A/N: I made this fic due to recent stuff that's been going on with someone very close and dear to me. This story's for you Jennifer.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

He ate a hamburger. It was a quarter pounder with cheddar, blue, and Swiss cheese on top, followed with onions, lettuce, and the works. Ed swallowed it up, licking his lips and sipping his coke nonchalantly. Nothing better to sooth the mind than a big meal with too much cheese, and at least double the recommended intake of calories. Ed looked up, and walked back towards his dorm in HQ.

It was hot out, even this late at night it was humid. Ed didn't think, forcing his mind to stay utterly void of any thought whatsoever. If he began thinking, he would think of Nina, Hughes, or something else along those lines. Life sucked big time in the military, but everyone had to deal with life's problems, and so that's what Ed did.

He locked them up in the back of his mind, and kept pushing forward. Often he felt overwhelmed, but he'd deal with everything over time. And so life passed on, and Ed walked back to central HQ, his mind nicely blank. He walked in the front door, only to immediately be confronted by first lt. Hawkeye.

"Oh my god, I finally found you! Ed, where were you?" she said, letting out a happy sigh.

"What the hell's going on here, why were you looking for me?" Ed asked.

"Scar's been spotted near here, so everyone's on the alert, and we noticed you weren't here, so Alphonse went to look for you, and everyone else scoured HQ to see if you were hiding somewhere," she replied.

"Wait, were is Alphonse?" Ed asked, a slight panic in his voice.

"We haven't seen him since he left to get you, he'll be fine though," said Riza, trying to stay calm, "we need to keep you safe though, so come to Roy's office. Al will show up." Ed darted out, and ran through the still open door.

Scar knew Al was with Ed, and that Ed would give up his life to save him. Both of them could be anywhere, so Ed first went around to all of his normal hangouts, where Al might be looking. His breath was short and frantic, Ed wanted then for only one thing in the world, the sight of his brothers face, the face of cold hard metal that Ed held so dear. The face that at that moment, Ed found in the back of an alleyway, shattered before his eyes like a fine, spun glass feather.

The culprit had already left the scene, the cold, damp, eerie scene of broken up metal scraps littering the ground. Ed ran forward, searching frantically through the metal, his heart clenched as though held in the tight grip of some invisible being.

It beat faster and harder than Ed knew was possible, as he found what he had been looking for: an alchemy circle, cleanly cut in half. It was broken, and the spirit had left. Hot, salty tears streaked down his cheeks, his stomach was gnawing at his insides, as Riza and several military personnel ran around the corner, saw him, and came as fast as their weary legs would take them.

"Ed, what the hell are you do-" Riza saw the metal lying across the ground and immediately stopped talking. Pausing, she walked up behind Ed, and sat down beside him. He was grabbing his knees, muffled sobs escaping him every few moments or so. Riza hugged him for a moment, before he got up.

"Ed," Riza began, but was cut off as he ran, back to his room in HQ, back to the only place where he could be alone, and there wouldn't be anyone saying they understood his pain, or anyone to see the tears flowing from his red, bleary eyes.

Slamming the door, Ed walked inside of his dorm room, his muscles aching. He made his mind blank, thought of absolutely nothing. The tight, clenched feeling in his chest refused to leave, and Ed couldn't help but think of Al. He felt sick, ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet.

Out came the burger, pop, and everything he had eaten that day in rancid bile. He heaved two more times. Each time it was easier, and finally when Ed's stomach was empty, he flushed, and washed the acidic taste out of his mouth. It was about 1:00 in the morning, pretty much everyone was asleep when Ed crept along the hallways, finding his way to the dining room.

It was open all of the time, as was everywhere else in the HQ for light sleepers and etc. He walked up, and piled food on a plate, not even looking at what he put on. He ate, and then got seconds and ate some more; anything to try and fill the abyss that seemed to have suddenly appeared in Ed's stomach. Ed eventually stopped, his stomach hurt and felt slightly swollen as he walked back to his room.

He never really slept that night; it was a sort of semi conscious daze, perhaps just a light slumber. When he woke up, he realized he had slept in and got up. Maybe if I get there right now the colonel won't notice, he thought to himself, before falling back on his bed. Al's bed was empty. Ed slumped back down on his bed, then got up and walked to the bathroom.

His stomach hurt, and Ed felt the heaviness of all the food he had eaten weighing down on him, he wanted to die. The black hole in his chest was still there, begging for the family never to be seen again. Ed pulled off his glove and reached in his mouth and down his throat. Pulling it back out quickly, he lurched, and once again flushed the toilet, only to go and lay down in bed.

He felt better somehow, lighter and calmer. He fell asleep, only waking up when someone could be heard banging on his door.

"Ed, what the hell are you doing in there, you've got work to do," came the annoyed voice of Roy. Ed pushed his face into his pillow to block out the noise; the world could be destroyed right now for all he cared. His world already had been, so it didn't really matter anymore. Eventually Roy left, Ed didn't care where too, and Ed sat up on his bed. He watched it rain outside, cold, hard drops of water splashing and pounding on every surface they could get at.

Ed lay back down, his mind dulled to the outside world. Sleep overtook him after a while, and when he woke up it was dark out, nearing 8:00. Ed felt hungry. Hungry for anything, for everything, hungry for the pain to leave. He waited another hour before leaving to the cafeteria. Ed was on his second plate of food, stuffing it in his mouth as fast as he could manage.

The pain in his chest was deep, and his heart felt as though it had stopped beating. Ed's eyes watered, as he ate a bowl of rice, when a sudden noise caught his attention. Roy walking into the cafeteria, getting a glass of milk. It took him a moment to notice Ed, and it took Ed a moment to finish wolfing down a corn dog.

"Ed, where were you today, first lt. Hawkeye had to fill out your paperwork today," he said, attempting to sit down next to Ed. Ed had turned away his face, and got up, quickly walking away. "Ed, look at my face when I talk to you, or don't tell me your too short to see my face anymore," said Roy smirked, waiting for the explosion as he grabbed Ed's shoulder and spun him around.

Ed's eyes were watering, a tear dripped on the floor. He looked weak; frightened and frail. Roy was taken aback, he had never seen Ed like this, looking so fragile that if he were touched he might shatter. Ed turned and ran, leaving a confused Roy to stare after him until he turned a corner and was out of sight.

Why'd he have to see me like this? Ed thought, locking his door and blinking back tears that swam in his vision. Why cant I just die? He reached down his throat, not even bothering to take off his gloves.

Chapter 1: End

A/N: Read and review, I'll update when I find the muse.