Mental Trauma

Oh good god… This is so late isn't it! On the lunar new years… Insane really.

I'm sorry, I had 3 school projects, one large test, a fever of 100.4… No more excuses to save me/runs away/

This is the final chapter, thank you readers! I'm sorry, it's a little short, and the ending's not all fantastic… In fact it's bittersweet.

Blah… On with it…

Chapter 12 Final leap

'This world seems to hate me right now. Does it really hate me? Because it really seems to hate me right now…' Enzan began to muse inwardly, completely conscious of the air around the room. It was thick and silent, as the buzzing of machines rang through the air, and the awkward noises of chewing and clatter of spoons seemed to complete it. Every now and then there would be a rainbow-like sound echoing as Blues replaced his Holo-chips as their battery supply depleted. It was a very conspicuous feeling; if there came a new sound or a sharp breath the world would crumble before them. Luckily that wasn't the case, but perhaps somebody would explode.

At last, Laika, being the one with the least issues at the moment, felt the need to butt into the silent conversation-less conversation. He coughed suddenly, to get their attention. Everyone turned to him with pleading eyes, praying that he'd be the cure to the awkward silence. However, the eyes simply gave him nerves, and a mystical force of awkwardness silenced him, as he shoved another load of spice basted yam into his mouth. He chewed as silently as the others did.

Blues was from as far as everybody including himself was concerned, the most unlucky. He'd be the one making the louder noise, and didn't have anything to distract himself, and in this situation, he'd have to keep a distance from Enzan—definitely unethical. He turned his eyes to Enzan, to see that he was now in a similar position to Blues. He had finished his meal too quickly, and now had fists in his lap, looking down at them. His face was an unhealthy shade of red. 'At least he's got some color in it now.' Blues mused, but looked away when either of the two took their eyes off of the bowls.

Netto put down his plate and took a long quiet breath. He stared listlessly at the remainder of his meal, realizing what kind of atmosphere he put his friends and himself into. He sighed inwardly, and decided he'd be the one to put a stop to the awkward feeling. He took a deep breath and raised his head, "So!" Netto started, everyone's attention averting to him, "A… A guy walks into a bar, and there's a group of—" Laika clasped a hand over the boy's mouth and shook his head shamefully.

"That's not an appropriate joke, Netto." Laika said with a tone of warning, perhaps impending doom. Netto laughed sheepishly and put Laika's hand down. Enzan chuckled lightly; fiddling with his fingers in his lap like a child would their own. Blues smiled courteously for a good second or two, but then reverted back to a blank expression, as he thought long and hard about anything that crossed his mind. In this particular time and place of course it was Enzan, and nothing more.

His memory had somehow been wiped of occurrences within that timeframe that his emotions were crippled, and Laika's poorly descriptive storytelling didn't exactly clarify very much. With that, he created an animation of possible occurrences in his mind, idealizing on the things he could've done. He felt the need to kick himself in the virtual ass as each thought crossed; suffocate, mutilate, kick, shred, slash, beat, pummel slit… Castrate; words he felt were sin and purely fowl to even dance within his curiosity. Keeping a shake of the head within was hard, and his head twitching as he stopped himself tended to draw attention. He took a slow, steady breath and stared blankly at the boy sitting parallel.

The brunette had been awfully quiet throughout the entire meal, just staring blank and dazed at bubbles tainted in tan within his curry. He was usually less talkative during meals as he indulged himself in cuisine, but he still would upon occasion—being more than upon it—have a say, whether people were talking or not. Cracking a single wise one (That could no doubt be too evil for this fan fiction's readers) and failing to complete it was unorthodox, and worthy of FBI investigation, had the reason been unknown, anyway.

A light clatter was made as Laika put down his plate gently on the table, silver, spoon being the mechanism of vibration, and covered in remains of the curry's sauce. All eyes reverted to him for a moment, and quickly returned to their respective territories, that being two hands, a brunette, and a bubble within curry. The soldier frowned at the scene before him and his teeth clenched behind his sealed lips, tongue idly cleaning off the remains of the consumed dish (Ow! I'm sorry! I'm SORRY/Gets throttled/). In a sudden movement, that their eyes barely caught, Laika stood up. The three blinked their eyes to his general direction, immediately assuming he had something to say. Hopefully, he could say something this time. His eyes panned their directions one by one, as he mouthed out none-existent words in silence, collecting the phrases that had plunged to the ground.

