Disclaimer: I still own nothing.
Title: Inerasable Sin
Author: Summing up the Stars
Warnings: shonen ai,
Pairing: Implied Blues/Enzan, Blues/Netto
A/N- WHAT IN THE WORLD DID I DO! Damn you plot bunnies! . First time doing first person POV.
I was silent, as the boy I just pulled out of the way of a car regained his focus.
Slowly, those brown orbs turned to me. The streetlights played on his cheeks and in those innocent boy's eyes.
"Blues." It was not a question; it was not even an accusation. It was just my name, acknowledgement.
Then he turned his head away and said, a little tersely. "You've been following me, haven't you?"
I said nothing.
"Why?" he asked. "For days now... why?"
Still I said nothing. I could find no answer that would be deemed acceptable.
He turned to address me, annoyed at my silence.
"What's wrong? Did Enzan send you?"
I laughed softly, slightly bitterly, at my own selfishness. Netto's eyes went ablaze with slight irritation as he sat on a bus stop bench, leaning back slightly, his pout almost becoming a frown.
I quickly gathered a response, as I sat beside him. "No. Enzan-sama, doesn't know."
"You've reverted to calling him that again? I thought that changed when you two became lovers." Netto said staring hard at me, "So then..." he trailed off, waiting for me to continue it.
I sighed, looking out toward the road.
"I love him, but……." I trailed off, not sure how to describe my feelings.
"That still doesn't explain why you've been tagging along and not speaking to me." Netto said after a lengthy pause, taking my silence as an unwillingness to continue.
I floundered helplessly in my own thoughts. I was hanging from a metaphorical cliff, staring down into an endless abyss, while directly above me Netto was asking me to tell him why he should save me. To touch upon such a thing was not only forbidden, but immoral. Was not Enzan, only days ago, almost in tears by my constant absence?
He was still silently, but patiently, demanding an answer. Good God, I thought, can't you understand and leave me be? But then again he wouldn't be Netto if he did.
"I should think," I said coldly, "that as a fellow crossfusioner, you of all people would understand my need to learn all I can about this new world. "
This time, Netto said nothing.
I slowly crossed my legs, speaking in a gentler tone. " I..." I strayed in my thoughts, lost. "...I need you. Yet I do not. I need the light inside of you but…..If I ever lost Enzan-sama... I don't know what I would do."
I'm such a selfish bastard.
"Doesn't Enzan have this light? He was the one who risked it all to bring you back", Netto asked almost harshly, even as his mouth was slowly becoming gentle and understanding.
As he slowly raised his eyes back to me, I could touch my lips to that mouth. I could say his name and he might say mine, and we could yet hold each other in the dark with nothing but ourselves,………… but Enzan…….. Oh, these thoughts hurt me so much! But I bet they will hurt Enzan even more…….. "His light is different then yours, he………….." I trailed off again, knowing full well I was unworthy of Enzan's devotion.
"Blues," he called softly.
I refused to look at him.
What did he see with those brown eyes? Did he see a sinner in a red coat looking off into the darkness? Did he sense that I had held him closely and still wanted his arms around me?
He sighed heavily. He did not understand. I fought a violent battle inside myself as I clenched one hand, digging the other lightly into the benches wood surface.
I turned my head toward him slowly.
He was looking at the dark sky, perhaps wondering about Enzan. Maybe worrying about how he would explain this all.
I leaned toward him. I reached; he tensed, but did not pull away. Blissful. His mouth. His skin, the soft brush of his lashes against my face. I kissed him so softly, a fluttering caress, that I doubt he felt it at all.
I heard the quiet creak of his skates scrapping on the ground as he shifted, while his hand lifted, touched my face and knotted his fingers gently in my hair. I felt a tug, and he pushed his lips harder on mine. With alarm that made no sense, I pulled away and twisted my face away in shame, his hand still half-tangled in my silver hair.
"I can't do it."
I shut my eyes tightly. "Enzan would never forgive me."
Netto was silent. He freed his fingers if only to touch his lips.
I listened to him breathe softly; then there was a soft rustle, and I felt his arms grab onto me. "He will, no matter what happens, he'll always forgive you." Netto whispered just before his mouth claimed my own, demanding acceptance and cooperation. These I gave with a painful sigh, as I thought of my blue-eyed Enzan, and a willingness that was damning and freeing.
Such a sensuous, generous kiss he had.….
I shut my eyes and felt the pressure of his soft, warm lips, his tongue that found its way inside. I didn't fight. I could have wept. My limbs would not obey me, but maybe they did, and it was my mind, disconnected, watching disgustedly at a distance, as my fingers toyed with his hair and raked over his back in a gesture I had once reserved solely for Enzan.
"Don't say anything," Netto told me softly, as we broke apart. He slid his arms around me and leaned his head against my chest.
I nodded silently, only taking comfort in the fact that at least I knew I was a sinner.
The sun bleached the horizon a pale hue, and across town a pair of blue eyes wept.
A/N- ……………….Damn plot bunnies.