Trying To Be Human

Chapter 1: Greg Frankenstein

A/N: Well, here it is, back by popular demand, the sequel. You should know that I had 'If You Give A Sin A Soul' completely written before I posted it, which is why I managed to finish it so quickly. This one is just thrown together, and if you have any ideas for it whatsoever, please, feel free to tell me them, and I will try to include them.

To my reviewers:

Shiruba Neko: Thanks. I like the Ebay thing too. And thanks for the nice adjectives. I'll start a collection of them...

Totschafe: Wow. So much Faveness. I feel loved... oh, and your description of your hair made my day that much brighter. Mine does that too, but only when it gets wet.

La Salle De Bain: Thanks. I told one of my friends about this idea when we were standing on the street... just because... and she doubled over laughing... and that's how it became a story... (I'm so sure you needed to know that.)

BHS: Hmm... answering all this could take a long time... Oh well, I'll just cover the basics. I'll be the first to admit I have no idea what to do for this sequel, so Please, please, please, write the spin off.

EVERYBODY! ANNOUNCEMENT! Check out BHS's profile, because she may be coming out with more Reg, Elly, and the Sins sometime. And she has a bunch of other stories, too.

Yeah. I didn't like killing Envy. Or any of the others. But, I had the ending written before a lot of the rest... so I had to go through with it. It made me sad... so I'm very happy there was so much demand for a continuation.

Spotteddog12: Here's your sequel!

Contemplative: I'm glad you stumbled on to it, too. Reviews bring happiness, what can I say?


Name: Gluttony

Human Name: Boris

Official Power: Eats Anything and Everything

Actual Power: Doesn't Stress Like All The Others

Description: He's like an adorable, canabalistic teddy bear. And he has a child-of-the-corn kind of voice. What's not to love?

Favorite Movie: Babbette's Feast. Or any of those foreign films with all the food.

First Thing He'd Do With A Soul: Mmm... Soul food...

Quote: The secret to success is to eat what you want and let the food fight it out inside.

Gluttony was having a bad time of it.

It was pure chance he was still alive in the first place. Elysia had missed him, and he had had the presence of mind to play dead. The carnage around him suggested the others hadn't fared so well.

Instinct lead him straight to his old partner in crime, Lust, to see if she had survived. Nope. Part of her head was missing. That's a bit of a giveaway.

A quick inspection of the others showed them all to be legally dead as well.

It was no use. Gluttony walked to the kitchen, grabbed his set of house keys, and unlocked the cellar door. Down there he moved aside an old broken washing machine that had come with the house and began to dig.

Not until he returned, Philosopher's Stone in hand, to the remains of his 'family', did he start to panic. Because, if the truth were told, Gluttony had been entrusted with the precious item because he had no idea how to use it.

Actually, none of them really knew how it worked. Wrath (damn kids with their new fangled technology) had been the one who figured out how to use it. Gluttony wished very much that Wrath had stuck around. He was a smart kid. He would know what to do.

They were already dead, Gluttony tried to reason, the worst that could happen was they would stay that way. He moved over to Lust's body. Then stopped. Because there's only so much you can lie to yourself.

There are worst things than death. The Sins had been exposed to many of them over the years. Gluttony wasn't sure how much damage a Philosopher's Stone could inflict, and he didn't want Lust to be the one to find out.

So, Gluttony moved over to Envy. Ah, Envy. He and Envy had had some good times.

So, Gluttony moved over to Sloth. Good old Sloth. Life wouldn't be the same without Sloth.

So, Gluttony moved over to Greed. He didn't want to bring Greed back at all.

Nobody could get either Greed or Gluttony to talk about the incident which had turned them into such bitter enemies. Apparently, and this is only guesswork, long before the rest were around, Greed and Glut had made some kind of bet, only Gluttony failed to make good on his end of the bargain. As a result, Greed was imprisoned for a century or so, and Gluttony had lived in terror of his revenge.

