Trying To Be Human

Chapter 10: The Epilogue

----------------an undetermined amount of years after the wedding------------------

The printer on Greed's high-speed Internet computer whirred into action, spitting out yet another batch of digital photos.

Greed, forced away from his precious computer, watched helplessly from the sidelines. "You'd better pay for a new ink cartridge, Connie, you hear me?"

"But... but, Greg!" Envy protested. (They had no real occasion to use their human names at the moment, but more and more they had been popping up just in casual conversation.) "I have to at least print this one out! Look at how cute she is! I have to show everybody. Just look," Envy shoved a barely-dried print an inch in front of Greed's nose. "Look! Say she's the cutest child ever! SAY IT!"

Greed rolled his eyes, grinning in the face of the semi-sane Envy. "Yes, En, she's sweet."

Pacified by this confirmation, Envy smiled adoringly at the photo, continuing to talk to Greed, who he was convinced was equally interested in the subject. How could he not be? "Isn't she? You won't believe what Reggie says she did the other day, she was,"

Greed shifted uncomfortably. Once Envy got going, it was hard to stop him. "Why don't you go show Trish your photos?"

Envy brightened and dashed off, grabbing a handful of papers out of the printer. Greed took a deep breath. Ever since Cara Mae had been born, Envy had been obsessed with his baby granddaughter, constantly pestering Reg and Elly for pictures, visiting them whenever possible, and telling anyone who would listen everything about her. They couldn't even take him to the grocery store anymore, as he would corner the other shoppers and show off his photo gallery, which he kept with him at all times. It was hauntingly familiar... and yet... they couldn't quite put their finger on why.

Once again, the credits start rolling, except this time around, the sound FX people got plenty of extra soundtrack music to match up and entertain the reader. (Note: soundtrack not included. Reader must supply own. KalliopeStarmist recommends Abbey Road by The Beatles.)

The "Arise Chicken" chant is plagiarized from the only episode of AquaTeen Hunger Force that the author has ever seen.

Domino's Pizza, The Simpsons, WeightWatchers, The Iowa Hawkeyes, and The Royai Fans of the World deny any knowledge of KalliopeStarmist's actions. Read fic at own risk.

The authoress wishes to thank (read: stole ideas from) the following:

Boris Karloff

Some Naruto AMV based on a Nutrigrain commercial

Bruce Cameroon

The Brave Men and Bots of The Satellite of Love

Steve Martin

My good friend, Dear Ray Americana

Dave Barry

Bill Watterson

Monty Python and their Flying Circus

and, last, but by no stretch of the imagination least;

The Creators of the FullMetal Alchemist anime, without which, there would be no Wrath.

Also, special thanks to:

The Nuances of Toast, as always

The Seven Deadly Sins Guild on GaiaOnline

The Frank Archer in a Dress: An FMA Chat Guild on GaiaOnline

The Wonderful People I met at Ohayocon '06 (You know who you are.)

Smoe. Somebody had to keep reviewing the monstrosity. That person was Smoe. Smoe will recieve, as a token of my gratitude, a slightly stale giant cookie of a flavor of his choice.

Contemplative, who did her even best to keep reviewing and deserves some kind of trophy.

Everybody who reviewed/faved/alerted this story (or me!)

Everybody who demanded a sequel (even if they didn't get around to reading it.)

The two people (Contemplative and bOB) who reviewed Lust of Ishbala.

My mom and dad. They try so hard to figure out what I'm up to.

Umm... er... The Amestris Military. Nice uniforms.

Well, that's about it. Remember to check out my profile after the feature. I've got quite a few other FMA stories up. You never know, you might find something you like!

Also, I have a very nice policy wherein I reply personally to every review I get, just an added incentive to tell me how much you love my stuff! (Self insertion and egomania never hurt anyone.)

The background music fades out once again, and the lights go up on a fancy teacup balanced on top of a nice laser printer, which is just finishing printing out "Thanks for reading, you've been a tremendously patient audience. Give yourselves a hand."

Elly's Armstrong Sparkle and Reg's Envy Sparkle fly into the picture together, confer in their little sparkly voices, and jump on the "print button" again.

"A Flying Kick of DOOM 2 Production," comes out this time. The two sparkles read it, nod in a satisfied way, and sit down together on the edge of the teacup.

THE END (for real this time!)

"For God's sake, Mustang, just burst into tears and let Hawkeye comfort you already." - Bradley at Hughes' funeral.