"Why is it so awkward right now? Can't we just," Laika cringed for a moment, thinking that he'd regret what he was about to say, "can't we just… I don't know; talk this over?" This elicited an eyebrow from his audience; as if it were the first words for a newborn baby that you'd never expect them to say, such as 'Crusader, apocalypse' or perhaps 'Seven Eleven'. He raised his hand as he saw Enzan flinch his eyes back into his bangs, and his fingers trembled rapidly beneath them. The soldier sighed, bent down and picked up his plate, "I'll just… go into the kitchen…" He walked out on them into the carpeted hall, realizing after a few steps how little of the structure did he know of Enzan's humble little home. "I'll… probably find it… eventually…" he wandered through the long corridor, realizing how troublesome this new venture would be. He turned around when he heard a gentle, weak whimper of an acknowledging farewell from the brunette and dual haired boy. Biting his lip, he continued through his voyage, realizing how much it really hurt not just Netto, but himself.

"Oh, my…" Blues said rather awkwardly. "This is indeed awkward." Enzan scoffed, lips curving into a half-hearty smile. Netto placed down his half-eaten bowl of curry, and put his hands in his lap uncomfortably. His face was filled with shame, lips giving into the tendency to tremble.

"I'm sorry, Enzan." Netto said nervously. The eyes turned to him curiously.

"What for…?" Enzan said slowly, as the brunette's head lowered into his hand, tugging vigorously at his hair now. "Netto?"

His lips pursed and he shut his eyes tightly, "To be honest," he said quietly, "I really can't say…" he fell silent after that for very long moments, and the room grew quiet and eyes grew shifty, as if all corners were unsafe, and the world was an audience in their plight…

"Netto… I can't take 'I don't know' as an answer." Enzan had replenished a half decent amount of his composure, and crossed his arms to get some authority. Though, he wasn't sure it was the kind of authority he actually wanted.

"But I really don't know what to say!"

"Then just talk, it'll come out eventually, it always does."

"What if I don't want it to?"

"It will! Just talk to me!"

"I can't!"

"You're talking to me now!"

"I know! I just can't say!"

"Why the hell not!"

"Because, I love you!"

Then in the background came a series of clatters and crashes, and a familiar withered cry…

"Nothing," the soldier called in the background, voice cracked. "I just found the storage closet!" the call followed with more clattering, and Blues lolled his head back and rolled his eyes beneath the visor. What an ice breaker, he mused. Within the awkwardness, Netto pushed himself slowly from the couch, hoping the turned and lolled heads would not revert back in his direction.

"Don't move." Blues called out rather listlessly. The brunette yelped, falling back into his seat. Enzan whirled around and blinked, while Blues slowly and hauntingly turned his head. "Don't try getting out of this so easily." Netto hung his head low again, and bit his lip. His eyes burned, they burned a lot as they clouded, and the gentle rain came, with the thunder muddling after.

"I'm… jealous okay? Are you happy, Blues? I'm jealous; I'm being selfish, spoiled, whiny and jealous!" Netto shrilled panic-struck, tugging at his hair. "Enzan… I…" his voice cracked as he lost words to say. "I…l…"

"Netto…" Enzan whispered weakly, "Netto, please don't cry." His arms hovered helplessly over Netto's shivering shoulders, uneasily. He couldn't touch him, he couldn't; it was impossible…

At least until Blues kicked the table out of the way…

Yeah, that just about did it.

His balance was instantly thwarted, and he ploughed straight into Netto with a clash of heads. It was a sound that was almost hollow.

"OW!" The too wailed loudly. "My head!" two pairs of eyes turned sharply toward the Red Navi, who had an astonishing smile of innocence plastered over his face. "Blues, what was that for?" Enzan whined, rubbing his forehead. He was sure that tomorrow' he'd replace his Navi with a bruise to the head. Blues shrugged mildly, and crossed his legs. It was awkward to watch a Navi do things like that, especially while in a plug-suit.

"E-Enzan…" Netto stammered, Enzan turned towards the other boy, and his face instantly heated up. Only then had he noticed how he pinned himself into Netto, whose hands clasped his waist in order to stop another tragedy…

He was sitting on his lap.

"Ah… ah…" his throat clogged up, as he pushed himself off of the brunette. He stood erect, one hand in front of his face to hold the mouth so it wouldn't plummet. "I… Uh… eep…" he squawked, knees shaking.

Netto blinked remaining tears away, and smiled. He stood up, and walked toward the older net savior, a bright shade of red over his face. Behind his back, hands folded, he looked up toward the dual-haired boy, who had a baffled look that just wouldn't go away. The brunette childishly giggled as he leaned forward (and up… just a little) and planted a subtle, chaste kiss on the older boy's lips. It was gentle, sweet and simple (kind of like these words I'm using! Blegh!), and left Enzan's mouth wide open in shock, and his face painted red...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Enzan is gawking.

The brunette grinned wildly at the contorted face for a moment and giggled, "Wow, I got that off my chest pretty fast!" he let out a breath of relief, "whew! I'm jealous! How hard that was!" He leaned to the side, to see past the frozen net savior, and caught Blues, whose mouth was slightly open. When his eyes caught that of Netto's, the brunette grinned playfully, which baffled the Red Navi. He answered, wrapping his arms around one of Enzan's, "I'm not giving up that easily to you…" he stuck out his tongue, childishly. "I wuv Enzan, and he's miiiine! Blah!" landing another kiss on the astonished Ijuuin's cheek, he backed a good distance from the scene. "I have to go home now! I'll send you the bill for the curry! Bye-bye!"

