Pairing: Kurama X Hiei
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho - not mine. Song lyrics - not mine. Money from Yu Yu Hakusho or song lyrics - not mine. That should cover it.
The Author's Note So Long It Nearly Became Its Own Post: Alas, I have finally fallen victim to the songfic. I defy anyone to listen to this song and not think of Hiei and Kurama. This story existed in my head before I heard the song, but I immediately adapted the two to each other. I highly recommend looking up the original song (the lyrics are out of order here) which is by Sarah McLachlan and also called Possesion. As for warnings and such, this is pretty much a sex story but as yaoi goes it's not graphic. The story's also heavy on emotion; good ol' Hiei angsting. Oh, and in case you get confused/italics/ is a memory, italics is a thought, and italics in their own paragraph is song lyrics.
Enough with the author's notes. On with the show.
as the wind blows From across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning Memories trapped in time
The night is my companion And solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here And not be satisfied
Hiei was trapped, well and truly trapped.
He had tried very hard not to come here tonight. He had spent most of the last week doing nothing but not coming here, feverishly thinking of ways to keep his body from taking him to his nightly resting place. He had done it because he knew, as certainly as he had ever known anything in his life, that he was not capable of sitting here and watching that fox sleep for one more night.
Yet he was here.
And that simple act would seal his fate. Something would happen. What, he didn't know. He had a pretty good idea what might happen, what he both feared and wanted to happen, but there was no telling how this would go. It had been forestalled too long.
He crouched on his accustomed limb, the one that gave him such a perfect view into the fox's room he sometimes wondered if Kurama had not persuaded the tree to grow it for him. He could see Kurama clearly from here; he was lying on his side, clutching the covers against him with one arm, peacefully asleep.
Maybe if he hadn't been so beautiful. Maybe if his body was not as beautiful if not moreso than his personality, maybe they wouldn't have been here. Maybe if he had been a little less tolerant with Hiei's reticence, Hiei's not knowing what he wanted--maybe they would not be here now.
/Hiei pulled back in shock, too overwhelmed to be angry. Kurama was already smiling at him. "It's alright," he said calmly, forestalling the awkward and angry fumbling of a rejected kiss. "I didn't really think you'd be ready. I just wanted you to know what I want. Let me know when you want to as well- when you're ready. You will be someday."/
Hiei felt anything but ready. He wanted to go sprinting away in the opposite direction of this window; but a force he could not name but had finally stopped fighting bound him here. He jumped lightly inside.
I would be the one to hold you down
Kiss you so hard I'd take your breath away
And after I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear
Kurama woke, but he didn't stir. Hiei hated it. If Kurama would say something, would even look at him, he would realize something was wrong. But Kurama was so accustomed to Hiei's presence at night (Hiei often using his room as a safe place to sleep) that he didn't even fully rouse himself from sleep. His mind tasted the energy that was Hiei's, deemed it safe, and the fox returned to his slumber.
Hiei wanted Kurama to somehow take control of this situation. He was the one who knew what he was doing, the one who'd done it before. Hell, the fox had probably even been in love before. The thought made Hiei scowl. This was difficult enough for him without throwing the possibility of rivals into the picture.
Then again, maybe it was the spur he needed. If he didn't do something soon, someone else was bound to show interest in Kurama, and the fox just might reciprocate. So far Kurama had shown incredible patience with Hiei, but he wasn't going to wait forever. Kurama was not the type to be alone, nor was he the type to settle for less than he wanted. So if I want him, I have to do this now.
But he stood there shivering, doing nothing. He didn't know how to begin this. Part of him wanted Kurama to just wake up and somehow instantly tell what was on his mind. But the more practical side of him knew that while Kurama was observant, he wasn't a mind reader - and he was extraordinarily careful not to push Hiei in their relationship.
He had never even said I love you to him.
But Hiei knew it was true. He just didn't know how to reciprocate.
"Close the window," Kurama said drowsily. "S'cold."
Hiei silently slid the window close and flipped the latch, revising his estimate of Kurama's awareness to half-awake. Now if he didn't get into the other side of the bed as usual Kurama would wake up further. Hiei wasn't sure if he wanted that or not. Kurama would know instantly that something was wrong, but he wouldn't know what. How was Hiei going to let him know without having to say it? His mouth stumbled and tripped over those kinds of words, even when he tried to practice them to himself.
Vulnerable, Hiei thought. That's how I feel. And I need to show Kurama that, because for once in my life it's an okay thing to be. If I can't be vulnerable, Kurama can't control this like I want. How to become vulnerable?
An easy answer came to Hiei's head. He wasn't sure he wanted it, but he couldn't come up with anything better.
Slow and silent in his movements, Hiei went to stand by the side of the bed and then without letting himself think too much he quickly removed his clothing. Vulnerable. Kurama couldn't fail to understand what Hiei meant, and he wouldn't have to stumble through those words he couldn't master.
He slid beneath the covers, willing his body to stop shaking so badly. There was nothing from Kurama. Hiei prayed he hadn't fallen back asleep.
After a moment that stretched out like pulled taffy, Kurama spoke without moving. "It must be colder than I thought," he said. "You're shivering." He propped himself up on one elbow with a sigh, turning to look at Hiei. "Would you like an extra bla..."
His face formed the expression he wore when his enemies had surprised him. It wasn't what Hiei wanted to see from him. He willed himself not to look away. "Hiei..."
There was understanding in Kurama's voice, but caution and fear as well. He wasn't sure. Hiei managed to force one of those detested words from his mouth. "Please."
