Man gets frozen at the start of the 21st century. man gets revived 375 years later, and et voila, he finds himself on a Starfleet starship. Lucky bastard. After getting probed or whatever Dr Beverly Crusher does in sickbay, he gets taken to his temporary quarters by some non-descript ensign who'll probably get killed off on the nexy away mission by a Borg with a multiple personality disorder anyway.

"Hmm, not bad this. Nice and big, a room with a view. Even if it's just a load of stars. I can't even recognise any constellations, although that star cluster does look a lot like a pair of tits. Ah well, let's see what this computer can do then. Computer, play me some music."

Some easy-listening piano music comes on.

"Not bad computer, but we can do better. Let's have something from the twentieth century, eh?"

"Moonlight Serenade" by Glenn Miller starts up.

"Okay, we're improving, albeit slightly. Tell you what, let's have a song by Queen."

"Please state which Queen," the computer obtrusively responds.

"Queen the band," the man, now deeply annoyed, replies.

"Please state which Queen," the computer (probably a Mac or summat) responds again.

"The band! Freddie Mercury, Brian May, Roger Taylor, John Deacon!" The man yells, angry at being deprived of his music.

"There is no music by those artists on file," the computer matter-of-factly states. Maybe a Mac but probably not an iPod.

"Alright then," the man says, obviously (and understandably) disturbed by the prospect of a world without any Queen in it. "Do you have any U2? Bono, the Edge and the others."

"There is no music by those artists on file," the computer responds to a man slightly less concerned about the erasure of U2 from history.

"The Who?" The man asks.

"Please restate your query," ol' Windows 2380 (yes I know I said it was a Mac previously) replies.

"Is there any music by The Who on file?"

"Please restate your query," the bucket of bolts and RAM replies.

"Never mind," the man replies, growing more desperate by the second. "Any music by The Police?"

"There is..." etc. etc.

"The Beatles?"

"There is..." etc. etc.

"There no music by the fucking Beatles?"

"The Fucking Beatles have been deemed unsuitable for human consumption by the ship's on-board taste censors."

"Okay," the man says, slumping in his chair, defeated. "There's no Queen, no Police, no Who, no U2, no Beatles. Just what music have you got?"

"The ship's computer contains the full works of Gilbert and Sullivan," Windows 2380 almost proudly claims.

"That's it," the man says, rising from his chair. 2I'm going back into suspended animation. Better a million years of living death than a world where Gilbert and Sullivan are more listened to than the Beatles!"


Usual disclaimer, I don't own Jack Schitt or any of his close relatives.