called to his troops. "Anyone want to place bets on where?"

"Twenty on the Himalayas!" Graham Miller answered. "It's been almost a month since we've been sent there."

"Twenty on Australia,"

"Ten on Sweden."

"Twenty on Africa."

Riley grinned as he collected the money in.

"You're all wrong." He pocketed the money. "We're going to the Caribbean. Some cursed immortal pirates have been harassing the island villages. If we're lucky we might get some down time there."

"What's the ship's name?" Sam asked.

"You may have heard of it. The Black Pearl."

"No way!"


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Harry Potter


"Talk about a face not even a mother could love," Agent Finn remarked, nudging the body over with his foot.

His wife muttered in agreement.

It was some type of demon – that was clear – who had amassed human worshippers. The robed followers had ignored Omega Delta's orders to stand aside. They would be counted as acceptable causalities.

"Humanoid male, tall, extremely white, red eyes," he listed off into his recorder as identification. "Death by single silver shot; chest area."

In the bushes, Harry Potter gaped in amazement and muttered, "Incendio," before disappearing with a pop.

"Disposal method: Spontaneous self-combustion."


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Stargate


"Agents Finn, Finn and Miller, reporting for duty, sir."

Riley, Sam and Graham saluted.

"At ease. I'm General O'Neill, Officer in Charge of SCG. Mind telling me why you've been sent here?"

"Our department has recently been added to Homeworld Security. They think that we might be of help here in our off season."

"Off season?"

"It only gets really busy in May. Then it's the end of the world every other day."

"Right." Jack O'Neill blinked. "And your department thought that travelling to other galaxies and stopping aliens destroying the earth is similar to what you do?"




Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Matrix


They're fighting a demon when they see the black clothed man running across the roof. He's alone, moving faster than humanly possible and jumping the gaps in between.

Riley follows him. The others can take care of the demon.

"So, Mr. Anderson, we meet again," says a suited man. "Are you ready to die, Mr. Anderson? To end this pathetic chase; to stop fighting the inevitable?"

"Smith," hatred is plain.

Anderson shoots and runs. Smith dodges and follows. Riley knows they're not human but isn't sure what they really are. He doesn't follow.

Somewhere in the distance a phone rings.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Dukes of Hazzard


The car chase had been fast and brutal and involved a number of near crashes, wheelies and flying off of bridges.

"Oh, man," the blond man exclaimed. His cousin thumped him. "Where'd you learn to drive like that? And could he teach me?"

"She," Riley corrected absently. "And no." They pulled into the police station.

"Detective Rosco? We apprehended these the boys on the way in..."

"We've been trying to catch them for a very long time, Agents Finn."

"Just happy to help," Sam said.

The thought of Buffy meeting the Dukes caused them to shudder when they drove off.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/James Bond


It took four shots from his gun to hit the crystal in the Moira demon's forehead.

"Mr. Bond?" Riley asked, stepping over the unconscious bodies of unlucky spectators.

The British man replied with admirable calm. "What in gods name was that?"

"Sorry, I can't say. It's classified."

James Bond straightened his tie. "Of course it is," he muttered. "And you would be Agent Riley Finn?"

"I am," Riley acknowledged.

"M sent me to collect the information you said you had for us."

Riley removed a large folder from his jacket pocket. "This is very sensitive information, 007. M's hands only."


Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Dragon Ball Z


Omega-Delta was spread out in a rough circle around the fighting ring. Those of them that had been in the Initiative had learnt the first time – sometimes it was better to let civilians do the fighting.

He'd almost lost it though and called an attack, when they had called the boy up to the plate. Riley understood what Giles meant, then.

They were all too young.

And then it was over, the kid had fainted and been carried off and the buffoon had claimed the victory.

"Move out," he said into his radio.

He vowed to remember the true winner.