Kurama's expression cleared. He leaned gently over Hiei, keeping his lower body a courteous distance away but letting his lips hover mere centimeters away, giving Hiei a final chance to turn aside. Then he moved in, gently moving his lips against Hiei's, closing his eyes in drowsy pleasure. Hiei, who had never received a real kiss in his life, kept his eyes open with shock. If this is the outcome, I could learn to say please, he thought.
this world I've stumbled So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word to find The truth enslaved
Oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive
Hiei's feelings for Kurama expanded considerably as the fox moved into just the role Hiei wanted him to take. Slowly, and without confusing words, Kurama began giving Hiei everything they'd both dreamed of. Gentle kisses were pressed up and down the side of Hiei's face and neck, deeper kisses against his lips. Hiei jumped and clutched Kurama's arms, startled, the first time Kurama's tongue touched his own. Kurama stroked his cheek soothingly and immediately started to withdraw from his mouth, but Hiei moved forward for the first time to return the touch. From then on their tongues seemed permanently intertwined. Kurama still kept his lower body distant, which Hiei appreciated as he was feeling a rising heat in his own lower body he wasn't ready to deal with yet.
"Kurama," he whispered, not meaning to. Why had he waited so long to do this? Kurama understood; Kurama always understood.
In response Kurama parted their lips briefly to smile at him. His expression was so inviting that Hiei felt a surge of possession well up in him. Those were his sparkling eyes, his full lips - his fox, in short, and he was suddenly eager to stake his claim on all that beauty. He reached out and fought with the stupid ningen fastenings on Kurama's pajamas. Kurama's smile widened to a grin as he reached to help Hiei, stroking their fingers sensuously over each other as they undid the fastenings. Hiei bit Kurama's neck and the fox made a noise Hiei found he liked very much, a sort of strangled moan. Before he could loose his nerve, Hiei slid his hands down Kurama's sides to his legs, hooking his fingers in the waistband of Kurama's pants as he did so and neatly sliding them off. Kurama made a noise only describable as a purr.
Then the fox's patience apparently ran out, all at once. For the next thing Hiei knew Kurama had settled down on top of him, pressing their erections together firmly and rubbing up and down slightly as he nibbled the side of Hiei's neck. Hiei cried out.
The pressure let up immediately. Hiei grabbed for Kurama wildly; Kurama stroked his arms reassuringly. "Shh. We can't wake the family up."
"Like hell we can't," Hiei growled.
"No." Kurama kissed him lightly. "Please don't."
Hiei suppressed a sigh. "If I'm not quiet you're not going to do that again, are you?"
Mischief glinted in emerald eyes. "What, this?" He lowered himself again.
Hiei's body arched without his permission, and his fingers dug into Kurama's biceps. "Yes, that!"
Kurama grinned and kissed his nose. "Perhaps."
Hiei grumbled, but there was nothing he could say. And he didn't exactly want Kurama's ningen mother to barge in on them either. Kurama slowly resumed his rubbing against Hiei's erection, and Hiei bit his lip. Kurama kissed him gently, smiling at the sign of restraint. "Thank you," he whispered.
"You'd better make it worth it. I'm going to end up with a bloody lip," Hiei shot back.
Kurama grinned, fox-like. "Oh, don't worry about that."
hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I'd
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes...
Kurama was more forceful after that, and though he felt guilty Hiei enjoyed it. He needed just this once for Kurama to lead him; he had religiously avoided any expression of intimacy so far in his life, with the result that he was afraid of it. Afraid of a sword in his gut at that intimate moment, afraid of being used and cast aside, afraid of being loved. It was only Kurama that he could trust with these fears. A sense of overwhelming gratefulness to his fox, for wanting him, for waiting for him, for even accepting him swept through Hiei, with no outlet but his eyes. Kurama was too intent on kissing Hiei's chest to notice when two small black gems rolled down the pillow; Hiei didn't point them out.
Hiei didn't resist as Kurama positioned himself over him, nor as he spread Hiei's legs, but some hitch of breath must have given away his fear because Kurama stroked him soothingly before attempting to touch his entrance. Hiei fought the natural impulse to clench up and was rewarded with a heart melting smile. He managed a shaky smile back.
Even as careful as Kurama was being, Hiei nearly called the whole thing off when Kurama started to enter him. "I'm so sorry," Kurama murmured into his ear in response to Hiei's grimacing. "It always hurts the first time, I'm so sorry. It will get better."
"It had better," Hiei grunted, clinging to Kurama's back.
"It will." Hiei could tell from Kurama's voice that he was smiling. "It will get so, so much better."
"Stop talking," Hiei whined. Kurama smiled and kissed him deeply, a much more satisfactory use of his mouth as far as Hiei was concerned. Then he started to move inside Hiei.
From that moment on, something changed for Hiei. He realized that Kurama was inside him, actually inside him, for the sole purpose of giving them both pleasure. It ceased to hurt as soon as he realized that. It only felt full, and a little frightening; but how could he be frightened when Kurama's hair was falling around them both in a curtain, cutting off everything that wasn't the two of them? How could he ever be frightened of the two of them? He gave himself up to the pleasure.
this night I wander It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of The path I fear to tread
Through a sea of waking dreams I follow without pride
Cause nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied
When it was over Hiei lay quietly on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Kurama gently cleaned them both off with a corner of his bedsheet before hesitantly touching Hiei's arm.
Hiei turned and stroked Kurama's arm in response. Smiling with relief, Kurama moved closer and settled down against him. Hiei noticed Kurama's fist was closed tight around something and gently opened his fingers; Kurama did not resist. He was holding the two teargems Hiei had cried earlier. Hiei closed Kurama's fingers over them again; they were his now.
"Don't tell anyone," Hiei said sleepily against Kurama's chest. "Not yet."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Kurama stroked an errant lock of sweat-drenched hair away from Hiei's eyes. "Don't leave?" he asked softly.
Hiei closed his eyes. "Wouldn't dream of it."