Boys Night Out
Summary: AU. The night before Luke's wedding, the boys go out for a drink. But listening to the drunken ramblings of Anakin Skywalker wasn't what they had in mind…
Disclaimer: I'm just planting in Lucasfilm's garden. He owns it all.
A/N: I needed a break from all that dark angst I've been writing lately! This plot bunny bit me after I finished my major essay so I needed to get it down ASAP. Writing humour is so much fun. I know I should be returning to Father of the Bride and I will...soon. But in the meantime I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
Luke stared into space for what felt like the millionth time that night. Tomorrow he would be marrying Mara Jade. Tomorrow was the beginning of the rest of his life. Stars, he loved her. He could just picture her now, her beautiful red hair shining as she walked down the aisle…and suddenly all he could smell was the stale scent of alcohol.
Snapping out of his reverie, he turned in amusement to watch his brother-in-law fall into the seat next to him.
"Don't you think you've had enough, Han?" he asked, trying to hide his grin. They had been at the bar all night. From the moment they had walked in, Han had been drunk. He stunk of Corellian ale.
"What's it to ya, kid?" he slurred as he poked Luke in the chest. "And besides…it's not everyday my brother gets married!" He then decided to raise his glass and drink the entire contents in one swift gulp. Luke cringed as he watched him gulp it down.
"That's gonna hurt tomorrow," he quipped as he fondly slapped Han on the back. Luke was amazed at the lack of control his family and friends seemed to have. He was the only one who wasn't intoxicated. Even Chewie had had a few Corellian ales and seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly, placing bets on the Nexu races in the next room.
Luke shook his head, picturing the state the others had left in about a standard hour earlier. Wedge had been beyond drunk and Corran, who was supposed to be an honourable Jedi, had had trouble walking.
If only I had my holocamera…
A grunt bought him back to reality. On either side of him, two extremely wise and powerful Jedi plonked themselves down. Obi-Wan Kenobi to his left and Anakin Skywalker to his right.
And they were both drunk.
"Don't you think you two have had enough?" Luke asked. It seemed to be the question of the moment.
"I am not drunk," stated Obi-Wan, slamming down his glass onto the table. "I just…don't remember my name is all."
Anakin snorted from across the table. "You have an alcohol problem, Master! I on the other hand can handle my alcyhol constumption very well," he said, stumbling over the words. Luke raised his eyebrow.
"Alychol constumption, huh Dad? You can't even handle the Aurebesh alphabet tonight, let alone alcohol consumption!"
Anakin waved it off. "I told you I'm not drenk! Obi-Wan is drenk…I could even pilot my shpeeder right now…"
Using the Force, Luke moved both their glasses away from them. Maybe he should call the security officers to remove them both. That would have been a classic sight to see! Jedi Kenobi and Skywalker removed from the Happy Smuggler for being drunk and disorderly. Not to mention Han…
Han had managed to return, this time with a large container full of the stuff that warranted a large hooray from both offending inebriated persons.
"I can't believe my apprentice's son is getting married tomorrow," said Obi-Wan as he poured himself another drink.
"Whaddya know, the kid's all grown up now!" replied Han.
Anakin grinned. "My boy is finally going to become a man!"
All eyes turned to glare at said inebriated father. Luke cleared his throat. "I hope you don't mean that in that way Dad."
He grinned wickedly. "What way son? That you're finally going to take that final step. Never mind the wedding, has anyone told you what's expected of you on your wedding night?"
The floor looked like a great place to be swallowed up at this point for Luke Skywalker. Across the table, Han could be heard trying to stifle a laugh…and failing miserably. Even Obi-Wan looked fairly amused.
Luke groaned. "Dad, please don't go there…"
"Go where son? I can't believe we haven't had that special father son talk yet. I'm a terrible father!" he said, his head slumping onto his arm to prop himself up in his drunken state.
Luke shook his head. "I remember you shifting that particular discussion onto Mother."
He waved his hand dismissively. "Not important. What you need to know now is how to put it into practice…"
Han snorted. "Put it into practice? So you actually think that the kid and Jade haven't hopped on the good foot to do the bad thing yet?"
Luke groaned again. "Shut up, Han," he hissed.
Anakin moved his head and glared directly at Luke. "Not my son, Han. He's a good boy like I raised him to be. Right, Luke?"
Luke coughed. In all honestly, Han was right. With the updated Jedi code there was no reason they weren't able to…well… express their love in certain ways. And they had 'expressed their love'. A lot. But he really didn't want his old fashioned father knowing that in any case.
"Yeah right Dad. Of course. Now moving on to another completely unrelated topic…Obi-Wan, how are the new younglings settling in?"
As Obi-Wan opened his mouth to answer, Anakin butted in.
"You know I was a virgin when I married your mother." Once again, the floor looked especially good. "Yep," he continued. "We both were. And that made our first time just that little bit more special. But it was kind of embarrassing considering I had no idea what I was doing…"
"That's quite enough now, Anakin. I'm beginning to agree with your son on this. You are drunk and you are about to make an even bigger fool of yourself," said Obi-Wan, glaring straight at his former apprentice. But since he too was drunk, the statement remained flat.
"It was your fault, Obi-Wan. You always kept those smooth moves of yours to yourself," he replied pointedly. In the dim lights of the bar, even Luke could tell that Obi-Wan was blushing.
"So where was I?" continued Anakin. "Oh yes. Our wedding night. Now the most important thing to remember is that it's supposed to be about her. Don't make the same mistake I did and…"
"Please, Dad! This is my mother you're talking about! I am going to be scarred for life if you keep talking about this. So ENOUGH."
There was silence for about thirty seconds.
"Want to hear about the night you and your sister were conceived?" Anakin asked innocently.
Luke slammed his glass down.
"ENOUGH! You're all DRUNK. I don't need any advice for my wedding night, I am perfectly capable of pleasing Mara in the bedroom without advice from my father's techniques for pleasing my mother or any advice about Obi-Wan's "smooth moves"!" he yelled.
Anakin looked shamefully at the ground while Obi-Wan groaned into his hands, knowing he would have a killer hangover tomorrow. Han grinned as he downed the last of his Corellian ale.
"Wanna know what Leia and I did on our wedding night, kid? Boy it was a screamer!"
Han began to laugh, and his laughter was soon being joined by the guffaws of two drunken Jedi Masters.
Sighing, he took the last of the ale and drank it in one quick movement. It was going to be a long boys' night out.