Desire: Counter-point to Need
Disclaimer: I, like most everyone reading this, have no controlling interest in or rights to these characters. They belong to Bruckheimer et al.
When he saw her through the glass of the break room walls she was smiling and laughing. She looked happy with her hand resting intimately on Nick. The jealousy that engendered, while real, was so insignificant relative to the totality of emotions that had bound them together over the past five years that Grissom suppressed the feeling instinctively. He had no right to be jealous of the Texan. Then Sara looked at him and her eyes betrayed them both.
He had always been able to resist her smile. When her eyes lit with excitement and her grin split her face, she was gorgeous, vibrant, and youthful, the epitome of everything he'd always lacked the interpersonal skills to attain. It hadn't been her fire that had doomed him to a life time of captivity. It had been the shadows that danced between the flames that entranced him. He'd never been able to resist her pain.
So he deliberately positioned himself to avoid her eyes, but Sara out maneuvered him, stepping inside his defenses, exposing herself to him and forcing him to confront it without requiring a verbal response. The warmth of her skin beneath his hand burned like the first sip of a stiff drink and he pulled back reflexively.
"Just…just let me pretend for a moment."
But his whole body heated with the second swallow, the unconscious slid of his thumb across her back. This was what he wanted. This was what he needed, what he desired; to warm himself with her, to understand her shadows, and to watch her change in his arms as the pain transmuted into pleasure. So he pretended along with her, reluctant to release her when she began to slip away.
He had to see her eyes again before he let her go, had to know if he had once again succeeded only in making things worse.
She looked back at him then and his heart decided for his mind when he spotted the remnants of her need in her gaze. There was no more room for debate.
Grissom's breath left him as the door to his office closed behind Sara and he braced himself against his shelves. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but he finally knew what to do about this, because if they had both been pretending the same thing didn't that make it real?