It was an uneasy truce which kept the two living in the same house all these years, not helped by Greed's controversial interest in alchemy.

Gluttony smacked his forehead. Of course! Greed could figure out how to work the stone. As for the possibility of bringing him back as something unnatural, well, as long as he came back with half a brain, Gluttony didn't much care what he came back as.

So... alchemy... Gluttony knew almost as much about alchemy as he knew about open heart surgery. Weren't you supposed to have a circle? It had been a long time since he had seen a transmutation circle. What did they look like? What did you draw them with? Blood? There was plenty of that around... but it was kinda sticky and hard to draw with. Maybe there was something in the kitchen.

Five minutes later, Gluttony carefully placed the stone in the center of a lopsided chocolate syrup circle drawn on Greed's stomach. Trying to remember the next step, Gluttony clapped his hands together and brought them down in the sticky substance.

"Arise, Chicken. Arise!" he chanted, clapping his hands down on Greed in rhythm. "Arise, Chicken! Arise!"


"Arise, Chicken!"

"Who you callin' chicken, fatty-boy?"


Greed sat up and grabbed Glut by the shirt. "Stop trying to break my ribs! I'm awake already!"

Gluttony gulped. He had never been glad to see Greed before. And sure enough, he wasn't glad to see him now.

Greed dropped him and rubbed his kidneys. "You moron! Couldn't you have removed the bullets first?"

"I... I didn't know..."

"Oh, shut up," the pointy toothed reincarnate snapped irritably.

"Uh... Greed? I was hoping... maybe you could help with the others?"

"Well, duh, tubby. D'ya really think I want to spend the rest of my life with a dithering idiot like you? And, God, what's with the chocolate syrup. Kinda kinky, don't you think?"

"I was trying to help..."

"By covering me with ice cream topping? Have you lost your tiny homunculus mind?" Gluttony cowered in a corner, and Greed, muttering under his breath, walked over to Lust and ripped her metal finger off.

"What are you doing?"

Greed rolled his eyes and ignored him. Instead, he bent over Lust's corpse and began to delicately pry the shrapnel from her skull using the finger. He worked quickly and efficiently, without glancing up until he was sure her body was metal-free. Then he stood up and glared at Gluttony.

"Don't just stand there with your mouth open! Carry her up to my room, and roll up the carpet there. Move the furniture, whatever, and get back down here! And don't put her on my bed, either. I don't want blood on the mattress.

Under a desk, a bookshelf, and an ornate Persian rug, Gluttony found what Greed had been looking for: a complete, perfect transmutation circle was etched out on the floor. Now they knew what he spent all his time up here doing.

"Wow, Sloth..." Greed whistled under his breath. "She got you good, didn't she?" The automail finger carefully curled around a piece of bullet. "Well, don't worry. You'll cough that blood out of your lungs in no time."

"Uh... Greed?"

Greed jumped and lost his grip on the bullet. "What is it, Weight-watcher?"

"Anything else I should do?"

"Yes, actually. Take Envy upstairs. He got lucky. Only one shot."

It was a little eerie in the Tower, sitting next to the lifeless bodies of Lust and Envy, the transmute circle, sensing it was needed, glowing faintly.

All in all, seeing Greed was a relief, especially when he seemed so confident. Gluttony tried to edge away for a quick bite to eat. All this tension made him hungry.

"Stay where you are, Super-size! I may still need you." Barked Greed without looking up from his book.

Outside, thunder crashed. Lighting streaked across the sky, and the window at the top of the tower of the dark Victorian house glowed an supernatural blue. Maniacal laughter rent the stormy night. "GIVE MY CREATION LIFE! IGOR! The stone!"

"Yes, Master!"

Things weren't processing well for Lust. Her eyes were open. Her head hurt. Gluttony was holding her up. She was in Greed's room. She couldn't remember getting there. "Oh, God. How much did I drink last night? Who did I sleep with?"