Enzan blinked as he regained half a mind to see Netto leaving, "Whoa—Netto, w-wait!" the door clicked closed, and he could hear the sound of escaping rollerblades ice through it. "Netto…" he fell silent, and let the sounds drift off.

"Hikari Netto; he has some character doesn't he." The Red Navi cut in, wrapping his arms around the other's shoulders. Enzan nodded, leaning into the embrace.

"Yeah… That's the thing; I think… that I might…Oh, Blues…I…you…" Blues fell silent as he processed and pasted missing words into the blanks, and sighed. His grip tightened around his possession.

"Enzan-sama, it doesn't really matter right now; you'll make your decision, whatever it may be, and I'll still be your Navi… No, I'll still be here…"

I'll still love you…

"Blues…" Enzan fingered the Navi's arms before gaining a tight grip, burying his eyes into them. "What do I do; I don't want to make that choice… waaah…" the dual-haired Ijuuin wailed weakly.

"…You don't have to. Don't think too much about it… Okay?" The Red Navi placed a gentle kiss on the shorter boy's head, (short! Short! He must be shorter!) and a silence fell upon the two; one that worried Blues. "Enzan-sama…?"

"You took off your helmet didn't you…?" Enzan said in a questionable tone, Blues blinked and nodded. "Why?" His question elicited a grin behind him, as Blues pulled him and the other backwards, "Wah—hey! What're you doing? Oof!" Blues landed comfortably on the couch, while Enzan landed uncomfortably on Blues, coating his face in a light shade of pink (happens a lot doesn't it? OW/Gets throttled by Enzan/ I'm sorry! I'm SORRY!), as he was spun around to face the older looking Navi (Running out of things to call him). "B-Blues…?"

"Enzan-sama, if I may, It's only fair; you sat on Netto's lap," he wrapped an arm around the boy's waist, and pulled him closer.

"Ah! Blues, what are you—"

"And if memory serves…" Blues drew nearer to Enzan's face, with the grin of a teasing feline, "Netto… got to kiss you…" The Ijuuin's face was as red as a cherry, unable to move, he swallowed hard as he passed a glance at Blues' daring lips.

"Blues… That's not…I…" He lost his words, as he felt Blues' hot breath on his cheek. Closing his eyes, he moved closer…

"Hey, I found the kitchen safely—" the mint haired soldier turned a corner and jumped. Enzan yelped, and pushed himself off Blues, who grunted at the subtraction of weight. The younger Net Savior sat with his head low, face still red. Laika took a long breath and sighed, half laughing, "Well… this is… awkward…" scratching below his wedge, he slowly walked in goal of the door. "I'm going to go home now…" pulling his boots out of the rack, he paused as he slipped them on "You guys have a nice… evening… ciao…" He tugged at the door a few times, and it didn't open. "What the—oh…" he turned the knob, and grinned sheepishly. "Um… Bye." He closed the door behind him with a click.

The two sat dumbfounded, unable to comprehend what just happened. "Was… was that really Laika?" Enzan said awkwardly, voice cracking. Blues shrugged and chuckled.

"I say it was a poorly made carbon copy." He said slowly, "That one was emotionally unstable." The Ijuuin blinked, and looked at the Red Navi for a moment and smiled. Blues caught wind of it and stared at Enzan. "What? What is it?"♥ Enzan shook his head and laughed.

"Nothing…" he waved it off and grinned, "You talk a lot more when you're not in the PET." He shuffled closer to Blues, and leaned into him. The Red Navi wrapped his arms around the younger boy.

"Perhaps I am claustrophobic." He fingered Enzan's jaw-line, and cupped his chin in his hands, "perhaps it's lonely in there, and—mph!" before he could finish, Enzan had pulled Blues by the neck, and drew him into a hard kiss, knocking him backwards. Blues pulled out and gasped for air, wide-eyed, "Ow…" was all he could say, as he ran a finger over his lips. He looked at Enzan, who had a dark grin on his face as he wiped his own mouth.

"I don't like being teased…" he said blandly. Blues blinked, as Enzan fell back into him and lay still. He chuckled, and began stroking the younger boy's hair.

"Enzan-sama…" he said softly, "I… love you… and nothing's going to change that… just understand that if you will…" everything fell silent in the sunbathed room, a slight feeling of absence haunting them.

Enzan closed his eyes and bit his lip again.

"I know, Blues… I know…"

And that's what terrifies me…

End chapter 12


I'm not going to banter any further, but I'd like to thank the readers for reading and sticking with me! Sorry to the guy readers, I gave the warning too late.

Don't yell at me for the crummy ending…