Now the moment you all been waiting for… give it up, for the amazing chocolate maker, Willy Wonka!
"Know your stars…" said the voice. "Willy Wonka… Loves chewing gum."
"Do you know what happens when you chew gum all day? It's really disgusting, and you shouldn't mumble." said Willy.
"Willy Wonka… fantasizes about Captain Jack Sparrow."
"Very funny," said Willy. "Now tell them the truth about me."
"Willy Wonka… after a show, he pulls off his clothes, jumps up and down yelling 'stripy time!'"
"I never did such a thing. It's very, very wrong, and I taught the kids that it's immature."
"Willy Wonka… dresses up like a Fairy Princess whenever he visits his father."
"Now if I did that, I'd give him a heart attack." said Willy.
"Willy Wonka… goes crazy with a stapler if someone says the word 'helium'."
"I never go crazy unless if it's from those don-gong cocoa beans!" said Wonka, not getting angry.
"Willy Wonka… he worships the great pharaoh of Egypt, Atem."
"I have never been the Egypt before," said Willy. "But that would be neat!"
"Willy Wonka… his hair is fake."
"My hair is not fake! It's real! And I even use Hair Cream on it. It locks in moisture."
"Willy Wonka… had plastic surgery four times."
"Do you even know what plastic surgery does to you? Oh you don't wanna know."
"Willy Wonka… his role model is Michael Jackson and he wishes that they were married."
"To tell you the truth, I don't know who Michael Jackson is!" Wonka shrugged.
"Willy Wonka… skinny dips in the chocolate river."
"Now where would you get an idea like that?" Wonka streaked.
"Charlie told me that!" said the voice.
"CHARLIE!" Wonka yelled losing his temper. "Where is that boy?"
"At the factory," said the voice. "With Veruca, Mike, and Violet."
"What are they doing?"
"There swimming, in the chocolate river… surfing… and 'chocolate skiing'."
"What kind of swimming?"
"Well, Mike is holding Violet by the soldiers and walking around and throwing her in, and Charlie is surfing with Veruca on top of him… and their smiling."
"What about Augustus?"
"He's at band practice. He plays the electric triangle in 'The Greasy Pigs'."
"I'm going to have a talk with the four…" said Willy Wonka walking away.
"That's all of them." said the voice. "Kick it!"
The curtain opened and 'The Greasy Pigs' started playing.
Augustus tapped his triangle and got zapped several times.
At the end, the voice started clapping.