Greed was in her line of sight, helping Envy sit up. He smiled at her. Lust wasn't amused.

"Envy too? Woo. That was one wild party... hope Wrath didn't hear anything. He may be scarred for life..." Wait... Wrath... Wrath was grown up now. Last night came back to her in flashes. Wrath. Elly. Deadwood. Elysia Hughes. Martini. Elly. Machine gun. Death. Lust's mouth dropped open.

"I... I was dead."

"But you're alive now," Gluttony assured her. Lust turned so she could see him better. "You... brought me back?"

"Of course," smiled Gluttony. "Me and Greed."

This was too much. Lust sat upright and slapped him. "What the hell did you do that for? How long have you known me? How long have we been friends? You know I don't want to live!"

"But... but... I was lonely."

"Oh, Glut." Lust sighed, hugging him. "It's ok. I—" Lust caught sight of her left hand and whirled around. "Where'd my finger go?" She caught sight of Greed, lunged at him, and snatched back her finger. "Give me that!"

The finger snapped back into place, Lust whimpering a little as the nerves reconnected, which in turn woke Envy.

"Take that, pipsqu...oh..." It was an odd scene to wake up to; Lust wincing as she flexed her finger, Glut watching her, still unsure if he had done the right thing, Sloth not really breathing, and Greed covered with chocolate sauce and blood. There wasn't much Envy could say about that. "What up?"

"Well, you're alive, for starters."

"Oh... I do hope I got my old soul back. I've grown rather fond of it... Say, what's wrong with Sloth? You brought her back too, didn't you?"

"Um... about that..." All eyes turned to Greed. "She, need a little more work."

There was an expectant pause. Envy cocked his head to one side. "Well? Back to work, then?"

"I'm not sure I can do it," Greed admitted.


"Well, I did everything I know how to do... either she'll wake up, or we've lost her." The others glowered at him. "Look, I don't have a whole lot of books on human transmutation, ok?"

"Why the hell not?"

"Because they're illegal. And that happens to be a law I agree strongly with."

"Greed! When we give you large amounts of cash, we expect you to buy highly illegal literature with it!"

"I spent it on a new computer with high-speed Internet."

"Sloth is DEAD because you wanted a computer! Shame on you!"

Envy smiled sadistically. "Well, there is one solution. We bury her, then go out and find a psychotic teacher, learn more about alchemy, ditch an arm, leg and body trying to bring her back, fail miserably, and burn down the house."

"And then we embark on a life of do-goodness, joining the military to make ends meet?" Lust laughed.

"Exactly. And angsting constantly and being stalked by crazy Ishbalans and a small group of Homunculi."

Greed blinked, completely lost. "You've really thought this out, haven't you?"

Envy and Lust smiled at him, then looked at one another. They were about to laughed, but then they remembered Sloth.

"Poor Sloth," Lust sighed.

"Poor Sloth," Echoed Gluttony.

"Philosopher's Stone my ass." Envy muttered.

Greed stood up solemnly. "Well, she's not getting any warmer. I suppose we'd better go bury her." The others began to file from the room.

"Oh, are we really playing that?" Sloth asked eagerly, trying weakly to sit up. "Can I be the one who turns into a walking talking trash can?"

"SLOTH! You're alive!" cheered the rest, tackling her joyfully.

"Of course I'm alive. I've died before, it hasn't stopped me yet. Now, can I be metal man or not?"

On a train speeding away from this happy reunion, Elly (formerly Elysia Hughes) and Reg (formerly Wrath) were getting some well deserved rest.

"Reg?" Elly mumbled sleepily, resting her head on his shoulder.


"I want lots of kids."

"Me too," Reg murmured, nodding off. "Five hundred of them."

"Yeah," Elly smiled dopely. "Babies everywhere."


"Yes, Reg?"

"I love you very much."

"I do too. I mean, I love you too."